It's fun for the first level, and that's about it. [Oct 2009, p.77]

If you've ever wanted to be a wheezy, out-of-shape hunter tramping through the snowy Alaskan wilds of Ketchikan and Sitka, then this game's for you. [Holiday 2006, p.76]

Want a way to reap the benefits of multitasking physical and mental activity? Read a book on a treadmill instead. [March 2011, p.80]

Unless you're a Yu-Gi-Oh! master, stay far, far away. [March 2011, p.81]

Showdown may have slick cars, death-defying moments, and corny dialogue like the films, but it lacks the punch and precision that’s made the top Fast & Furious films so darn fun.

"Quotation Forthcoming"

Hardcore completists may appreciate squeezing the last bits out of Empire Bay, but all others should let this aggravating add-on sleep with the fishies. [Feb 2011, p.76]

TMNT's sold redeeming quality is that it lets young fans cut their teeth on a rudimentary platformer. [June 2007, p.76]

But all the crayons and glitter in the world can't disguise the fact that this game is really just an animated examination booklet with a price tag.

These bloodless battles just aren’t very exciting; they’re more likely to elicit yawns than trash-talk. Dollar Dash might briefly amuse younger gamers, but everyone else will feel robbed.

If you and/or your kid love the show enough to tolerate all that…you should still stick with the infinitely superior XBLA game Wits & Wagers.

Terrific music and some fun moments can't save Spy Hunter from feeling bargain-bin. [Dec. 2006, p.76]

But it’s not the mythology that brings Via Domus down — it’s the boring and uninspired gameplay, which consists of a bevy of puzzles using fuse panels, a few rudimentary action sequences, and some weak games of hide-and-seek.

Sadly, Cyberball 2072 doesn't live up to our feelings of nostalgia, and a couple of design choices by the dev team leave this port on the wrong side of the line of scrimmage. [Dec 2007, p.78]

Its novel setup could've made Amy an exciting, emotionally charged adventure. Instead, it's a grueling death-march through a gauntlet of poor design choices and feckless player punishment.

Do yourself a favor: leave R.I.P.D. in its grave.

Though it's fun to earn enough credit points to pimp your licensed Mazda, Toyota, or Nissan into a serious ride via performance upgrades, ITC's featureless concrete racing environments, detached driving physics, MIA damage modeling, and dated graphics bleed too much air from the tires. [Holiday 2006, p. 80]

Realistically, Eragon's appeal won't expand beyond its Potter-like fan base. [Feb. 2007, p.78]

Enduring the samey mission types 20 or more times apiece makes the mundane quest feel like a dull grind, and the challenging boss showdowns and resource-gathering minigames don’t stand out enough to offset the tedium.

You're better off just buying a puzzle magazine at the airport.

Could the Xbox 360 use a fun and frantic throwback partier? Sure. But this mess isn't it. [Mar 2007, p.82]

Forty bucks for mostly junk is way too much. [Feb 2011, p.80]

In the rare instances that frantic limb-flailing does land your lasso around a calf's neck, the rewards are minimal and unsatisfying: success in the barely-there campaign only unlocks variations on the same boring events in new venues.

It's largely the same game with the bonus elements of online play, voice-commandable teammates, and a map editor. Nothing more, nothing less. [Mar 2006, p.78]

Put your $10 toward a newspaper subscription instead. [Oct 2008, p.85]

It does almost nothing to capitalize on the power of the Xbox. Sadly, the gameplay is no better than the graphics. [Apr 2002, p.80]

We expect a few things from a modern arcade-style brawler: reasonably placed checkpoints, more than one playable character, varied enemies, and multiplayer. Golden Axe: Beast Rider, Sega’s reinvention of the arcade classic, delivers none of them. Perhaps the worst oversight of the bunch is the lack of multiplayer options.

It's not even half tubular, much less totally. [Holiday 2005, p.84]

The idea of mind hackers who can wear other people's flesh as disposable armor in stop-and-pop firefights has potential, but Mindjack feels lobotomized. [April 2011, p.75]

We never thought the day would come where we'd so dislike a Bomberman game, but by being needlessly lacking in the most crucial areas, Act Zero is impossible to love. [Sept 2006, p.78]

Despite its baffling looks, booming resonance, and asymmetrical layout, Rock Revolution’s controller is not actually the game’s biggest problem; it’s Rock Revolution’s note charts and the onscreen icons that make the game so joyless.

