For those of you that care, I've gone through an eighth of a liter of scotch since starting this review. And I'm certain that the number of brain cells I've killed is only a small fraction of the number that committed suicide from being exposed to Ju-On. They were lucky.

Combat is satisfying and engaging.

This game is so bad its suckiness doesn’t reveal itself slowly, but rather right away. It’s likely you won’t get halfway through your first race before the boredom sets in.

If the game is patched extensively, there are hints of an interesting enough story to make it worth a playthrough. However, at launch, the amount of game-breaking bugs present makes Broken Porcelain practically unplayable. It’s only because I had the duty to review it that I got as far in as I did, and I doubt the typical gamer will have the patience to get past the first hour.

Even diehard Resident Evil fans should save their money, as I can't think of a single reason anyone should buy this.

Out of the Shadows is yet another bad Ninja Turtles game. Between the game's loud and ugly UI and the glitches, bugs, and general sloppiness, there's only enough hope for the good intentions to improve next time.

Vampire Rain feels like the raw prototype of a fleeting idea. Extra modes and collectibles are all accounted for, and the game isn’t broken, but such a bare, simple title it isn’t worth all the frustration.

Combat is satisfying and engaging.

But the saddest part has to be the staggering number of people who worked on this thing, including some well-respected developers. Just check the credits from the manual. I’m not counting them all, but that’s about 400 names.

The real problem is that the game is frustratingly hard. The camera is wily, and the tall buildings of New York frequently get in your way.

Do not buy Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor. If you do, don't play it.

The worst part about my experience with Godzilla is the fact that it didn't provide laughs or enjoyment because of its poor quality. Instead, I just sat there bored for much of the time as I endlessly destroyed cities and fought other monsters in terribly unbalanced fights. On top of all that, the game costs $60 despite its lack of meaningful content

Here we have a game about a character-driven movie, where the character shines. It may not be stellar, but Napoleon is plenty fun all around.

The game really doesn't offer anything interesting aside from the whole shape-shifting thing, which is does poorly. With empty battles and bland side-quests, the point of it all is lost.

Like a near-death experience, bad games can provide us with a vision of the other side, a gamer’s hell filled with E.T. games and 3DOs. A bad game serves to reminds us why good games are so good, and they cleanse the palette and bring us back to the zero-point of solid game development. If you haven’t guessed already, Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am is one of those terrible, terrible games.

The one major difference between the fake Calvin Kline's and the rip-off game is that you can probably get the GoW2:GOTY edition for the same price or cheaper than the imposter.

The developers spent far too much time making sure Fight Club looked good in screenshots rather than making sure it would look good during play.

Seven hours of virtual failure. The end result is empty, hollow, and more like a free demo download than a solid retail seller.

This was a poor attempt at reviving the franchise, and Front Mission deserves better.

Deadliest Warrior: Ancient Combat does not prove its mettle. Whatever fun you might have ends as quickly as the matches do. It has a glimmer of potential that flickers out in an instant, much like a single-arrow KO that can send you reeling right back to long loading screens.

Ultimately, though, the biggest blow against the game is its brevity. You shouldn't have trouble clearing its single-player mode in two or three hours.

So wildly uninspired, so entirely rote in its design that it barely qualifies as decent merchandising even at its discounted $20 price. The GR judges give this one the finger.

At least you won't have to suffer long as Kung-Fu Rider clocks in at about 4 hours or so of gameplay.

I was happy that The Shield made great use of its police officer premise, but the game really wore me down. It probably doesn’t deserve a critical thrashing, but the gameplay and story can’t compete on today’s shelves.

But beyond the novelty factor and that one Clapton song, there's not much to Power Gig: Rise of the Six String.

Besides the two seconds of fatality joy, the only other redeeming quality of this game is its price. Major retail outlets tag it at about $20. That’s still about $19 overpriced, but at least they’re not trying to pretend this decorative coaster is anything else.

But beyond the novelty factor and that one Clapton song, there's not much to Power Gig: Rise of the Six String.

The developers spent far too much time making sure Fight Club looked good in screenshots rather than making sure it would look good during play.