For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
854 movie reviews
    • 54 Metascore
    • 35 Simon Abrams
    While Sniper: The White Raven sometimes delivers solid meat-and-potatoes action movie violence, the rest of the film only confirms the hellish nature of war, which we’ve all seen before.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The unsettling mood and creeping pace of the Indonesian horror movie The Queen of Black Magic take some getting used to.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The movie’s cast members all seem to understand their assignments, which makes even the sketchiest material seem more robust. There’s also more technical polish, as well as a general knack for comic timing, than you might expect from a remake of “The Toxic Avenger.”
    • 54 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Cassel’s Gauguin may ultimately be a lightweight cinematic descendant of the monstrous European pioneers that Klaus Kinski played in Aguirre, the Wrath of God and Fitzcarraldo, but he’s also both menacing and pitiable enough to make Gauguin: Voyage to Tahiti riveting on a moment-to-moment basis.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    This sleepy and visually murky black-and-white drama belabors the same banal truisms about memory and role-playing during wartime –basically, it’s impossible to maintain your autonomy when you’re only a pawn in a complicated game — and tends to be more interesting to think about than to watch.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The British WWII drama “Munich - The Edge of War” starts off as a prim spy thriller and ends as an insufferable civics lesson.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 67 Simon Abrams
    In this case, Eckhart exudes the sort of unselfconscious paternal energy that’s needed to keep things moving in between the familiar, but well-executed disaster movie story beats. He almost single-handedly makes Deep Water a better-than-average genre exercise, though the bloody shark attacks and corny banter don’t hurt either.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    There’s a definite beginning, a doughy middle, and a gaping end to “Project Wolf Hunting,” but they somehow don’t cohere into a feature-length spectacle.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    While some of the film's wide emotional turns—from over-caffeinated road movie to magically-realistic melodrama and back again—are not handled with care, the film is more than the sum of its unequal parts.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    We meander from one story to the next until every idea, big and small, gets cast aside with childish zeal.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The biggest difference between the two films is that "Unfriended" is dynamic and cruel while Unfriended: Dark Web is unbelievably stupid and sadistic. Neither movie is especially smart or incisive about the Way We Live Now, but they don't really have to be.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Worse still: because The Emperor's New Clothes is often beholden to the whims of Brand (star of "Get Him to the Greek," and that tedious "Arthur" remake nobody saw), it too often feels like "Button-Pushing Encounters with Russell Brand."
    • 53 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Ray and his co-stars’ easy chemistry makes you want to hang out with Will, if only to see where the plot twist takes him. “Destroy All Neighbors” wouldn’t really work without that essential playfulness; the fact that it works at all suggests that Ms. Lee and her team are the movie’s real MVPs.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Whatever promise the “V/H/S” horror anthology franchise started with is barely present in V/H/S/85, a low-energy potboiler that promises to transport genre fans back to the analog past for some reason.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Chinese blockbuster Monster Hunt is a sappy, crowd-pleasing, tonally wonky fantasy-adventure/comedy that pits dorky-looking monsters against over-acting cornball comedians/monster-hunters.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    The consistently disjointed ensemble dramedy She Came to Me never settles on a sensible tone to match its anxious, but well-meaning characters, most of whom are neither so ridiculous nor so tragic to be either laugh aloud funny or convincingly dramatic.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Judgmental and ungenerous, Alex’s story gives you enough answers to either tsk-tsk or nod sadly in response. The rest’s up to you, the viewer, which feels like a bit of a cop-out.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Finley deserves credit for adding extra wrinkles to Anderson’s story, but Landscape with Invisible Hand doesn’t cut deep enough to leave a mark.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Plays like a sampler of Dreamworks Animation's worst creative impulses: sugar-rush pacing, pandering meta-gags, and a slick, flavorless animation style.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Writer/director Sam Hoffman's trite dramedy about personal redemption delivers mediocre performances.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    If you're wondering where the Jim Carrey of "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" and "Dumb and Dumber" fame went, don't look to Mr. Popper's Penguins for answers.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    At some point, queasy horror-comedy Another Evil stops being about one man's comically vain attempts at exorcising his home, and starts being a weird character study about a laughably desperate wannabe exorcist.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Hovannisian's documentary would be much more convincing if he picked a single aspect of Tankian’s activism—or composing, or personality—and considered it in greater detail.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    It's a confrontational fever dream film told from constantly shifting perspectives, and a chilly, dizzying trip into a genre defined by violently conflicting emotions.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    If anything unites On Any Sunday: The Next Chapter's cyclists, it's Brown and Rousseau's inability to highlight their subjects' most singular qualities.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    This new holiday chiller mostly idles when it should charge at its most unsound ideas.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Dog Eat Dog may be successfully alienating, but that doesn't mean it's entertaining, thoughtful or even successfully provocative.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Hypnotic may not be clever or energetic enough to keep your mind from wandering, but it is charming in its own stumbling way.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 0 Simon Abrams
