Even as the story and gameplay falter, it's hard to argue with the joy of smashing open walls and hunting down demonic threats. [July 2008, p.84]

The nuts and bolts of gameplay are apocalyptic failures, but the awfulness doesn't stop there. Managing games is utterly pointless. [Feb 2009, p.85]

Jake Hunter: Detective Chronicles tries to capture the essence of hard-boiled sleuthing, but it falters mainly because it takes itself way too seriously. [June 2008, p.101]

The huge level of frustration is not worth the time it takes to master the awkward gameplay idiosyncrasies. Instead, it’s more tempting – even as someone with experience – to just spam the waggle movements for a passable high score.

This game is strictly for kids, and when I say kids, I mean the kind that may in fact still wear diapers. The smelly kind. [May 2002, p.89]

Unless your eight-year-old has an affection for Legos that borders on obsession, you don't need to bother with this title. [Jan 2004, p.141]

Mage Knight Apocalypse is a lot like eating the generic store brand equivalent of Lucky Charms. It has everything you expect, but doesn’t taste quite right.

I wish I could say something positive about Stronghold 3. The closest I can come is to call it Stronghold 1 with better graphics. Even that is unfair to the 2001 original, which at least worked on a basic level – a task sadly above Stronghold 3's capabilities. As much as I wanted to like this game, I can't recommend it in good faith to anyone.

The PC original had the same problems, but a post-release patch made a marked improvement by adding a useful dodge feature that allowed player skill to overcome some of the horrible combat design. Unfortunately, that addition is not included in the console version. Publisher Deep Silver does not have any plans to release it later, citing the space restrictions "certain first-parties" put on title updates. Between that and the inferior graphics, framerate, and interface, I strongly recommend going with the PC version over this lackluster console port.

It comes up short. It's split into three uninspired levels of repetitive knife stabbing, sloppy platforming, and switch hitting to drain out toxic sludge. [Mar 2011, p.98]

Playing the Predator's new game is about as much fun as being stabbed in the groin with his wrist blades, and then having the wound peed on. [June 2005, p.126]

To be clear, I have no problem with non-violent flight games. In fact, I loved both Pilotwings games in their day. But Wing Island went down a dark path somewhere in development and somehow killed any potential for fun along the way.

DJ is a funny guy, but his games have yet to hook me. [June 2007, p.119]

The game is generic at best, broken at worst, and falls short in its attempts to innovate cooperative play.

A miserable piece of digital vomit. [Apr 2005, p.120]

There are even a few lame vehicular bonus stages thrown in for good measure, but none of the various stage types offer anything close to depth or originality. [Nov 2004, p.145]

You'd be hard pressed to find a title with more sheer, concentrated boringosity. Like the movie, expect this one to fly way below everyone's radar. [Oct 2004, p.147]

I want to preface my statements that way, so that when I tell you how awful Pirate's Carnival is , maybe, just maybe, you'll believe me. [Sept. 2006, p.92]

Basic combat just isn't very fun. [Feb 2006, p.104]

I can't deny Hometown Story has charm with its premise and I love the ideas, but the execution needs work. Owning a shop should be more frantic and rewarding. If the developer, Toybox, can smooth out the rough edges, it may one day match the lure of simulation games like Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing. Sadly, it's not in the same league.

"Quotation Forthcoming"

Even the most patient of strategy nerds will be hard-pressed to maintain interest in Spectral Souls. [Nov. 2006, p.146]

Anyone looking for a quick car combat fix before next year's Twisted Metal might be able to waste a few hours on this title, but they won't be wholly enjoyable hours. Since you can't save in the middle of a tournament, and some the later cups last a couple hours, the game eventually tests your endurance. I'd rather give bone marrow than sit through this Blood Drive again.

Agony lives up to its name in the most dreadful way possible. The gory shock tactics try too hard to impress, and are ultimately a moot point given just how effective the game’s brokenness is at dispelling any palpable fear or awe I might have had and replacing it with aggravation.

If Activision cares to know, fans are indeed hungry for a new Transformers game – just not one that shamelessly tries to make us trade our hard-earned cash for junk.

