Sure, we've played this sort of game before - Burnout, Twisted Metal, Full Auto, etc. - but could you actually leap from car to car in slow-motion in those games? Answer: No, you couldn't.

The bone-rattling density of Black's combat makes the nine levels feel like tours of duty with the grizzliest mercenary squads the world has ever seen.

This rock-solid baseball sim features improved hitting and pitching mechanics, and addictive-as-Red Bull mini-games.

The bone-rattling density of Black's combat makes the nine levels feel like tours of duty with the grizzliest mercenary squads the world has ever seen.

The best boxing game in the business keeps getting better.

The best boxing game in the business keeps getting better.

The best boxing game in the business keeps getting better.

The disc doesn't do anything that every other third-person action game on the market does better.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

"Burnout" meets "Twisted Metal" in the very first Xbox 360 game worth owning.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

Game play is like "Jet Grind Radio," minus the roller skates. Worse still, the game's camera wheels around like Flava Flav after quaffing too much Dom P.

EA spruced up this year's installment with off-load tackling, aka, you can now pass as you're being driven into the mud.

The tackles in the game—some of which can literally send players flying into the bleachers—are the most vertebrae-jangling hits we've seen this side of a roller derby.

The series' trademark superb gameplay is, as usual, on point. And this year, you can actually take your football team online.

The tackles in the game-some of which can literally send players flying into the bleachers-are the most vertebrae-jangling hits we've seen this side of a roller derby.

Cleaning in a video game is even less fun than cleaning in real life. Only a masochist would find this charming. And recharging little Chibi every five fucking minutes sucks harder than our Dirt Devil.

Your average cellphone game is more fun than any of these so-called "events."

Your average cellphone game is more fun than any of these so-called "events."

The game's kinder, gentler learning curve means that you'll actually get to kick some ass this time around. In addition to new bosses and game modes, the special edition also lets you play as Vergil, Dante's less tight-lipped and far more fashionable bro.

Your average cellphone game is more fun than any of these so-called "events."

Don't let this game's boring name or boring content fool you. This is one of the best golf games out there.

The baseball action, even sans the MLB license (it belongs to 2K Sports, now), is still the best in the business.

Making cardboard cutouts of samurais and taping them to your TV screen is more fun than playing this game. Try it. You'll see.

The baseball action, even sans the MLB license (it belongs to 2K Sports, now), is still the best in the business.

Sneaking up on unsuspecting monkeys, cracking them in the head with your stun club, then scooping them up in your net, we confess, is still as much fun as drinking six happy hour-priced banana daiquiris.

Pretentious bullsh.t. Playing with tiny, microscopic things. Paying $35 for a game that's suckier than the free games that came with your cellphone.

The legs are long, the sex is gratuitous, and the violence is very, very violent. DOA 4 is definitely firing on all pistons. Still, for a series with the word "alive" on the box cover, these characters all seem kind of plastic, hollow, heartless, and downright bloodless.

It'll make you all warm and nostalgic at first, but don't' be surprised if by your second hour of gameplay an unfortunate sense of "didn't I play this back in 1989?" sets in.

It'll make you all warm and nostalgic at first, but don't' be surprised if by your second hour of gameplay an unfortunate sense of "didn't I play this back in 1989?" sets in.

There are no ogres to impale, no weapons (unless a fishing pole counts as a weapon), no panty-flashing fights between Amazons. Like your stoner brother, the game is a little too laid back for its own good, doesn't have any goals, and it farts like muffler-less Buick whenever it eats peanuts.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

This is easily best Prince of Persia game yet. The new moves, including those delicious stealth kills, work perfectly.

Greg Gumble and Clark Kellogg do a nice job with postgame highlights and their "Selection Sunday" show lends real NCAA flavor to the proceedings. In the booth, Vern Lundquist and Bill Rafferty do a solid job of keeping commentary interesting.

These are some of the best graphics you'll ever see. Your first confrontation with the V-Rex (yes, that's what Peter J. is calling it) will be very, very memorable.

Watching our zombie army do our brain-eating dirty work for us was a gaming moment we won't soon forget.

These are some of the best graphics you'll ever see. Your first confrontation with the V-Rex (yes, that's what Peter J. is calling it) will be very, very memorable.

