It never becomes fun. It looks awful and sounds even worse. It could almost be recommended ironically as a game so bad that it's entertaining or as a basis for some sick drinking game (take a shot every time an enemy gets stuck on a corner), but it's even too bland for that.

The DS game doesn't capture any of the magic inherent in Fighting Fantasy's formula. Instead of an adventure packed with mystery and excitement, the series' first videogame provides a dull story and frustrating controls in a generic dungeon crawl wrapper. It's a shame, because I remember enjoying the "Choose Your Own Adventure" style so much as a kid, and I bet that formula could make for a great game.

Feels like that blatantly annoying contemporary relative -- a sort of unironic Ali G.

And the core game is familiar territory these days -- familiar to the point of contempt.

After the grueling long exploration levels, I found myself craving a good catfight. Unfortunately, the simple combos and lifeless combatants make the fighting in the game more like a catnap.

As a stand-alone download, it's a short rendition of the Watchmen brawler experience that features more low points than high points -- but with an admittedly awesome moment of Rorschach punching a fat pervert.

As a stand-alone download, it's a short rendition of the Watchmen brawler experience that features more low points than high points -- but with an admittedly awesome moment of Rorschach punching a fat pervert.

The game's multiplayer and arcade modes are both valiant attempts at providing replayability, but neither are varied or deep enough to keep anyone but the most frantically bored or underexposed gamer entertained for longer than five minutes.

With the exclusion of co-op -- what people really want to play -- and the constant hint that a sequel's already on the way, Beast Rider feels like a difficult, drawn-out, $60 tutorial. Why bother?

As a budget release, Renegade Paintball is a bit more robust than you would imagine, but the buggy gameplay, along with several more oddities will be quick to remind you that yes, this is yet another half-baked budgetware title to forget about.

My advice: If you ever want this series to evolve into something better, stop buying every iteration that comes out -- you're just encouraging Koei to crap out another.

Unleashed isn't completely without merit -- it just falls far below any reasonable standard for fighting, wrestling, or monster games.

A by-the-numbers affair unlikely to rouse most action fans. Maybe you won't toss your controller in a fit of rage (unlike the frustrating PS3/360 games), but with gameplay and presentation this uninteresting, do you even need pick it up to begin with?

Science of Evil merely borders on decent.

I hesitate to say that Iron Man is dumbed down for the Wii, PlayStation 2, and PSP, since hardware limitations likely necessitated such a distinct iteration, but the resulting experience is a by-the-numbers affair unlikely to rouse most action fans.

It's hard to imagine that there is much of a market for a $30 sprite-based RTS for the PC today, much less one that's unstable and lacks any innovation.

Mindjack's execution is just ludicrously poor at times.

It would be easy to pinpoint the games faults solely on the new, unresponsive control scheme, but Ride's gameplay lacks several established principles of the skateboarding genre. Concepts as simple as session markers and on-foot travel are nonexistent, and the ability to restart a challenge mid-run (a longtime staple of the Pro Skater series) is simply not there.

And in the process of keeping it real, I have to comment on Forsaken Gods' combat system, which is -- without a doubt -- the worst I've ever encountered in a game.

Attractive settings and cute little anime-inspired characters with oversized heads and eyes may distract youngsters for awhile, but Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball is an otherwise messy affair that, like Double D, isn't nearly worth the 800 Microsoft Points it'll cost you.

After finishing the disappointingly anticlimactic game, I felt like I just read through a graphic novel side-story, but one that doesn't reveal anything new or interesting. From a technical standpoint, the game is passing, but its narrative, structure, and inattention to detail reveal this game for what it is: Yet another lazy cash-in on a "blockbuster" film.

An example of just how much the little details matter in game design. They're what make Gears of War work so well, and where Quantum Theory stumbles just too often to be worth much of anyone's time. The experience of playing it is something like watching a student copy off of an answer sheet for a test...and somehow getting the answers wrong, anyway.

This game attempts to combine the best aspects of serious tactical shooters like Flashpoint with the run-and-gun action of the Battlefield series, but does neither very well. [40 = original score]

Unfortunately, the end result is a little more Rambo, a lot less Rocky. It's going to take a rethinking to pull the 3D brawler out of its "me too" phase, and Streetwise certainly isn't helping.

