Hello Neighbor is unpolished to the point that it feels unfinished. The overpowered enemy A.I. makes the gameplay miserable; models and animations are stiff, and physics critical to completing puzzles are so woefully uncalibrated that much of the game feels like you’re stacking boxes and hoping for the best. The game falls so short of its genre companions that it’s hard to recommend it to anyone, in spite of its beautiful aesthetic. Hello Neighbor simply isn’t fun or compelling even when it’s working.

The graphics have a certain flair to them, the likes of which you'd see oozing out of a defective bar toilet. [July 2002, p.92]

The combat is basic, sloppy, and imprecise, and the spastic overhead camera often gets annoying. [Dec 2002, p.152]

The mech-combat genre isn't overflowing with alternatives, but they do exist. Save yourself the aggravation and pick any one of those. You won't do any worse.

Perhaps developer Natsume Atari intended to replicate the experience of wearing a Godzilla costume while filming a movie, but no gamer should ever have to endure gameplay this cumbersome and poorly designed.

Like a Quidditch player falling from a broomstick mid-match, this installment loses all forward momentum and goes plummeting toward a faceplant at top speed.

I know the Nintendo party line stresses gameplay over graphics, but taking a majestic title like Far Cry and giving it the Wii treatment is like getting your Ferrari tuned up by a guy who normally works on Chevy Impalas. It doesn’t make much sense to port a franchise known for its amazing visuals, open-ended action, and dynamic enemy AI to a system lacking the power to achieve any of the above on the scale accomplished by the original game.

The bad: camera work from the lowest pits of hell, confounding interface. [July 2002, p.83]

If Tyler Durden saw you sitting on your comfy couch, and playing Fight Club (possibly over your fancypants internet connection), he would probably hit you as hard as he could. [Jan 2005, p.119]

The graphics are horrendous, and the gameplay is so painfully slow that I contemplated defenestraing this cartridge from the fourth story window of our building in hopes that I would never have to see it again. [Mar 2003, p.92]

If the single-player campaign isn’t painful enough, Hour of Victory offers a multiplayer component so poorly constructed that just trying to shoot another person makes you feel as stupid and incompetent as the game’s AI. At the very most, Hour of Victory is deserving of Worst Game of the Year honors.

Blackwater is an awful game on all fronts. It's a transparent attempt to lure uninformed Kinect owners into purchasing a nearly-broken, tedious, two-hour experience under the guise of being an action-heavy FPS. Play the trailer again and mock it with friends...you'll save $50 and probably have more fun.

Playing the trivia games was about as fun as Bliz got. [Dec 2001, p.118]

The arcade died years ago, but this is surely an uncalled-for goober spit on its grave. [Feb 2003, p110]

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d encounter a game so thoroughly terrible. Where do I even start? The racial stereotypes? The positively broken controls? The revolting art design? Ready 2 Rumble sucks in every conceivable way.

Frustrating instead of addictive. [Sept 2004, p.118]

There isn't a single feature, event, or option that ever rises above the very low bar of "half-assed." [Apr 2006, p.118]

The sounds, graphics, and controls are all painfully ported from the PC, and all of them are worse for wear. [Apr 2003, p.89]

How Sony thinks Kung Fu Rider justifies being a full retail release (even with the reduced $40 price tag) is beyond me.

This isn’t a premier blend of pulp fiction. It’s just a pulpy mess.

Worst of all, the game is glitchy; I phased through a few walls and got gunned down after getting stuck behind some invisible cover.

There are a lot of poor fighting games out there, but few are this shallow and boring. [Jan 2004, p.151]

This isn’t a premier blend of pulp fiction. It’s just a pulpy mess.

If Tyler Durden saw you sitting on your comfy couch, and playing Fight Club (possibly over your fancypants internet connection), he would probably hit you as hard as he could. [Jan 2005, p.119]

Playing this game is like someone shoving a wire brush down your esophagus then pulling it out your you-know-what. [Jan 2003, p.102]

The levels are linear and dull, and for some reason you can only take cover in specified circles in the environment, which takes away any sense of reality or spontaneity. [Dec 2004, p.168]

This has to be one of the worst games I've had the displeasure of playing in quite some time. [Sept 2005, p.100]

If you're a huge Dead Space fan, you may want to put two hours aside to play through this game to get the Hacker Suit. If your interest lies solely with how Ignition serves as a prelude to Dead Space 2, you're missing nothing interesting. I doubt the "that's what she said" joke or Franco Delille's story will be referenced extensively when Isaac returns.

Environments are uninspired, the dirt effects are dull, and tricks take too long to develop. [Jan 2002, p.83]

It pains me to say this, but turn off your TV and just read the book or head to your local theater. This is a story everyone must experience, just don’t try interacting with it.

The levels are linear and dull, and for some reason you can only take cover in specified circles in the environment, which takes away any sense of reality or spontaneity. [Dec 2004, p.168]

The controls give no feel of racing, the graphics are bland at best, and the sound is forgettable. [Dec 2002, p.144]

A flat-out crappy game. [Jan 2004, p.135]

If you want to watch John Rambo mow through waves of baddies in violent and satisfying fashion, watch the final half hour of the 2008 film. Don’t spend your money and time to recreate any moments in this cheap, broken wreck.

