A by-the-numbers budget shooter with very little in the way of spark. Not a total stinker, but hardly worth your cash either. [June 2006, p.69]

Football without rules equals a mess. Add some crap gameplay and annoying animations and it's a complete joke. [April 2006, p.94]

It's cheap, but so is Jodie Marsh and we wouldn't shuffle her deck with yours. [April 2006, p.93]

Tries to address fans' wishes, but wobbles under the weight of its hollow generosity. [June 2016, p.86]

Entertaining in small doses but that's about it. [Feb 2010, p.111]

Do yourself a favour and pick up a decent shooting game, or a head injury, anything's better than this - because otherwise you'll only encourage the creators to churn out another similarly disappointing movie license in six months time.

Paper armies are all the rage these days; this is just enraging. [Jan 2015, p.89]

The problem that this and indeed any retro shooter has nowadays is Bizarre Creations 2D tour de force, Geometry Wars. Still one of our Xbox Live download favourites, Galaga by comparison is a poor substitute.

It's a waste of some fairly pleasant graphics. [July 2012, p.105]

Sadly, the one time we really enjoyed ourselves was watching a bullet sink into a camel's buttock. [Aug 2013, p.87]

A terribly slim idea for a game, with none of the slick execution, elegant scoring or busy leaderboards to make you want to improve, or even bother trying again. [May 2014, p.93]

Turgid storytelling, poorly explained mechanics and abysmally unoptimised code. [Sept 2017, p.86]

And it's a testimony to their patience and kind-heartedness that they didn't punch us in the face for wasting an evening of their precious, finite life.

It's hard to overlook the lack of a killer hook. [Dec 2014, p.87]

The wobbly plot and hateful characterisation could be forgiven were The Cartel's shooting superlative. It's not. Guns feel flimsy, and enemies stick fastidiously to cover, hopping up and down and waiting to die.

For all its promise, this is another entirely superfluous superhero game. [June 2008, p.70]

Your moves are clumsy, and unresponsive. Arenas wear you out, rather than challenge you. Boss battles are overwrought and underwhelming. The God at the climax of the Land of the Dead is defeated by a drawn-out process of ranged health-whittling and dodge-rolling.

But Despite the artful simplicity of the game we just can't justify paying money for this. Throwback kudos and nostalgia value aside, the game involves too little skill in comparison to the likes of Joust or the aforementioned "Geometry Wars."

Don't be seduced by the trendy soundtrack or gnarly subtitle; there are already too many fantastic racing games fighting for space on the pre-owned racks.

Quantum of Solace never manages to be a Bond game: at the tiniest of nudges, it panics and starts unleashing gunfire. It's clumsy, it's messy, it's not much fun and most of the time, it's not even the right film.

Like Roman Reigns, it looks the part, but the wrestling is rubbish. Scrap this and start again, 2K. [Christmas 2016, p.86]

Any Temple Run player will be familiar with the basic premise, and Infinity Runner does little to shake things up – instead delivering trial-and-error gameplay, dodgy production values and repeated.

Fiddly mechanics and non-intuitive gameplay make this a niche within a niche. [Christmas 2016, p.90]

This is impossible to get excited about. [Jan 2014, p.84]

Lock it to a railing and leave it there. [Sept 2013, p.91]

A promising start gives way to an underbaked story and clunky survival mechanics.[Issue#225, p.87]

A frustrating, joyless platformer that buries its few good ideas under apathetic nostalgia. [Sept 2016, p.77]

Amiable adventure game that gets more annoying as it drags towards its lacklustre end. [Sept 2016, p.79]

And there's no sign of GLaDOS either. Boo! [Sept 2013, p.93]

With the hilarity of multiplayer locked until you finish the solo missions, and a slightly too-high price, this is one to miss. Shame. [July 2008, p.94]

A monotonous one-note brawler. [Apr 2013, p.87]

It worked as a free demo, but now it costs real money, it'll leave you feeling Fleeced & Furious. [June 2015, p.91]

I've not felt wronged by a game to this degree in a long time. Hatred just about captures the emotion. Killer is Dead has the kernel of an acceptable game, swathed in unlikable characters, a Benny Hill attitude to women, alienating self-regard and some obnoxious gameplay decisions. It's impossible to recommend.

