Sadly, too often your powers feel anything but godly.

From its questionable (albeit largely ignorable) microtransactions to its inconsistent lore, Foamstars feels about as sturdy and enduring as the substance that powers it. [Issue#396, p.118]

There's little satisfaction in downing an enemy who can't see you, less in getting flattened by an unseen assailant. [Issue#296, p.114]

It's hard not to lament the potential wasted here. [Issue#386, p.120]

We'd much rather play the awful unicorn levels in [Trials] Fusion's Awesome Level Max DLC, which probably ranks among the most damning things we've ever said about a game. [Issue#296, p.123]

Had The Official Game provided a consistent overall challenge, it would have been bearable, if unexciting. But it hasn’t, and it isn’t. [July 2006, p.88]

Baffling design decisions and over-reliance on the same tricks further mar this already unpleasant journey.

Bet On Soldier’s non-linearity of progression, its riot-shield combat and internationally ranging scenarios suggest a game that might well have looked exciting on the drawing board. The final production, however, will leave anyone better off putting their money on the dogs. [Nov 2005, p.112]

Unlike its namesake, Quantum Theory makes no attempt to depart from classical mechanics - it merely diminishes them. [Nov 2010, p.96]

Successful only as an interactive showcase of Jurevicius' art – and arguably the Flash original was more effective in that regard – it's almost criminal that a world this vivid should be so wearying to explore.

The left to right weaving that gave Secret Rings old-fashioned zip has been jettisoned for narrow paths, funneling you from one fight to the next. Add on-rails cart rides and regular pauses to hand rings over to local villagers and this becomes Sonic's most static adventure yet. [May 2009, p.97]

We at least have a chance to marvel at the hectic cost of ambition, and to be mystified, once more, at the strange, stupid, painful things that some of us will do for love.

Die-hard roleplaying game fans might have shrugged off its technical flaws and turgid combat if only the story had a pay-off. But instead of a tragic hero, Jason’s a dud. [Feb 2009, p.86]

While we’ll accept that Deadpool the character is an acquired taste, this is an indisputably poor game, one whose knowing winks and quips come off not as metacommentary but as tacit apologia for its litany of specific failings.

Astonishingly, there's no replay function for your defensive performances. [Feb 2016, p.122]

Gotcha Force has all the requisite cute and vibrant stylings of another Japanese phenomenon, but it's let down by a pallid game dynamic. [Jan 2004, p.99]

The game's ambition far outstrips its creator's abilities: damned by execution rather than intent, but damned nonetheless. [July 2009, p.99]

This recurrent rehash is branding to serve the genre, and of little benefit to Poke-fans. [Sept 2008, p.96]

Technologically something of an embarrassment and devoid of any vitality or personality, Undercover seems a sharp downturn for one of EA’s traditional bastions of seasonal sales. [Christmas 2008, p.101]

There are minor things for which The Fight can take credit. The progression of skills is well-paced, its 'street' aesthetic pioneers a delightful new direction for extreme cheese, and your flailing proves quite the workout. [Christmas 2010, p.101]

European Assault is one of the ugliest current-gen games we've seen. Boring textures, a weak palette and a flimsy design ethic all round make it appear like slightly dressed up PSone data. The animation seems inspired by amateur puppetry and even the menus look like they were knocked up in the last day before submission. [Aug 2005, p.94]

A bitter reminder that pedigree is no guarantee of quality.

Puzzles are of the ‘give doughnut to the doughnut-desiring character’ variety, rarely extending beyond chores. [May 2008, p.97]

Die-hard roleplaying game fans might have shrugged off its technical flaws and turgid combat if only the story had a pay-off. But instead of a tragic hero, Jason’s a dud. [Feb 2009, p.86]

The cinematic videogame thriller depends on budget and craft. Remove these ingredients and the thinness of the underlying design is shown up. The Farm 51 has neither the money nor the talent to compete on this well-furrowed ground. Deadfall Adventures is a poor man’s imitation, a thoroughly bad videogame and one which, most frustratingly, is bad in uninteresting ways.

