As I caught a glimpse of the one and only, the legendary and immortal Tom Savini in this, I cried a little, and those weren't tears of joy. That was three minutes into the intro and it was all downhill from there.

You're way better off playing Penumbra, Amnesia or Outlast. And when you're through with those, I still could name a slew of other horror games way better than this dull hunt for objects in confusing corridors.

When they announced a Call of Duty for Vita, people probably hoped for some kind of system seller. What they got instead is a catastrophic failure of a game that might well prompt people to stay away from Sony´s portable altogether.

Guillermo del Toro once said in an interview, he made the film for himself and his children, and it shows. The game, on the other hand, might just be the perfect instrument to penalize adolescent troublemakers.

In some weird way all of Lost Swords bad ideas remind you why you once loved the series.

There are a few nice ideas and funny moments in there, but in the end even the most hardened fans should pass this opportunity to visit Carthasis. (...) It´s kinda sad when even Uwe Boll's movie is more fun.

Pixel Hunter is a prime example of how 'Indie' isn't automatically tantamount to good game design.

Were this a free offer on a mobile device, maybe to tease a coming new The Dark Eye game, this would have right and reason to exist. As it is – for ten, respectively 20 bucks – it's just a deplorable exploitation of a well known name to sell people a shoddy product.

Long story short: In its current state, X Rebirth is just a sad affair.

I wanted NeverDead to be this sleeper-trash-hit, some kind of Deadly Premonition. A game which by most objective standards is bad but you can still love with devotion. Too bad, that NeverDead completely misses that essential second part. (...) What good are one or two nice ideas for a bossfight or some almost good surroundings, when the mechanics are a constant annoyance? Or, even worse: when most of the time the game seems dead set on doing its best to bore you right out of your skull?

In Journey I bonded more with my playing partner than any virtual café ever could facilitate. Bientôt l'été feels like a few steps backward trying to mask its emptiness with pretty pictures and French language. It screams for attention, eager to appear stranger than the rest, just foundering in the process.

In this medium, you're better off knowing that your faves from the past are never really as good as your rose-tinted memories make you believe. Still, taking a look at this remake, you will be equally aware that they were rarely as bad as this.

Yaiba fails miserably in everything it set out to do.

Do yourselves a favor and continue to keep this as far away from your hard drive as possible. Even the most world-weary of trash and simulation enthusiasts should only give this a go if they're in desperate need to get rid of 20 bucks and the window is either broken or not in reach.

People, it's great if you're making a trash-themed game. I'm all for it. Tanks vs. Gorilla-Mechs, you almost had this one in the bag. I don't even have anything against the gameplay itself being trashy. But Tank!Tank!Tank! is just garbage. It's a cheap little stinker of a buggy mini game that didn't even know what hit it, when it ended up on a retail disc.

In Whispers from the Star, you speak to an AI astronaut via microphone to ensure her survival - an exciting experiment that quickly turns to the banal - and collects a lot of your data.

It's the sort of embarrassing piece of schlock nobody needs when there's games like Shovel Knight around.

You'd be better off watching a TV test pattern from the Nineties for an hour.

So, is it trashy enough to gather a cult following, however tiny? Partly. The funnily deformed characters, gallons of bad pixel blood, choppy dialogue and the surreal scenes of arbitrary love-making do exude a certain broken brand of charm. But even these traces of unintentional hilariousness don't change the fact that actually playing Ride to Hell never is anything even remotely resembling fun.

It's been a while since I really had to struggle to get to the end of a game because it was that much of a let-down. Had I not had to review Montague's Mount, it would not have lasted ten minutes on my hard drive.

This has been done so much better so many times, the world just doesn't need Gaiabreaker.

Leaf Blower Co. feels like an early-access game that’s nowhere near ready — buggy, poorly optimized, and, maybe worst of all, shallow and painfully repetitive.

Even for just under three bucks, Frog Legs doesn't offer enough in terms of a game to play, let alone being an entertaining ride.

Beneath aims to evoke nostalgia but delivers headaches instead of chills. Technically shaky, riddled with bugs, and utterly lifeless – a downright embarrassing dive into an ocean of missed opportunities.

As wonderful as it was, our past, with great games like the first Flashback, we'd better think about the future of this medium. Flashbacks like these are the last thing we need.

The Lord of the Rings: Gollum unfortunately didn't turn out to be "my precious" and only rarely manages to captivate. Dramatic bugs and performance problems abound.

Ultima Forever is not only an act of treason for this series. It's an act of treason for every single good concept the family of free-to-play games knows. It's so bad, it's saddening, unbelievably boring and empty and technically just on a level that in no way justifies it's shameful performance.

Puzzlingly, it seems there are more than enough people whose standards for entertainment are low enough that companies can make a lot of money with products like The Simpsons: Tapped Out. The problem is, that this takes away resources for the development of 'real games'. Economically, it might be a sound strategy, but it's also one that could conceivably prompt me to quit this job some day.