Back on the N64, the world-twisting gimmick may have been enough to make Flip's Twisted World stand out. These days, though, it feels like a one-off idea that Super Mario Galaxy 2 might have used on a single level before abandoning for even wilder gameplay tricks. In fact, being in such incredible company on the Wii is possibly the game's biggest mistake; on a console flooded with platformers, Flip's Twisted World is among the worst.

Add in some middling environment and character visuals on top of the lackluster gameplay, and X-Men Destiny has some big problems.

Daggerdale is a lengthy adventure, but most of the monsters and quests start to feel reiterative after the first couple of hours. Nonetheless, there are few other places to go right now for a downloadable fantasy game with co-op included. Someone should really get on that problem, because Daggerdale isn't the solution.

If I’m going to spend a long period of time with my hand wrapped around an oblong object, moving my arm rapidly up and down, it sure won’t be with this game.

A miserable piece of digital vomit. [Apr 2005, p.120]

Don't think of it so much as a game, but more as an exercise in anger management. [May 2005, p.132]

I am not exaggerating when I say that any of the many Front Mission games will serve your giant robot strategy/RPG needs far better than Zoids Assault ever could. Don’t waste your time here.

I’m sad to see that the Spider-Man games have fallen this far, because the formula once worked exceedingly well. Beenox’s Amazing Spider-Man 2 is trying to cash in on its film’s popularity while emulating many of Treyarch’s touchstones, and in nearly every area, this game is inferior to a title that came out nearly a decade ago.

The poor A.I., repetitive design, and technical problems had me waving a white flag long before the war should have been over. If Starbreeze plans to turn this into a long-running service game, it has a lot of work to do.

Do yourself a favor and steer clear of this one or there's a good chance that your Xbox will come to life, beat you to a bloody pulp, and steal all of your valued possessions. [Feb 2003, p.105]

Companies ought to respect their history enough to let it be. [Apr 2005, p.128]

The huge level of frustration is not worth the time it takes to master the awkward gameplay idiosyncrasies. Instead, it’s more tempting – even as someone with experience – to just spam the waggle movements for a passable high score.

Playing the Predator's new game is about as much fun as being stabbed in the groin with his wrist blades, and then having the wound peed on. [June 2005, p.126]

In short, playing this epic-sized monstrosity is similar to being scratched to death by a house cat...not only is it painful, it's also embarrassing. [Sept 2004, p.104]

The icing on the proverbial cake of poo is that PK has only a few levels with overly linear layout, bland textures, and sub-par cel shading. [Mar 2003, p.85]

Some fans will consider Sen a diamond in the rough, and if you’re playing with friends and can overlook its problems, there’s some decent action to be had. The more I played the game the more it grew on me, but I never shook the feeling that fans deserve a lot better than what Sen has to offer.

Ultimately, CT just doesn't have a whole lot of staying power. [Mar 2002, p.88]

Despite the mind-numbing repetition, I was compelled to continue, if only because I became quite obsessed with buying new decals and accessories for my lowrider. [Feb 2004, p.102]

Gives you plenty of targets, but no real reason to keep pulling the trigger. [Dec 2001, p.113]

The poor A.I., repetitive design, and technical problems had me waving a white flag long before the war should have been over. If Starbreeze plans to turn this into a long-running service game, it has a lot of work to do.

The graphics have translated nicely to the GBA, and the control works just dandy, but the level design drives me absolutey insane. [May 2004, p.108]

Even diehard fans of the original Fear Effect should stay away from this mess of broken gameplay, system-breaking bugs, and slapdash narrative.

In the end, Sonic nuts will love it. Everyone else should stay away.

The lack of online racing and leaderboards makes this game even more useless. If you want arcade racing on the Wii, dust off your copy of Excite Truck or just wait it out for Mario Kart.