The Rise of Cobra's biggest problems aren't in the way it uses the license -- the problems are that, on anything but the lowest difficulty setting, the game is unnecessarily unforgiving and uses a completely counter-intuitive health regeneration system.

Its basic design philosophy is one of laziness and glossing over problems rather than really putting out the effort to make a decent game. That's a bitter pill to swallow for a kid who just shelled out 50 bucks of lunch money.

Its basic design philosophy is one of laziness and glossing over problems rather than really putting out the effort to make a decent game. That's a bitter pill to swallow for a kid who just shelled out 50 bucks of lunch money.

The game is like Manhunt, except with adorable teddy bears. Wait -- can you compel your victims to kill themselves in Manhunt? No? OK, maybe Naughty Bear's actions are slightly worse.

The game is like Manhunt, except with adorable teddy bears. Wait -- can you compel your victims to kill themselves in Manhunt? No? OK, maybe Naughty Bear's actions are slightly worse.

The classic games are completely underutilized due to the time limits placed on them, causing each to offer no more than a few minutes of gameplay. There's fun to be had -- just don't expect it to last very long.

The dictionary entry will read, "Rengoku ren - go - ku n: 1 A game design flaw in which great effort is expended on concept art but little else. 2 An activity that presents itself as entertainment but is, in fact, a form of torture."

Mindjack's execution is just ludicrously poor at times.

We've come to expect a missing coat of polish on film tie-ins, but Iron Man seems to lack even a level of care, resulting in a drab adaptation that sinks well beyond simple mediocrity.

The difficulty ramps up so much by the game's finale that I'm not convinced it's even possible for a solo player to finish this thing. And even if you could, I'm not sure why you'd want to; Sanctum of Slime has little to offer the die-hard Ghostbusters fan, and even less for the twin-stick shooter crowd.

Unfortunately, the end result is a little more Rambo, a lot less Rocky. It's going to take a rethinking to pull the 3D brawler out of its "me too" phase, and Streetwise certainly isn't helping.

The Rise of Cobra's biggest problems aren't in the way it uses the license -- the problems are that, on anything but the lowest difficulty setting, the game is unnecessarily unforgiving and uses a completely counter-intuitive health regeneration system.

Other than the exclusive ArchLord gimmick, we're left with a dated-looking game with limited classes and a lot of grind, and a miniscule chance of something cool at the end if you really throw yourself into it. Not exactly our cup of mead.

Aside from the frustrating control inconsistencies and the abbreviated storyline, this is still a well-made trek through a history that thankfully never happened. Though the sluggish multiplayer mode doesn't even deserve a glance, the predominantly solid mechanics and terrifying premise make this a more than competent deviation for someone itching to kill more Nazis.

At a glance, SPRay seems like a mediocre outing on a platform already overstuffed with useless titles. But shipping an outright broken game is inexcusable.

But the inadequate drum peripheral and minimal extra content expose the fact that development's been problematic since day one. Konami's always been synonymous with awesome rhythm games, but with Rock Revolution, the rock crown and scepter have officially been passed to a new generation of games.

Xiaolin Showdown has the elements of a good game, but the execution is so sloppy and shallow that it ends up falling flat.

Sega Studios San Francisco's final game, Iron Man 2, based on this summer's movie, combines the worst pitfalls of both genres, leaving me with one simple conclusion: Iron Man 2 the videogame is not for anybody.

Pandering to every college student and aspiring rap artist's deep-seated "Scarface" fantasies, 25 to Life is a 3D action-shooter that not only fails to innovate on any level, but rolls back design and technological advancements to the early PSone era.

It's the wide-ranging lack of polish that really damns Emergency Heroes to a forgettable existence, as the player vehicles have all the floaty steering and shaky physics of a shovelware budget title (but with twice the price tag), and I even managed to crash the game by falling through the ground during one mission.

Disappointing, unpolished, and disjointed, the game is thankfully short enough that the minigames and Pan's animal powers don't grow overly tiresome. That sentiment applies for the entire game though -- the simplistic gameplay is tedious, but there's little of it so it never manages to provoke high levels of vitriol.

Genki's seeming inability or unwillingness to fix the slidey physics even a little bit keeps each game from greatness. Hardcore TXR fans will likely cry foul at that remark, but anyone who wants their virtual racing to at least slightly resemble the feel of real driving will feel the same way.

