Play is especially intriguing online, where our hero's acrobatic skills, ability to find cover, and state-of-the-art weaponry deliver death matches to die for.

To hell with lame gunshot wounds and other gang violence. This game's fatalities include creative beheadings and dismemberments that would make Hannibal green with envy.

The new Pitcher Confidence Meter adds a psychological twist: paint the corners a few times, and your control grows sharper...but if you're consistently outside, your insecurity will sink you—just like in the bedroom!

The perfect alternative to those wussy slow skateboarding games, where wrecks only break your bones in two places instead of four.

Dispense with kicking and doodle-heavy playbooks, and deploy between-the-leg laterals and double reverses, plus a mess of excellent unsportsmanlike, showboating taunts.

It'll take as much brains as brawn: The block-moving puzzles of the previous game have been burned at the stake in favor of some logically sound mindbenders.

But even if you lack broadband, the bizarre characters and 13 arcade-style courses to choose from will keep you giddier than Carl Spackler on a gofer hunt.

As an engrossing adventure, Kri doesn’t cut very deep, but where quick, visceral payoffs are concerned, it goes straight for the jugular.

Dispense with kicking and doodle-heavy playbooks, and deploy between-the-leg laterals and double reverses, plus a mess of excellent unsportsmanlike, showboating taunts.

Despite a trick roster with some troubling names (anyone care to attempt a “Rocket Queen”?), this is as down and dirty as they come. Detergent not included.

The battles themselves are chaotically free-for-all, allowing up to four monsters to grapple hand-to-hand and even rip up handy lampposts, buildings, and cars to bludgeon enemies.

Stealing the best gadgets and characters from the movies, NightFire lets you decide how to topple the requisite megalomanical villain: Use stealth and gizmos (like Eurobabe-revealing x-ray specs—thanks, Q!) or go in guns blazing.

We don’t like how the pesky pedestrians always manage to dodge your cab, but the graphics of the San Francisco–like city are amazingly detailed.

It’s about time someone used an SUV for more than hauling brats to soccer practice.

To hell with lame gunshot wounds and other gang violence. This game’s fatalities include creative beheadings and dismemberments that would make Hannibal green with envy.

We could have done without the ads for Toyota (what is this, a movie preview?), but the slamming soundtrack and retro touches-the 1995 version of EA's game is included-should help bring the league one step closer to atoning for the Charlotte Bobcats.

Executing gravity-defying jumps and mean combos in the well-rendered environments is a piece of cake, though a longer game would have iced it for us.

Electronic Arts is keying on the sport's blocking, defensive strategy, and teamwork with NASCAR 06-the closest to "Madden" car racing can get.

True to its name, this punishing game takes some of the wussiness out of baseball, and we’re not just talking collisions at the plate.

Verbose cut scenes threaten to stall the mayhem, but two elements save the day: playable legends like Andre the Giant and "bra & panties" matches featuring such divas as Stacy Keibler and Trish Stratus. A little thong goes a long way.

Your all-terrain vehicles come equipped with oil slicks, smoke screens, and acid bombs that are so fun to use that it's hard to tell if it's more fun to use contraband or smuggle it.

Eye-popping.

The game play is so tedious.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

Twenty-four long trails and endless noodly bike upgrades add variety.

If you’re the kind of guy who likes to chop his prey into Sizzlean before he gets a whiff of your bad man musk, then the ninjas of Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven are right up your dojo.

And even though the graphics look like anime, fans of the original will be relieved that the classic's side-scrolling game play has been left untouched.

Fanatics will tweak tire pressure, suspension, and build dynasties, alliances, and sponsorships; rookies can learn the nuances of drafting, passing, and holding position on dozens of real-world tracks.

Ignore the nonsensical story—centered on Mordoc, the vampire king, and his Onyx Tower of Eldritch—and stay on course with your barbarian, dwarf, cleric, or elf, traversing time and eerie environments.

Incredibly atmospheric (it makes great use of flickering lights, icy landscapes, and foreboding corridors) without skimping on the screams, The Thing is a terrifying battle to the finish.

Playing as heavily-armed rodents or goose-stepping teddy bears, up to 16 people can torch each other. It's more of everything you loved.

Incredibly atmospheric (it makes great use of flickering lights, icy landscapes, and foreboding corridors) without skimping on the screams, The Thing is a terrifying battle to the finish.

Our only regret is that George Foreman isn't in the game. Apparently he's too busy hocking his new grill to bother bringing his fat ass into the game for a good ol' fashioned digital butt-whuppin'.

