While it pains me to say this, maybe Crash should make like the entire cast of "Blossom" and disappear. [Nov 2004, p.146]

It’s a poor excuse to round up the gang. Presumably, the reason why your friends are your friends is because you share some common interests. Do some of those together instead.

Omerta fails to close the loop that XCOM managed so adroitly by having a strategic layer so simple as to be a pointless afterthought, with no simulation depth to make up for a game world that turns the other cheek to the most egregious of criminal offenses and a combat system that doesn't rise above basic adequacy.

This isn't a bad game; it's just a very, very dull one. The only action to be found anywhere is in the ship battles, but even these are tedious. [Jan 2004, p.157]

Compared to Telltale’s other work in this universe, Michonne’s mini-series lacks any discernible guiding philosophy outside of poorly articulated and uninteresting nihilism. I’m not attached to any of these new characters and I know that Michonne is not in harm’s way given that the series occurs between certain issues of the comic, so what impetus is there to care about anything that’s going on here? While the aimlessness of Give No Shelter might thematically match the hopeless wandering of its source material, it makes for a rather unpleasant and forgettable time.

The biggest problem is that Dawn of Destiny restricts your freedom like a galactic despot. [June 2004, p.132]

This is a shame because there's a fun game here – it's just trapped in a hollow shell. Its final sin is having a miserable story hardly even worth bringing up. It's boring and bad; we can leave it at that. There's room for games that want to recapture some old glory – to remind you how cool games used to be – but to do that, you have to add something new to the conversation. Neon White is a great example of a game that did this right. Bomb Rush isn't interested in adding anything new. It just wants to have the same conversations we've been having for years. Jet Set Radio was cool. Go play that instead.

The only area where this game really shines is in its visuals. Developer Eurocom has pulled out all of the stops to bring out the highest level of realism in the character models and lush landscapes. This game may put a twinkle in your eye, but it’s quick to follow it up with a razor-sharp cutlass.

Superhero games are supposed to be power fantasies. So far, the Iron Man games haven’t done much to inspire my dreams, but at least they’re not giving me nightmares anymore. If Sega keeps tweaking the formula, next time it might actually convince me that it’s fun being Iron Man.

There are even a few lame vehicular bonus stages thrown in for good measure, but none of the various stage types offer anything close to depth or originality. [Nov 2004, p.145]

This game is strictly for kids, and when I say kids, I mean the kind that may in fact still wear diapers. The smelly kind. [May 2002, p.89]

Mindless fun. [Dec 2001, p.108]

Melee attacks in light gun games always suck. It’s too hard to judge the effective distance of your weapon, and much of the fun of melee combat as a concept is tied to the use of space and the tactics involved in controlling the flow of the fight. Unfortunately for Samurai Warriors: Katana, it’s basically a light gun game with melee weapons.

I wouldn’t say it falls into the “it’s so bad, it’s good” camp, but like a cheesy Nic Cage movie, it sometimes hits the right comedic notes, but it just doesn’t hit them enough.

Dungeon Hearts’ basic mash-up of ideas and charming aesthetic could have set it on the path to casual-game stardom, but fun gameplay would have done a whole lot more. This may have match-three and RPG elements, but Puzzle Quest it most certainly is not.

The real-time combat adds an element of urgency, but the repetitive battles and clumsy controls dull that edge early on. [Jun 2006, p.118]

You have a GameCube controller handy, Zero Gravity is very nearly mediocre.

Cradle of Rome is far from terrible, but it has neither the strategic depth nor the Pavlovian addiction required to be a worthwhile puzzle game.

If you're not averse to the idea of making a fool out of yourself, it's hard to not get at least a couple of laughs out of Kung-Fu High Impact.

Though it technically succeeds as a piece of functional software, Akiba’s Trip fails to be fun. Bland combat, unremarkable missions and sidequests (which are mainly fight/fetch requests), and an abundance of hollow cartoon characters in their underwear don’t deliver any thrills.

There's good humor and writing to be had here, but it's not so much a game as an interactive comic book with a backlight. [Jan 2005, p.149]

Pokémon Quest delivers cute moments, but the novelty wears off fast. By the time I reached the later stages, I was disenchanted by the necessary grinding and random elements permeating nearly every aspect. I enjoy parts of Pokémon Quest, but the adventure never amounts to anything memorable.

If you've been a devout Super Monkey Ball fan since the beginning you may be more willing to overlook this entry's glaring faults. If you haven't hopped on board the banana bandwagon, however, the weakly implemented 3D and unusable motion controls won't be enough to make you a believer.

