You begin by selecting the background for your on-screen tyrant—anything from leftist journalist to drunken gambler to flatulent womanizer.

This is not the kind of game you’ll enjoy slogging through on your own, but played with a group of other Simpsons fanatics it’s a pretty good time.

An embarrassment. When the players run bowlegged to field a ball, it’s hard to take this game seriously.

The only two things that don’t fly in House Party are illegal substances and Robert Downey Jr., which is too bad since there aren’t any Sim Cops on patrol.

We dare you to find a game package that gives you more bang for your buck—both literally and figuratively.

Though the plodding pace and cutesy atmosphere border on blasphemy, the game’s open-ended design lets you indulge your most megalomaniacal fantasies with ease.

A letdown for NRA enthusiasts, surely, but they will enjoy the best spy perk of all—a license to kill.

If you can overlook minor perspective problems, Onimusha’s intense combat, stunning graphics, and involving story make this a masterpiece hotter than a mouthful of wasabi.

Apart from some cramped environments, the immaculately reincarnated Unreal Tournament is a stone-cold killer.

Triple Play may not be the smartest or most realistic baseball video game, but it’s definitely the best-looking one.

The action is intense, and the super-strong vehicle lets you slam into walls and other racers without worry.

Hilariously crude.

If you have an urge to knock some balls around during the winter, then Tiger Woods might be able to help you out.

The game’s lack of realism (your cars can’t get damaged or dirty) takes away from that devilish feeling that you’re doing something naughty with the family car.

Fans of the genre will probably get their rocks off, but casual gamers will find it a big tease.

The long missions require a lot of patience, but not as much as you needed to sit through the movie.

If you want a glimpse of what the NBA might look like if Vince McMahon were the commissioner, then you owe yourself a look at NBA Hoopz.

If the steep learning curve has you hollering "Mayday!" a little too often, you can always switch sides and play as a Japanese pilot—and plan a little do-it-yourself Pearl Harbor.

Teams of up to four can then venture to visually stunning alien worlds, solving puzzles and wasting anything that moves.

A history of hoops that lets you bring almost every star player (dating back to the 1950s) out of the mothballs.

Despite surprisingly disappointing graphics, RC Revenge Pro takes you back to grade school with more remote-controlled cars than a well-stocked Toys “R” Us.

An adventure game that looks and plays shamelessly like "Tomb Raider," only without the oversized breasts.

Ultra-deep.

Roughly 9,200 people are injured yearly on roller coasters—and here’s your chance to add to the carnage!

The ugly graphics make this feel more "On Her Majesty’s Secret Service" than "Goldfinger."

Sometimes the visual assault becomes so chaotic, you may lose track of your on-screen location. Our advice: Fly blind and keep on shooting.

Get really good and you challenge real women’s champ Jeanette “The Black Widow” Lee in her beach house—where losing your shirt wouldn’t be so bad.

An all-around crowd pleaser with great weapons, exotic locales, and enough mystery to keep you coming back for more.

This isn’t only one of the best looking and most intense PlayStation 2 games, it’s also hands down the loudest.

It’s about time someone used an SUV for more than hauling brats to soccer practice.

If sending a single bullet through someone’s head thousands of yards away sounds like a good Friday night to you, then Silent Scope is right up your alley (and therapy might not be a bad idea, either).

The most visually impressive football game ever.

Two guns up.

There’s no ear biting in Tyson’s animated repertoire (damn!), but there’re plenty of other ways to rearrange your opponent’s face—even though you won’t recognize any of them.

Blocky backgrounds and mushy controls make this about as tasty as a mouthful of yellow snow.

A potent Molotov cocktail of intrigue and fast, bloody action.

Unfortunately, the controls are still choppy compared with Dreamcast blockbuster "Soul Calibur," which defeats the purpose of splurging on a new PlayStation 2.

The scares happen early and often, so we strongly recommend you play this one with the lights turned down and the volume turned up. Just make sure you have a diaper on.

Truly spooky graphics and nut-shriveling sounds.

Now instead of finding public places to trash, you can make and destroy your own property—but we’re not sure that’s nearly as fun.

It looks so realistic that you’d swear that you’re watching a television broadcast—fake-breasted cheerleaders and all.

It’s just too bad that one of [the missions] doesn’t demand that you seduce a curvy, green alien girl, James T. Kirk-style.

The gameplay is so addicting that you might just forget that there’s no chance of Venus Williams’ mini-skirt fluttering up in the wind.

You won’t find any new gameplay features, but what you do get a skies-are-the-limit bevy of new eclectic characters, gaudy furniture, and fancy-pants neighborhoods.

Welcome to the mile-high club.

Keith Jackson is good for an occasional chortle, and brings realism to the game.

A little too complicated for its own good.

Offers enough twists to make us take the bait.

After hours of useless conversation, wasted time, and unrewarding returns, chances are that Seaman will start to remind you of your ex-girlfriends.

Warning: Tenchu 2 requires a lot of patience and exploration, so if you’re looking for a mindless contest, maybe you should turn on a Presidential debate instead.

Sure, it sounds gnarly, but the frustrating control interface and primitive graphics make Surf Riders a wipeout.

You can bludgeon guys with pipes, chuck them into moving traffic, or even mash them face first into sides of roasting beef. What more could a wrestling fan possibly ask for?

(Like some supermodels), there isn’t much to it beyond its looks.

It’s an endless cycle of killing creatures to get bigger weapons so that you can kill even more creatures. But who cares? “Are you not entertained?”

Maybe they should change their names to something catchy, like Fuzzy or Chi-Chi, so we can remember who the hell they are.

Too bad repetitive action, mediocre graphics, and a limited kraut’s-eye-view perspective make slaying Private Ryan and company as predictable as an episode of "Hogan’s Heroes."

Cool options such as friend/foe identification and threat readings, plus the best graphics ever on an N64 game.

Now if we ever come across a “deity wanted” ad in the Sunday classifieds, we’re ready.