    It's monumentally terrible. "Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son" now has competition for worst picture of the year.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    There may be nothing new about America Underdog, but it’s still good enough, as far as non-perishable comfort food goes.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    How badly do you want to see rabid computer-generated zombie-monkeys die violently? Because there's not much else worth recommending in [Rec] 4: Apocalypse.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    It's uneven, and more than a little mystifying, but Rigor Mortis is also a bittersweet coda to a deliriously silly series of films.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    The wispy depression drama A Mouthful of Air floats more weighty ideas about mental illness and suicidal ideation than its episodic narrative can accommodate.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    While it has a couple of appreciably goofy flourishes, the proudly crass horror-comedy Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich is sadly more boring than offensive despite its superficially controversial high-concept premise.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Christina Ricci does most, if not all, of the emotional lifting in the lightweight horror drama Monstrous, a period piece about a single mom and her son who, in 1955, run away from home and re-settle in an isolated lakeside house.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    With “The 4:30 Movie,” a lightly likable coming-of-age story and romantic-comedy, writer/director Kevin Smith (“Clerks III,” “Jay and Silent Reboot”) offers low-stakes nostalgia and very little else.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    The Good Doctor isn't a ponderous bore because Blake isn't a strictly good or bad character: It sucks because he isn't even a compelling character.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    For better and worse, Gone in the Night feels like the directorial debut of a podcaster, somebody who knows the value of storytelling novelty and has a gift for narrative economy, but also suggests more by the grace of good casting than their own singular talents.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Tepid ghost story Insidious: Chapter 3 tries and fails to emphasize character-driven drama over cheap, jump-scare-intensive thrills.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    A coming-of-age drama that's also Southern Gothic ghost story, is an unusual, ambitious failure, mostly because the film's hyper-naturalistic style is meant to evoke a supernatural mood.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Lodgers needs to be better than a great mood in need of a decent story and stronger characters.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    While zombie drama Maggie seems intended as a showcase for Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting range, the star's performance is smothered by the film's deeply affected style.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Greed is never the sum of its best parts since other actors — especially Jamie Blackley, who, playing young McCreadie in a series of flashbacks, is fine but relatively disappointing — can’t pull off the movie’s delicate balance of broad humor and po-faced drama.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    It’s the quasi-gothic scenario that’s amusing here, and it’s as fraught as it is straight-forward. That and a perverse sense of humor puts “Amelia’s Children” over the top, though it’s never quite ha-ha hard enough to be satirical, nor sincere enough to be campy.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    A sleepy, but pleasantly surprising action-adventure, Ragnarok is the rare Spielberg clone that feels like it was made by people that not only know what they like about Spielberg's films, but are capable of evoking them.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Barker's tactlessness wouldn't be so bad if he weren't too high on his own patchwork rhetoric to ask his subjects what specifically motivates them.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The film's relentlessly quirky style of comedy is consequently very self-conscious. Every joke in Ping Pong Summer is a variation on a theme: 1985 was the most awkward time to be alive.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The East is essentially divided into two halves, and neither is more illuminating than the other.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    The three lead actors are limited by their characters' kiddy-pool-shallow behavior.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Some of the familiar and faithfully recreated twists and turns of the original “One Cut of the Dead” still land here, but not enough to make this leaden remake seem endearing or zany enough to pick through.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Kuso may often feel unproductively loud, and monotonous, but it is a head-scratcher worth contending with.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The Neon Demon only works when Refn finds the right middle ground between obliquely hinting at and explicitly spelling out what his movie's about.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    A gonzo ten-minute standoff between Adrien Brody and a man-eating pitbull single-handedly justifies the existence of the otherwise uninspired heist thriller Bullet Head.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Love may not always be enjoyable, but it leaves an abiding mark.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Sam's racist behavior may be intended to make him a menacing sign of our times, but such unbelievable mustache-twirling makes him as threatening as a C-grade Freddy Krueger knockoff.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    A largely genial but frequently wearying feature-length toy ad.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Killing bigots is a fine enough pretext for this sort of watered-down post-grindhouse entertainment, but if you’re honestly going to go there, you can’t stop til you’re past the point of apology.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    There’s ultimately too much strained seriousness in The Song of Names' dramatically flimsy and symbolically heavy episodic narrative, making Girard and Caine’s already dated feel-good historical drama seem especially tacky.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Rock-dumb Hong Kong thriller That Demon Within is exhausting, and only sometimes batshit enough to be engaging.