Support for both PS2 Online and Xbox Live 3.0 and a deep franchise mode extend the shelf life of the game well beyond the Home Run Derby and Quickplay options.

Bonus points: "My Sharona," the greatest freakin' song of all time, is one of 30 tracks in the game. Oh, my little pretty one!

Sneaking up on unsuspecting monkeys, cracking them in the head with your stun club, then scooping them up in your net, we confess, is still as much fun as drinking six happy hour-priced banana daiquiris.

Hollywood creature designer Stan Winston lends his psychotic imagination to all of the monstrosities that pop up in the game. Instead of coming from obvious spawning points, creatures emerge from nearly any surface. The technique effectively adds dread to normally benign environments we haven't experienced since our days in the Boy Scouts.

Sure, you can choose BMX bikes instead of traditional boards, and the soundtrack of punk covers is the best freaking Tony Hawk soundtrack yet, bar none, but whether or not you'll love this game completely depends on how full your Hawk tank already is.

While it's fun to watch the dwarf hacking away with his ax, the death spells cast by the necromancer make for far more enjoyable viewing.

Getting the timing down on when to load up the front suspension for extra liftoff on jumps takes a few races, but it quickly becomes second nature. Unfortunately, the game isn’t very realistic when it comes to rider collisions.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

The bone-rattling density of Black's combat makes the nine levels feel like tours of duty with the grizzliest mercenary squads the world has ever seen.

There is never a break in the action, and even with the obvious emphasis on ESP, the bullets never stop flying.

Hollywood creature designer Stan Winston lends his psychotic imagination to all of the monstrosities that pop up in the game. Instead of coming from obvious spawning points, creatures emerge from nearly any surface. The technique effectively adds dread to normally benign environments we haven’t experienced since our days in the Boy Scouts.

Support for both PS2 Online and Xbox Live 3.0 and a deep franchise mode extend the shelf life of the game well beyond the Home Run Derby and Quickplay options.

Buy. But be warned that if you're not already a Star Wars Galaxies player, it will be a long time before you're able to afford a decent ship.

The crass, lowbrow, and gloriously juvenile Blitz proves that you don't need those fancy NFL-licensed pants to make a quality f'ball sim... Never taking itself too seriously, this shallow Madden instead chooses to revel in the seedy, sex-drugs-rock-and-roll dark side of the pigskin. Which is the side we've always desperately wanted to revel in.

EA spruced up this year's installment with off-load tackling, aka, you can now pass as you're being driven into the mud.

Sure, you can choose BMX bikes instead of traditional boards, and the soundtrack of punk covers is the best freaking Tony Hawk soundtrack yet, bar none, but whether or not you'll love this game completely depends on how full your Hawk tank already is.

The large number of cut scenes seems a little distracting at first, but once you get used to them, they add a lot of depth to the game.

There is never a break in the action, and even with the obvious emphasis on ESP, the bullets never stop flying.

Everything from the official team rosters to the detailed fields and even to the smoke bombs set off in the grandstands at Wembley Stadium keep your head in the game.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

The game is all about firepower. Rescuing tied-up hostages will get you power-up weapons like flamethrowers, heavy machine guns and a ground-hugging Iron Lizard missile.

The baseball action, even sans the MLB license (it belongs to 2K Sports, now), is still the best in the business.

The spicy, tangy combination of third-person action and real-time strategy is unlike anything we've played before.

The large number of cut scenes seems a little distracting at first, but once you get used to them, they add a lot of depth to the game.

Everything from the official team rosters to the detailed fields and even to the smoke bombs set off in the grandstands at Wembley Stadium keep your head in the game.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

The addictive, just-one-more-race feel works perfectly with our normal just-one-more-can-of-cheap-beer schedule.

It gets off to a promising enough start, but then it stumbles, then trips over its own feet, then chokes on its own vomit, then dies a slow, miserable death.

