For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
854 movie reviews
    • 37 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Face of an Angel may not be like any other whodunit you've seen, but it's also only superficially smarter than the genre it defines itself against.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Arizona might have worked better as a smart-ass social commentary if its tsk-tsking of consumerist myopia wasn't so consistently on the nose and its plot didn't swiftly devolve into slasher movie cliches.
    • 77 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Watching La Flor is like being on the last legs of a road trip with a group of people you’ve grown increasingly alienated from. Look at the happy artists, they’re having fun playing with themselves; good for them, can I go home now?
    • 65 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Leo
    If you’re watching Leo, it should be to see Vijay show off in between animal attacks, car flips, and celebrity cameos. And even if you don’t expect much from Leo, it still might give you exactly what you need.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Rarely goes so far over the top that it loses you completely. It is, to put it mildly, not subtle. But if you watch it expecting to see a dumb idea executed with appreciable skill, you'll have a blast.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    A relentless, but emotionally well-balanced character study of Hikari (Keita Ninomiya) and his bandmates as they receive a series of transformative reality checks, and also perform post-millennial garage rock that sounds like a cross between post-shoegaze emo rock and video-game-style chiptunes.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    As a performer, Fischbach’s frantic performance can sometimes be distractingly monotonous, but as a filmmaker, he has an impressive eye not only for compositional details, but also for how his images cut and flow together.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    It’s time in a bottle and a pleasure to soak up.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    There’s not much to Porumboiu’s latest beyond a surplus of plot twists and double crosses.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    With his rich coming-of-age drama The Hand of God, Italian filmmaker Paolo Sorrentino not only courts, but squashes comparisons to formative maestro Federico Fellini.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Fassbinder's sumptuous 205-minute epic is intriguing as a prototype for later and more palatably cynical sci-fi standards like "Blade Runner" or even "Total Recall."
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Bleeding Steel is also unfortunately just one film in a string of lackluster globe-trotting action films that struggle to confirm Chan's decades-old self-image as a pop cultural ambassador.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    An irrepressibly charming B-movie that never over-stays its welcome, and is both conceptually clever and admirably well-executed.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Mud
    Mud is as unmoving as it is because it doesn’t aspire to be anything other than a competent anti-fairy tale in which the paint-by-number morals are enforced by equally obvious main protagonists.
    • 76 Metascore
    • 83 Simon Abrams
    The resulting drama might have been exasperating for its surface passivity if Pálmason’s faith in his actors and other regular collaborators, as well as his knack for composition (he’s also the movie’s cinematographer), didn’t pay off so regularly and so viscerally.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    An exhausting, and mostly frustrating display of emotional scab-picking.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Even the most open-minded viewers may have difficulty relating to the two lead protagonists in Border, a cynical Swedish romantic-fantasy that follows estranged border patrolwoman Tina (Eva Melander) and her unconvincing attraction to Byronic stranger Vore (Eero Milonoff).