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Just watch 11 Minutes like you're channel-surfing, only you don't have the remote and the roar of static between stations is steadily growing louder as the channels switch back-and-forth, faster and faster.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Director Jackie Earle Haley's Criminal Activities is the worst kind of Tarantino clone, one with no gas in the tank, and no clue about how to pull off Tarantino's swagger.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Pegg and Temple’s responsive, well-attuned performances are actually the most frustrating things about Lost Transmissions since they’re good enough to make you want to care, even when their characters don’t seem to be worth caring about.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Watching Smith's buddies pay him heartfelt tribute is one thing, but that doesn’t make spending so much time (115 minutes???) with his fawning co-conspirators feel much less oppressive.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The film's biggest problem is a matter of tone and characterization: the characters constantly talk about how mean they can be, but their actions suggest otherwise.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Amateurishly realized sensationalism trumps character-driven drama throughout Killers.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Wan’s never been the most technically adept or sophisticated storyteller, but his weaknesses as a filmmaker are especially apparent throughout.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Hardcore Henry is like a good roller-coaster in that it does not require a complex reason to be: it's there, it's fun, you ride it, and that's about it.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    If you enjoy watching barrel-penned fish get got with a BB gun, you're bound to love Vicious Fun. Vicious Fun courts that kind of glib dismissal since so much of the movie reassures viewers that its creators are also addicted to the formulaic slasher movies that they kind of, sort of mock.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Come for Ku's joyful choreography, stay for Yen's most memorable post-comeback performance.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Sappy, slow, and mostly effective.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Kung Fu Yoga doesn't feel like a young man's film. Normally that would be a cause for celebration, but in this case, Chan's latest doesn't just address, but rather shows his age.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Corfixen celebrates her husband for being open in his work, but never shows us how his real-life concerns translate into commendable creative risk-taking.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Ride On isn’t a generic beat-em-up but a stingy elegy to a bygone era of filmmaking and an unbelievable melodrama about an older artist and his estranged daughter. A lot of emotional baggage is attached to Ride On, and very little of it gets unpacked.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Not bad enough to dissuade prospective viewers' from their curiosity. In fact, the whole feather-light affair is practically redeemed by a single entry: writer/director Anthony Scott Burns' superbly spooky Father's Day segment.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Eventually, the lack of werewolf-related carnage is the least concerning thing about My Animal.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Skiptrace proves that nothing can stop Jackie Chan, not even poor judgment.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    An unconvincing sequel to the 1994 original that’s basically the Scandinavian answer to recent trauma-minded American horror legacy-quels like “Halloween Ends” and “Scream VI.”
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Vault is not, in other words, just derivative—it’s also flabby and bland.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This isn’t a story, but an evocative collection of asked-and-answered prompts. You buy a ticket to Pacifiction and then you react, until the nudging stops.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, the best and worst thing about director Dominique Rocher and his two co-writers’ scenario is its familiarity.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Nothing in “Shelter” develops beyond the suggestion of an idea. A sleepy vehicle for action star Jason Statham, “Shelter” piles on cliches and expects viewers to supply enough goodwill to compensate for its shortcomings.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Trash's creators never say anything thoughtful or useful about the extreme violence they liberally — and irresponsibly — use to characterize third-world adolescence.
    • 50 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    So weak on a basic storytelling level that it makes you want to nitpick everything about it, from characters' generically illogical decisions (ex: Why are you running towards mounted guns?) to its cheap-looking, jiggly hand-held cinematography.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Against the Ice delivers all the delirious period drama thrills and survival horror angst that you could want from a movie with that title.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    So while not everything works in Black Christmas, the stuff that does is ultimately what matters most.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    I've never participated in Blackout, but based on The Blackout Experiments, I can tell you that it's an intense, aggressively confrontational and deeply disturbing recreational experience.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    A tone-deaf celebration of Manhattan’s ritzy Carlyle Hotel.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Body feels downright old-fashioned: a thriller with tension that doesn't stem from gore, jump scares, or other cheap shock tactics, but rather a creeping dread that grows with each red herring, and slow-burn plot twist.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Something like a trippy grindhouse homage whose familiar images are refracted through a prism of blacklight posters, Jodorowsky films, and even Rob Zombie's grungy psychotropic sensibility.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    As gory as it is corrosively cynical, a supernatural mood piece that's equally influenced by the arthouse horror movies of David Lynch and Roman Polanski, and the grindhouse-ready Satanic Panic films of the '70s, like "To the Devil a Daughter," and "The Devil Rides out."

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