A game with a dedicated ‘pull your dick out’ keybinding in 2022 should be way more clever than this. No amount of John St. John voice-over work or copyright-dodging music jingles can cover up the odor emanating from this pile. 4/10 BBQ’d dead dogs.

Madden NFL 20 is the worst major sports league video game out there. Despite some despicable microtransaction design, NBA 2K is an exponentially better representation of its real-life counterpart and has an ever-improving Franchise mode that offers real depth and year-over-year growth. MLB: The Show is the blueprint of excellence for which other sports titles should be judged. Save your money for a series that still respects its fans. 4/10 butt fumbles.

This is an awful lot of complaining, but once I stockpiled enough stuff, I did enjoy actually building with it. Return to Moria makes putting things together simple and enjoyable, as long as you meet a few basic requirements. Free Range uses logic in the best possible ways. It’s important if you’re building something top-heavy that would and should collapse without the right supports. It’s out the window completely for other things. Wanna stick a tiny wooden platform in a sheer stone wall so you can climb around? Do it! Does it make physical sense? No! But it does make exploring and building more fun.

There's a massive amount of work to be done here before I’d ever consider Hyper Scape a go-to over other options in the space.

Unless you’re a mad fan of Vampire: The Masquerade, and need to absorb every piece of literature about the universe, this will be a disappointing experience. While the artwork is rich and the music moody, the writing – the game’s backbone and its entire selling point – is weak. Even fans will likely find this a shallow read where decisions rarely feel like they have any significant weight. Give this one a miss.

Escape Dead Island disappoints on multiple levels, from its lackluster gameplay, to its awful storytelling.

To put it simply, if this was one of those retro re-releases that are basically fancy emulators with additional screen filters and save states, maybe online play as a treat, Star Wars: Episode 1: Jedi Power Battles (whew) probably would’ve been alright. Instead, we have this bizarre Frankenmaster that looks and sounds like the end result of someone playing with a PlayStation emulator for the first time and pushing the sliders all the way up. Preservation is important, even for games that aren’t “classics.” This isn't the preservation you've been looking for.

To offer a mobile iteration that has even less value than the regular version of the game feels like a nonsensical move.

There are so many games out there that do what Sifu does only better. Honestly, if you want a punishing grind where your efforts will actually pay off you’re probably better off just taking a Kung-Fu class in real life.

I disliked Assassin's Creed Rogue on almost every level, from its numerous game-breaking bugs, to its terrible free-running, and (worst of all) its ruined assassination system. Not even the plot, which fills in the gap between Black Flag and Assassin's Creed 3 while recounting the fall of the North American Brotherhood, is very satisfying.

So much of Disintegration is just puzzling. It manages to eke out a space in a hybrid genre but never manages to capitalize on this newfound territory. It offers squad upgrades and control over their movement as a group but fails to let you select who to take with you on a mission or give you control over individual units. You’re given a flying hovercraft but you’re constantly butting up against invisible walls and fences one inch higher than you can fly. It’s unfortunate when a game is bad and broken, but it’s a damn shame when a game is forgettable. Disintegration does not feel up to scratch for a game releasing in 2020.

With NBA Live 15, EA Sports makes minimal progress at best, but can't seem to find a solid enough identity for its hoops sim. The gameplay is all over the place, the modes don't show enough improvement, and the visual splendor is dulled over by commentators who feel like they want to be somewhere else.

As is, Airplane Mode doesn’t make it off the runway. I’d rather fly Spirit.

I knew the writing was on the wall when Everybody 1-2 Switch! was announced in the same month that it was released, with little fanfare from Nintendo. Everybody 1-2 Switch! is fun in the same way that watching a bad movie is fun. If you’ve got some good friends together and everyone’s in a silly mood, you might have a good time throwing on Everybody 1-2 Switch and having a laugh at the absurdity of it all. But after about 20 minutes of this, most sensible people will ask you to close the game and launch Mario Kart, Mario Party, or even Switch Sports before they sink more of their precious time into Everybody 1-2 Switch!

Believe me when I say Terminal Reality's three-volume Blair Witch series is a better use of your time. Or better yet, watch the original found footage classic The Blair Witch Project if you haven't already seen it. It may be hokey, but it's culturally significant – and you may actually walk away a bit shaken.