Stealing the best gadgets and characters from the movies, NightFire lets you decide how to topple the requisite megalomanical villain: Use stealth and gizmos (like Eurobabe-revealing x-ray specs-thanks, Q!) or go in guns blazing.

Crave a purer form of pigskin, where painkillers and cheap shots aren't just overlooked but encouraged? Then give this ballsy baller a try.

For the casual player, this is archaic stuff that’ll provide about an hour of nostalgic fun.

The creators get points for keeping the combos, juggles, air attacks, and instant-kill fatalities, not to mention the chopsocky feel and cameos from familiar faces like Baraka and Reptile.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

Konami's annual soccer franchise, which has scored in the past for its slick controls, wads of teams, and shin-splintin' graphics, returns to the field to affirm its ball-kicking dominance.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

Sometimes it’s tedious work, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that playing sky taxi isn’t rewarding.

We dare you to find a game package that gives you more bang for your buck—both literally and figuratively.

Electronic Arts is keying on the sport's blocking, defensive strategy, and teamwork with NASCAR 06—the closest to "Madden" car racing can get.

Once on the court, you discover it's easy to master the fast break and hard to hit a jumpshot, though play moves smoothly enough you won't mind as the bricks pile up.

It’s the perfect game for men who like speed and men who like thongs (and you know who you are). We can only imagine that Kinetica 2 will feature racing car women who secrete beer.

Stealing the best gadgets and characters from the movies, NightFire lets you decide how to topple the requisite megalomanical villain: Use stealth and gizmos (like Eurobabe-revealing x-ray specs—thanks, Q!) or go in guns blazing.

Warning: Tenchu 2 requires a lot of patience and exploration, so if you’re looking for a mindless contest, maybe you should turn on a Presidential debate instead.

The creators get points for keeping the combos, juggles, air attacks, and instant-kill fatalities, not to mention the chopsocky feel and cameos from familiar faces like Baraka and Reptile.

The shooting control takes some getting used to, but stick with it and you’ll advance through a solid plot laced with a meaty hip-hop soundtrack, celebrity voices, and…drumroll…a playable Snoop Dogg! You’ll never need MapQuest in L.A. again.

Adding live online support and a fantasy-league “Mogul” mode that lets you trade players, track stats, and haggle over TV rights? OK, we’re really psyched.

Told in fragments along the way, the story resolves differently, depending on whether you torture and kill other humans or help them survive. Either way, the eerie atmosphere will scare you straighter than an "Oz" box set.

Ignore the nonsensical story-centered on Mordoc, the vampire king, and his Onyx Tower of Eldritch-and stay on course with your barbarian, dwarf, cleric, or elf, traversing time and eerie environments.

Smuggling drugs isn’t much fun when it involves swallowing condoms to sneak cocaine across the border, but it’s a blast when you drive all-terrain vehicles full of contraband right through police barricades.

The shooting control takes some getting used to, but stick with it and you’ll advance through a solid plot laced with a meaty hip-hop soundtrack, celebrity voices, and…drumroll…a playable Snoop Dogg! You’ll never need MapQuest in L.A. again.

The moves are so disappointing and ineffective, you’re down for the count before the festivities begin. On the list of failed comebacks, file this one below ALF.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

The shooting control takes some getting used to, but stick with it and you’ll advance through a solid plot laced with a meaty hip-hop soundtrack, celebrity voices, and...drumroll...a playable Snoop Dogg! You’ll never need MapQuest in L.A. again.

Over 100 hours of game play through 50 levels of sword-swinging, spell-casting combat, thousands of new weapons and equipment, and two new characters (the fighting furry Vah Shir and the lizardman Iksar) will keep you huffing at trucker speed through the wee hours.

Incredibly atmospheric (it makes great use of flickering lights, icy landscapes, and foreboding corridors) without skimping on the screams, The Thing is a terrifying battle to the finish.

Told in fragments along the way, the story resolves differently, depending on whether you torture and kill other humans or help them survive. Either way, the eerie atmosphere will scare you straighter than an "Oz" box set.

Adding live online support and a fantasy-league “Mogul” mode that lets you trade players, track stats, and haggle over TV rights? OK, we’re really psyched.

True, storming enemy positions is an option, but with environments this wide-open, you’ll just get your ass handed to you by a heavily armed battalion of baddies (or asshole buddies) if you do.

Crave a purer form of pigskin, where painkillers and cheap shots aren’t just overlooked but encouraged? Then give this ballsy baller a try.

