Everything we loath about Eastern European developed games, and nothing we like. [September 2014, p70]

God knows why you’d want to invest in this crap, however. A match consists of mashing triangle to overcome an uninspired selection of bland nobodies. Thumbs down, we say. [October 2013, p83]

You’re looking at an insanely simplistic sidescrolling platformer with a handful of power-ups and ‘special skilled’ Smurfs to swap through. Doing our due diligence, we road-tested this with a six and a nine-year-old. After 30 minutes, they wanted to go play outside. Says it all, really. [October 2013, p83]

Not broken, just painfully, awfully average and repetitive. Offensive, too. [September 2014, p75]

Painfully dull, both in looks and entertainment factor. Only the die-hard purists can forgive this ugly, buggy mess. [September 2014, p80]

We desperately wanted to give Damnation the benefit of the doubt, but everything about it just feels wrong. You need to do far better than this to cut the mustard. [July 2009, p.82]

Nowhere near ripe enough to consume. Just a big ol' bale of boredom. [December 2013, p78]

Made with Ho Chi Minimal budget and effort. A 'crapocalypse now' that left us with PTSD. [September 2014, p79]

A misguided farce. Offensive. [Oct 2009, p.75]

In the movie Skyfall, James Bond is accidentally shot off the top of a train as he pursues a bad guy and falls into a river below. All the stages in 007 Legends are the spy's sort-of memories of previous missions as he plummets into the river, all based on previous films. Honestly, he'd be better off being totally knocked out. 007 Legends is awful. [Christmas 2012, p.82]

Bodycount is a thoroughly boring ride that won't challenge your reflexes or intelligence. Ironically, the fact that this takes under four hours to get through is the best thing going for it. [October 2011 p75]

Grey, old, and well beyond retirement, KOF XII is irredeemable. [Oct 2009, p.74]

Rogue Warrior isn't a complete fiasco. We tried to like it, but it just wasn't worth releasing. [Feb 2010, p.73]

A lame attempt at bringing parody to the world of gaming. Avoid. [Nov 2008, p.100]

It's fitting that the developers are called Mastiff, because this game looks like a dog's breakfast. Each mission is a waterlogged shamble through the land that time and PS2 forgot, where you'll have to re-kill the same six simpletons over and over. [February 2012, p.75]

The vehicle handling is awful, the graphics are rudimentary and the soundtrack is a three-riff wonder. Keep your cash and avoid. [May 2012, p80]

Generic shooter whose epic bugs are not limited to its alien antagonists.[Christmas 2013, p81]

On the topic of being rushed, this game was, to shelves. The combat isn’t fluid, collision detection is spotty, and we frequently got trapped in floors. [Christmas 2013, p83]

War may be hell, but it’s not as bad as this ugly, unbalanced, short excuse for a rail-shooter. [April 2014, p72]

Basement Crawl is aptly named – for that's where it belongs, packed away in a dusty box. [May 2014, p76]

In 20 palette-swapped stages you’ll need to awkwardly flap your way through rings, whilst managing a stamina bar. Horrific collision detection abounds and you’ll spend more time in the wings watching load screens than getting airborne. [September 2013, p80]

Put the time into it and get used to its unconventional controls and it’ll eventually wriggle its way into your heart. [July 2017, p72]

If you take only three sentences away from this review, let them be the next ones. Fast & Furious: Showdown is a cash-in that somebody didn’t use half their arse to create – they used one quarter of a buttcheek. The box may look pretty, but the disc inside is like a HD update of Burnout’s beta code. Like, the PS2 [August 2013, p80]

This Hawk has had its wings clipped to the point where it resembles an ugly-looking, flightless dodo that deserves its own extinction. [Christmas 2015, p74]

Rugby 15 is messier than a Jackson Pollock painting and even buggier than Mimic. Pass. [Feb 2015, p75]

Any good racer offers either a sense of speed or a sense of control, but Carmageddon fails to provide either. [October 2016, p78]

Yawn of the dead, people. Buggier than a petrol station sausage roll and it’ll give you the shits for much longer. [January 2015, p73]

If The Last of Us is gaming’s Citizen Kane moment, this is its Plan 9 From Outer Space. [September 2013, p73]