Simon Abrams

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L.A. Weekly, RogerEbert.com, Slant Magazine, The A.V. Club, The Playlist, TheWrap, Village Voice
For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 390 out of 854
  2. Mixed: 239 out of 854
  3. Negative: 225 out of 854
854 movie reviews
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    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Most Beautiful Island
    Until her plight becomes emotionally engaging during the film's creepy finale 20-30 minutes, watching Most Beautiful Island is an unproductively unpleasant experience.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Heavier Trip
    Heavier Trip mostly ambles from one formulaic twist to the next, never really straying far from conventional situations or familiar characterizations.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Big Brother
    This is a corny, civic-minded "Stand and Deliver" clone that stars martial artist Donnie Yen as Mr. Chen, a generically tough-but-fair teacher who gives hope to a classroom full of would-be high school drop-outs.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Legends of the Condor Heroes: The Gallants
    The battle scenes are grand, the martial arts fights are fleet and impressive, and the romantic drama is taken seriously enough. It’s a bit of a headache, but “Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Gallants” still has its cornball charms.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Roar
    If you want to see cats chasing people in packs, falling over themselves to descend stairwells, and jump up trees to swipe at disposable human protagonists--you will probably enjoy Roar.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Children of the Sea
    Children of the Sea is consequently yet another animated fantasy based on hackneyed tropes, like sprite-like martyrs, the guiding hands of fate, and vague nostalgia for a pre-technological past.
    • 77 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Inu-oh
    Yuasa's adaptation of Furukawa’s book is half-thrilling and half-underwhelming.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Hallow
    The Hallow also de-emphasizes human drama to the point where it often feels like a Jenga tower of set pieces, a disappointing fact that's most apparent during the film's first 40 minutes.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Ip Man: The Final Fight
    The filmmakers fall over themselves trying to respect Man's outlook on life, and this makes their subject seem more like a hyper-disciplined saint than a world-reknowned, ass-kicking hermit.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Whistlers
    There’s not much to Porumboiu’s latest beyond a surplus of plot twists and double crosses.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Jigsaw
    While I can't exactly recommend seeing Jigsaw, I can tell you that it's fun to watch. I just don't think it's the kind of fun the filmmakers' planned.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Kill Boksoon
    Byun ultimately pulls too many punches, but Kill Boksoon remains impressive, if only for its unexpected sensitivity and considerable emotional range.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    X-Men: Days of Future Past
    It's as visually indistinct and paint-by-numbers-plot-driven as most Marvel Comics-based projects, especially the gaggle of recent Avengers-related films.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Jawan
    The main reason that Jawan doesn’t deliver more than what Khan’s previously delivered is because its creators seemingly included every masala-style sub-plot that they could think of.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Cypher
    There’s no way to enjoy “Cypher” without seeing it as an elaborate and often exasperating joke at viewers’ expense.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Phantasm: Ravager
    Ravager does have an internal logic that makes its time and subplot-jumping story easy to follow. But this new Phantasm will not be of interest to anyone who doesn't already know who the Tall Man is, or why he needs to be stopped.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Children of the Corn
    While the first Children of the Corn was made on a reported budget of $800,000, it somehow doesn’t look as cheap as this new Children of the Corn, which eventually delivers just enough formulaic violence.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Blood Relatives
    Blood Relatives isn’t always a great comedy about vampires, or fathers and daughters, but it is a charming road movie.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Greasy Strangler
    Is it worth seeing? Yes, but only if you enjoy being grossed out.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Tiger 3
    You still might get what you want from Tiger 3 during the action and musical scenes, which have their moments.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Raft
    One of the main pleasures of watching The Raft, a new documentary that combines decades-old footage of the Acali's 101-day voyage with modern-day commentary by the ship's six surviving crew mates, is that the Acali's story isn't just told from Genoves's self-mythologizing perspective.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Ping Pong Summer
    The film's relentlessly quirky style of comedy is consequently very self-conscious. Every joke in Ping Pong Summer is a variation on a theme: 1985 was the most awkward time to be alive.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Don't Turn Out the Lights
    I can only recommend “Don’t Turn Out the Lights” so much, mostly because the characterizations and the dialogue are so cliched and unlovable that it’s often hard to enjoy all the twists and turns that Fickman (“Race to Witch Mountain”) tiptoes past throughout this diverting Choose Your Own Adventure genre exercise.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Buffalo Boys
    For the most part, Buffalo Boys is a decent folk tale, despite Lee and Wiluan's periodic application of "Game of Thrones"-style sensationalism.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Dashcam
    Dashcam succeeds as a barrage of icky stimuli that may go great with a rowdy audience.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Hypnotic
    Hypnotic may not be clever or energetic enough to keep your mind from wandering, but it is charming in its own stumbling way.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Spring
    The process of discovery that Evan goes through to get closer to Louise is what makes Spring special. But what Evan discovers about Louise feels like an after-thought that frustratingly overwhelms the film once it gets to where it's going.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Lure
    Watching The Lure is a bit like having manic depression—the thrilling high points are just as relentless as the crushing low-tide ebbs.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Overlord
    Realistically, Overlord is a simple mechanism to deliver squib packs and swear words, a function that the film's creators accomplish despite their otherwise unremarkable story's choppy pacing and general humorlessness.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Osiris
    Kaufman keeps things moving at a brisk pace and delivers the sort of cheesy dialogue and story beats that you should expect from this dorky, but serviceable genre exercise. He’s a better action filmmaker than he is a straight-up dramatist, as you can unfortunately tell in scenes where the protagonists struggle to emote through visually and emotionally flat dialogue scenes.
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