Messy, dirty, and downright smutty, Onechanbara: Z2: Chaos is the very epitome of a guilty pleasure.

I can’t fault the work that’s gone into making the collection, but it is a collection of clapped out garbage. They put in way too much effort to make the videogame equivalent of those novelty VHS tapes in the 90s that nobody was ever really expected to watch but got as gag gifts on Christmas. That’s all Bubsy is if we’re brutally honest - a fucking prank.

Dementium is not unforgivably bad. It’s just excruciatingly mundane, and so very unoriginal. I wish it wasn’t that way, as I would love to see great horror on the 3DS...Dementium Remastered is not, however, great horror on the 3DS, and it would be more honest to call it Dementium Regurgitated.

Choo Choo Charles reminds me of a movie by Full Moon Studios - like Demonic Toys, Hideous, or Head of the Family, it’s an entertaining “what if?” concept that just isn’t enough to support an entire piece of media. With basic gameplay comparable to any number of low budget horror titles, it’s a fun idea and absolutely nothing besides. I wish it had more to offer, but like so many joke games before it, we already got the punchline when we saw the trailer and there’s nothing the gameplay adds on top of it. To be brutally honest, Choo Choo Charles would have been better as a fake game, or at the very least nothing would have changed if it was.

Spiders is a developer with its heart in the right place, and one can tell it wants to make good games. For some reason it struggles to pull out the stops needed to make something great, save for the time it outdid itself with Of Orcs and Men. With The Technomancer, we have a game trying to be a sprawling sci-fi adventure while paradoxically not trying much at all.

Perception is miles better than the myriad “me too” horror games saturating Steam, but it’s certainly not exceptional. Underneath the visual style – and it’s ultimately just an aesthetic choice – is regular ol’ walk-and-talk horror game that manages a little panache but contains no material of substantial value, be it narratively or interactively.

How f.cking dare Star Wars: Hunters? I really hope it becomes yet another “service” game that’s been shut down in less than a year. It deserves to be burned to nothing.

I don't like this game. I played it. Within the first ten minutes, I was f.. bored of it... I hated every moment I spent playing this game...I think I had less fun playing this than I did Anthem, and I had less than no fun playing Anthem.

Redfall is a sorry skeleton of a game that meets the lowest bar possible to be considered a functional, sellable product, and it manages to bungle even that elementary task. At its very best, this embryonic embarrassment almost aspires to mediocrity, but such heady heights are too frequently beyond its reach. If it were interesting enough to inspire any emotion other than boredom, the humiliatingly cretinous enemy AI, recycled assets, lack of basic features, and laundry list of glitches would be laughable. The quality of this game, however, isn’t funny. It’s exasperating. Arkane Studios is so much better than this, and be it through a lack of time or a lack of money, they’ve made something a studio of such pedigree could rightly be ashamed of.

Terribly balanced, broken in several ways, and barely able to support the online mode it’s pushing, Sker Ritual is a waste of time. If you like Maid of Sker you don’t need this poor follow-up, and if you like COD: Zombies you don’t need this poor facsimile. Nobody and nothing needs Sker Ritual’s bullshit, least of all Sker Ritual.

The word “slop” has recently been overused to the point of death, and that’s a shame, because I’d very much like to call Double Dragon Revive slop. It baffles me how you can put out something this ugly and unenjoyable without attaching an apology to it instead of a price tag, but that's videogames for you.

Simply put, Homefront: The Revolution is outclassed in its bracket by every other big-budget game released this generation. And that’s without getting into how shockingly shit the PC version is...This game made me feel unwell, it bored me to tears, and it irritated the piss out of me. Also, it has co-op.

The Tomorrow Children is bland, clumsy, and monotonous. A fantastic core idea wasted on yet another cumbersome burden of a game.

I no longer feel like I missed something when I gave up on the original as a kid. The streamlined controls got me further than I ever did in the 90s, but all to be found was tedium. The remake does little to liven it up, but at least there’s some crude entertainment in marveling at how shockingly buggy it is. It serves neither as a polished update nor an impressive reinvention, and confirms more than anything that Little Big Adventure is best experienced by watching a Longplay of the bloody thing.