Online deathmatches are an abandoned ship. [Sept 2010, p.81]

But the only words this adaptation brings to mind are "suck my b*lls." [Dec 2011, p.68]

Obliterating futuristic forces and corporate landmarks with upgradable lightning, earthquake, and tornado attacks could've made for some stunning natural fury. But you'd never know it from Elements' main campaign, which spans 90 tepid minutes.

Three deal-breakers emerge in this weak pool game. [Jun 2006, p.62]

Dynasty Warriors 8 should be the pristine, refined culmination of a long-running franchise, but instead it’s a reminder of how much a series can deteriorate when it coasts on its success.

Even if hunting is about communing with nature, Trophy Hunter reduces it to boredom. [Feb. 2007, p.80]

Adults will blow through Space Chimps in under three hours. [Oct 2008, p.85]

Coupled with a limited soundtrack(just nine songs, split between J-Pop anthems and corny keyboard jams)and uninteresting original characters, Beat'n simply feels like a half-hearted attempt to introduce an old game to a new audience. [Holiday 2008, p.83]

Realistically, Eragon's appeal won't expand beyond its Potter-like fan base. [Feb. 2007, p.78]

Players simply watch the drama unfold with no interaction at all, making Maximum chase a boring plod at best. [Mar 2004, p.81]

Really, the biggest problem with Monster Jam is its price--for $20, we'd be all over it, but $50? Get over your bad self. [Mar 2008, p.92]

Zoids Assault's gameplay is certainly challenging, but regrettably, it's for all the wrong reasons. [Nov 2008, p.78]

Next time, the King of Fighters crew should really stick to what they're good at: beating each other up with fists, not bullets. [Jan 2011, p.69]

It’d be too easy to say that Conquest will appeal only to diehard Tolkien fans; in fact, they’re the ones most likely to hate it.

Even with our expectations lowered, Yaiba still managed to disappoint. It’s even more sexist than we presumed, uglier than some 360 launch titles, and feels budget-y without the accompanying charm. Hayabusa deserves better.

Mind-numbingly repetitive. [Jan 2006, p.75]

Essentially, the only thing that kept us playing the campaign mode was to escape the horrible rap metal in the menu screens. [Mar 2009, p.83]

Fustercluck. [Feb 2010, p.88]

Diehard fans might forgive, but everyone else should just forget. [Aug 2008, p.75]

Even Jigsaw's most ardent apostles should spare themselves this torture. [Jan 2011, p.76]

Curious why you haven't heard Quentin Tarantino promoting Reservoir Dogs, considering it's the first game adapted from one of his movies? Easy: It's junk. [Holiday 2006, p.74]

Honestly, no one will want to play this for more than 10 minutes. [July 2009, p.81]

These folks add a considerable amount of content to a game in desperate need of variety, but their fighting styles and special moves aren't enough to make this rigid, repetitive actioner worth enduring. [Jan 2011, p.78]

Though it may appeal to fighting-game greenhorns learning the ropes, Phantom Breaker is far too simplistic and bare-bones to justify its $40 price. [Apr 2012, p.85]

Diehard fans may enjoy all the familiar faces, but a few hours was too much for us. [Jan 2010, p.77]

Young baseball fans should take a swing at Backyard Sports: Sandlot Sluggers instead. [Oct 2010, p.81]

It's sloppy, boring, and inauthentic.

An annoying feature that requires you to “buy” unlocked events with earned points adds unwelcome repetition, and 12-person multiplayer only means sharing the pain with others. Steer clear.

We say, stick to the show. [Sept 2008, p.79]

Unless ghostbusting is in your very marrow, Sanctum isn't worth the headaches. [June 2011, p.88]

The frantic overhead ghoul-slaying of "Gauntlet" worked thanks to simple controls and cunning level design. Monster Madness fumbles the first part of that formula by saddling you with a control scheme that's counterintuitive and overcomplicated. [June 2007, p.74]

Dedicated fans of punishing classics like Mega Man might’ve relished the sense of accomplishment, but even they’ll grow tired of the drudgery, despite some tense boss battles against huge machines.

Definitely inspired by old co-op coin-ups like Ikari Warriors, minus any ambition. [Oct 2009, p.75]

At the beginning of the tediously unchanging Adventure Mode (the only mode in the game), you have nearly unlimited time when choosing where to drop a block. That removes any sense of urgency…and you really don’t need to employ any strategy to succeed anyway.

