Sure, it's cool that you'll find references to some of the more popular third-person action titles, such as Prince of Persia's balance-beam act and hand-over-hand wall crawling, but nothing in here screams innovation.

Sure, running around the dungeons and slashing through enemies is enjoyable enough -- and, dare I say it, even fun at times. But as soon as you attempt to play through Valhalla Knights like its an actual game, it completely falls apart.

The real tragedy here is that a simple attempt to emulate Atari's 2004 Transformers game would have made this movie tie-in an order of magnitude better. As is, those looking for a Transformers fix should scour the bargain bins for that classic, and leave this one on the shelf.

All of the game's step-by-step recipes are available in the game, but instead of buying it, I'd recommended taking your money and picking up the actual source, the aforementioned How to Boil Water. It'll has the game's 12 dishes, plus a couple hundred more. Not to mention that you'll be able to appreciate the smell of real bacon coming from your kitchen as opposed to seeing it sizzle on your TV and waiting two minutes to virtually flip it with a remote.

If the theory of natural selection holds true, The Adventures of Darwin will find its way into the bargain bins of the world in no time flat. And if you have any intelligence in your design, you'll stay far, far away.

Lair is a game that you'll want for its eye-popping experience rather than its gameplay. So buy it if you want to justify all the thousands you spent on your PS3 and that 1080p HDTV you can see from the International Space Station. Don't buy it if you want a dragon that does what it's damn well told.

WarPath's only saving grace is that, despite being one of the most forgettable FPSes we've ever seen, it's not actually bad when played with some real human beings. Unfortunately, there don't really seem to be very many human beings playing the game on Xbox Live.

What's most impressive is the way a lot of humor is injected into the actual gameplay.

The obvious rush has resulted a very boring and lifeless Manhattan. We all know the Wii isn't exactly a powerhouse when it comes to graphics, but when it looks like an early port of the PSP game, you're better off looking elsewhere (PS3/Xbox 360) for your Spidey fix -- this isn't even worthy of being called a "guilty pleasure."

Considering the basic concept the series is built on, Full Auto 2: Battlelines has perhaps the most needlessly confusing plot ever put to disc.

Wanton destruction is still a lot of fun -- I just hope that future installments innovate instead of sticking squarely to the foundations set by the original game. And please, next time around, give us multiplayer that feels like more than an afterthought.

With friends or smart online players, D-A-C can provide a couple hours of mindless fun, but it just doesn't provide any reason to keep playing beyond that.

Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 is what happens when you tinker too much with a perfect formula -- and not in the name of improvement. This is the Dead or Alive that, quite frankly, critics of Team Ninja have been hoping for -- a soulless, poorly executed title slathered in truly shameless fan service that not even those who would use it for dirty deeds could force themselves to sit through. It's as ridiculous as the individual breast physics that it entails.

Architecture pops up all over the place, warriors materialize out of thin air on a regular basis, and slowdown is frequent. And the dialogue and voice acting is often laughable. This series needs some serious polish.

No surprises. It's the puzzle game you know and (potentially) love on the Wii, and it's $40. Seems pricey, but at least you know what you're getting.

Those who have drained every last moment of enjoyment from the DS game might appreciate it as a way to eke a little more challenge from the experience. And really obsessive types might appreciate the fact that the announcer guy from the cartoon performs (highly repetitious) running commentary during in-game battles. Everyone else, though, will simply regard this as a waste of money.

It's the game part of this game that stinks, and the rest of it should have just been a DVD.

Unless you're hung up on the prospect of collecting the entire NES Classics/Famicom Mini sets, you're definitely better off with Namco's "Pac-Man Collection." Or better yet, the fantastic NGPC version of the game.

FaceBreaker is fine if you want to mindlessly mash buttons and beat the hell out of friends, but if you want a deep, balanced boxing game, look elsewhere.

While the gameplay does have its high points (again, mostly surrounding Nightcrawler), it's also quite often littered with monotony thanks to seemingly nonexistent enemy A.I., confusion (poor level design), and frustration (glitches, a sometimes lack of checkpoints, and uneven challenges).

Appreciation goes out to Koei for attempting a new direction for the series, but they could have left out the dull repetition. Struggling with the motion controls in the first few stages, being forced to traverse on rails (and when the rails do come off, dealing with awkward movement), and facing wave after wave of repeated enemies just isn't all that fun.

