Unfortunately, the story and pretty pictures aren't enough to wade through the random guessing that makes up the game itself. Selecting phrases until you pick the "right" one doesn't make for a good game.

And for the beat-'em-up fans who want something new, just playing Beat Down feels enough like getting kicked down the stairs that you won't return to the genre any time soon.

Avoid it like the plague, and hope that if we're all in for a trilogy, the next episode sees the heroes-in-a-half-shell pursuing an adventure that's not nearly as half-baked.

Maybe one day Frogger will get his chance to recapture his '80s video-game glory, but if Ancient Shadow is any indication, you can probably expect a new hit single from the Bee Gees first.

The graphics are distinctly last-gen, with bland, repetitive environments that feel as slapped together as every other part of this lackluster brawler.

"But it's a great drunken party game!" some will scream. I'm sorry, but it's far too complicated and asinine for intoxicated people to grasp. It took me forever to reach unobstructed FMV toplessness, and I was sober.

If there was actually a sense that Smashing Drive modeled the rubber meeting the road, it might have been interesting.

Fails to deliver in almost every category. Nicely rendered monster trucks and official licenses hardly mask the disastrous elements that ravenously eat away at this game's soul.

Rebels is just competent enough to be a satisfactory exercise for fans of the Commandos-style puzzle play, but its technical advances fail to distinguish it, and its performance and some questionable design issues knock it down to mediocre at best.

Mildly entertaining for as long as it will take you to win it, and you will win it, because unlimited lives and forgiving checkpoints make this something you can do all on a Sunday afternoon.

The final nail in Mage Knight's coffin is the camera system. It's the most bizarre use of a third-person camera of any game in recent memory.

I could go on with this litany of problems: random peasants that incessantly block the placement of structures, a ridiculously shallow tutorial, stability problems – but there's no need. Stronghold 3 is a very bad game that simply feels like it was hurriedly cobbled together and released with a minimum of testing.

A partially lacerated corpse of a game with great chunks of fun missing.

Most of the missions are dull and repetitive, involving menial tasks like delivering cargo or flying around and popping balloons. The environments try hard to look nice and give off a "come explore me" vibe, but they're just too darned bland to generate any real interest.

If you don't mind the repetitive enemies with bad AI, the poor save-game options, and a lack of weapon variety, then the Warhammer flavor might be enough to warrant a look. For most people, however, Fire Warrior is simply a mediocre shooter at best.

There is only one game where I've ever skipped areas I wanted to explore due to not wanting to deal with the camera. This is it.

Avoid it like the plague, and hope that if we're all in for a trilogy, the next episode sees the heroes-in-a-half-shell pursuing an adventure that's not nearly as half-baked.

If only the mini-games that you have to constantly play were more alluring.

You want 50's music? Buy a CD. Grab a DVD if you want to see the guy move. But if you want to pretend to be Curtis Jackson, take your fifty bucks out to a paintball range and let someone drill you nine times. It'll be a better experience than this.

Isometric platformers are just not the way to go; the tasks are monotonous; the level design is pathetic; and Bugs Bunny without jokes is like Arnold Schwarzenegger without the accent.

Strategy titles are already known for their deliberate pace, which may mean that strategy gamers, with their large reserves of patience, will be better equipped to deal with the load-time interruptions, but the effect is very disruptive to gameplay.

If you think you can weather the barrage of glitches and occasionally having to quit and restart stages, then you'll probably have some fun with LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy. Of course, by buying it, you're also telling LucasArts that it's okay for it to release games that are clearly unfinished.

If you're that desperate for some new Transformers action, you'd be better off sticking to the console versions. Or better yet, track down a copy of Atari's old PS2 game based on Transformers Armada (sure, the cartoon kinda sucked, but the game was aces). In the meantime, this game should be the first thing to jettison when Astrotrain starts requesting that we lighten our burden.

It's the worst kind of tie-in, combining a feeble license with feeble game design, and expecting gamers to pay $50 for the privilege of suffering through the collective ineptitude.

Daggerdale comes across as a careless and sloppily executed venture. Even if such problems are eventually addressed, this rigid and uninspired quest is little more than an adequate adventure, legendary namesake be damned.

There is only one game where I've ever skipped areas I wanted to explore due to not wanting to deal with the camera. This is it.

Gimmicky titles like this may be cute diversions, but they're no substitute for the real deal. The kiddies may have a fun time with Dash for a while, but anyone over the age of six will tire of it after the first race.

At least the audio captures a bit of the enjoyably cornball feel of the film. The bugs and guns don't make much of an impression, but troops utter intentionally cheesy lines like, "I'm so bad I scare myself!"