There is never a break in the action, and even with the obvious emphasis on ESP, the bullets never stop flying.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

The baseball action, even sans the MLB license (it belongs to 2K Sports, now), is still the best in the business.

If you own the original, not buying the extra levels would make you a sinner. Now, stop treating your body like a carnival ride.

Sure, we've played this sort of game before - Burnout, Twisted Metal, Full Auto, etc. - but could you actually leap from car to car in slow-motion in those games? Answer: No, you couldn't.

While some of the mini-games are curiously compelling—one had us actually blowing into the NDS microphone to snuff out a series of marching candles that were about to set a group of people on fire—there's no reason to ever play it again once the LSD wears off.

The upgrades seem to number in the hundreds and require you to navigate multitudes of menus. Whether you look at this as challenging or soul-crushing should give you an idea of whether you should buy the game.

The game's nutty narrative would baffle Roger Corman, but the six-shootin' gameplay would make even Yosemite Sam giddy.

From the lush environments down to the rust on Optimus Prime’s fender, the graphics in Transformers are outstanding.

Cleaning in a video game is even less fun than cleaning in real life. Only a masochist would find this charming. And recharging little Chibi every five fucking minutes sucks harder than our Dirt Devil.

The stealth levels are the only other chink in the game's chain mail. Just when you finish turning arenas into butcher shops, who's in the mood for a little Metal Gear-style stealth? Answer: not us.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

And to top it all off, Lockdown features Lifetime channel–style scenes that do their damnedest to to make you think of your squad mates as real pals instead of the "meat shields" they really are.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

The irreverent, goofball sense of humor from the show is intact, which makes up for the sometimes iffy controls.

Elaborate levels and the multiple paths you can take to solve them go a long way in making you forget about the lack of narrative element.

At best, playing the game is like having someone shout in your ear for 15 hours straight. At worst, it's like getting a high colonic with balsamic vinegar.

The spicy, tangy combination of third-person action and real-time strategy is unlike anything we've played before.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

Everything from the official team rosters to the detailed fields and even to the smoke bombs set off in the grandstands at Wembley Stadium keep your head in the game.

After about 15 minutes of gameplay, our thumbs felt like Robert DeNiro in "Casino" had worked them over in the backroom with a hammer.

The game's nutty narrative would baffle Roger Corman, but the six-shootin' gameplay would make even Yosemite Sam giddy.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

After two ass-kicking PS2 installments, the Guilty Gear fighting series has finally KO’d itself.

The irreverent, goofball sense of humor from the show is intact, which makes up for the sometimes iffy controls.

This unpretentious disc was cobbled together by a self-proclaimed "garage team" in the U.K., and is well worth your hard-earned quid.

The soundtrack, featuring James Brown and Strawberry Alarm Clock, keeps you going long after the Agent Orange has taken away your ability to feel.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

The tempo of the battle sometimes swings according to the level of each army's morale. Chip away at your enemy's self-esteem by ramming three feet of steel through their guts. Then tell your own troops to buck up. Try complimenting them on their weight loss.

Shockingly enough, is actually pretty damn good. Sure, it looks uglier than Ernest Borgnine in a tutu, and trying to use the controls is like operating the Space Shuttle while wearing oven mitts, but once you get the hang of it, beating the Stove Top stuffing out of agents is terrific fun.

A pleasant surprise. Yes, we were still creeping through bombed-out aircraft hangars and taking over bunkers brimming with Nazis, but we were enjoying ourselves for the first time in ages.

If you get three other players involved and a nice warm bottle of Mad Dog or a fifth of Ripple for the discerning 'neck, you’re looking at days of game play.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

This is mindless, cartoony fun, like a cool breeze blowing through your video game collection.

A pleasant surprise. Yes, we were still creeping through bombed-out aircraft hangars and taking over bunkers brimming with Nazis, but we were enjoying ourselves for the first time in ages.

Watching our zombie army do our brain-eating dirty work for us was a gaming moment we won't soon forget.

If you get three other players involved and a nice warm bottle of Mad Dog or a fifth of Ripple for the discerning 'neck, you’re looking at days of game play.

