What the hell are you still reading this for? Put your raggedy-ass jacket on and go out and buy the damn game already.

No excuses, you’re gonna have to buy this. Unless you don’t own a PS2, in which case, get out of our Internet!

But where the sequel will really fondle your boys is in the multiplayer modes. New level designs let you funnel the action into wide-open areas or allow you to stalk the terrain's nooks and crannies looking for the perfect sniping spot.

Making Ninja Gaiden harder is like ordering waffles fixed with broken glass, with a helping of broken glass on the side. It's downright tasty at times, but you better have a taste for it before scarfing it down.

You should buy it even if driving games rank somewhere between stepping on Legos barefoot and Saddam on your list of dislikes.

Seriously, we did more cool things in God Of War in the first 20 minutes that we do in the entirety of most games.

You should buy it even if driving games rank somewhere between stepping on Legos barefoot and Saddam on your list of dislikes.

Vast new levels, a pleasantly murky story line and an even greater emphasis on stealth will string you along for days.

How do you improve on perfection? We'll tell you how: Take the same genius game that you played last fall on the PS2 and give everything a fresh coat of pixel paint... Then, remove the long load times, allow us to save 30-second replays to the hard drive for those you-won't-believe-this-booshiz moments and create personalized radio stations by ripping your CD collection to the hard drive.

How do you improve on perfection? We’ll tell you how: Take the same genius game that you played last fall on the PS2 and give everything a fresh coat of pixel paint... Then, remove the long load times, allow us to save 30-second replays to the hard drive for those you-won’t-believe-this-booshiz moments and create personalized radio stations by ripping your CD collection to the hard drive.

A solid technical effort from Konami, but mainly only serious soccer fans will want to lace up their digital boots for this one.

If your racing game strategy usually involves driving your car like the Death Mobile in "Animal House," you won't get far in Forza. Damage modeling affects your car's performance and even the slightest fender-bender can wreck your front-end alignment, which means your car will pull either left or right for the remainder of the race.

The biggest advancement is the VIP system, which studies your habits on the field and develops a profile based on how you play the game.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

If you don't have a big, stupid, sh.t-eating grin on your face when you do this, then we can't be friends anymore.

Like the Swiss Army Knife, Up Your Arsenal does it all and even includes a decent online battle mode, as well as a corkscrew and a tiny pair of scissors.

Slaying these giants provided us with some of the most gratifying moments of our entire lives.

The jaw-dropping graphics help. As do the weapons, power-ups and the scope of the game (15-plus levels, 40-50 hours of play to complete). But it's the fighting that really won us over.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

The computer AI, just like your girlfriend, will sniff out your weaknesses and exploit the living crap out of them.

The game looks terrific on the tiny screens. There's a nice mix of new and old school tracks. Making a Wi-fi connection is so simple, even Diddy Kong could do it (and he's Canadian!).

A movie feature allows you to create short films, right down to the last camera angle, with your Sims as the cast. There are no overarching goals in the game, but that doesn't prevent it from being fun.

The game is surprisingly rock-solid on the Xbox. The controls are on point. The game is full of well-crafted fight-or-flight moments. It's without a doubt one of the finest first-person shooters ever made.

Advanced Warfighter on the 360 is so beautiful, we actually dry-humped our conference room TV set. And yes, it was the closest we've come to having an actual relationship in several years.

The biggest advancement is the VIP system, which studies your habits on the field and develops a profile based on how you play the game.

Interestingly enough, EA has served up a baseball title that will keep you interested in hardball. Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

Don't let the Saturday morning cartoon vibe fool you. This turn-based war game is more hardcore than Stratego, Risk and that final episode of M*A*S*H where Pierce goes insane all rolled into one.

This is the fourth game in the series, and it's definitely the biggest, ballsiest, most nonsensical Burnout to date.

Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

Flat-out weird does not begin to describe this highly addictive title. You become so attached to your herds that it kind of hurts when you lose a Pikmin or two to drowning or carnivorous giant beetles. It's like losing a child. A fat, little purple child with a flower budding out of his forehead.

The computer AI, just like your girlfriend, will sniff out your weaknesses and exploit the living crap out of them.

You're looking at a solid 30 hours' worth of game play, more if you actually master the special VFX powers Viewtiful uses to control the flow of time.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

This is the fourth game in the series, and it's definitely the biggest, ballsiest, most nonsensical Burnout to date.

The game play is fairly brisk and the obligatory cut scenes are brief and well rendered - it looks like a classic "Iron Man" comic rather than schlocky animation.