Inspired moments, such as the vehicles' mulitple weapons systems, are forced from the mind by the relentless slogs across the levels... In the end, you're likely to discover that the real battle is to continue playing. [May 2004, p.100]

It's the first game we can recall, for instance, to feature a them tune comprising a single note. [Sept 2009, p.96]

The ideas and content here are thin on the ground, and limply implemented, too - it's inexcusable that a game whose sole interaction is hand-to-hand combat should not be able to tell the difference between dodging and headbutting. [Christmas 2010, p.98]

This nonsensical sequel in Capcom's mediocre survival horror spin-off fails in practically every sense, from fine detail to basic tenets. A catastrophe. [Sept 2003]

Had The Official Game provided a consistent overall challenge, it would have been bearable, if unexciting. But it hasn’t, and it isn’t. [July 2006, p.88]

This recurrent rehash is branding to serve the genre, and of little benefit to Poke-fans. [Sept 2008, p.96]

Ultimately, Gamelion's lacklustre effort serves as a helpful case study for anybody interested in investigating why no-one's ever made a successful platform game about a character with almost no body weight before.

Had The Official Game provided a consistent overall challenge, it would have been bearable, if unexciting. But it hasn't, and it isn't. [July 2006, p.88]

The game's ambition far outstrips its creator's abilities: damned by execution rather than intent, but damned nonetheless. [July 2009, p.99]

So much of Aqua, though, feels merely like the crude payoff to a tank rush, your fire moving from one stubborn target to the next until victory is declared. [Aug 2010, p.99]

Exploration feels clumsy and laboured, and it’s all too easy to be overwhelmed by a swarm, bumped from wasp to ant and back, stun lock preventing you from firing again as your health bar steadily depletes. We didn’t expect high art, but criminally, Bugs vs. Tanks doesn’t even offer low-budget thrills.

Unforgivably unresponsive controls and a series of poor structural choices quickly reveal themselves and deeply undercut every positive point the game provides. [July 2005, p.95]

It’s a souring of Bomberman’s classic formula, and it hasn’t been compensated for with any new thinking, leaving older editions to continue reigning supreme. [Nov 2006, p.91]

This game did not need to be a bad one: the premise remains ripe with extraordinary possibilities. This, however, simply squanders them, showing a determination to prioritise style over substance which cripples the game and damages gaming as a whole. [Aug 2004, p.94]

Realmforge is clearly a student of the genre, but budget is king here, and the studio lacks the financial clout to even pierce the flesh of a crowded market. Despite being crafted with noble intentions, Dark succeeds only in sucking the life out of itself.

Clock Tower 3 is never scary: rather it's unwitting proof of the banality of evil. [June 2003, p.101]

There are flashes of what might have been, but otherwise Brawlout doesn't feel so much a plucky underdog as a no-hoper, entering a fight it knows it can't win in the hope of a big payday just for showing up. A first-round stoppage to the champion, then, with the challenger being booed out of the ring. [March 2018, p.122]

We struggle through, resisting the urge to trigger the final heist early. [Issue#371, p.114]

Glitchy. [Sept 2010, p.99]

ToL's only saving graces are the hammy acting and daft moves. [Sept 2010, p.102]

A cycle of challenges that never transcend routine. If this is what new technology does to old heroes, perhaps they're best left in the past. [May 2011, p.97]

Wrist ache is inevitable, but it's the imprecision of the strength gauge that ends up causing the most pain. [Sept 2010, p.103]

Slant Six Games cut its teeth on handheld SOCOM games, but no tactical subtlety has filtered down to this title. Operation Raccoon City is a gory duck shoot in a series that's already produced the definitive action game, and letting you experience its gore-soaked trudge with friends is its only genuine appeal.

Had The Official Game provided a consistent overall challenge, it would have been bearable, if unexciting. But it hasn’t, and it isn’t. [July 2006, p.88]

Platinum needs to take a little more care when it comes to picking its battles. [Aug 2016, p.110]

The world doesn't have the charm to warrant forgiveness, and progress-halting bugs prevent it anyway. With regular AI freezes and vanishing items, a mistimed autosave can prove fatal. Ultimately it all invites the refashioning of another line from Romero. When there's no more room in development hell, the dead losses will walk the Earth.