It's not bad, per se, but the level designs and basic gameplay are just too uninspired to warrant a look from any but the most ardent fans of the genre. [Dec 2004, p.190]

Through the fog awkward mechanics and unsatisfying decisions (not to mention some dumb story twists), the fun and intriguing core of Vampyr is sometimes visible. Unfortunately, that fog lifts only rarely, leaving most of the experience shrouded in darkness.

Through the fog awkward mechanics and unsatisfying decisions (not to mention some dumb story twists), the fun and intriguing core of Vampyr is sometimes visible. Unfortunately, that fog lifts only rarely, leaving most of the experience shrouded in darkness.

Through the fog awkward mechanics and unsatisfying decisions (not to mention some dumb story twists), the fun and intriguing core of Vampyr is sometimes visible. Unfortunately, that fog lifts only rarely, leaving most of the experience shrouded in darkness.

There is some decent music and graphics that don't make me want to die. I guess that's the highest recommendation I can offer on this one. [Jan 2005, p.125]

I didn't expect this little indie game to replace Starlancer or TIE Fighter in my heart, but I'm disappointed that it struggled to strike a single chord with my cherished memories of those classics.

In its attempts to fuse grid-based combat with the series’ RPG roots, Covenant of the Plume doesn’t capture the essence of either, descending into a jumble of mismatched design decisions.

Almost all of the riddles revolve around finding an item and returning it to the appropriate specter - a convention that plays out as tedious and tiresome a short ways into the title. [Aug 2004, p.99]

Simply put, this title's characters, plot, and dialogue are hackneyed and verging on painful. Every joke falls flat, and every plot twist seems scraped from the bottom of Indiana Jones' barrel. [Apr 2004, p.91]

If there’s anything nice to say about Race O Rama, it’s that it provides a teachable moment for parents: Sometimes it’s best to leave well enough alone.

Mage Knight Apocalypse is a lot like eating the generic store brand equivalent of Lucky Charms. It has everything you expect, but doesn’t taste quite right.

This obscure video game brew not only sounds like a garbled mess, it plays like one as well. [June 2003, p.60]

The Brain Age series has a certain charm about it, but this installment is easily my least favorite. If Devilish Training were some unlockable throwaway mode, I’d be OK with it. As the main new concept in a series, however, it makes the experience more annoying than it is entertaining or educational.

The Escapists implores you to dig deep for your strategy, but it doesn't offer enough excitement along the way. The concept is sound; I just wish I had more fun. I like the idea of The Escapists better than the game it actually is.

The Escapists implores you to dig deep for your strategy, but it doesn't offer enough excitement along the way. The concept is sound; I just wish I had more fun. I like the idea of The Escapists better than the game it actually is.

The controls are hardly the only problem facing this forlorn soldier. Anyone who has played a few WWII shooters will be all too familiar with this cookie-cutter list of tasks: take out anti-air artillery with bomb charges, counter-snipe Nazi snipers so troops can pass through an area, take out a few tanks with a Panzershreck, rinse, and repeat.

Even when Twisted Dreams is firing on all cylinders, levels inevitably devolve into a tedious hunt for gems. Some platformer fans may enjoy Twisted Dream's unabashed adherence to '80s game design, but even as a fan of old-school platformers, my enjoyment was hampered by some significant shortcomings.

The Last Story is the latest project from Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi, and industry luminary Nobuo Uematsu composed the soundtrack. Previous collaborations involving these two legends have resulted in titles like Final Fantasy IV, Chrono Trigger, and Blue Dragon. I had high hopes for this Wii-exclusive RPG. Given its pedigree, I never imagined that it would fail to meet the low bar set by dozens of middling entries in the genre.

I commend the developer for including different modes, but their inadequacies reveal a title that doesn't fully develop any one aspect of itself.

Time Machine VR is a unique tool for learning about certain breeds of underwater dinosaurs, but it isn’t fun. I enjoyed the more dangerous moments in the campaign, but the scales are tipped too far to the academic side. If you’re looking for a distinct interactive way to learn about prehistoric creatures of the deep, that’s exclusively what Time Machine VR accomplishes. [Tested with Rift]

You always feel like you are a little out of control. The poor collision only makes matters worse. [May 2005, p.136]

I commend the developer for including different modes, but their inadequacies reveal a title that doesn't fully develop any one aspect of itself.

On one hand, this game is free, so the fact that it requires a small investment to enjoy might not seem like a big deal. On the other hand, even if you pay in, the core gameplay isn't satisfying, and your rewards aren't compelling.

At its worst, Game of Thrones is difficult to tolerate, but the burden of its many problems isn't enough to render the experience worthless. For those already familiar with the franchise, the story of Mors and Alester is consistent with the world and provides insight into events beyond the reach of the regular series cast. However, you must be a forgiving and devoted fan to enjoy the best that this game can offer.

