A misshapen, boring and stunted beast. [June 2010, p.57]

Ugly and stupid. [Mar 2007, p.80]

We wonder if we did something terrible in a past life which is coming back to haunt us as movie tie-in Monsters vs. Aliens. [June 2009, p.74]

A very poor effort that doesn't succeed on any level. [Feb 2008, p.54]

Achingly slow. [Winter 2009, p.70]

Avoid this bad medicine. [Feb 2008, p.75]

It's no substitute for the real thing. [Apr 2009, p.75]

The mini missions are klunky beyond belief with extremely shoddy animation, and they almost always have to be completed in a stupidly short length of time for enjoyment - and that's it. Ideal for morons with low expectations. [Feb 2007, p.82]

When it's dark - when the screen is gloomy, and only illuminated by the zoom function - it can be like looking for a needle in a rough school. [Feb 2010, p.75]

Shonky controls, confusing layout, boring grey graphics, rubbish animation. [Oct 2011, p.75]

Precisely zero hours of fun. [Christmas 2007, p.57]

A platforming throwback to the golden era of the Nokia N-Gage. [June 2011, p.71]

There's more fun to be had in reading instruction manuals for toasters. [Oct 2008, p.75]

Even for those lacking in critical faculties, there are are better dance games out there. [May 2012, p.98]

Visit your local arcade instead. [Apr 2009, p.72]

A flaccid gallery of joyless minigames. [Winter 2009, p.68]

The only people who'll be able to get through this game are those who already know how to tell the difference between C and F. [Jan 2008, p.65]

Unresponsive to the point of irresponsibility. [Aug 2011, p.79]

This one sucks. [Feb 2012, p.101]

As blatant a cash-in as all those hurriedly published vampire romance novels. [Aug 2010, p.66]

Xevious on 3DS was inevitable. Shame they didn't do anything with it. [Sept 2011, p.77]

The whole concept of Helix is better encapsulated in one of "Rayman 3"'s minigames. Alas, Helix isn't even remote-ly fun or entertaining. [Dec 2008, p.74]

Playing this after "Mario Galaxy 2"? God has a got a sense of humour after all. [July 2010, p.77]

How about instead going into your back garden and flicking cheese footballs at a ladybird. Much more fun. [Christmas 2011, p.79]

It somehow turns a shallow activity into a game with all the depth of a puddle. [Apr 2009, p.72]

It beggars belief, then, that someone would consciously make a game that contained only the worst bits of an already atrocious game. [Mar 2010, p.75]

A Very Ignorant Purchase. [Aug 2008, p.75]

Inoffensively made, but the blood rage it invoked is unforgivable. Avoid it - you'll feel better. [July 2010, p.70]