A messy jumble of broken parts. [Aug 2016, p.112]

It’s just a murky brew of meaningless, exploitative dysfunction filling an empty game, and it leaves a bitter taste. [Dec 2006, p.90]

When compared to its rivals, Rock Revolution is an embarrassment regarding content, presentation and playability. [Jan 2009, p.96]

The consistently poor controls of Sonic’s 3D outings make it seem like Sonic Team has convinced itself that this is how this aspect of the franchise should rightly be, and everyone else should just learn to deal with it. [Christmas 2006, p.82]

This game did not need to be a bad one: the premise remains ripe with extraordinary possibilities. This, however, simply squanders them, showing a determination to prioritise style over substance which cripples the game and damages gaming as a whole. [Aug 2004, p.94]

The tactical elements are actually quite clever – grabbing enemies will bait the police into cowering submission – but it soon transpires that this is the game's one good idea. [Nov 2006, p.87]

By any standards that have existed during the last ten, Without Warning is a work of stultifying incompetence that seems to hate its own players. [Dec 2005, p.108]

There's practically no aspect that doesn't appear half-hearted. Black Isle's drawn-out death has undoubtedly poisoned Brotherhood, but it's hard to tell if there was ever a good game here to begin with. [May 2004, p.109]

The dialogue is belief-defyingly bad, the characters who deliver it lazy, one-dimensional caricatures. [Oct 2006, p.94]

Clash Of The Titans' many failings are all the more surprising given that the movie is just one of many CGI-heavy offerings accused of feeling more like a game than a movie.

Vengeance feels like a small-minded attempt to corner the Remote-controlled shooter market at the earliest opportunity. "Red Steel" may have failed in a similar bid, but at least it had the excuse of being a new franchise, not one already established. [Feb 2007, p.78]

Facebreaker is vacuous, its interface without flair and its novelties without purpose beyond littering the boards at Gamefaqs. [Oct 2008, p.95]

The poor relation of its canceled 360 and PS3 brothers. This is a stripped-down version of a game that never was, offering only fleeting glimpses of a magnificent concept through a console and engine that could never, even with four more years to work at it, have handled it. [Aug 2009, p.98]

It purports to be a cross between pinball and puzzle game, but lacks the bells and whistles or tactile joy of the former, while the conundrums are nothing more than busywork.

Even when you disregard the charmless character, ignore the relentless music and eventually manage to tame the handling, something comes along to spoil the party - an odiously placed bump on the road that causes an unnecessary spin, the sudden inability to respawn even when off the track, resulting in a lost race... the list goes on. [Jan 2010, p.90]

This is a series that probably needs to be retired, because the joke isn’t funny anymore. [Feb 2009, p.89]

Where we once observed burgers grilled with the power of rap, we now meet a policeman who doesn't like littering. All very toothless. [June 2009, p.93]

It resembles nothing more than a Skinner box, eventually rewarding your endless hours of button pressing with a short, amusing skit or a familiar face from the Star Wars universe. While some will no doubt be snared by its insidious little feedback loops, we can only reiterate Ackbar’s grave warning: it’s a trap.

Vane is unfinished, its few ideas undermined by its shoddy foundations. If it really were a painting, you'd get Banksy to frame it. [March 2019, p.108]

An experience lacking flavour, with a transparent design, the game shares many qualities with its elemental subject matter. It is entering a super-competitive environment, and its premium DLC will need to be something special to turn things around.

There are just 20 team leaders in the game; the 500 subs available from the gacha can only bring so much variety, and pale in comparison to the almost 6,000 available in Puzzle & Dragons itself. We've been playing that game for seven years, and it still finds new ways to excite us. That this barren, boring work should share its name is an outrage. [Issue#343, p.122]

Extinction is mindless, soulless stuff, and a huge disappointment from a reputable studio. [June 2018, p.116]

While the likes of Call Of Duty 4 and Halo have made console joypads feel snappy and responsive enough to challenge the PC mouse and keyboard, Turning Point has sloppily regressed the cause by a few years. [May 2008, p.93]

It's astonishing that Shiver couldn't conjure up a decent party game from such great source material. [June 2018, p.118]

Partial blame can be laid on the less-than-stellar CG film Astro Boy adapts, but considering High Voltage so vocally invoked Omega Factor during development, it is not unfair to hold the game to a higher standard. It doesn't come close. [Jan 2010, p.96]

The Run doesn't have the structure or production values to carry off its concept. Even if it did, its successes would be smothered by a procession of awful technical flaws. Lacking charm and polish, only the Need For Speed name will sell the game – which will no doubt mean that it fares well enough. But in a year that has seen gaming's biggest franchises one-upping each 
other and demanding players' attention like never before, The Run simply doesn't cut it.