The sad decline of the Destroy All Humans franchise is a minor tragedy, because the core idea here is fantastic. [Feb 2009, p.85]

There's really only one way to sum it all up. This game just sucks. [Sept. 2006, p.97]

Passing through these mediocre level designs is reminiscent of passing a kidney stone - tedious and painful. [Aug 2004, p.99]

Absolutely horrible. It looks worse than Pam's new boyfriend, Kid Rock, after a bottle of Jack Daniel's. [Jan 2002, p.88]

I constantly struggled against the controls, camera, and objectives as they were presented. And nothing about the story or characters of The Lord of the Rings: Gollum offers reason to push past the frustration. As a longtime fan of Tolkien’s fiction, it’s possible that I liked the game even less for the way it seemed to misuse the source material. It’s hard to have a more damning indictment than to say that this Gollum game isn’t for fans of The Lord of the Rings, but here we are.

It sucks in a vomitous, spirit-crushing kind of way. [March 2005, p.137]

Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks at the exact moment that I ejected this game from my Xbox. I then proceeded to toss it on the floor and violently smash it with a sledgehamer into a thousand little pieces. [Jan 2003, p.114]

As a downloadable title, I wasn't expecting Amy to measure up against the triple-A juggernauts of the survival horror genre. However, I was expecting a game that was at least playable and contained some kind of entertainment. Make no mistake: Whether Amy is delivered to you via download, retail SKU, direct brain wave, or retinal implant, it is terrible and should be avoided.

If you tough it out, there are rewards. Just be ready to bleed. [July 2002, p.82]

A absolute mess...Call of Duty: Black Ops: Declassified is appalling. In dramatic fashion, it completely fails to live up to the high bar of quality gamers expect from the Call of Duty name. It's also a discouraging sign for gamers like me who shelled out $250 for a Vita in the hopes of console-quality experiences on handheld.

MK Advance may look GBA, but it plays GBC, and that's the killer. [Mar 2002, p.91]

I have nothing positive to say about this game. I even hate the menu screen. Perhaps the best thing I can come up with is that this miserable piece of trash is so awful that it’s destined to be the worst-selling game of the PS3 launch.

Much like an American Ninja or Iron Eagle movie, if you see Target: Terror in the bargain bin, pick it up for a laugh. For the full price, however, get your shooting fix elsewhere.

I hate this clear exploitation of Bruce Lee's name so much that I am considering going out to buy this game just to bust it into a hundred little pieces. [Sept 2002, p.89]

If you want a multiplayer-only shooter without spending $60, there are plenty of options for cheap (Gotham City Impostors) or completely free (Team Fortress 2). Normally, this is the part of the review where I’d reiterate that you should not play Rekoil under any circumstance, but from the abundance of deserted maps I saw, it seems that most gamers have already received that memo.

Sarcasm aside, I wouldn't burn this game for warmth if a vat of dry ice got dumped on my head. [Jan 2004, p.135]

While playing through Escape Dead Island, I was continually offended that anyone would be asked to pay for this experience. Any number of developmental issues could have caused this train wreck, from budgetary problems or creative crises, and we'll likely never know the whole truth. But as it stands, Escape Dead Island is worth nobody's time.

I was initially excited when Sega first announced that Big Red Button would be developing Sonic Boom. I thought Sega handing the iconic license over to a new developer might shake Sonic loose of the slump he's endured via a string of rough Sonic Team titles. Unfortunately for fans and the Hedgehog himself, Sonic Boom is a blemished bore.

Outside of these interesting narrative nuggets, Survival Instinct sinks its infected teeth into monotony and carelessly chews away at it to deliver a repetitious experience that lets a few cool ideas go to waste. This is an apocalypse you don’t want to survive.

A joke. The fighters you face early on are so easy to beat, I literally won a match just bashing the controller against my ass. [Dec 2001, p.109]

The gaming landscape has changed a lot since the series heyday, but this title is stuck in a no-man's-land between not being good enough to replicate the past nor ambitious enough to move the franchise forward.

It pretty much fails on every conceivable front and can't hold a candle to 99 percent of the games currently in the Xbox library. To serve, protect, but more realistically, to suck. [May 2003, p.91]

"Quotation Forthcoming"

Ghostbusters is a slog from start to finish.

If you spent months bowling in Wii Sports, then this will be an upgrade. Otherwise, it isn't worth your time. [Jan 2009, p.76]

An arena fighter shallow enough to make "Ooga Booga" look like "Final Fantasy Tactics." [Nov 2001, p.123]

If you play Fear Factor: Unleashed, you deserve to find forgiveness in the heart of no man. [Feb 2005, p.125]

Jumper fails on all fronts; animation, sound, level design, control, combat, storytelling, balancing, item management...all of it. It can also be completed in approximately two hours.

The action that unfolds is so incomprehensible and littered with bugs tht you can't help but wonder if your GameCube or television is on the fritz. [May 2003, p.87]

I want to call The Quiet Man a farce, but farces are funny. This game is just a conceptual catastrophe that does everything wrong and nothing interesting.