It got a generic exterior and outdated mechanics that make it feel like a naive vision of "the future of gaming" circa 1990. [Jan 2006, p.139]

Battle for the Grid has a few things going for it, like some decent animation and visuals for its characters, but the package as a whole is every bit as underwhelming as the Power Ranger titles that have come before it.

For all the cool special moves and boss fights, the heart of any RPG is the story. Sadly, Command Mission doesn't just fail in this area; it is a discotheque fire disaster with no survivors. This game's plot isn't merely bad - it's embarrassing and painful. [Oct 2004, p.128]

If you like this franchise's simple brand of mind-numbing hack 'n slash action, then Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires will deliver exactly what you want: more of the same. [May 2006, p.98]

If you’re going to get one of these, go for the faster-paced Beta Wave, but watch out for that nasty addition game. [Feb. 2007, p.111]

What this franchise did to deserve a sequel I really don't know. [Apr 2006, p.118]

Tetris Blitz is played two minutes at a time, but bypassing the pop-ups to get to the core game feels like it takes just as long. Not having to pay for the game up front sounds like a great bargain, but when you are bombarded the way you are in Blitz, it makes it feel like you’re getting ripped off, even if you haven’t spent a dime.

It's sad when the best thing you can say for a game is that it's not broken, but that's about as positive as I can be about Silverfall. [May 2007, p.93]

It's atmospheric, creepy, and sloooooow, even by survival horror standards. [Nov 2004, p.158]

Saw fails to deliver the suspenseful crescendos, surprising twists, and apprehensive atmosphere of the films. Instead, it’s padded with unremarkable gore, poor pacing, and uninspired level design.

Now that these two games have been separated, it is all too plain why this substandard adventure has never been able to stand on its own legs. [Aug 2007, p.103]

Between its unforgiving nature, unbalanced difficulty, and humdrum puzzles, I wouldn't have pressed on through Dokuro if I wasn't reviewing it. Rarely did I feel that fun "a-ha" moment that makes puzzle games exciting; instead I found tedium and frustration. I surely wasn't as devoted to this game as Dokuro was to the princess. Add me to the list of Dokuro's unrequited loves.

I respect Halfbrick as one of the developers responsible for shaping the current state of mobile gaming, but Fish Out Of Water is a barebones offering that sinks rather than swims.

Intriguing – despite a mounting pile of evidence showing that it should be terrible. The characters and story are so outlandish and bizarre that they are fascinating – but the nonsense and clunky mechanics never coalesce into a satisfying experience. It lures you in with the promise of something unique, then botches the execution.

Proves that completely unique games can still be as painfully dull as sweeping your bedroom. [Sept 2005, p.114]

"Quotation Forthcoming"

The high-contrast art style lends a cool flair to characters and environments, but works against you on the gameplay front.

I have nothing against games that hearken back to old-school sensibilities, but Etrian Odyssey just feels like an outdated game that snuck onto a modern console. [June 2007, p.118]

Superhero games are supposed to be power fantasies. So far, the Iron Man games haven't done much to inspire my dreams, but at least they're not giving me nightmares anymore. If Sega keeps tweaking the formula, next time it might actually convince me that it's fun being Iron Man.

Despite a disappointing launch, Madden NFL 26 isn’t unsalvageable. I would imagine many of these problems will be fixed through post-launch patches, but that doesn’t change the fact that despite how strong its fundamentals appeared to be prior to stepping onto the field, much like a nervous rookie, this entry just wasn’t quite ready for primetime.

The new territory of the Game Boy Advance isn't too hospitable to our fiery friend. [Jan 2002, p.98]

If you’re going to get one of these, go for the faster-paced Beta Wave, but watch out for that nasty addition game.

The first two games balanced out any unsavory elements with mega moments and straightforward fun. The third entry simply doesn’t have enough thermal energy to overcome its many problems.

The enemy AI is weak, and fog blankets backgrounds like a tarp of ugly. [Oct 2004, p.129]

The big problem with Middle Manager is that it feels hands-off, but still demands your attention.

The ideal way to play FBC: Firebreak is as a group of three friends on a Discord call, coordinating moves and synergizing kits, which is a decent way to spend an afternoon. Unfortunately, it's difficult to achieve anything similar while matchmaking, and even then, there's just not much to do. On paper, I don't mind the lack of story, competitive modes, or procedurally generated content, but when the gameplay isn't engaging or interesting enough to keep me playing, the lack of other game modes is especially glaring. Recent updates have eliminated the tedious grind for upgrades, but the lack of a strong foundation underneath leaves FBC: Firebreak with too little, too late.