Movement feels floaty, hit detection and collision issues are everywhere, and enemy AI is painfully stupid. [Jan 2005, p.118]

This is a shameless cash-in on a popular formula. Don't give Konami the satisfication of duping you. [Nov 2008, p.126]

This Wii shooter is hardly worthy of its namesake, delivering a predicable and ultimately forgettable shooter hampered by poor controls and uninspired level design. Let's hope Future Soldier has a more promising battle plan.

Daggerdale is a lengthy adventure, but most of the monsters and quests start to feel reiterative after the first couple of hours. Nonetheless, there are few other places to go right now for a downloadable fantasy game with co-op included. Someone should really get on that problem, because Daggerdale isn't the solution.

You can go bargain-bin diving and come up with a better purchase for five dollars than this disaster, so do yourself a favor and take that option. [July 2005, p.125]

Saw II doesn't just take a step backwards from the first game – it performs a reverse swan dive off a balcony into a swimming pool filled with razorblades.

Finding entertainment in Tank Tank Tank is like panning for gold in the bathtub – you're not going to find anything. I can see a group of businessmen amusing themselves with the game at a bar during happy hour, but they'd never want to bring that experience home. Like a culturally sensitive foreign joke, Tank Tank Tank fails to translate.

With no engaging story or personalities, this title doesn't even come close to hooking you with its shifting, convergent story lines - unlike Without Warning's supposed inspiration, the show "24." [Nov 2005, p.148]

I wish I had nicer things to say about Impire, but my disappointment with its failure to turn any of its concepts into interesting interactive gameplay is total. As cool as the concept is, gamers interested in building an underground lair and tormenting would-be heroes are still stuck waiting for a worthy successor to 1997's Dungeon Keeper.

The game is nothing but an exercise in pressing X at the right time. [Nov 2001, p.110]

Interaction within the environment and the board game movement and structure are tedious and archaic. [June 2003, p.102]

The nuts and bolts of gameplay are apocalyptic failures, but the awfulness doesn't stop there. Managing games is utterly pointless. [Feb 2009, p.85]

You could reductively describe tennis as a sport where you hit the ball back and forth. That would be unfair, since it strips away the strategy and physical feats – which is exactly what Tennis World Tour does to the sport. In real-life tennis, when you're so frustrated that you yell and throw your racket like a brat, it's decorous for your opponent to ignore you and tighten the strings on their racket. At least the A.I. in this game mutely shares a sense of embarrassment, hoping that the moment passes.

With no engaging story or personalities, this title doesn't even come close to hooking you with its shifting, convergent story lines - unlike Without Warning's supposed inspiration, the show "24." [Nov 2005, p.148]

Every conceivable feature is executed with a class-B mentality. [Apr 2005, p.136]

Needless to say, I played this entire game tense, angry, and praying that the next level would be the last. I never really felt like I was in control at any point during the game. The summer movie games usually bring misery, but I never expected them to bring this much pain.

EA should be ashamed that it’s trying to bilk some kid out of $50 while offering so little in return. I can understand simplifying the controller in an otherwise button-heavy sport, but that doesn’t mean the gameplay itself has to become uninspiring and so lacking. [Feb 2008, p.96]

Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back underwhelms and disappoints at every turn. Bland level design never improves, and tedious boss battles are unrewarding and unsatisfying. Bubsy's return 21 years later could have reminded us why he was once considered a potential peer to the likes of Mario and Sonic. Instead, The Woolies Strike Back only serves to remind us why the mascot hasn't seen a new adventure in over two decades.

Whether you are defending the colony from a hornet invasion by manning goo cannons, racing an obstacle course with a team of ants, or foraging for food, the game keeps things fresh. Too bad none of it is exciting.

Eschewing the expected hack-n’-slash mindlessness, a timing-based evasion and blocking system is required to master the melee. It’s not enough to save an otherwise lackluster effort, but Secret Level was definitely on to something with the combat.

Congratulations, Wii owners! While Xbox 360, PS3, and PC owners are enjoying the latest chapter of Brothers in Arms in high definition, you get to relive the glory of the first two games in this buggy, ugly-as-hell port that eliminates the multiplayer and sabotages the single-player campaign with frequent stutters and framerate issues.

