Call it "Clash of the Whitans," and call it a folly that doesn't have the energy or delirium to qualify as entertaining crap. It's just crap.

A ridiculous futuristic adventure film starring Emilio Estevez as a race-car driver who is captured by forces in the near future - 2009 to be exact - and used in a world-controlling power play. Mick Jagger co-stars, wearing a dyed mop of hair. An indecipherable plot isn't worth the effort. [24 Jan 1992, p.C]

The first starring vehicle for shock comic Andrew Dice Clay, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, turns out to be the kind of detective spoof worn out 30 years ago by Bob Hope and Jerry Lewis, though refitted with salty language, graphic violence and an attitude toward women that makes the Marquis de Sade look like Phil Donahue. [11 Jul 1990, p.18]

If only they didn't cannibalize their source material so much, then take an extreme rule reversal just before the end credits, they might have achieved something original, rather than just a fan-fiction derivation of George A. Romero's canon.

There are flashes of grim humor interspersed with the murders, but not enough wit to elevate this movie beyond its primary identity: grisly revenge fantasy.

With a weak script, utterly unsympathetic characters and a nonsensical plot, it can barely keep plodding along.

There may be better ways to waste your time than seeing this movie.

The Secret of My Success is crushingly bland. Bland, yes, but somewhat chilling, too--particularly in the way Ross and his screenwriters (Jim Cash, Jack Epps Jr. and A.J. Carothers) zero in on their teenage target audience by indulging in the grubbiest of grubby fantasies.

If you are misguided or otherwise unfortunate enough to see Forces of Nature, you will find yourself the next day with but one image, one memory, in your head: Sandra Bullock's teeth. [19 March 1999, Friday, p.A]

Tom Lazarus and Rick Ramage should be ashamed to have written such nonsense.

You have to have faith that kids will recognize a bad movie when it's foisted on them -- and they don't get much worse than The New Guy.

For years I've criticized Murphy for not working with the best directors or powerful female co-stars. But he does that here, and his movie is still a clunker. Relatives are listed in the credits; maybe he needs to stop trying to completely control the films he makes. Either that or it's time for another stand-up concert film. [27 Oct 1995, p.B]

A sincere but clumsy attempt to capture the pain of a man trying to cope with loss and divorce through the ages. [06 May 1994]

The usual bad movie sometimes gives a few chuckles, amuses audiences by making them feel superior. But young director Leonard makes a different kind of bomb. Fascinated with technology, Leonard makes cutting-edge techno-turkeys, with wildly elaborate visuals and ridiculous plots. [4 Aug 1995, pg. I]

In scenes such as hundreds of Natives being slaughtered by U.S. troops behind Gatling guns, we have Tonto and the Lone Ranger acting like a couple of comic-relief ninnies, screwing around aimlessly for laughs on a handcar. It's as if the movie were having a nervous breakdown. At one point the masked man gets his head dragged through horse manure. Watching The Lone Ranger, you know the feeling.

A major problem is that "Encino Man" clings to a shopworn coming-of-age formula instead of taking advantage of the far more original idea that sets it in motion. Dave's story is constantly overshadowed by the potentially much more entertaining spectacle of the caveboy's adjustment to contemporary life. The subtext has pretty much gobbled up the movie's center, leaving it severely out of whack. [22 May 1992, p.B2]

It is hard to imagine a world where films such as Child's Play 2 - essentially, a dim excuse for a prolonged, extremely exploitative display of abused and abusive children - can pass as mainstream entertainment. [13 Nov 1990, p.3C]

It's just a matter of holding your nose until the whole thing is over.

Insipid, ineffective, inept and insulting to our intelligence.

Kinjite is clearly the work of dedicated industry veterans, all of whom decided to go home after lunch. [03 Mar 1989, p.P]

A fatally compromised, half-realized execution. [ 10 Jul 1992]

That this bit of pustulence is based on a video game of the same name is no surprise. It explains the thin plot, characters and abundant gunplay.

There is little suspense in the film; the identity of the killer is heavily foreshadowed early on with a baroque music cue and a couple of menacing glances. And the false endings, which have become standard in this genre ever since "Carrie," reach laughable proportions here, because, yes, there will be a sixth film in the series next year. Have a nice day. [25 March 1985, p.C5]

Sadly, the concept of dialogue is totally lost on the makers of Venom, a laughably bad example of teen-scream movies.

Spends its first three-quarters confronting us with one of the most dislikable characters in recent memory.

To call this picture "Hot Pursuit" is false advertising; "Lethargic Pursuit" would be more accurate. [22 May 1987, p.A]

This latest version is le pits.

Could be the most overblown and confusing example of anime yet, as it piles one pretentious story element on top of another.