Every hard knock is rewarded in the form of a nasty bruise on your opponent’s face.

While it would be impossible for the game to mimic the raw emotion and chaos that defined this mission-turned-disaster in real life, the graphics are the best we’ve seen on a battlefield.

The bizarre levels and challenging puzzles remain engrossing even when you start asking the never-answered question, "What's the point?"

It’s just too bad that one of [the missions] doesn’t demand that you seduce a curvy, green alien girl, James T. Kirk-style.

Sure, the action is pretty basic-it's still kill or be killed-but with more open spaces to run around and new foes to fight, Ties is like a weekend with Russell Crowe: disturbing, bloody, and a damn good time.

Play along to 30 songs-from simplistic beats like "We Will Rock You" to increasingly complex and annoying Latin polyrhythms-and add up to four sets of bongos to create a frenzied, unholy din suitable for ritual virgin sacrifice.

The wacky sensibility will give you a few chuckles, while the insane difficulty level takes you on a masochistic tour of your squandered youth.

An embarrassment. When the players run bowlegged to field a ball, it’s hard to take this game seriously.

The ho-hum game play won’t wow you.

But after nine innings, it's basically the same game, including easy to master controls that'll finally allow you to be big man on campus.

We could have done without the ads for Toyota (what is this, a movie preview?), but the slamming soundtrack and retro touches-the 1995 version of EA's game is included-should help bring the league one step closer to atoning for the Charlotte Bobcats.

Luckily, the Cinemax-quality female brawls make up for the vaguely homoerotic aspects, since nobody should be exposed to that much man-on-man action.

Set up like Grand Theft Alien, there are tons of missions to complete, though you can also just roam around, killing filthy humans and destroying their stuff.

A subversive parody that cleverly indicts our depraved culture? If it makes you feel better about having a shitload of sadistic fun, sure.

With matches of five-on-five taking place on small fields with really basic controls, Strikers is classic arcade-style soccer, but the game gets an extra kick from power-ups, random Bowser attacks, and a Telemundo-style announcer.

The bizarre levels and challenging puzzles remain engrossing even when you start asking the never-answered question, “What’s the point?”

Confused by the sometimes clunky camera angles? You can deliver your skull-smashing, thong-flashing high kicks in soothing slow motion.

This build-your-own-robot game gives grease monkeys a 20-story garage, hundreds of parts, and plenty of time to tinker with and create the ultimate 40-ton rig.

Sure, the action is pretty basic—it's still kill or be killed—but with more open spaces to run around and new foes to fight, Ties is like a weekend with Russell Crowe: disturbing, bloody, and a damn good time.

But after nine innings, it's basically the same game, including easy to master controls that'll finally allow you to be big man on campus.

Splintered wooden furniture doubles as vampire vaporizing shivs to expand on your already wide variety of exterminating capabilities.

An adventure game that looks and plays shamelessly like "Tomb Raider," only without the oversized breasts.

The first Unreal made its name on, well, its unreal visuals, but we had no idea how saucy a first-person shooter could look until we tried the sequel.

Most of the game consists of endless management, such as babysitting your kids, managing your dough, and constantly mailing postcards to your friends so they don’t resent your ignoring them.

It does have...a kung-fu penguin! And what's cooler than that?

Guaranteed to raise the purple manga-style hairs on your neck.

Easy-to-master controls, new camera angles, customizable teams, legendary players like Babe Ruth and Jackie Robinson—don’t wait for Mother Nature’s lazy ass; spring starts now.

Fighting an army of the undead with a six-shooter is rather challenging, but the game has smooth controls and sharp-edged firearms that allow you to get your gunsu on.

Confused by the sometimes clunky camera angles? You can deliver your skull-smashing, thong-flashing high kicks in soothing slow motion.

Can’t be beat for fun, mindless destruction.

If you have an urge to knock some balls around during the winter, then Tiger Woods might be able to help you out.

Triple Play may not be the smartest or most realistic baseball video game, but it’s definitely the best-looking one.

Choose from over 179 field layouts across 19 tournaments to test out the game's hair-trigger controls in surprisingly fun online seven-on-seven team showdowns.

And with the engaging story, plus the graphic-novel presentation (boxes of action and text are constantly popping up on-screen), this truth is worth uncovering.

During this age of sanitary smart-bomb warfare, this stunning first-person shooter gives you a taste of the good ol’ days of killing—you know, bamboo traps, bloody ambushes, villages under siege.