Greg Gumble and Clark Kellogg do a nice job with postgame highlights and their "Selection Sunday" show lends real NCAA flavor to the proceedings. In the booth, Vern Lundquist and Bill Rafferty do a solid job of keeping commentary interesting.

These are some of the best graphics you'll ever see. Your first confrontation with the V-Rex (yes, that's what Peter J. is calling it) will be very, very memorable.

The actual gameplay mechanics blow. The's game's targeting and camera system is about as skittish as the Howells' from Gilligan's Island would be at the Vibe Awards.

Fact is, it's good. If you dig the Aeon franchise, Charlize's long, lithe getaway sticks, or third-person action games, check it out.

The actual gameplay mechanics blow. The's game's targeting and camera system is about as skittish as the Howells' from Gilligan's Island would be at the Vibe Awards.

After about 15 minutes of gameplay, our thumbs felt like Robert DeNiro in "Casino" had worked them over in the backroom with a hammer.

Fact is, it's good. If you dig the Aeon franchise, Charlize's long, lithe getaway sticks, or third-person action games, check it out.

Making a name for youself by climbing the game's Black List, aka series of bad-ass mo-fos you must beat, is good fun.

Making a name for youself by climbing the game's Black List, aka series of bad-ass mo-fos you must beat, is good fun.

Like this year's Philadelphia Eagles, this game is the quintessential example of a franchise taking a step in the wrong direction. Our advice: Run away.

The game is surprisingly rock-solid on the Xbox. The controls are on point. The game is full of well-crafted fight-or-flight moments. It's without a doubt one of the finest first-person shooters ever made.

Like this year's Philadelphia Eagles, this game is the quintessential example of a franchise taking a step in the wrong direction. Our advice: Run away.

Making a name for youself by climbing the game's Black List, aka series of bad-ass mo-fos you must beat, is good fun.

Like this year's Philadelphia Eagles, this game is the quintessential example of a franchise taking a step in the wrong direction. Our advice: Run away.

Making a name for youself by climbing the game's Black List, aka series of bad-ass mo-fos you must beat, is good fun.

The game looks terrific on the tiny screens. There's a nice mix of new and old school tracks. Making a Wi-fi connection is so simple, even Diddy Kong could do it (and he's Canadian!).

If there's any current genre in need of a Fight Night–style makeover, it's THQ's rasslin' line. In the words of the Undertaker: R.I.P., grappling games...at least for a little while. If you must, then rent.

Shockingly enough, is actually pretty damn good. Sure, it looks uglier than Ernest Borgnine in a tutu, and trying to use the controls is like operating the Space Shuttle while wearing oven mitts, but once you get the hang of it, beating the Stove Top stuffing out of agents is terrific fun.

Shockingly enough, is actually pretty damn good. Sure, it looks uglier than Ernest Borgnine in a tutu, and trying to use the controls is like operating the Space Shuttle while wearing oven mitts, but once you get the hang of it, beating the Stove Top stuffing out of agents is terrific fun.

If you don't have a big, stupid, sh.t-eating grin on your face when you do this, then we can't be friends anymore.

Shockingly enough, is actually pretty damn good. Sure, it looks uglier than Ernest Borgnine in a tutu, and trying to use the controls is like operating the Space Shuttle while wearing oven mitts, but once you get the hang of it, beating the Stove Top stuffing out of agents is terrific fun.

The sequel to last year's third-person/real-time strategy game set in Star Wars land once again manages to be the 'Nam of Wars games. In other words, the disc does a heck of job of trying to make you feel like you're really "in the sh.t" on Coruscant.

The sequel to last year's third-person/real-time strategy game set in Star Wars land once again manages to be the 'Nam of Wars games. In other words, the disc does a heck of job of trying to make you feel like you're really "in the sh.t" on Coruscant.

The sequel to last year's third-person/real-time strategy game set in Star Wars land once again manages to be the 'Nam of Wars games. In other words, the disc does a heck of job of trying to make you feel like you're really "in the sh.t" on Coruscant.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

The fighting engine is the tightest in the business.

Deadlocked makes it easy to see why the series' third-person gameplay is the best in the business. Buy.

Mindless hack-and-whack style gameplay stays hot thanks to interesting objectives. Spartan is constantly throwing new gameplay elements at you.

This PC war-tastic juggernaut comes to a console near you sporting a surprisingly meaty single-player experience, as well as its trademark clusterf..k multiplayer.

