Turgid storytelling, poorly explained mechanics and abysmally unoptimised code. [Sept 2017, p.86]

And it's a testimony to their patience and kind-heartedness that they didn't punch us in the face for wasting an evening of their precious, finite life.

It's hard to overlook the lack of a killer hook. [Dec 2014, p.87]

The wobbly plot and hateful characterisation could be forgiven were The Cartel's shooting superlative. It's not. Guns feel flimsy, and enemies stick fastidiously to cover, hopping up and down and waiting to die.

For all its promise, this is another entirely superfluous superhero game. [June 2008, p.70]

Your moves are clumsy, and unresponsive. Arenas wear you out, rather than challenge you. Boss battles are overwrought and underwhelming. The God at the climax of the Land of the Dead is defeated by a drawn-out process of ranged health-whittling and dodge-rolling.

But Despite the artful simplicity of the game we just can't justify paying money for this. Throwback kudos and nostalgia value aside, the game involves too little skill in comparison to the likes of Joust or the aforementioned "Geometry Wars."

Don't be seduced by the trendy soundtrack or gnarly subtitle; there are already too many fantastic racing games fighting for space on the pre-owned racks.

Quantum of Solace never manages to be a Bond game: at the tiniest of nudges, it panics and starts unleashing gunfire. It's clumsy, it's messy, it's not much fun and most of the time, it's not even the right film.

Like Roman Reigns, it looks the part, but the wrestling is rubbish. Scrap this and start again, 2K. [Christmas 2016, p.86]

Any Temple Run player will be familiar with the basic premise, and Infinity Runner does little to shake things up – instead delivering trial-and-error gameplay, dodgy production values and repeated.

Fiddly mechanics and non-intuitive gameplay make this a niche within a niche. [Christmas 2016, p.90]

This is impossible to get excited about. [Jan 2014, p.84]

Lock it to a railing and leave it there. [Sept 2013, p.91]

A promising start gives way to an underbaked story and clunky survival mechanics.[Issue#225, p.87]

A frustrating, joyless platformer that buries its few good ideas under apathetic nostalgia. [Sept 2016, p.77]

Amiable adventure game that gets more annoying as it drags towards its lacklustre end. [Sept 2016, p.79]

And there's no sign of GLaDOS either. Boo! [Sept 2013, p.93]

With the hilarity of multiplayer locked until you finish the solo missions, and a slightly too-high price, this is one to miss. Shame. [July 2008, p.94]

A monotonous one-note brawler. [Apr 2013, p.87]

It worked as a free demo, but now it costs real money, it'll leave you feeling Fleeced & Furious. [June 2015, p.91]

I've not felt wronged by a game to this degree in a long time. Hatred just about captures the emotion. Killer is Dead has the kernel of an acceptable game, swathed in unlikable characters, a Benny Hill attitude to women, alienating self-regard and some obnoxious gameplay decisions. It's impossible to recommend.

The introduction of the flow system early in the game seems innocuous at first, but it will quickly become the bane of your boarding existence. [Issue#67, p.88]

A tragically neutered experience. [Sept 2012, p.103]

Not really worth investigating. [March 2012, p.91]

A sloppy sci fi swing for the Dark Souls crowd which sadly misses. [July 2017, p.82]

It's too agonising to play through - and while that might be intentional, it's not in any way enjoyable. [May 2009, p.86]

Lost Planet 3's basic competence doesn't mask an almost complete reliance on recycled fetch quests. Its story ends on a relative high, but once the pace finally picks up in the final couple of hours, it's much too late and the 14-hour slog to get there isn't worth the payoff.