Instantly forgettable and certainly regrettable, this fighter is preposterously short on both brains and brawn. Here's to hoping that Streetwise listens to its title and is indeed the final Final Fight.

Besides the two seconds of fatality joy, the only other redeeming quality of this game is its price. Major retail outlets tag it at about $20. That’s still about $19 overpriced, but at least they’re not trying to pretend this decorative coaster is anything else.

The game is obscenely generic, wildly frustrating and simply not worth the time. Kids will throw tantrums and adults will pull out their hair. I fear Kao is headed straight for the video game character wasteland, populated by such notables as "Aero the Acrobat," "Bubsy" and "Michael Jackson."

I could go on for much longer, pointing out the weightless feel of your player, the cheap and featureless last-gen graphics, the repetitive and unimaginative play-by-play banter, the purposeless customization options or the usually desolate and ultimately just as crappy online multiplayer. But that would be treating the game as if it had tried, when it’s apparent that this baller was looking to ball the pooch all along.

The essential problem with Soldier of Fortune: Payback is that it tries very hard to appear realistic while trotting out silly gameplay mechanisms. It’s hard to tell if it’s a serious shooter covering the military side of contemporary politics, or a parody.

Just not any fun at all. It's grossly repetitive, strictly linear and painfully boring.

One of the worst games we've ever seen. As much as we'd like to see more sexual content in games, we're afraid Magna Cum Laude will do for Mature games what "Showgirls" did for NC-17 rated movies.

This just feels like one of those movies where you push a button to decide what scene should come next (and we all know how great those movies are). That’s just not enough to justify what is essentially five slow moving episodes of Harvey Birdman.

You won’t be playing much, however - New Vision relies too heavily on cut scenes and conversations, only pausing to slip in an action stage here and there.

SNK vs. Capcom: Card Fighters DS takes everything I remember about playing tradable card games, highlights the bad parts, and then breaks.

To say that its immature and painfully unfunny sense of humor would be appreciated by 13-years-olds is doing a disservice to the intelligence of 13-year-olds, as Zombeer makes Duke Nukem Forever look like Withnail & I.

Call of Duty Black Ops: Declassified doesn't just lack a story-it lacks an attempt at a story. It doesn't just lack good multiplayer stages; it lacks stages. It doesn't just have a few occasional bugs; it has entirely too many gltiches, disconnections, and crashes-though I must admit, seeing a chopper spawn inside a house is good for a few laughs.

For those of you that care, I've gone through an eighth of a liter of scotch since starting this review. And I'm certain that the number of brain cells I've killed is only a small fraction of the number that committed suicide from being exposed to Ju-On. They were lucky.

Save your money for something less painful, like a bikini wax or unanaesthetized dental surgery.

But the saddest part has to be the staggering number of people who worked on this thing, including some well-respected developers. Just check the credits from the manual. I’m not counting them all, but that’s about 400 names.

From its bad control to its bad design, this is the real reason god kills kittens.

This is probably the worst racing game (motocross or otherwise) that I have ever played. It plays bad, looks bad, and I'm sure if I sniffed it, it would probably smell bad, too.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT under any circumstance give this game as a gift to anyone you would like to stay on good terms with. Not even die hard Survivor fans could possibly enjoy this game. Instead, send a copy to your worst enemy.

A train wreck from start to finish. There is no balance. There is no stability. If the engine was an automobile, it would be a Yugo. Truly the only benefit of its existence is as a reminder that we are lucky to have such excellent alternatives.

The developers spent far too much time making sure Fight Club looked good in screenshots rather than making sure it would look good during play.

Among my canon of crappy games, this one takes the cake as the most vapidly pointless game yet. Good bye, Angels, I’ll see you in Hell. In this case, Hell being under my mug of java on the coffee table.

It's ugly; it's slippery; all of the enemies blend together because they're all the frickin' same... it's awe-inspiringly bad, really. Not since Superman 64 have I played something this stomach-wrenching, and at least in the end that was funny-horrible. This one skips by funny-horrible and goes right back to bad.

