In the interests of masochistic science, I attempted to hit the IAP to unlock the three remaining schools only to get an error every time.

The controls are laggy. The load times are horrendous, sometimes as long as a minute and a half to start a simple exhibition game. It crashes sometimes. The AI for your teammates and goalkeeper is utterly incompetent. The classic controls ape the EA NHL Genesis layout, but map the A/B/C to B/A/X, putting a key action on the most awkward button on the controller. But the real kicker? Even when everything is going right, Bush Hockey League just doesn’t feel good to play. There’s so much obvious love put into this game by a team I am sure is full of big hockey fans, but that doesn’t change the end result.

If all Dance Wars did was take the standard DDR gameplay and music selection and infuse it with some social features, I would have happily played it without much complaint. The problem is its excessive freemium system not only prevents you from playing, but blatantly puts monetization ahead of any semblance of balance between unlocking songs and having to pay for IAP items. It's really a shame and is a far cry from the previous DDR offering.

A great idea for a game that ultimately is ruined by frustrating controls and gameplay which is too easy to get bored of.

It's an interesting experiment, but I don't feel the results turned out terribly well.

This game has gorgeous art and an awesome soundtrack. I love the whole setting and theme, too. I’m sorry to say that those are the only nice things I have to say about Orangeblood. The story is barely there and not all that interesting when it decides to pop up. The dialogue is dreadful. In terms of mechanics, the game is all over the place. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a gun early on that will carry you through the whole game. If you’re unlucky, you’ll be spending a lot of time banging your head against the wall. The game can be cleared in under ten hours, but I’d be surprised if many people feel like it’s worth giving it even that much time. Nice to look at and listen to, but a game needs a lot more than that to get by.

Neo Monsters might lead to something enjoyable in the future, but for now, it's an awkward mess that doesn't seem to know what it wants to be.

It's unfortunate and surprising that such a beloved franchise received such poor treatment.

A storied franchise like Garfield could actually work in a racing game, even if the reasons for such are convoluted at best and at this point, its scraping at the bottom of pop culture's barrel for a reason to make another racer. However, its execution is too stiff and dull to work in this context.

The best part of this whole game, is that no dragon would ever invest in it. Also, if your primary region is the US App Store, you can't even download this game if you wanted to.

And that's what Tempo is: pointless. It aspires only for pointlessness and reaches those shallow goals.

My understanding is that Magikiras is this author's first gamebook, which at least provides some explanation behind some of its issues. While I applaud the author's creativity and certainly respect the effort that must have gone into creating such a large adventure, I hope any future efforts are handled a bit more elegantly than this one.

The visuals are absolutely captivating, and are an excellent inexpensive way to showcase just how beautiful games could be on the new iPad. However, as a game, Dead Trigger just falls flat in terms of implementation offering the same dull freemium-based experience that we've seen before.

Ultimately, Justice Monsters Five feels less like a game meant to stand in the long term and more like a promotional app. That very well may be all it's meant to be. If that's its aim, it fails to accomplish the goal of generating excitement for Square's impending big bet. It's neither a very interesting game nor a window into the universe of Final Fantasy 15.

There's an embarrassment of riches for anyone looking to have some fun with this genre on the platform, leaving little room for half-hearted efforts like this one.

Even the most diehard of gamebook fans is going to be hard-pressed to get much out of Gamebook: Pocket RPG.

For seven bucks you could purchase a handful of objects that instill the same sense of simple, gleeful play that The Amazing Spider-Man evokes at its very best, without any of the baggage. Like a an action figure. Or a jumping-jack.

It's repetitive, it's missing its final world, and it's buggy.

All in all, Monty Python's Cow Tossing is full of wasted potential.

I suppose Elio isn't outright terrible, but it is well below average. There are a lot of interesting pieces that fail to come together into something decent, and I can't honestly say any part of it is particularly fun.

Zombie High Dive holds the reins too tightly for me to sit back and enjoy the simple physics game this could have been.

It might seem like I'm being overly harsh on Shelterra The Skyworld, but with all of the decent-to-great RPGs available on the App Store, weak efforts like these are really unnecessary.

While there are a few positives to it, such as nicer graphics, speedier play, the fever mechanic, and the idea of a time-based endless mode, it's ultimately an inferior game to its already-questionable predecessor.

It's going to take an awful lot of fixes before I'd recommend this game to anyone, even the most die-hard of RPG fans.

Family Guy: The Quest for Stuff may appeal to fans of the show; it’s hard to say with certainty that if you like the show, you’ll like the game.

If you really must see how the latest Unreal Engine plays on iOS, then feel free to try it, but I really don’t think it’s worth it at this point.

As a test of reflexes it's not the worst game in the world by any means, although there's an overwhelming feeling that the game has missed a few opportunities in the execution: varying grids, stage selection, or the ability to enter the training mode to practice against specific mechanics (rather than the basic "lights-out" gameplay). All or even some of these would have made the game far easier to recommend.