The Frogger-inspired log jumping stage is one of the most ill-conceived moments in gaming, and is the perfect example of the uneven difficulty level in this title. [Apr 2004, p.110]

If your preference is single-player or co-op, Dog Days' lack of personality (both in the characters and on the battlefield) results in one of the blandest shooters out there. Given how little the story matters, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck could have been swapped in as the protagonists and I probably wouldn't have noticed.

Sumo and Elbow Rocket’s insistence on treating a game from 2007 like a sacred text is strange. The original Crackdown was fresh and exhilarating, and bounding across the city as a superhuman agent was a thrilling sensation. Since then, a lot has happened in the genre. Developers have found ways to incorporate destruction into the action as they weave interesting choices and competent world-building into their narratives. Crackdown 3 aims far lower, and manages to hit that disappointing target.

The graphics are dull, the combat is clunky, and the pacing is incredibly slow. [Mar 2004, p.107]

I purposely put off buying upgrades sometimes simply because I couldn’t stand dealing with the smorgasbord of load screens, elevators, and slow-opening gates just to get things done.

I can't deny Hometown Story has charm with its premise and I love the ideas, but the execution needs work. Owning a shop should be more frantic and rewarding. If the developer, Toybox, can smooth out the rough edges, it may one day match the lure of simulation games like Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing. Sadly, it's not in the same league.

Many points where the puzzle design, level layout and management of the teens' special skills are just plain clumsy and almost unusable. [June 2005, p.127]

You must be a forgiving and devoted fan to enjoy the best that this game can offer. Otherwise, you're better off following the words of Genna Lannister: "Better to mock the game than to play and lose."

Rise of the Argonauts is an average action game. [Feb 2009, p.84]

The simplified game design and control don't offer enough depth to overcome the downgrade in graphics. Also, I'm beginning to tire of the isometric view on these kinds of games. [Oct 2003, p.145]

If your preference is single-player or co-op, Dog Days' lack of personality (both in the characters and on the battlefield) results in one of the blandest shooters out there. Given how little the story matters, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck could have been swapped in as the protagonists and I probably wouldn't have noticed.

The last section of the game, where you guide a spherical object through a series of traps and obstacles, is fantastic. It’s one of the rare times when everything clicked, and it was both challenging and fair. I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t make it that far. Max: The Curse of Brotherhood is a game based on a gimmick that simply doesn’t work all that well.

Moebius is missing a spark — something that makes you want to keep playing. It has a few shining moments with some standout humorous lines, but they're buried in bad dialogue, empty characters, and a dry mystery. Sadly, I don't think people will be talking about Malachi Rector with the esteem they do Gabriel Knight.

The characters never once defy players’ expectations, the story is poorly paced, and the combat offers no meaningful twists on the formula we’ve been playing for years. I can’t imagine anyone but hard-line genre devotees will get their money’s worth out of Luminous Arc.

Just when I had a solid grasp on the controls and could pull off stellar moments of action, the final stretch morphed into a series of annoying insta-death puzzles and dull boss battles. I had a fair amount of fun blasting fools in My Friend Pedro, but I wish my experience was more about losing myself in the frenzy of its action and less about navigating a tiresome control scheme.

Navigating the chaotic social structure of a medieval kingdom is no easy task, and the day-to-day life of a queen is not as glorious as it first appears.

Ganbarion went out of its way to craft a title that experiments with interesting ideas. Unfortunately, none of its unique elements are refined enough to be successful, making it impossible for me to cheer for this underdog.

I hate to say it, but the best parts of this game are the vehicle desings and environmental details. The rest of it really did nothing for me. [Nov 2002, p.140]

I could forgive the plot if the game was actually exciting, but this is a dull dungeon crawler. Some of the most exciting RPGs work with relationship building, like Persona and Fire Emblem, but this just takes it in a bizarre direction.

Some of the most exciting RPGs work with relationship building, like Persona and Fire Emblem, but this just takes it in a bizarre direction. Merely giving players a chance to pair up isn't enough; the actual relationship building needs have genuine developments and substance, and Conception II hits all the wrong notes.

I can't stress how much I enjoyed the game's art, music, and quirky vibe. Hohokum is one hell of a screensaver. As a game, it lacks depth.

Undeniable Final Fantasy charm flows through Dissidia Final Fantasy NT, and it pains me that the gameplay doesn’t justify a delving into it.

Compared to "Super Mario 64 DS," this is a shoddy port that doesn't scratch the surface of the DS's potential. [May 2005, p.134]

I can't say any one aspect of this game is broken or terrible, but I also can't think of a single thing it does to make it worth your time. [July 2006, p.113]

BattleForge is a combination of strange mechanics and bad design. Units are diverse – and yet none of them are terribly interesting. Missions have a ton of variety on the surface, but in practice they’re variations on the same few objectives.