Bloodthirsty, derivative and xenophobic nonsense.

All hot wheels and dick jokes, it’s fun but forgettable.

For all their technical competence, the Spierig brothers don’t show great understanding of how ghost stories actually work.

The Big Wedding isn’t telling a story so much as selling a lifestyle – one that, rather like Heigl’s morning sickness, makes you want to vomit.

LaBeouf is committed, and it’s fun seeing him go toe-to-toe with Gary Oldman (as his boss). But amid Montiel’s jigsaw-like structure lurk some generic revelations. Disappointing.

Charmless, mirthless and witless, this waste of time is another black mark on Depp’s card, while his co-stars fare little better. Even low expectations won’t help you here.

To be fair, Blood and Honey 2 is actually a notch above its predecessor, if only because the production values are (relatively) higher. But despite a watchable turn from Chambers, this is largely Neanderthal filmmaking, even with hospital janitor Simon Callow offering up a Scottish accent and a lot of pointless exposition.

By now you know exactly what to expect from a Transformers film: undeniably epic action spectacle at the cost of character, logic or genuine drama. Predictably formulaic.

Playing For Keeps is awful – and not in a hilarious Ed Wood way.

It’s a nifty idea – especially in terms of structure – but that’s about it, with Clarke’s direction proving as flat as his performance.

Ponderous, pretentious and, most damning of all, just not much fun.

An uneasy combo of adventure film and gag-heavy kiddie-com, Dolittle fails to satisfy on either front.

The Gearbox title gamers loved has spawned a frenetic and disorderly shambles they’re likelier to loathe. Claptrap? You said it.

While the visuals are refreshingly clean and grounded for a modern superhero film, the story is bogged down by exposition and egregious product placement.

Despite Five Nights at Freddy's 2 slightly bettering its predecessor in terms of scares and impressive animatronics, the sequel fails to understand that less is more. By stuffing as many storylines and characters as possible into its relatively brief runtime, the sequel feels messy and inconclusive, leaving FNaF fans shortchanged.

Depending on taste, you’ll be left either barfing or laughing.

Liam Neeson cuts a rather sorry figure in what’s less a final flourish for the series than a prolonged death rattle.

There’s still a thrill seeing Stallone dig out a classic character for one last rumble, but this is formulaic action fare.

"Welcome to rock bottom!" sighs Hasselhoff at one stage, pretty much summing up this textbook exercise in sloppy seconds. Here's hoping the piranhas have a better agent than he does.

A-list sad-faces abound in a film where absurd concept is rivalled only by banal execution.

All the signs pointed to a hit chiller: great cast, a director with fantastic form and a celebrated Jo Nesbø novel to draw from. So it’s a huge shame, then, that The Snowman is a bit grey and slushy when it should have been cool and crisp.

Though it gives good splat and the scenery’s to die for, Hansel & Gretel gets just about everything wrong. Hammy, boring, chronically unfunny - there’ll be nightmares before bedtime.

Alas, director Courtney Solomon burns out all the cool potential, leaving us with a witless and unforgivably tame car wreck.

"I'm getting sick of this!" says Sigourney during one of Cold Light's many shoot-outs. Those tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt will swiftly reach the same conclusion.

The moments where you feel the cast are off-script and riffing are fun if not actually funny, but the most horrific thing on offer here is misogyny.

Patric’s bullet-scarred killer-gone-clean is a tired character in every sense, and no amount of exploding blood packs can make up for this much banality. At least there’s enough momentum to keep you from checking the timer every two minutes.

Quite why A-listers Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman and Emma Stone (among others) aligned themselves with this excruciatingly moronic compilation of shorts is anybody's guess.

There is less depth to this film than a petrol station greeting card, but it’s essentially harmless.