All of these systems combined make for a game that's unfriendly to the point of being opposed to the player, when it could have been so much more fun if turned down the heat a bit.

In theory, it should be awesome, but in practice nothing works like it should. Legends is a sloppy, unimaginative game that isn't ready for primetime.

MST3K version is pretty entertaining. The game, however, is not.

There’s definitely love and passion that went into making Star Fetched — enough that it feels like a shame that I can’t score it well. But unfortunately, it’s a game that would only be mediocre if it worked properly the whole way through — and it doesn’t work properly, so I can’t even give it that.

Ninja Wrath is an object lesson in how not to handle your game's pricing structure in iOS. Originally priced at more than a dollar, the game is already above the curve by App Store standards. For a premium title to have most of its content locked behind a paywall is totally unacceptable.

For now, it's hard to recommend Sonic Runners to any but the most patient of fans. You're going to have to use a metaphoric machete to chop away at all of the dense jungle getting between you and the fun running action, but if you can look past all of that, you'll find something worth sinking your teeth into.

Guardian Cross has little beyond the illustrious name of it's developer going for it.

It's disappointing that finding and collecting items is really all there is to do in 1000: Find 'Em All! though, as the game world is rich and detailed and screaming for further interaction.

I guess if shallow stealth games are OK with you, you'll find this one to be a worthy entry to the app store. This is definitely not the iOS version of Riddick that rivals any of the franchises previous efforts, fair warning. In my opinion: your options for a more entertaining stealth game, on the App Store, are numerous.

Curse of the Sea Rats has a nice presentation and I like the multiplayer support, a rare sight in a game like this. Unfortunately, the dreadful controls knock this game on its tail before it even gets up to speed. Slow, fussy, and prone to losing out to animation priorities, the very act of moving your character around and attacking feels unpleasant. Even if you stick with it long enough to get used to all of that, the game that awaits you is a decidedly average entry into its genre. Let this one sink with the ship.

You'd be better off picking it up on Xbox for the same price. Ninjas, vanish.

While I'm fairly certain it will be fixed at some point and my main issues will be solved, the fact of that matter is that right now, Corpse Party is up for anyone to buy in the App Store in a shamefully poor state.

It’s hardly surprising that Motorcyle Mechanic Simulator 2021 is as unpleasant to play on the Switch as it is. Most of these simulator games are, simply because they’re built around PC play and the proper considerations haven’t been made for the Switch’s input methods and display. If you can get your head around the terrible controls and user interface, you might have fun taking apart bikes, fixing them, and putting them back together again. But at the very least, I’d wait for a deep, deep discount.

Pacific Rim is just another 'grab the cash and run' film tie-in. Sure, there is some fun to be had smashing Kaiju about the head but the lackluster controls, mind-numbing repetitiveness, and evil IAP system make this one movie tie-in game that should have well and truly been left on the cutting room floor.

With tons of great choices in the strategy RPG genre on iOS, there's little reason to spend your time or money on this.

With its complete lack of narrative, boring mission structure, antiquated visuals, spotty controls and monotonous gameplay, I don't know who would want to play this, much less eventually spend money within it.

When Wartales is behaving itself, it’s an enjoyable game. I’d love to lose hours to it. Maybe someday, after more patches, I’ll be able to. I hope this review is eventually useless. But the reality is that this game is on sale right now at a fairly high price, and it’s fundamentally broken worse than just about any other Switch release I’ve seen. Was it worth shadow-dropping a game in this kind of state? Do not buy Wartales on Switch until it’s properly fixed. It’s a waste of your money and of your time.

Rollercoaster Tycoon 4 Mobile is a fun diversion if you’re willing to spend money, or if you have no issue waiting hours for a timer to expire.

2013: Infected Wars is a meal cooked ten years ago, frozen and reheated five times over, and served on a plate made out of a laserdisc copy of Uwe Boll's Along in the Dark. You can keep your "console quality graphics and sound." Just give me some inspiration.

Trying to make a bloody or even a mature rated running game is an ambitious attempt and using a horror movie icon like Chucky as the game's star is a clever move but its cumbersome controls and awkwardly placed obstacles make it more frustrating than fun.

Bizango strikes me as a game that needed more time in the oven. When it works, it's satisfying and scratches a new itch that I never knew I had, but the times when everything clicks are rare.

Maybe over time Skate Jam will become a good game? Or maybe that’s just me really, really searching for reasons to give a Tony Hawk game the benefit of the doubt. Either way, it’s just super unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected, that Tony Hawk’s Skate Jam turned out this way.

This is less of a billiards game and more a pack of billiards puzzles. You get one hundred stages, and there are different sets of rules you’ll run into as you go. Sometimes you’re on your own and need to sink all the balls. Sometimes you’re playing for points against the computer. It comes off like a poor man’s Side Pocket, and that is already a bit of a value meal on its own in modern times. As if to hammer the point home, it’s full of unnecessary boosts you can buy with the coins you earn, a three-star ranking system, and a really awkward UI that feels ill-suited for button controls. Throw in some bugs, and you’ve got a scratch.