There is no reason to buy or rent this tragic mess of code, and while it’s not the end of the world, it’s damn close. Evil indeed.

There is no skill required to get through the game, only time, memorization, and enough patience to not hurl the thing into the fireplace.

One time, 911 crashed so hard that it actually TURNED OFF THE COMPUTER. Screw fire rescue - how about disk rescue!

This gameplay is about as much fun as riding the Monorail.

The real problem is that the game is frustratingly hard. The camera is wily, and the tall buildings of New York frequently get in your way.

But the saddest part has to be the staggering number of people who worked on this thing, including some well-respected developers. Just check the credits from the manual. I’m not counting them all, but that’s about 400 names.

My mother didn't like me quitting the piano because I didn’t find it fun anymore, but Rhythm ‘N Notes commits a far worse offense. It takes the joy of music and turns it down to a mute.

Recovery: Search and Rescue has absolutely no redeeming qualities.

From its bad control to its bad design, this is the real reason god kills kittens.

The developers spent far too much time making sure Fight Club looked good in screenshots rather than making sure it would look good during play.

Truly, there’s nothing redeeming; you're just going to waste your time playing it. If you have the self-control, please don’t let morbid curiosity get the best of you.

One of the most unique games I've played, unique in that there was not a single moment that was truly fun.

Like a near-death experience, bad games can provide us with a vision of the other side, a gamer’s hell filled with E.T. games and 3DOs. A bad game serves to reminds us why good games are so good, and they cleanse the palette and bring us back to the zero-point of solid game development. If you haven’t guessed already, Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am is one of those terrible, terrible games.

I've been sticking my finger in my mouth trying to hurl this filth back up. Maybe I can get KISS to "Lick It Up!"

You'll find it almost unplayable thanks to both the worst camera and control in the history of video gaming.

In general, playing the game is a sinusoidal process of momentary elation as you uncover a new element, quickly followed by deep disappointment as you discover it’s a piece of crap.

There are literally no redeeming qualities to the game. Maybe if it wasn't as broken as it is in so many areas, I could contentedly give it a 'D'; it would merely be a poor knock-off in that case, not atrocious as it stands.

From its bad control to its bad design, this is the real reason god kills kittens.

Simply a terrible game. Bad graphics, poor sound, lousy play mechanics, dull mission design, occasional crashes and no Captain Kirk combine to make this an adventure best left to the unknown.

In general, playing the game is a sinusoidal process of momentary elation as you uncover a new element, quickly followed by deep disappointment as you discover it’s a piece of crap.

The game is bafflingly boring and ridiculous. The game has no structure at all, no sense of urgency, no compelling reason to exist or be endured whatsoever. The scenes play on and on and on, and the story wends down byways of no consequence whatsoever. Lost indeed.

To add insult to injury, when Batman gets hurt, his animation is to fall over like a domino. Here you've got a fully equipped destroyer of crime, and he takes punches like an inflatable 'punch-em' clown. This speaks pages for how poorly the rest of the animation fares.

A movie rip-off perpetrated by greedy execs who are certain that the people who enjoyed the movie will be intrigued enough to shell out for this stinker. No doubt the true Imhotep is presently trying to kick a hole in his sarcophagus lid to get at the Konami programmers who have blasphemed his name by attaching it to this abomination.

In general, playing the game is a sinusoidal process of momentary elation as you uncover a new element, quickly followed by deep disappointment as you discover it’s a piece of crap.

Simply a terrible game. Bad graphics, poor sound, lousy play mechanics, dull mission design, occasional crashes and no Captain Kirk combine to make this an adventure best left to the unknown.

Even worse than the graphics is the sound, which is abysmal. I'm not talking about the music, which is an adequate orchestral score. I'm talking about the sound effects, which are the worst I've heard since my Atari 2600 stopped beeping.

In general, playing the game is a sinusoidal process of momentary elation as you uncover a new element, quickly followed by deep disappointment as you discover it’s a piece of crap.

Family Party is terrible. Not only is it bad, it's borderline unplayable.

We're not laughing with you, guys, we're laughing at you.