The game looks downright terrific on the PSP. It's great to once again troll for flat-backers on the mean streets of Liberty City. (Aka, Pick up hoochies-for-hire.) The load times are incredibly short, considering how massive the game is.

This PC war-tastic juggernaut comes to a console near you sporting a surprisingly meaty single-player experience, as well as its trademark clusterf..k multiplayer.

Slaying these giants provided us with some of the most gratifying moments of our entire lives.

The addictive, just-one-more-race feel works perfectly with our normal just-one-more-can-of-cheap-beer schedule.

Sure, you can choose BMX bikes instead of traditional boards, and the soundtrack of punk covers is the best freaking Tony Hawk soundtrack yet, bar none, but whether or not you'll love this game completely depends on how full your Hawk tank already is.

Sure, you can choose BMX bikes instead of traditional boards, and the soundtrack of punk covers is the best freaking Tony Hawk soundtrack yet, bar none, but whether or not you'll love this game completely depends on how full your Hawk tank already is.

Sure, you can choose BMX bikes instead of traditional boards, and the soundtrack of punk covers is the best freaking Tony Hawk soundtrack yet, bar none, but whether or not you'll love this game completely depends on how full your Hawk tank already is.

The game's free-flowing scuffles are akin to your toilet experience after a night of over-beering: In other words, both are shockingly big, messy, chaotic, scary, surprising, and usually a little bloody.

The crass, lowbrow, and gloriously juvenile Blitz proves that you don't need those fancy NFL-licensed pants to make a quality f'ball sim... Never taking itself too seriously, this shallow Madden instead chooses to revel in the seedy, sex-drugs-rock-and-roll dark side of the pigskin. Which is the side we've always desperately wanted to revel in.

The crass, lowbrow, and gloriously juvenile Blitz proves that you don't need those fancy NFL-licensed pants to make a quality f'ball sim... Never taking itself too seriously, this shallow Madden instead chooses to revel in the seedy, sex-drugs-rock-and-roll dark side of the pigskin. Which is the side we've always desperately wanted to revel in.

The game's free-flowing scuffles are akin to your toilet experience after a night of over-beering: In other words, both are shockingly big, messy, chaotic, scary, surprising, and usually a little bloody.

Remember how sparks and hubcaps pingponged everywhere in "Burnout Revenge" and "Midnight Club 3?" Remember how your eyes hurt because you were afraid to blink during races? Sadly, the only thing Rush made us feel was hungry for more beer nuts.

The single-player campaign is the best yet in the series.

This is mindless, cartoony fun, like a cool breeze blowing through your video game collection.

Remember how sparks and hubcaps pingponged everywhere in "Burnout Revenge" and "Midnight Club 3?" Remember how your eyes hurt because you were afraid to blink during races? Sadly, the only thing Rush made us feel was hungry for more beer nuts.

The brief matches make this a great pick-up-and-play game, and the "deep career mode" has enough meat to keep your fingers busy on your morning commute for the next decade.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

Hiding in the bushes and setting "whip" traps with branches, then watching guards walk into them is old-fashioned, sadistic fun. But the game doesn't really hit its stride until its second half, when your inner wild-child side surfaces, and you start tearing ass around the jungle like the wolfman after guzzling a keg of hard cider.

And to top it all off, Lockdown features Lifetime channel–style scenes that do their damnedest to to make you think of your squad mates as real pals instead of the "meat shields" they really are.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

Just like our last girlfriend, the game does a little too much hand-holding for our tastes. And any gamer worth his beans won't be challenged by Sly 3 until the excellent final levels.

Playing the game is like watching an episode of "Oz" while a priest performs an exorcism on your liver. And if you like your gore served up hot and fresh, you've come to the right place.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

A vibrant, eye-popping superhero disc that has more style, wit and compelling gameplay in its first 10 minutes than most games have in their entirety.

And yet there's still something here that kept us playing to the end. Can't quite put our finger on it…ah yes, now we remember what it was: This game has a story that's almost too damn good for a video game.

And yet there's still something here that kept us playing to the end. Can't quite put our finger on it...ah yes, now we remember what it was: This game has a story that's almost too damn good for a video game.

The sequel features even more happy, shiny, Hello Kitty!—style idiocy. But peel away the idiocy, and you'll find the same dull, creatively bankrupt ball-rolling mini-game as the original.