The introduction of the flow system early in the game seems innocuous at first, but it will quickly become the bane of your boarding existence. [Issue#67, p.88]

A tragically neutered experience. [Sept 2012, p.103]

Not really worth investigating. [March 2012, p.91]

A sloppy sci fi swing for the Dark Souls crowd which sadly misses. [July 2017, p.82]

It's too agonising to play through - and while that might be intentional, it's not in any way enjoyable. [May 2009, p.86]

Lost Planet 3's basic competence doesn't mask an almost complete reliance on recycled fetch quests. Its story ends on a relative high, but once the pace finally picks up in the final couple of hours, it's much too late and the 14-hour slog to get there isn't worth the payoff.

Contender for the dullest game ever made. [May 2008, p.93]

Like the goblins - it swings and misses. [Oct 2012, p.101]

While Lost tries to encapsulate the spirit of the series, it ends up smothered by it, restricted from being anything more than a shiny tourist guide to the set and characters. [Apr 2008, p.84]

A mildly entertaining RPG full of technical issues and simplistic combat. [Issue#177, p.88]

A handful of clever ideas hamstrung by poor execution that leaves the game a tedious grind. [Issue#178, p.86]

Movie tie-in unable to flourish because of a by-the-books approach. [Jan 2007, p.94]

If you really must satisfy your bloodlust, then "Conan" is the slightly better option. [Jan 2008, p.91]

Nothing we haven't seen before. [June 2012, p.101]

At times, the experience of play manages to feel even more dated than the camp innuendo of the movies...It becomes a begrudging joke, particularly in the stealth sections.

Naughty bore more like. Yeah. [Sept 2010, p.88]

Funny at times, but not a lot of fun to play, metal wolf chaos feels too much like a relic. [Issue#182, p.85]

Stagnant and lacking in substance, Battleship is a bit of a floater. [June 2012, p.105]

For every one success, there are four other times when the game gets it wrong through fault of your own, and you end up drowning in toxic guff. Which, coincidentally, is exactly what this game is. [Nov 2015, p.87]

It's the 'fin' end of the wedge for Tetris fans. [Christmas 2007, p.106]

The controls are so badly implemented, you feel like you're fighting with the game. [Feb 2014, p.87]

One for board game veterans only. [Feb 2010, p.109]

Turns out that fighting the machine has rarely been this dull. [Jan 2018, p.78]

More a case of sink than swim. [Feb 2012, p.91]

A game most of today's gaming fraternity can waltz through. Its an overhead shooter for first-timers, yin to Ikaruga's bullet-laden yang.

Feels empty and faintly depressing. [Christmas 2012, p.93]

The Winter of our discontent. [Feb 2012, p.101]

The paper-thin strategy, piss-weak story, and miserable appearance are compounded by an insulting lack of polish.

This is something we expect to see available on Xbox Live Marketplace as a pricey download, not a full retail release. Disappointing. [Apr 2007, p.89]

Stylistically bland and clearly confused, the game's initially slick descent quickly twists into a belly flop. Floundering in a mush in ill-advised ideas, Moon Diver drowns itself in a paddling pool of tedium.

All things considered, Sam's been seriously shafted. [Christmas 2012, p.99]

This should have been better. Rebellion has done likeable banter in Rogue Trooper, Shinta Nojiri has made better stories, and they've all cracked jokes that don't fall this flat. But NeverDead honestly feels like a game whose creators gave up on it half-way through. It's a tragedy that it fails on so many levels.

Hindered by generic looks, technical issues and a hit detection that could barely flail its way out of a paper bag. Perhaps there's a reason we've moved on from medieval times. [Feb 2016, p.84]

Linear. [May 2012, p.97]

The most frustrating thing about Xtreme 2 is thinking about all the time super-developer Team Ninja wasted making it. Every day it pissed away creating this nonsense is an extra day we have to wait for it to release its next proper game like "Ninja Gaiden 2." For that, we curse DoA Xtreme 2 to HELL.