It’s short, repetitive, and crappy all the way through.

Jumper fails on all fronts; animation, sound, level design, control, combat, storytelling, balancing, item management...all of it. It can also be completed in approximately two hours. [Apr 2008, p.88]

Next to sharing the screen with Michael Jordan, this game has to be the low point in Bugs Bunny's career. [Dec 2007, p.140]

Call me crazy, but punching an enemy while doing the doggy paddle doesn't exactly generate a whole lot of excitement. [Oct 2003, p.131]

It’s short, repetitive, and crappy all the way through.

I'd say it was as horrible as the N64 "Superman" atrocity, but since Aquaman has always been a lame character, having a crappy game is at least conceptually sound, given the subject matter. [Oct 2003, p.139]

Hulk Hogan's Main Event is a baffling product, and I have no idea who its intended audience is. I guess it could be for fans of wrestling and crappy Punch-Out clones, but even that doesn't make sense.

Whatever strange, mirror universe insanity might lead you to play a video game version of Jenga rather than the real thing, you are unlikely to advance past the first few games.

As a downloadable title, I wasn't expecting Amy to measure up against the triple-A juggernauts of the survival horror genre. However, I was expecting a game that was at least playable and contained some kind of entertainment. Make no mistake: Whether Amy is delivered to you via download, retail SKU, direct brain wave, or retinal implant, it is terrible and should be avoided.

The control is stiff and imprecise; and the number of gameplay modes is pathetic. [June 2003, p.105]

I'd say the physics were bad, but I'm afraid that Albert Einstein would rise from his grave and stab me with a protractor for using the word "physics" in the same sentence as Gravity Games. [Sept 2002, p.81]

At one point Postal III tasks you with collecting HIV-infected cats; I'd rather do that in real life than play this awful game again.

Avoid this like a used King Kong Bundy jockstrap. [Mar 2003, p.92]

Officially the worst Xbox game I've ever played... Play this title only if you don't have Dr. Kevorkian's number handy. [Feb 2003, p.105]

From its unreliable (or non-functional) mechanics to its doofy character designs and hilariously bad writing, Fighter Within is garbage. It fails to operate on any level, and the content isn’t deep enough to be fun even if everything worked. If you were hoping for an Xbox One launch title that shows off the technological leaps made by the new Kinect, you certainly won’t find it with Fighter Within.

This game is nothing short of an embarrassment. [Sept 2003, p.113]

Just close your eyes and focus on the most wretched, mangled mess of ugliness that your brain can conceive and you've pretty much nailed Drake on the head. [Jan 2004, p.151]

With the exception of some Kinect and Wii games that flat-out don’t work, this is the worst video game I’ve played this console generation. Thankfully, it’s terrible in such a way as to make it absolutely hilarious to play. As I played, curious co-workers stopped by to gawk at its unbelievable ineptness.

There are absolutely no redeeming qualities to Double Dragon II. The only people I can recommend this to are gamers that enjoy hate-playing the worst stuff just to make fun of it or Double Dragon fans who can't help but play every release no matter how terrible.

Rarely do [fishing games] just stink like rotting fish guts after five days roasting in the sun. Which, coincidentally, is how bad this game stinks. [July 2003, p.107]

We're talking like Weather Channel boring here. Guinness World Record boring. [Oct 2004, p.129]

Quotation forthcoming. [Aug 2005]

For less-critical gamers who just want to imagine they’re auditioning and then going on to Hollywood and a dubious claim to fame, then this should be all you wanted and more.

The game is boring, but even more problematic is its occasional trouble recognizing simple actions. [Feb 2009, p.87]

Character progression is interesting at first, but the game quickly becomes trivially easy. [Issue#203, p.95]

It hasn't changed, and has made little effort to improve itself. [Dec 2001, p.111]

The gameplay is fairly one-dimensional. [Feb 2002, p.100]

While Ice Nine is based on the "Duke Nukem Advance" engine, it doesn't offer the wit or intelligence (or shooting accuracy) of its precursor. [Apr 2004, p.110]

Very badly thought out control scheme. [June 2002, p.83]

NASCAR Unleashed may be just another kart racer, but it's also not as foreign of a concept to the sport as you may think. Its drafting, rivalries, and car contact are certainly key aspects of the sport represented here – just not enough.

NASCAR Unleashed may be just another kart racer, but it's also not as foreign of a concept to the sport as you may think. Its drafting, rivalries, and car contact are certainly key aspects of the sport represented here – just not enough.

I went into The Trouble With Robots expecting nothing and discovered a well-executed little strategy game that rewarded my investment of a few afternoons most satisfactorily.

Stick To It is a fun experience, but it ends quickly and tends to be on the easy side of things. It won’t be much of a test of your problem-solving or platforming skills, even if you are trying to get the star on each level. Despite this, you can do worse if you’ve got $1.99 to spare and are looking for a breezy and cute iOS title.

Balance of the Force isn't quite as strong as the first Star Wars Pinball pack, but it still offers plenty of variety and replay value to fans. After playing countless hours across dozens of tables, I'm still not tired of Zen Studios' pinball formula, and these new tables are sure to tide me over until the next offering.