As good as that narrative may be, it's ultimately sandwiched between repetitive, mindless combat. [Sept 2010, p.93]

A mess of a title that's uninspired at best and nearly broken at worst.

The only saving grace that this game has is its combat mechanic. By no means is it good, but it’s competent, and successful in making you feel like you clocked someone pretty hard. If you have some friends over, you can delve into four-player co-op.

Unfortunately, the result of the long wait is something that feels like an abandoned mod.

The game is generic at best, broken at worst, and falls short in its attempts to innovate cooperative play.

Okay, what we're dealing with here is a racing game that doesn't let you steer. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS?! You can't steer... It's kind of like making a platforming game where you can't walk. [Sept 2003, p.121]

Frankly speaking, Generation Zero feels unfinished. A massive trail of narrative bread crumbs exists for players that might culminate in a great yarn about this robotic invasion, but the sheer dullness and technical issues makes this game not worth seeing to the halfway point, much less the end.

Many of the minigames simply aren't much fun the first time, but they become horrendously painful by the fifth try. In short, thie Bomb is a dud. [June 2005, p.137]

With better action games out there for GBA, I suggest leaving this earthworm to the fisherman. [Sept 2002, p.94]

In short, playing this epic-sized monstrosity is similar to being scratched to death by a house cat...not only is it painful, it's also embarrassing. [Sept 2004, p.104]

The new gun combat is horrid. [Jan 2006, p.138]

I love the ideas at play here, but the horrific implementation adds complexity and obfuscation with little commensurate gain in strategic depth. I hope Kerberos' constant patching (the week-plus since launch has already seen several updates) will eventually turn this into the game it could be. Right now, it's a mess that everyone should avoid.

About as much fun as giving an elephant a suppository. [Jan 2006, p.157]

Fighting, moving, and pulling off cooperative attacks as the Turtles is enjoyable, but it’s difficult to find fun in the world and routine in which they exist.

You should avoid this game like you would skinny-dipping with your grandparents. [Jan 2003, p.110]

Trite dialogue, mindless quests, bland gameplay, and boring textures. [Nov 2003, p.170]

As I added up all of the areas in which Last Rebellion is lacking, I couldn’t figure out if the developer had great intentions that it just couldn’t execute or if the team simply didn’t care. Whatever the case, it’s one of the least polished and least impressive RPGs I’ve played this generation.

Through unresponsive controls, poorly designed worlds, and atrocious animations, it would seem this title was created with the specific purpose of torturing those who play. [Jan 2002, p.83]

Playing through State of Emergency 2 is a lot like watching a decent actor try to produce a real performance in a straight-to-video horror movie. [Apr 2006, p.122]

Eschewing the expected hack-n’-slash mindlessness, a timing-based evasion and blocking system is required to master the melee. It’s not enough to save an otherwise lackluster effort, but Secret Level was definitely on to something with the combat.

Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back underwhelms and disappoints at every turn. Bland level design never improves, and tedious boss battles are unrewarding and unsatisfying. Bubsy's return 21 years later could have reminded us why he was once considered a potential peer to the likes of Mario and Sonic. Instead, The Woolies Strike Back only serves to remind us why the mascot hasn't seen a new adventure in over two decades.

Gamers will be bored by the mechanics and fans of the lore will be disappointed by the ham-fisted depiction of the series' climax. While saying goodbye to Harry in the final book was bittersweet, I felt nothing but joy as my time with this tedious exercise finished.

I'm sure Microsoft fans are thankful for the chance to experience the painfully simple level designs, erratic targeting, inane storyline, and hideous graphics of Sarge's War for themselves. [Oct 2004, p.140]

The environments are huge, but they don't totally make up for Jonny's lack of multiplayer. [Apr 2002, p.77]

The motion controls are complete slop. [Dec 2007, p.146]

In this day and age, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a game based on a movie fares poorly, but for a character who has survived since 700AD, he deserves better treatment than this.

This tedious handheld port will do nothing to revive the franchise's ailing reputation. [Nov 2003, p.178]

The play is way too shallow and unforgiving. [May 2002, p.89]