This appalling paid-for tutorial is inexcusably lazy on top of being just plain inexcusable to begin with...The only thing Welcome Tour has welcomed us to a brand new breed of garbageware.

Cynical doesn’t even begin to describe such a poisonous display of IP leverage. There’s something actively nasty about the thing. It’s a reminder that creativity is not owned by the creators, it is imprisoned by the least creative among us, those of us who force others to dance but can't carry a tune.

A dreadful action-platformer bolted onto a pitiful tower defense, SolSeraph is embarrassingly cheap, tacky, and boring. It looks and plays like a mobile game, and is way overpriced. Just play Bloodstained. Even if you've already played Bloodstained.

What we have here is a bare bones remaster of Fighting Force and its crummy sequel, featuring only the most obligatory of modern conveniences. The paltry options menu, meager archive material, and total lack of border imagery demonstrates little of the love shown to other Limited Run releases. Fighting Force itself still has something to offer a very niche audience, but as a member of that audience I already have a version of Fighting Force, one with more options for fine tuning and without a $19.99 MSRP

It’s just so completely, exhaustingly boring. There’s nothing to it. It plods along, doing very little to ever annoy its audience, but doing precisely diddly-squat to ever entertain it, either. It’s just… there. From beginning to end, Escape Dead Island is a game that’s simply… there.

The First Descendant is the last thing I want to play right now, nauseated as I am by how much of a swindle it is. Designed entirely to frustrate and trick money out of players, it gives nothing in return but the same “live service” mundanity that’s soaked the market in an ocean of filth...It’ll probably be dead within a year like so many of its sordid ilk. That would be a genuinely good thing for the industry and for the players it’s trying to scam. I hope it dies on its toxic vine.

This is an absolute horror show of a game and I cannot recommend anybody buy it or even accept it for free.

Much like an anime fan on prom night, I would rather be at home playing Mega Man than here. I would rather be playing Shovel Knight. I would rather be playing most games in this genre...Mighty No. 9? More like Shitey No. 9!

It's almost impressive just how wrong this game is. As a Contra game, Rogue Corps almost goes out of its way to be completely inept. As a general shooter, its sub-par in every way...Slow, repetitive, and ugly as hell, Contra: Rogue Corps is embarrassing even by Konami's low standards, and this is all before we get to the weapons overheating.

It never seemed likely that Bethesda was capable of handling an online Fallout game, and the dreadful mess that is Fallout 76 only validates one’s cynicism. Which is fine, because Fallout 76 is, itself, a cynical game. A cynical game that barely works. Lifeless, archaic, and featuring a totally mangled VATS system, this desperate trip on the Live Services bandwagon is an utter waste of time.

I don’t like it, okay? Stop it, Sonic Runners, stop doing everything you’re doing. Well, except that part where you allow yourself to be a game, buried under mountains of distasteful gibberish...Also, the loading times are crap.

An absolute horror show of a game and I cannot recommend anybody buy it or even accept it for free.

Jurassic Park Classic Games Collection is really rather sad. It looks and feels cheap, the drought of available options is stark, and the fact they couldn’t even include save states or rewind options without being extremely frugal about it is audacious at the very least. To top it off, all six games - masquerading as seven - are garbage. Pure, utter garbage. Yes, even the ones you remember...Especially the ones you remember.

The Last Oricru is a masterpiece of bad design. When a game has to warn its players not to invest in half the available skill points because they’re worthless, you know you’ve got something special, and that’s what Oricru is - special. It’s so profoundly wrong it deserves to be studied, dissected, remembered for years. Its creators should tour universities and give talks about their artistic philosophies so future generations can learn how never to make a videogame. If you’d told me aliens had developed it, I’d struggle to argue, such is the incomprehensible absurdity on display...I am in awe of such a marvel.