The controls are hardly the only problem facing this forlorn soldier. Anyone who has played a few WWII shooters will be all too familiar with this cookie-cutter list of tasks: take out anti-air artillery with bomb charges, counter-snipe Nazi snipers so troops can pass through an area, take out a few tanks with a Panzershreck, rinse, and repeat.

Even when Twisted Dreams is firing on all cylinders, levels inevitably devolve into a tedious hunt for gems. Some platformer fans may enjoy Twisted Dream's unabashed adherence to '80s game design, but even as a fan of old-school platformers, my enjoyment was hampered by some significant shortcomings.

The Last Story is the latest project from Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi, and industry luminary Nobuo Uematsu composed the soundtrack. Previous collaborations involving these two legends have resulted in titles like Final Fantasy IV, Chrono Trigger, and Blue Dragon. I had high hopes for this Wii-exclusive RPG. Given its pedigree, I never imagined that it would fail to meet the low bar set by dozens of middling entries in the genre.

I commend the developer for including different modes, but their inadequacies reveal a title that doesn't fully develop any one aspect of itself.

Time Machine VR is a unique tool for learning about certain breeds of underwater dinosaurs, but it isn’t fun. I enjoyed the more dangerous moments in the campaign, but the scales are tipped too far to the academic side. If you’re looking for a distinct interactive way to learn about prehistoric creatures of the deep, that’s exclusively what Time Machine VR accomplishes. [Tested with Rift]

You always feel like you are a little out of control. The poor collision only makes matters worse. [May 2005, p.136]

I commend the developer for including different modes, but their inadequacies reveal a title that doesn't fully develop any one aspect of itself.

On one hand, this game is free, so the fact that it requires a small investment to enjoy might not seem like a big deal. On the other hand, even if you pay in, the core gameplay isn't satisfying, and your rewards aren't compelling.

At its worst, Game of Thrones is difficult to tolerate, but the burden of its many problems isn't enough to render the experience worthless. For those already familiar with the franchise, the story of Mors and Alester is consistent with the world and provides insight into events beyond the reach of the regular series cast. However, you must be a forgiving and devoted fan to enjoy the best that this game can offer.

It got a generic exterior and outdated mechanics that make it feel like a naive vision of "the future of gaming" circa 1990. [Jan 2006, p.139]

Battle for the Grid has a few things going for it, like some decent animation and visuals for its characters, but the package as a whole is every bit as underwhelming as the Power Ranger titles that have come before it.

For all the cool special moves and boss fights, the heart of any RPG is the story. Sadly, Command Mission doesn't just fail in this area; it is a discotheque fire disaster with no survivors. This game's plot isn't merely bad - it's embarrassing and painful. [Oct 2004, p.128]

If you like this franchise's simple brand of mind-numbing hack 'n slash action, then Dynasty Warriors 5: Empires will deliver exactly what you want: more of the same. [May 2006, p.98]

If you’re going to get one of these, go for the faster-paced Beta Wave, but watch out for that nasty addition game. [Feb. 2007, p.111]

What this franchise did to deserve a sequel I really don't know. [Apr 2006, p.118]

Tetris Blitz is played two minutes at a time, but bypassing the pop-ups to get to the core game feels like it takes just as long. Not having to pay for the game up front sounds like a great bargain, but when you are bombarded the way you are in Blitz, it makes it feel like you’re getting ripped off, even if you haven’t spent a dime.

It's sad when the best thing you can say for a game is that it's not broken, but that's about as positive as I can be about Silverfall. [May 2007, p.93]

It's atmospheric, creepy, and sloooooow, even by survival horror standards. [Nov 2004, p.158]

Saw fails to deliver the suspenseful crescendos, surprising twists, and apprehensive atmosphere of the films. Instead, it’s padded with unremarkable gore, poor pacing, and uninspired level design.

Now that these two games have been separated, it is all too plain why this substandard adventure has never been able to stand on its own legs. [Aug 2007, p.103]

Between its unforgiving nature, unbalanced difficulty, and humdrum puzzles, I wouldn't have pressed on through Dokuro if I wasn't reviewing it. Rarely did I feel that fun "a-ha" moment that makes puzzle games exciting; instead I found tedium and frustration. I surely wasn't as devoted to this game as Dokuro was to the princess. Add me to the list of Dokuro's unrequited loves.

I respect Halfbrick as one of the developers responsible for shaping the current state of mobile gaming, but Fish Out Of Water is a barebones offering that sinks rather than swims.

Intriguing – despite a mounting pile of evidence showing that it should be terrible. The characters and story are so outlandish and bizarre that they are fascinating – but the nonsense and clunky mechanics never coalesce into a satisfying experience. It lures you in with the promise of something unique, then botches the execution.

Proves that completely unique games can still be as painfully dull as sweeping your bedroom. [Sept 2005, p.114]

"Quotation Forthcoming"

The high-contrast art style lends a cool flair to characters and environments, but works against you on the gameplay front.

I have nothing against games that hearken back to old-school sensibilities, but Etrian Odyssey just feels like an outdated game that snuck onto a modern console. [June 2007, p.118]

Superhero games are supposed to be power fantasies. So far, the Iron Man games haven't done much to inspire my dreams, but at least they're not giving me nightmares anymore. If Sega keeps tweaking the formula, next time it might actually convince me that it's fun being Iron Man.