Where COD maintains a smooth 60fps, Warfighter gets a nosebleed trying to put out 30fps. Modern Warfare boasts near-instant restarts after death; here, lengthy loading times merely add to the frustration.

By any standards that have existed during the last ten, Without Warning is a work of stultifying incompetence that seems to hate its own players. [Dec 2005, p.108]

We’ve a right to enjoy this kind of brainless, murderous throwback, but we’ve also a right to expect it to be made to the standards of videogames of five years ago, never mind those of today. [July 2005, p.91]

This stylishly rendered open world displays little sense of fun or character. It's a series of beautifully drawn cardboard boxes populated by unthinking automata, one that commits its genre's gravest crime: inviting no curiosity to explore it. [Issue#418, p.118]

Sorrows is a hollow experience, misinterpreting the original as a sheer numbers game rather than one of constant risk and reward. It's an issue made more glaring by an unsatisfying combat system, paying lip service to counters, juggles and combo strikes even though endlessly repeating the same moves is just as effective. [Feb 2006, p.88]

With juddering 3D that loses all of Altair's beautiful and intuitive movement, and inflicting a multitude of cheap deaths, this crude chapter neither comes close to emulating original's successes nor utilises the hardware's specific capabilities. [June 2008, p.95]

So sparse is the experience that it takes about four or five bewildered hours for the reality to sink in that yes, this is all there is. [Issue#332, p.114]

European Assault is one of the ugliest current-gen games we’ve seen. Boring textures, a weak palette and a flimsy design ethic all round make it appear like slightly dressed up PSone data. The animation seems inspired by amateur puppetry and even the menus look like they were knocked up in the last day before submission. [Aug 2005, p.94]

None of this is very entertaining at all. The game offers some of the most slender, inconsequential, and ultimately, boring distractions to be found on the GameCube. [Sept 2003]

Scourge: Outbreak may seek to mimic the thrills and achievements of its blockbuster inspiration, but it serves merely to underline their superiority. Tragnarion has clearly put effort into polishing the game, but it’s fatally neglected to work on the underlying basics that were crooked three years ago.

Itagaki has brought a knife to a gunfight, and the result is a bloody mess. [Oct 2015, p.116]

Even ignoring all those failings – something at which Dead Island fans will have had plenty of practice – Riptide’s biggest flaw is that it never justifies its existence in terms of plot or new ideas. It’s not simply yesterday’s game, but a time capsule from 2011, a time when zombies weren’t as overplayed and games such as Far Cry 3 and Borderlands 2 weren’t around to cast their long shadows over the action.

At World’s End would shame Jack Sparrow himself: it’s boring, nondescript and significantly lacking in adventure. [July 2007, p.91]

It’s tempting to believe that Microsoft and Twisted Pixel set out to create some kind of meta-joke here, but the line between a successful and unsuccessful parody can be a fine one. All Lococycle achieves is falling on its face, while no one laughs.

Trying to balance the ceaseless button-mashing with the necessary manual camera tweaking is a bad joke, and often leaves you slashing just out of view and hoping for the best. [Mar 2009, p.93]

Describing the game at all is simply to tick off a litany of annoyances punctuated by one minor triumph, namely that the Transformers themselves look pretty good. [Sept 2007, p.90]

Sure, the production values are high and the narrative is updated with humour, but this is barely a game... it's all smoke and mirrors. You may win every battle, but underneath you know you're no hero. [June 2004, p.110]

Objects that can be interacted with are circled with an icon, but this only appears if you are looking at exactly the right spot. Indeed, much of Rogue Ops is spent trying to make this cursed cursor appear. It's not a pleasant way to spend an evening. [Feb 2004, p.108]

Basic combat is dismal, turgid stuff, yet accounts for almost all the action.

It’s not often that a war game captures almost perfectly the feel of walking drunk through a Las Vegas casino – that overpowering mix of randomness, mediocrity and nausea. [Sept 2007, p.94]

It's a numbing piece of design. [July 2008, p.97]