So, is it all a disaster? Well, the A.I. problems are fixed to some degree by the robust multiplayer (if you can find friends willing to slog through the ugliest visuals since finger-painting class), and yes, the level of customization for both the world map and your alter-ego hero is nice -- but no number of small details can hope to salvage quality from this debacle of execution.

Bodycount feels like something a developer would hand to a publisher as a proof-of- concept, not an actual game that should be on store shelves. Its brief moments of fun are overshadowed by poor controls, laughable story, and limited environments.

Remarkably shallow and underwhelming.

The derivative nature of the plot goes hand-in-hand with the completely unimaginative gameplay. Nothing here is original -- the RPG-in-a-computer gimmick is straight up .hack, and the action feels like martial arts-oriented Mega Man Legends.

It seems to be perfectly suited for a casual audience who just wants to push buttons and watch things happen. But those looking for anything more had best look elsewhere.

The only real laugh in this game comes in the opening introduction (which you can watch in its almost-entirety here). The rest of the game is a plodding, boring mess that that forces you to play through the worst shooter genre clichés, and then asks you to laugh simply because the game's creators self-referentially point out how annoying those tropes are.

The one bit about Spy vs. Spy that really shines is the presentation. Each level looks radically different than the last, and comes complete with its own, unique challenges.

Except for true masochists who believe that hair-pulling frustration equals enjoyable realism, Hammer & Sickle offers nothing worth paying for -- except maybe time to catch up on your reading while waiting for your turn to load.

I couldn't bring myself to dislike this game, and even had more fun with it than certain other Xbox games of the recent past. And if I liked it, even a little bit, who knows if it won't be an even bigger hit with the people it was meant for?

The real tragedy here is that a simple attempt to emulate Atari's 2004 Transformers game would have made this movie tie-in an order of magnitude better. As is, those looking for a Transformers fix should scour the bargain bins for that classic, and leave this one on the shelf.

The developers executed that concept quite well. If the setup makes you chuckle, chances are the game will, too.

187 basically defines "average." While the graphics err on the nicer side and the story dips a bit below the equator, most of the game is competent but unspectacular. Every good feature seems to have a bad one that balances it out.

For Wii owners looking for a traditional action game in the vein of Castlevania or God of War, right now, this is still one of your best bets.

Just play the old NES game. We don't remember the Jaws movie where they had to collect seashells and bomb jellyfish with airplanes, but it was more fun than this.

The cel-shaded visual presentation is about the only element AM has going for it, so if you're really attracted to this particular aesthetic, then this is your game. On the other hand, if you're into racing games, chances are you already own something like "Need for Speed Underground," and AM really isn't even in the same ballpark.

A truly awful experience. Put simply, it's a portable piece of ugliness that lacks any humility or wit. It is singularly unpleasant in the way it handles its subject matter, and lacks the style or panache to carry its inadequacies with any dignity.

Just skip the whole thing. It has a few fun moments, but for the most part Winback 2 is an utterly unremarkable game, except perhaps in that despite all the gunplay, it's completely bloodless.

The main problem here is that it feels like Legends should have been a side mode in a proper Soulcalibur rather than its own game. There are some good ideas, but it doesn't feel like a complete game.

The car never really feels grounded, but rather appears to float at a high rate of speed. It doesn't take much more than too much gas and too sharp a turn to start spinning, adding unnecessary aggravation to some of the longer missions.

It earns disdain on its own merits. The videogame of the movie of the book -- it's not a surprise that this ended badly, it's just disappointing.

This might make a good present for your nephew's upcoming birthday, but for those looking for a good Naruto game worth sinking your teeth into, you're better off plunking down for one of the Ultimate Ninja games.

While the gameplay does have its high points (again, mostly surrounding Nightcrawler), it's also quite often littered with monotony thanks to seemingly nonexistent enemy A.I., confusion (poor level design), and frustration (glitches, a sometimes lack of checkpoints, and uneven challenges).

Chief among Time Ace's tripping points: an autoengaging autopilot with a knack for tossing you into buildings if you wander too far from the preset flight path. Add spotty hit detection into the mix, and you end up dying more from crashing into obstacles than from taking enemy fire.

Customizable background themes, icons, and skins are offered to spice up the aesthetic, but they're not the least bit pleasant to look at and offer about as much artistry as clip art.