0 Day is a complicated mess of imbalanced levels, ineffectual A.I., and ghost-town online multiplayer, culminating in no incentive to keep playing.

Sega Studios San Francisco's final game, Iron Man 2, based on this summer's movie, combines the worst pitfalls of both genres, leaving me with one simple conclusion: Iron Man 2 the videogame is not for anybody.

Playing the same boring minigames over and over again in each stage (sometimes five or six times, without deviation), coupled with simple driving tasks and a lack of significant variation between missions make this a joyless grind with little reward.

Despite the stylishly designed menu display, the attractive mechs, and the occasionally breathtaking clash between LFOs, Eureka Seven Vol. 2: The New Vision is just too uneven a game to recommend to anyone besides the hardcore fan base -- who have already purchased this game.

Xiaolin Showdown has the elements of a good game, but the execution is so sloppy and shallow that it ends up falling flat.

In short, the Brain Boost games are curt, emotionless, audacious, and as a tool for self-improvement, a little bit pointless.

Just one big, frustrating mess. It looks bad, it sounds worse, and you'll be wishing you were playing almost anything else by the end of the first level.

There's simply nothing redeeming about Acme Arsenal. It's an incredibly poor, woefully unentertaining use of a great license, and an absolute bore to play. It doesn't get nearly enough right to be anywhere close to average, and becomes its own worst enemy with a cavalcade of embarrassing glitches.

As I painfully maneuvered my Charlie from room to room, I grew more and more desperate in my attempt to find redeeming qualities in the game.

It's being sold now for $20. In a week, when they are selling it for $4.99, it will still be overpriced.

I wouldn't recommend Turning Point to anyone, under any circumstances...and if that's not the definition of utter failure, I don't know what is.

And while it's true that every brain training game is probably assisted with a healthy dose of pseudoscience, it's Brain Boost that shows its seams the most. And because of that, Brain Boost feels the most condescending.

As I painfully maneuvered my Charlie from room to room, I grew more and more desperate in my attempt to find redeeming qualities in the game.

Pandering to every college student and aspiring rap artist's deep-seated Scarface fantasies, 25 to Life is a 3D action-shooter that not only fails to innovate on any level, but rolls back design and technological advancements to the early PSone era.

The miserable camera system often zooms in too close to see what you're doing, or makes it impossible to see a necessary location without moving.

You'll spend so much time fighting the Wii Remote and accidentally building towers in the wrong places that you might as well just go to a backyard sandbox or actual beach.

So yeah, it's stupid. It's brutally stupid, to be honest. But "Underpants Deadguy Cutters: Ultimate Tittykill" has enough game to keep you going for a few days, and it sells for twenty bucks less than usual. Honestly, I don't know why big breasted women wading through gallons of blood took so long to get to America.

But decent tech is all for naught when paired with a bland and embarrassingly brief experience like Tony Hawk's Motion, which contains just four settings (two each for skate and snow), each with five total objectives.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor isn't without its charms, but it's hard to believe that the younger target audience will wade through the difficulty spikes to see the convoluted narrative to its conclusion.

But when the game's core mechanics are middling at best, dragging other players into it is just asking for a reputation downgrade. When the world has so many better games to offer, you have to ask yourself "Why play this?"

The miserable camera system often zooms in too close to see what you're doing, or makes it impossible to see a necessary location without moving.

So much in this game speaks to either a lack of time or pure laziness on the part of the developers.

There's simply nothing redeeming about Acme Arsenal. It's an incredibly poor, woefully unentertaining use of a great license, and an absolute bore to play. It doesn't get nearly enough right to be anywhere close to average, and becomes its own worst enemy with a cavalcade of embarrassing glitches.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor isn't without its charms, but it's hard to believe that the younger target audience will wade through the difficulty spikes to see the convoluted narrative to its conclusion.

If you play the game on 360, there's a Kinect mode that consists of a series of gameplay challenges (hold out against the Death Eaters chief among them), but the implementation is awful.

The core problem with Napoleon Dynamite: The Game is that it totally disregards the humor of the film (and, as such, of the audience it's attempting to reach). The whole joke of Napoleon Dynamite was that Jon Heder's titular character constantly claims to have more skill than he actually possesses. In the game, you have all that skill and more.

