A most unfunny comedy about hijinks on the slopes, featuring a short ski patrol leader, a flatulent dog, assorted cutups and a stereotypical black patrol member who sings and dances a lot more than he skis. [19 Jan 1990, p.A]

Is it the worst film of 2019, or simply the most recent misfire of 2019? Reader, I swear on a stack of pancakes: “Cats” cannot be beat for sheer folly and misjudgment and audience-reaction-to-“Springtime for Hitler”-in-“The Producers” stupefaction.

A hideously violent shocker about a woman who is repeatedly raped and castrates her victims. [18 July 1980, p.8]

Father Figures is a movie, ostensibly. I'm pretty sure it is. Moving images were projected, along with recorded sound, which indicates it is a movie, but the effect was so listless, low-energy and profoundly unentertaining that I jotted down in my notes "what even IS this?" It would be more accurate to describe the experience as a nearly two-hour borderline hostage situation, with torture involving bad, offensive and unfunny "comedy."

I didn't laugh once during the entire film-not at the slapstick, not at the humor, all of which is pitched at the preschool level. [25 March 1988, p.A]

The result just might be the most hypocritical feature in the history of film as well as the history of hypocrisy, and along with serving beer, I hope they show I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell in hell.

Nothing in this movie is properly focused; everyone keeps talking about a character whom we never meet and does not matter; the tone keeps slipping around from indolent satire to thudding sincerity, and the Challenger shuttle disaster backdrop is queasy-making at best, offensive at worst.