Of all the painful aspects of Dark Messiah, the bulk of the problems lie with the controls. It feels like you're moving through a bowl of thick, hearty pea soup; simply walking through the game is exhausting.

While the gameplay does have its high points (again, mostly surrounding Nightcrawler), it's also quite often littered with monotony thanks to seemingly nonexistent enemy A.I., confusion (poor level design), and frustration (glitches, a sometimes lack of checkpoints, and uneven challenges).

While the gameplay does have its high points (again, mostly surrounding Nightcrawler), it's also quite often littered with monotony thanks to seemingly nonexistent enemy A.I., confusion (poor level design), and frustration (glitches, a sometimes lack of checkpoints, and uneven challenges).

If only half of the verve present in the swooping camera zooms and snazzy editing of the cut-scenes had managed to jump to the five hours or so of actual playtime, this might have been a pretty cool game.

While hardcore adventure-game fans might find enough here to warrant a purchase, this game's meant for PC, and it simply works (and looks) far better on its intended platform.

NeverDead is a game, and it can be completed. In my opinion, those are the two truths that cushion the space between a D- and an F. Remove those two facts, and you're left with an amateur effort that redefines the boundary between bad game and flat-out punishment.

Rent it to scoff at the absurdities, and play through it with a friend for some fun co-op.

The muddy controls make it difficult to judge where your creature is standing in proportion to the buildings.

Never does Alien Syndrome become fun -- and unlike the Wii version, the PSP iteration doesn't even control well enough to become quietly engaging in its own methodical, repetitive way.

Jack's narrative is amusing, and pirates are just deliciously cult and cool. But the game walks the plank when you realize that it's a bland, buccaneer version of God of War.

Like the "real" Matt Hazard, Eat Lead is best left to fade into obscurity.

Malice is so generic and mediocre that its release only serves to spoil what little status it had as the punchline of a joke.

What's most impressive is the way a lot of humor is injected into the actual gameplay.

A punishingly difficult action game.

187 basically defines "average." While the graphics err on the nicer side and the story dips a bit below the equator, most of the game is competent but unspectacular. Every good feature seems to have a bad one that balances it out.

You never quite reach the same pumped-up heights you get while playing similar games, like "NBA Ballers" or "NBA Street" -- and despite the tricks, online play, and generally responsive controls, it would take a serious interest in the AND 1 legacy to maintain any level of interest in this game.

A game that is certainly violent, absolutely profane, but also acceptably playable and filled with enough replay value and customization to warrant a purchase as opposed to a rental. But in terms of sheer polish and finesse, "Def Jam Fight for New York" is still the standard bearer against which these sorts of games should be judged.

Its eminently forgettable title notwithstanding, the significant flaws lie in core mechanics and not the story framework.

The true strength of Nowhere to Run is built into its pick-up-and-play nature. It gets straight to the action, wasting no time indulging in slow-motion cinematic cut-scenes during battle sequences.

If throwing cubes of trash at buttons is up your alley, then we've got just the thing: Heavy Iron's game-itization of Pixar's WALL-E is an offal-chucking aficionado's dream come true. What it isn't, though, is much fun at all.

Locking on to a specific enemy is a crapshoot. The character faces are bad enough that we were actually shocked to find that they had the rights to use the actors' likenesses. We could write a book about everything wrong with Superman Returns.

Given a choice between these broken versions of classics or simply not having these games on DS at all, I think in the end I'd rather have not had them. At least then there'd have been hope that someone could have done them justice, someday.

What seemed really cool back when Namco first announced the original Dead to Rights -- the sweet disarming animations -- just aren't enough to carry another repetitive action game for more than a few levels.

Sticking unwanted attitude onto a couple of characters doesn't create empathy -- developers should've learned that from the '90s.

The entire multiplayer aspect of Academy is so poorly implemented that it begs the question as to why they even bothered.

It's not obvious they knew just how monumentally moronic the game they created is. That's the key difference between the two titles: Bulletstorm is the funny guy at the party who has a bit too much to drink. DNF is the guy who gets plastered, runs around naked with a lampshade on his head and doesn't understand that everyone is laughing at him, not with him.

The monkeys stick to the comfortable security inside their balls and the platforming stays recognizably formulaic.

But the worst part? Beowulf features a minigame that rewards players for not having sex with Grendel's mother, played by a near-nude Angelina Jolie in the movie, for as long as humanly possible. That's just wrong.