The graphics are fantastic, particularly in the later stages, when some of the epic battle scenes are rivaled only by what goes on in your local trailer park.

It gets off to a promising enough start, but then it stumbles, then trips over its own feet, then chokes on its own vomit, then dies a slow, miserable death.

And to top it all off, Lockdown features Lifetime channel–style scenes that do their damnedest to to make you think of your squad mates as real pals instead of the "meat shields" they really are.

Pretentious bullsh.t. Playing with tiny, microscopic things. Paying $35 for a game that's suckier than the free games that came with your cellphone.

Nanostray's old school, Galaga-style, kill 'em all action left us with sweaty armpits and racing hearts.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

Like a late-night hookup with the town floozy, this game might look promising when you take it home, but trust us, the next morning you're going to wonder why this disc is snuggled up inside your Xbox. Rent.

But don't let anything touch you, no matter what, because this game brings back the Old Testament concept of one-hit deaths. Beneath the Saturday morning cartoon exterior of the Metal Slug games beats a cruel heart that you'll either love or hate.

It's pretty short-six to eight hours, tops. The Xbox version is the way to go, since the load times between "rooms" are a fraction of what they are on the PS2.

A pleasant surprise. Yes, we were still creeping through bombed-out aircraft hangars and taking over bunkers brimming with Nazis, but we were enjoying ourselves for the first time in ages.

Or you can simply hoard all the good weapons and med packs for yourself and watch your fellow players wither, die and come back to pseudo-life as flesh-eating zombies.

The soundtrack, featuring James Brown and Strawberry Alarm Clock, keeps you going long after the Agent Orange has taken away your ability to feel.

Despite the numerous missions on the disc, you can zip through the entire game in an afternoon.

The kids who take the short bus to school will learn to drive stick faster than you'll learn to gain even a rudimentary level of control over the Vertical Tank.

Depending on how much time you spend searching each of the 11 single-player maps for hidden items, it should take you a couple of days.

But can someone please explain why we lose Enthu points when aggressive opponents tag us in the ass-end? Only a cloven-hoofed Enron accountant would think this was OK.

Like a late-night hookup with the town floozy, this game might look promising when you take it home, but trust us, the next morning you're going to wonder why this disc is snuggled up inside your Xbox. Rent.

And to top it all off, Lockdown features Lifetime channel–style scenes that do their damnedest to to make you think of your squad mates as real pals instead of the "meat shields" they really are.

"Burnout" meets "Twisted Metal" in the very first Xbox 360 game worth owning.

Even though it offers the best online play Sony has to offer, it still comes up a few frags shy of toppling Master Chief, mostly because our poor PS2 seemed to be struggling to run the game.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

At best, playing the game is like having someone shout in your ear for 15 hours straight. At worst, it's like getting a high colonic with balsamic vinegar.

Fact is, it's good. If you dig the Aeon franchise, Charlize's long, lithe getaway sticks, or third-person action games, check it out.

The game's third-person combat is pretty much D.O.A.—target, shoot, repeat, etc.—but things pick up considerably once you acquire your chainsaw and boomstick (aka 12-gauge shotgun). And things pick up again after you partner up with a wise-cracking midget Deadite.

It's not as pretty as "Dead Or Alive Ultimate," or as technical as "Virtua Fighter 4," but this certainly has its own unique charm.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

Progressive Scan support makes the graphics pop off the screens of compatible TVs.

Basically a hybrid FPS, Killer App combines straight-up shooting with some of the classic Tron universe vehicles like the light cycles.

Shockingly enough, is actually pretty damn good. Sure, it looks uglier than Ernest Borgnine in a tutu, and trying to use the controls is like operating the Space Shuttle while wearing oven mitts, but once you get the hang of it, beating the Stove Top stuffing out of agents is terrific fun.

Even with superstrong "Hyper" mode and customizable weapons, it took everything we had to not fall asleep on our controller.