It tries so hard to keep it real that it comes off hilariously fake. [Nov 2005, p.130]

Unless you're a complete Shrek enthusiast, or a party-game addict, file this one under "don't bother." [Feb 2003, p.80]

This third-person adventure had a lot of potential, but the bugs and overall sloppy design make this sweet treat leave a bad taste in our mouths. [Oct 2005, p.102]

Mostly, it's recipe for frustration. [July 2005, p.85]

The result is a brutally slow pace and a game that doesn't pack much of anything for anybody. The AI is horrendous, the control is abysmal, and the announcing... [Jan 2004, p.73]

Not even cel-shaded reptiles can save a game cursed with tissue-thin design, weak AI, and repetitive gameplay. [June 2005, p.78]

The graphics look like polished PSOne visuals, the physics are awful, the trick system is one of the worst I've ever seen in an extreme sports game, and the audio is only saved by a semi-decent soundtrack. [Sept 2003, p.83]

This game drops the ball in every conceivable way, providing a wholly lackluster experience. [Feb 2002, p.74]

Do yourself a favor and stick to Street Fighter IV. [Jan 2010, p.75]

Some games baffle us by merely existing, and yes, Interpol, you are one of those games.

There's a decent--heck, maybe even somewhat fun--fighting engine burried somewhere beneath the GTA-clone templated debris, but it never has the chance, or find the energy, to rise above the ashes. [May 2006, p.74]

But there's not one good reason to visit the same no-frills battlefield a dozen times or more just to grind out the improvements needed to conquer the next chapter. [Aug 2011, p.79]

Straightforward, button-mashing combat through the game's Quest mode with up to three friends may clutter up the screen during heated duels against an onslaught of bad guys, but it provides the otherwise muddled Fairytale Fights with its only true high point. [Jan 2010, p.78]

As a cheap, on-the-go timewaster, this game might work. But at $1[5], forget it. [Aug 2011, p.83]

Death would have been better than lifeless mess. [Aug 2004, p.80]

The result is a techno-soundtracked, particle-effects-spewing mess that's no more fun to watch than it is to play. [Aug 2007, p.83]

"Quotation Forthcoming"

Unless you're a six-year-old yearning to take every concievable model of Hummer for a spin in a simplistic, arcadey race, this game isn't worth your time. [July 2006, p.82]

A poor-quality marketing tie-in. [July 2010, p.81]

This new Cabela's entry is more like "Most Boringest Wanders," thanks to a shoddy objective marker that either randomnly disappears or leads you in circles. [Holiday 2008, p.74]

You'd think it would be hard to mess up a samurai game, but developer Genki has managed to deliver a royal swordplay stinker with Kengo: Legend of the 9. [Dec 2007, p.76]

Here's the problem with splitting up a game into three distinct parts: if two of them suck, the third doesn't stand a chance, even with a cult hit TV-show license to lend a hand. [Jan. 2007, p.76]

Sure, Game Time functions fine, Jeff Foxworthy is still vaguely funny, and the rules of the original show are in place. The multi-player, on the other hand, never gets going. [Jan 2010, p.81]

Wrecked sabotages itself at every turn.

A couple hours of this, and even staunch drag-racing fans will evacuate the scene as fast as they can peel rubber. [Oct. 2006, p.81]

Stay far, far away. [Holiday 2010, p.58]

No matter how fon you are of "WinBack", a Nintendo 64 third-person shooter released in the previous millennium, you're going to be gravely disappointed with this long-in-the-making sequel. [Jun 2006, p.78]

Even with the Quest Mode’s extra goals, the game felt too simple for its own good. Extra value should’ve come from the online modes, but horrific lag rendered them unplayable, and there’s no offline multiplayer.

The cars don't handle realistically, the audio and visuals are weak, and races all feel same-ish, regardless of the track. [Jan 2003, p.74]

Keying on the show's rudimentary (and universally derided) animation instead of its wonderful writing and goofy humor demonstrates an atrocious error in judgment. [May 2008, p.76]

A soul-crushing farce that even dedicated strategy junkies should avoid.

For a game that plays up its characters’ sex appeal, Girl Fight is stupefyingly unattractive. The character models look like last-gen remnants, and their complete lack of personality and combat pizazz makes them utterly forgettable.

The worst, most persistent problem is the ridiculous and unalterable helicopter-style chase view, which lazily swoops from side to side as you tear through each turn.