It just isn't very much fun.

Here goes: It’s not great. It’s packed with all the free-to-play nonsense you all hate, the gameplay is pretty bland, and nothing you do seems to matter in any way.

There are far better titles than this one, some even published by Gameloft itself.

Then there’s Kemco, which has been releasing new titles on what feels like a monthly basis. Kemco is also aggressive about discounting its games at release and at frequent random times throughout the year. Some of their games are pretty good. Unfortunately, End of Aspiration isn’t one of them.

Dungeon Defenders iOS is a deep, sometimes entertaining game… but the controls are a core, critical, nasty flaw that I don't think can be "fixed" or addressed in any meaningful way.

It's just all disappointing because Zodiac's such a gorgeous game. And the interface in combat is super-slick. And the Zodiac system is really cool to play with. But what Zodiac: Orcanon Odyssey fails to do is to make the player want to keep playing it. It fails to capitalize on the strengths it has, preferring to draw itself out into a boring trudge rewards you with too few bright spots over far too long of a playing time.

Unfortunately, the cool premise is about all there is to it.

If you're a big anime fan and are just looking for a little slice of story here in there wrapped in nice production values, you might want to check Million Arthur out to see if you can swing with its light gameplay. Everyone else looking for a fun social RPG to sink their teeth into can certainly find better choices than this, from both Gamevil themselves and several other publishers.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is marginally better than the previous game in many ways, and I'd dare say we are approaching the quality of the early console open world Spider-Man games in most respects, which is a delight for just a fiver. At the same time, there are a variety of things included in this game that not only do not benefit the end user but actively sabotage the entire experience of trying to enjoy the game.

You can have a great concept, nice visuals, and plenty of novelty, but it’s all for naught if the game doesn’t feel good to play. Unfortunately, SkateBIRD has a lot of issues in that regard. The physics lack weight, which I can forgive to an extent because they are birds. The ridiculous camera is harder to get past. Anytime you’re near pretty much any object, the camera has a tendency to start going haywire, making it hard to point yourself in the direction you want to go and really easy to fall off of raised surfaces. Your birdie boarder also falls off its board at the drop of a hat, and between that and the camera you can end up in some very frustrating situations. All of the charm in the world isn’t enough to save this one.

Demolish & Build Classic is another in a too-long series of PC ports that don’t do enough to optimize or adjust the experience for the Switch. There’s a good idea at its core, but significant performance issues, fiddly collision detection, and a clumsy UI keep it from achieving the promise of that idea.

With the exception of infrequent trips to the Roadshow, there's none of the cool historical information that gives the television show its redeeming qualities. Throw in the painfully repetitive tapping, the abysmally unresponsive nature of all iOS hidden-item touchscreen inputs, the irritatingly unfair dust-on-the-screen mechanic, and a dash of insultingly simple mini-games and there's just no excuse.

For all its tapdancing there just isn't anything interesting going on here.

If Dexter were out there hunting for gaming transgressions, Dexter the Game 2 would never have made it onto the App Store. It would have disappeared without a trace, woken up strapped to a desk with rolls of plastic, and made to answer for its crimes in blood and dismemberment.

Curiosity isn't even a game: it's a child's toy, stripped of depth and without an ounce of respect for its audience's intelligence.

While the poor quality of the games was immediately evident when I started playing, it took even me a little bit of time to realize they were biting so hard off of pre-existing titles. But whoever you want to blame, at the end of it all this really isn’t a collection worth buying unless you have a bizarre fascination with the history of poorly-made copies.

In the end, I can't imagine Dungeon Keeper is going to satisfy anyone very much.

Perhaps if we all try our best to avoid eye contact, Legends of Heropolis will go away.

ATB was disappointing enough in the fact that it's not a real RPG, but it's downright appalling when you think about the fact that it's simply a cash-grab. For everyone but the most stalwart FF fans (and I implore even them): this trip down memory lane isn't worth it.

The only nice things I can say about Divine Slice of Life are that it has an amusing premise, and some of the art is good. Everything else, including the writing, the plot, the characters, the pacing, the voice acting, the interactive choices, even the text font, is straight-up lousy.

Lacking a season mode, any form of player customization, or even full games, Madden 25 is a poor substitute for an actual NFL game, and is instead yet another social-oriented freemium title that seems to care more about monetization than gameplay.

True Lover's Knot is a special kind of bad. It's so terrible all-around that it's almost entertaining to experience, but I certainly wouldn't recommend it at any price.

Even sampling this version of Tales of Phantasia will only lead to the frustration of seeing that Namco could have made an excellent version of the game, but didn't. Thanks, but no thanks.