Playing this hyperactive hoops sim is like fast-forwarding your way through a Spike Lee–directed Nike commercial while beer-bonging a liter of Jolt cola.

The first time we laid down a "Harmonic Combo" and watched as the body parts of our enemies literally rained down from the sky, we were hopelessly, head-over-heels in love.

Playing this hyperactive hoops sim is like fast-forwarding your way through a Spike Lee–directed Nike commercial while beer-bonging a liter of Jolt cola.

An ultra in-depth Dynasty Mode and online capabilities will keep you playing until NCAA 2006, or at least until the new Madden comes out.

The series' trademark superb gameplay is, as usual, on point. And this year, you can actually take your football team online.

Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

The game does a great job of combining stealth elements (centered on Riddick's ability to hear his target's heartbeat as well as see in the dark) with all-out, guns-blazing action.

It's also a tiny bit dry for our tastes. We prefer laying rubber, doing donuts, and crashing into exploding oil tankers to finesse driving and engine tinkering, but that's just us.

Playing this hyperactive hoops sim is like fast-forwarding your way through a Spike Lee–directed Nike commercial while beer-bonging a liter of Jolt cola.

Once again, EA and Madden manage to do the impossible: They made us fall head-over-cleats in love with this frigging game all over again.

Unfortunately, you can't play Tekken 5 online—say it isn't so!—but the easy-on-the-eyes Nina Williams can still kick our fat, pale asses any old day of the week. We love you Nina!

Another big change: You now have the ability to switch weight classes in mid-career, so you can go from heavyweight, to light heavy, and back to heavyweight again to beef up your bank account.

An ultra in-depth Dynasty Mode and online capabilities will keep you playing until NCAA 2006, or at least until the new Madden comes out.

The game looks downright terrific on the PSP. It's great to once again troll for flat-backers on the mean streets of Liberty City. (Aka, Pick up hoochies-for-hire.) The load times are incredibly short, considering how massive the game is.

While playing, we began to wonder whether it would be cooler if the bad guys won? We tried joining forces with them, but died each time. Way to be cliquey, guys.

The graphics on the Xbox are as perfect as the platform can deliver, and walking into steam-filled rooms only to have the lights blink out, then hearing something hiss at you out of the darkness, are moments that would have made Dante soil his short pants.

An ultra in-depth Dynasty Mode and online capabilities will keep you playing until NCAA 2006, or at least until the new Madden comes out.

Wounded? Hit the Y button, and like a wet dog coming out of a lake, Stranger gets rid of his damage by shaking it off.

We're fond of the new Hitter's Eye feature, which means that the ball changes color as it leaves the pitcher's hand, letting the batter know what kind of pitch is on the way to the plate. Red means breaking ball; white means fastball; green means changeup; and brown means that Randy Johnson has been into the Skoal tin again.

Another big change: You now have the ability to switch weight classes in mid-career, so you can go from heavyweight, to light heavy, and back to heavyweight again to beef up your bank account.

Most of the levels will give you the heebie-jeebies. Even if you didn't have to worry about ambushes by Imps and commando zombies, the dark environments should be enough to creep you out. The game is pure science fiction, but the structures and equipment seem plausible.

Unlocking new skins for the more than 40 available cars on the 90-plus tracks will keep you busy.

Vast new levels, a pleasantly murky story line and an even greater emphasis on stealth will string you along for days.

This year's installment features overachieving impact players who are highlighted on the field during games, your very own dorm room (where you can check your stats, store your trophies, etc…), and revamped training games that are addictive as beer nuts.

The game's kinder, gentler learning curve means that you'll actually get to kick some ass this time around. In addition to new bosses and game modes, the special edition also lets you play as Vergil, Dante's less tight-lipped and far more fashionable bro.

This year's installment features overachieving impact players who are highlighted on the field during games, your very own dorm room (where you can check your stats, store your trophies, etc…), and revamped training games that are addictive as beer nuts.

There are dozens of dazzling tracks, and the play gets fast, manic and difficult, but somehow always retains a magically fun ingredient.

Online support for PS2 and Xbox plus multiple race modes will keep you on the track for days.

We're fond of the new Hitter's Eye feature, which means that the ball changes color as it leaves the pitcher's hand, letting the batter know what kind of pitch is on the way to the plate. Red means breaking ball; white means fastball; green means changeup; and brown means that Randy Johnson has been into the Skoal tin again.

The entire SNES-era "Super Punch-Out!!," one of the greatest boxing games of all times, is hidden on the disc. All hail the mighty Bald Bull!