Most of us were better at these kinds of games when we were young. Tweens or teens could play through this game with their thumbs cut off and a frontal lobe tied behind their back.

WALL-E is a particular sad movie tie-in failure, because Pixar, the company behind the film, is known for projects that appeal to multiple age groups. By contrast, the WALL-E game holds virtually no appeal to anyone.

A tired, sluggish, and uninspired action adventure that would have barely cut the mustard six years ago on PS1.

Just add impenetrably obtuse missions, ugly models, low visibility, a sluggish camera, and a fish that steers like a truck full of fat kids. Congratulations, Jaws Unleashed, you just killed our (sadistic) inner child.

The true strength of Nowhere to Run is built into its pick-up-and-play nature. It gets straight to the action, wasting no time indulging in slow-motion cinematic cut-scenes during battle sequences.

In the end, it's a definite thumb-basher, and not necessarily the worst game of its kind. It's just that the pedigree of the developer's past works suggests that NanoBreaker would turn out much better than it did, and that's a disappointment.

The real problem with Brooktown, though, is that your progress seems totally scripted, requiring no actual effort or skill.

Bodycount feels like something a developer would hand to a publisher as a proof-of- concept, not an actual game that should be on store shelves. Its brief moments of fun are overshadowed by poor controls, laughable story, and limited environments.

It's a game populated by animatronic mannequins, its plot driven by flat, unsympathetic characters. Worse, the dumb AI destroys any sense of danger, so the tension that runs through great stealth games never materializes.

I can still hear the ba-thump ba-thump of the paused game behind me, begging me back for more abuse, and I'm caught in a spiral of disbelief. Nothing can be this awful, yet I find myself straining to look over my shoulder. I don't know how long I can hold out. I am lost, but you may yet save yourselves. Save yourselves from this game.

Reservoir Dogs won't appeal to hardcore aficionados of the film; the almost-total omission of the original cast and likenesses will probably cause fans to attempt a bullet festival of their own.

I can still hear the ba-thump ba-thump of the paused game behind me, begging me back for more abuse, and I'm caught in a spiral of disbelief. Nothing can be this awful, yet I find myself straining to look over my shoulder. I don't know how long I can hold out. I am lost, but you may yet save yourselves. Save yourselves from this game.

This one-note sex queen takes the series down a peg. Rick Goodman (creator of Empire Earth) is probably rolling over in his grave.

If the worldwide aspect of RYL has you intrigued, check it out. Or, if you like hack-n-slash gameplay with no end in sight, this could well be your game.

It quickly degenerates into as absurd a mess as four turtles that are supposed to be ninjas with a rat for a sensei sounds like on paper. As Michelangelo might say, "cowabunga dudes, this is one gnarly game wreck."

Remarkably shallow and underwhelming.

NeverDead is a game, and it can be completed. In my opinion, those are the two truths that cushion the space between a D- and an F. Remove those two facts, and you're left with an amateur effort that redefines the boundary between bad game and flat-out punishment.

The most frustrating thing about Deca Sports is that it's not bad -- just bland, uninspired, and of questionable value.

If throwing cubes of trash at buttons is up your alley, then we've got just the thing: Heavy Iron's game-itization of Pixar's WALL-E is an offal-chucking aficionado's dream come true. What it isn't, though, is much fun at all.

Assuming you have dipped your feet in the pool of endless Dynasty Warriors content, it's almost absurd at this point to have to pay 30 bucks for either the PS2 or Xbox 360 flavor of what is barely more than preconceived, half-assed, tacked-on downloadable content.

While some hardcore dungeon-crawler fans might get some enjoyment out of Valhalla Knights 2, I'd rather skip the grinding and play a game where the combat accentuates my exploration of a rich, engaging world.

There are even certain instances where you can find yourself focusing on your stealth tactics rather than struggling with the interface, and in those instances the game plays out quite well. It's just too bad those are the exception rather than the rule.

By the time I'd defeated my 10th werewolf, I was already tired of needing to cut or shoot its head off so it didn't regenerate. By the time I defeated my 200th, I just wanted to turn the game off.

By the time I'd defeated my 10th werewolf, I was already tired of needing to cut or shoot its head off so it didn't regenerate. By the time I defeated my 200th, I just wanted to turn the game off.

What's most impressive is the way a lot of humor is injected into the actual gameplay.