It's no fun, and charmless to boot. [Feb 2016, p.87]

For a more exciting game, try playing Scrabble. Alone. [March 2016, p.87]

Dying is more annoying than frightening. [Christmas 2015, p.83]

Like the Transformers games, this is one of those shallow, mandated movie tie-ins. [July 2014, p.87]

Strips football down and takes its soul.

We say the gameplay is 'deceptively simple', because there's effectively two buttons. [Nov 2007, p.106]

A large, open world and plenty of options can't make up for trainwreck technology, bad writing and clumsy combat. [Oct 2014, p.93]

One for hardcore collectors only. [Aug 2007, p.101]

Developer Kylotonn has crafted the least appealing fantasy brawler imaginable, its stillborn mechanics drenched in over-compensatory cutscene-driven storytelling, its charms limited to the lure of unlockable combos and abilities.

The game was over faster than this review. [July 2009, p.89]

This is a way to acquire the entire set at a lower price, but only hardcore retro collectors need apply. [June 2009, p.93]

With IL-2 asserting impressive air superiority in the last month or so, there's no reason to pick up this ropier and less satisfying interpretation of the same conflict. Technically unimpressive and snooze-inducing, it's less "chocks away" and more "chock this in the bin".

What doesn't work this time out is Throttle Monkey mode, Atari's way of separating the casual from hardcore gamer. In other titles speeded-up gameplay can be an endurance test; here, it's just unplayable.

Score whores will be entertained for a while. [Aug 2007, p.100]

An interesting twist, executed poorly. [March 2015, p.86]

Stealth fans, heed our warning: Serial Cleaner might promise a hardcore genre fix, but behind the '70s veneer lies a game that takes pleasure in leaving you fuming. And unlike actual cleaning, it awards you with none of the satisfaction of a job well done.

Under-featured and poorly conceived, this won't appeal to fans of the Warriors games, while Arslan fans [Arsheads?] are better off rewatching the original anime series. [Apr 2016, p.79]

Feels unfinished. [Dec 2009, p.94]

Truly "sub"-standard. [Aug 2010, p.105]

Babel Rising has a seed of a good idea, but someone got the wrong element, and instead of watering that seed, they blew it.

Compared to the heavyweights on the scene like Puzzle Quest and Zuma, Boogie Bunnies is nothing more a crisp packet fluttering past in the breeze, temporarily catching your attention as it twists past your face with its trumpet blasts of cute noise and Haribo colour before it disappears forever, lost down the back of the Xbox Live Arcade sofa to hang out with Word Puzzle.

Ropey adventure with semi-redemptive co-op. [July 2011, p.96]

Definitely hazardous, but not funny or fun. [Mar 2010, p.114]

The idea of Deadfall, as a genuine raid on a legitimate tomb harks back to a fondly remembered era of Lara Croft. Losing Croft's platforming for a heavier puzzle element could have been great. Unfortunately, Deadfall Adventures fails to satisfy on either of the two goals it sets itself. The gunplay is juddering and weak, and the puzzles lack depth and satisfaction. Even a cabal of supernatural Nazis can't save this one.

It's pretty ropey, and there's little satisfaction to be had from getting through one door only to find more of the same in the next area. [Apr 2016, p.90]

Both glitches and interface niggles conspire to leave our timbers feeling thoroughly unshivered. [Apr 2016, p.91]

Shooting is so bland that firing a gun carries all the excitement of filing a tax return. [Apr 2016, p.91]

Caretaker certainly has potential, and it’s clear that the developer understands the horror genre. But there’s a lot missing here. With unsatisfactory investigation and a frustratingly generic villain at its core, Caretaker raises more questions than it answers. [Issue#186, p.88]

The story and comic feels light-hearted where it should be dark and disturbing, and the games lack longevity. [Issue#67, p.105]

Too meandering and dull to work as a twitchy arcade game, Spectra is saved from the ignominy of an even lower score by its sparkling soundtrack. A treat for the ears, then, but little more.