If Pocket Pool developer Hyper-Devbox were really smart, it would stop beating around the bush and come up with an Official PSP Porn Viewer, with all the bells and whistles you'd expect from iPhoto. Masquerading this nonsense around as a game that people are expected to pay money for when pool halls are cheap, photos of women are free, and good PSP games are plentiful -- well, it's embarrassing for everyone involved.

It's a surprisingly silent, boring affair, and you're probably better off just watching the ATHF clips with your pal, or one of the four full episodes included on the disc (one of which has never been aired, and is awesome).

An example of just how much the little details matter in game design. They're what make Gears of War work so well, and where Quantum Theory stumbles just too often to be worth much of anyone's time. The experience of playing it is something like watching a student copy off of an answer sheet for a test...and somehow getting the answers wrong, anyway.

Uneven production values have wound up creating one of the cleanest and quietest "gritty" games ever. While the fighting environments are rich with lots of detail and natural lighting, they also appear to have janitors on duty 24/7.

From looking at it you'd probably never guess it was an Unreal Engine game. It lacks any real distinguishing features, struggles to run smoothly in places, and, aside from a few nice special effects, never remotely approaches the expected visual impact.

If you don't have the resources to do something like Rocky and Bullwinkle justice, don't bother making a game at all.

Despite all of Wonder World's menu problems, generally terrible visuals, and inane writing (which at times seems pulled directly from some obscure Bulgarian translation), the actual minigames themselves are surprisingly intuitive. If you can take the punishment to unlock them, a few of the minigames are actually fun.

The game has one huge black eye: the forced commentary of "Jack Fouler." To call Fouler's "jokes" bland and corny is a compliment; the lazy, incompetent, and ultimately insulting writing is heard by the same audience that sees Pixar films, so why is it so far beyond lame?

Bug Island fails and frustrates so thoroughly throughout its 10-plus-hour playtime that its greatest feat may be fooling someone into finishing it who isn't paid to do so. It's easily the Wii's worst showing yet.

Sadly, "younger players" are exactly the audience that will get the most frustrated, and with the overabundance of minigame driven experiences on the Wii, there are plenty of more enjoyable options.

Unless you're a huge Dead Space fan and absolutely can't contain yourself around anything remotely related to that universe, skip out on Dead Space Ignition.

It's being sold now for $20. In a week, when they are selling it for $4.99, it will still be overpriced.

Most people will have a laugh at the mere sight of the game, but if they actually play it, and want to be good at it, a lot of frustration is in store.

The Shield is too little, too late; what would've been a merely mediocre license tie-in is now, due to its very late birth, simply a bad game.

Lacking the excitement, humor, and creativity of the infamous TV show, Celebrity Deathmatch isn't even recommendable as a rental to fans.

The only real change-up in the whole game is when the Turtles get shiny cybernetic-looking gear when they travel into the future. It's literally wave after wave of enemies through eight stages that serve as mere backdrops. And that wasn't really what was worth remembering from the old days.

That each best-of-three contest lasts no longer than perhaps three minutes is the final nail in a coffin that should remain firmly closed.

For a fighting game to work the action on screen must be in sync with each tap of the controller. In Fight Club, the response is so sluggish pressing the attack buttons feels more like pushing M&M's into a bowl of pudding.

As I painfully maneuvered my Charlie from room to room, I grew more and more desperate in my attempt to find redeeming qualities in the game.

Unless you're a huge Dead Space fan and absolutely can't contain yourself around anything remotely related to that universe, skip out on Dead Space Ignition.

Unlike the previous expansion, "Endangered Species," African Adventure serves up no new gameplay options and no new mission types -- not even a new hut to build.

Broken missions, pathetic animations, a sorry fighting system, and a sorrier button-mashing mode.

Some will likely fight the flaws for another chance to terrorize their '70s-era brethren, but if the name "Crypto" doesn't bring to mind a litany of past quips, Furon will simply seem like an out-of-touch, thoroughly unpolished romp through mediocrity.

With its drab backgrounds, poor animations, one-note gameplay, and clunky control, it would have fit right in with games like "7 Blades" or "X Squad."

The game is an embarrassment to the Gundam name, and raises suspicions that it was rushed for the PS3 launch. Clearly, the series -- and the fans -- deserve better.

The best buying advice I could offer is to pick the game up from the bargain bin in a few months, along with copious amounts of liquor (if you're of age), and throw a Target: Terror party.