Ultimately, there are better options out there for those itching for a hunting game fix. Hunting Simulator 2 earns points for its selection of licensed firearms and novel hunting companion system, but little else. The whole experience feels unfinished and the lack of attention to detail works to undermine the genuinely good traits it has. 4/10 sad duck calls.

To put it simply, I just didn’t have a good time with God of War Sons of Sparta. This game stepped into an overly crowded space, brought nothing new or interesting to the table, and has this weird, corporate, “how do you do fellow kids” energy with its faux-retro trimmings that don’t have any historical verisimilitude. Sauceless combat, a do-nothing story, and striking lack of personality don’t do any favors to a novel premise and quality voice acting that gave an initially promising first impression. A God of War Metroidvania could have been a productive and exciting use of the IP, especially in a post-Silksong world, but Sons of Sparta doesn’t have a fraction of that juice.

With problematic detection issues, questionable design choices, and an overwrought presentation, Kinect Sports Rivals fails to be the showcase for Kinect it should be. Xbox One's new camera may be next-generation, but you'll be hard-pressed to see that in Rivals.

Now I'm wondering what anybody saw in the original in the first place. The controls and the combat are bad. The story elements are dull. The load times are excruciatingly long and frequent. And visually, it doesn't look very polished, which makes me wonder how this is a remaster. The menus, especially, are an eyesore to look at with giant glaring fonts and ugly textures. The horrible online experience isn't just the icing on the cake, it's like someone took a cake and threw it in a blender without putting the lid on. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Remastered is a lot of things, but a classic is not one of them.

The marketing materials for R.B.I. Baseball 21 makes some bold claims that the end product fails to deliver on. While it does carry the full MLB and players union license, it is a lesser representation of the game of baseball than some of its more-arcadey rivals. It touts features of AAA sports games, yet trips over its own cleats when asked to make a clutch play. The lack of online play will make it a non-starter for many and the aggressively bad animations will disqualify it for anyone hoping for a semi-serious game of baseball. This mess could be cleaned up, but players will need to wait for next year’s outing to find out.

Given its feature film length, one can't help but wonder if the game would've been better served in that format. While there are some interesting puzzles, the overall lack of polish makes it more frustrating than fun to play through. Like the shadows that inspire the game, Contrast just doesn't have much substance.

I couldn't put aside how clunky the controls feel without a controller or mouse/keyboard.

Unsurprisingly, Mutants in Manhattan continues the time-honored tradition of licensed games being a sub-par, disappointing representation of a popular franchise.

I'm really wishing I had opted to play on PlayStation 4, but I would have had to wait longer for code to review, and there is no co-op mode to play with on PS4. The Switch version got several console-specific modes, including Assist Mode, three-player co-op, touchscreen support, and single Joy-Con play. Why Metronomik opted to reward the system least capable of running the game smoothly with additional content like this is beyond me, but I wish all systems supported three-player co-op to avoid these issues.

As I spent my time with the PC version of the game, I’d like to note that EA has once again failed to utilize any advantages provided by the platform to improve the game, outside of support for higher refresh rates. There is still loads of lag and unresponsiveness in menus and during game situations that make no sense. I experienced stuttering at random times across all modes, including hitching during active kick meters or when trying to complete passes. Sometimes, these hitches corresponded to dropped frames and other times not. There still remains loads of visual stutter every time the game swaps between what you control and between-play camera cuts, even when everything is running at 144Hz.

Sadly, while the original Secret of Mana was by no means a flawless experience, the remake's attempt to improve upon the formula has resulted in a game that's markedly inferior by comparison.

Unfortunately, because the pace feels so plodding and this beat 'em up formula doesn't mix particularly well with RPG-style combat, it's hard to recommend coming back for more. I like Treachery in Beatdown City's concept, but it's not something that really worked for me in practice. You can't always mix peanut butter with chocolate and end up with something good.

As a hub for video game preservation, Digital Eclipse's latest is fine. It does the absolute minimum and not a bit more. As a piece of history, though, it’s baffling, incomplete, and rushed. I can’t help but think that perhaps the Jeff Minter story that Digital Eclipse wanted to tell proved too unwieldy and maybe too expensive to fit into this release, and what we end up with is this pared down version. Even that doesn't explain the lack of effort to actually tell a story and put any of Minter's life and work in worthwhile context.