We're fond of the new Hitter's Eye feature, which means that the ball changes color as it leaves the pitcher's hand, letting the batter know what kind of pitch is on the way to the plate. Red means breaking ball; white means fastball; green means changeup; and brown means that Randy Johnson has been into the Skoal tin again.

Instead of going with a standard driver, we created a homicidal redneck with the Create-a-Driver option. Well, all we really did was rebuild Dale Jarrett with his old mustache. He just didn't look right without it.

Once again, EA and Madden manage to do the impossible: They made us fall head-over-cleats in love with this frigging game all over again.

Running missions for the factions is compelling enough, but the real fun comes from hunting down the Deck of 52-the 52 baddest guys in the game. The first handful totally roll over with their Christmas hams in the air, but the latter guys will leave you begging for sweet, sweet mercy.

High-def heads will benefit from the 480p progressive scan support. The rest of you will just have to keep squinting and hating people who own nice TVs.

New powers, faster combat and new environments - such as Korriban, ancient Sith Lord burial ground - make this trip to KOTOR-ville more than just an Old Republic retread. [Jan 2005, p.54]

The fighting engine is the tightest in the business.

There are no ogres to impale, no weapons (unless a fishing pole counts as a weapon), no panty-flashing fights between Amazons. Like your stoner brother, the game is a little too laid back for its own good, doesn't have any goals, and it farts like muffler-less Buick whenever it eats peanuts.

The sequel features even more happy, shiny, Hello Kitty!—style idiocy. But peel away the idiocy, and you'll find the same dull, creatively bankrupt ball-rolling mini-game as the original.

The best boxing game in the business keeps getting better.

Though it's a great title in the Zelda franchise, the action is hindered by all the extra equipment necessary to get the most out of it.

Once again, EA and Madden manage to do the impossible: They made us fall head-over-cleats in love with this frigging game all over again.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

Once you get sucked into Franchise Mode, you very well might not make it out.

We were haters at first, but the new P.O.V. started to grow on us. Watching our character cartwheel through the air like a T.J. Hooker stunt double makes for some heady moments.

Odds are this game will complete you. Spending hour after hour earning points to gain new abilities becomes a kind of subhuman mania.

Hiding in the bushes and setting "whip" traps with branches, then watching guards walk into them is old-fashioned, sadistic fun. But the game doesn't really hit its stride until its second half, when your inner wild-child side surfaces, and you start tearing ass around the jungle like the wolfman after guzzling a keg of hard cider.

You’ll get at least 40 or 50 hours of game play, and that’s before you get to the mini-puzzles.

The legs are long, the sex is gratuitous, and the violence is very, very violent. DOA 4 is definitely firing on all pistons. Still, for a series with the word "alive" on the box cover, these characters all seem kind of plastic, hollow, heartless, and downright bloodless.

While the game is open-ended, the method of playing it is not. You can't roam vast maps as freely as you can in "Grand Theft Auto." Still, Albion is a big, and, thanks to the stellar graphics, a beautiful place to wander.

If you think you might be an RPG fan, this is definitely one to grab.

If you want to make the most of the game, you’ll have to walk through the entire qualification process. Since it’s governed by actual military rules, you’re looking at a good couple of days from boot camp to field operations.

And yet there's still something here that kept us playing to the end. Can't quite put our finger on it...ah yes, now we remember what it was: This game has a story that's almost too damn good for a video game.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

The Mario faithful will no doubt rejoice, since it's easily the best of the launch titles. But if you're not a Mario lover, you may want to hold out a few more weeks for something better.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

Final Fantasy XI far outstrips "Everquest's" addictiveness in the multiplayer online role-playing realm.

Carry out your finest work in shadowy places and dole out dagger lobotomies with little chance of being penalized. It's almost as good as being a U.S. president or Hall of Fame running back!

The cut scenes nearly steal the show. They’re a little too good, really. Once you see Snake and his enemies in fully choreographed action, returning to the actual game seems a little clunky.

Sadly, Fight Night has left out back-alley options like fixing fights, in-fight cannibalism or even a seemingly drunk Larry Merchant doddering about the ring during the post-fight interviews. There's always next year.

The game's free-flowing scuffles are akin to your toilet experience after a night of over-beering: In other words, both are shockingly big, messy, chaotic, scary, surprising, and usually a little bloody.

Sadly, Fight Night has left out back-alley options like fixing fights, in-fight cannibalism or even a seemingly drunk Larry Merchant doddering about the ring during the post-fight interviews. There’s always next year.

The brief matches make this a great pick-up-and-play game, and the "deep career mode" has enough meat to keep your fingers busy on your morning commute for the next decade.