The upside is that various movie stills and comic art are unlockable secrets. Big whoop. [Mar 2003, p.72]

If you're looking for a faithful and compelling GTA adventure, you'll likely be disappointed. [Feb 2005, p.84]

A hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach.

If hauling junk from A to B holds any sort of appeal, it withers in record time. [Aug 2003, p.72]

Say it with us: Poorly implemented gimmicks do not make for entertaining games. [July 2004, p.89]

Surma's camera is a hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach. [Feb 2004, p.86]

Under normal circumstances, this would be just tedious, but combined with endless deadite enemies and little in the way of ammunition and health packs, it's a sermon on frustration. [July 2003, p.79]

Physics don't play a big part in the proceedings; it's possible to ride a character full-speed into a wall, without any ill effects. [Feb 2003, p.72]

A "Metroid Prime" wannabe that fails on almost every level. [Sept 2003, p.76]

A hateful creation, demanding more attention than a sugar-buzzed toddler and never showing you what you need to see, including anyone who might be shooting holes in your stomach.

Adding to the pain are the annoying escort and defense missions, the meaningless story line, and throwaway two-player modes. This is the rare sequel that gets it all wrong.

Sporting spiffy 3D graphics but little in the way of bang for the buck, Tao Feng quickly sinks into mediocrity and takes up permanent residence there. [May 2003, p.65]

Since the fighting lacks rhythm and finesse, pounding one button can and will defeat a player who's foolishly making a good-faith effort to control his character. [July 2003, p.78]

This game gets almost every design decision wrong and looks like hell on top of that. [Jan 2004, p.91]

It's missing the original game's great controls and sense of speed, rendering all that other good stuff a wasted effort. [Sept 2003, p.80]

If you do manage to get around the wacky premise and unintuitive controls, there is some longevity to the game, with a massive set of "challenges" to complete - but that's a bit "if." Otherwise, seer clear. [Dec 2003, p.96]

Throw in some uninspired third-person brawling, and, well, this turkey comes out as dry as the Sahara. [Feb 2004, p.86]

Merely an average action game featuring an overly sexy protagonist and an entertaining combat engine held back by myriad game-breaking glitches. [Jan 2005, p.106]

A decent racing game if you're into monster trucks and stadium races that are just over a minute long... Barely worth the effort. [Dec 2003, p.82]

Fugly when it came out on Dreamcast, and it's even fuglier now. Everything about this game is low-rent, and nothing has improved in this Xbox port. [Sept 2003, p.67]

Unless you hate life, avoid this. [Apr 2003, p.72]

Having every move consume HP is somewhat unbalancing when enemies already do so much damage, and the reworked HP/LP setup can be bafflingly random. [July 2003, p.72]

This game is a big, fat whoopie cushion waiting to be sat on. [Apr 2003, p.73]

Actually manages to make use of the touch screen in an interesting, though not vital, manner. It's too bad that the rest of the game is awful. [Feb 2005, p.111]

It's one of those games that nobody really asked for, so that leaves only one group of people who will be buying Starsky and Hutch: suckers. [Nov 2003, p.88]

A delicate blend of "You Don't Know Jack," "Girls Gone Wild," and repeatedly smashing your head against a concrete wall. [Oct 2004, p.116]

As a trivia contest, The Guy Game is merely average. As social commentary, we weep for the future.

Even if players know a song front to back, the pace is awkward and destroys a sense of rhythm. [Dec 2004, p.104]