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This isn’t a story, but an evocative collection of asked-and-answered prompts. You buy a ticket to Pacifiction and then you react, until the nudging stops.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The new French voodoo/gothic drama Zombi Child is mostly satisfying, but also a little frustrating because of its creators’ walking-on-shells sensitivity.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Thor: The Dark World's characters are often very charming, but they're only so much fun when they're stuck going through the motions.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A few compelling emotions and themes are suggested but rarely well expressed in Nimona, a sometimes cute but mostly hyper and overextended animated sci-fi fantasy.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Hark's new film is a consummately bizarre crowd-pleaser that throws everything at the viewer from makeshift plastic surgery by acupuncture to death by spontaneous combustion.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    I can't think of another recent domestic drama that is simultaneously so optimistic and so melancholic.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Some of the familiar and faithfully recreated twists and turns of the original “One Cut of the Dead” still land here, but not enough to make this leaden remake seem endearing or zany enough to pick through.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Carpignano’s impressionistic plot and pseudo-naturalistic style also tends to boil down human emotions so as to only suggest rather than reveal complexity. The limiting style and characterizations in A Chiara are only so thoughtful.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Sunada's critical distance makes Kingdom of Dreams and Madness the clear-eyed celebration that Ghibli's artists deserve.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Point and Shoot consequently feels like a film made by a storyteller — not a journalist — who doesn't know he can ask follow-up questions.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Fairrie’s unfocused examination of anti-Semitism illuminates little.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    It's as visually indistinct and paint-by-numbers-plot-driven as most Marvel Comics-based projects, especially the gaggle of recent Avengers-related films.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    The corridors of power are narrow and spider-vein-thin in Full River Red but still well-traveled and precisely navigated by Zhang and his well-synchronized collaborators.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    I often wished there was more to Hatching than just a few weak digs at bad mothers who are a little too online. Maybe you have to be Finnish to see Hatching as a blistering and culturally specific satire. Or maybe there’s just not much to get about the movie.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Children of the Sea is consequently yet another animated fantasy based on hackneyed tropes, like sprite-like martyrs, the guiding hands of fate, and vague nostalgia for a pre-technological past.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The funniest thing about “Daaaaalí!” is how often Dupieux succeeds at tricking you into thinking that he’s about to zig when he’s clearly ready to zag. It’s not a sophisticated bit, but Dupieux’s commitment to illogical anti-humor remains pretty disarming.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Smoking Causes Coughing works because Dupieux’s already been here and done similar things before. This is just a superior collection of shaggy dog jokes.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    So while Cheatin' does have a narrative spine, it's most entertaining when it's hardest to pin down.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    What “How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies” lacks in subtlety, it more than compensates for in its range of feeling and the surprising depth of its feel-good reassurances.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    The premise of My Big Night is fine, but the film's execution is what really sells it.
    • 22 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    While the first Children of the Corn was made on a reported budget of $800,000, it somehow doesn’t look as cheap as this new Children of the Corn, which eventually delivers just enough formulaic violence.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, much of Cryptozoo feels like an earnest, flashy genre exercise that’s more eccentric than thoughtful. It looks great on paper, but not so much on a screen.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    It's a confrontational fever dream film told from constantly shifting perspectives, and a chilly, dizzying trip into a genre defined by violently conflicting emotions.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Kill tics off most of the essential boxes for a good popcorn flick, making it easy to resist but harder to pass up.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Superior found-footage horror film Creep tellingly loses steam after it stops being a rote but tense game of chicken between a normcore derangoid (he likes hikes, hugs, and pancakes) and his wary victim.
    • 74 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The makers of Going to Mars do right by Giovanni by showing how she speaks for herself.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    A spectacularly miscalculated historical epic.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Dupieux’s latest will either annoy or charm you depending on how much you appreciate being led around by the nose by a filmmaker and a cast of characters who seem pretty committed to jerking you around.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Emperor is lousy in the same way that many other mediocre slave narratives are: it re-presents a dark period in American history without being inspired or insightful enough to be worth your curiosity or emotional investment.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Until her plight becomes emotionally engaging during the film's creepy finale 20-30 minutes, watching Most Beautiful Island is an unproductively unpleasant experience.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Sleazy Australian kidnapping drama Hounds of Love will make you wish you were watching a more traditionally nihilistic horror film.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Not Going Quietly credibly highlights the “moral stakes” of Barkan’s cause, as one of his colleague says, with a welcome mix of candor and artful consideration.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Gibney may encourage viewers to condemn the police, but his self-righteous editorializing doesn’t make up for the lack of convincing evidence.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    It’s nice to see that the first horror movie to specifically address our present hellish circumstances is as unpretentious and tidy as it is.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The Surrender accomplishes a lot with a sketch-sized story and matching compositional agility and precision. It’s short (less than 90 minutes!) and sweet and the best kind of upsetting.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Yeon's patient direction and clever plot twists make Seok-woo's transformation from selfish antihero into brave caregiver consistently compelling.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    One of the main pleasures of watching The Raft, a new documentary that combines decades-old footage of the Acali's 101-day voyage with modern-day commentary by the ship's six surviving crew mates, is that the Acali's story isn't just told from Genoves's self-mythologizing perspective.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Don't let the tacky American-friendly title of Kill Zone 2 fool you: the martial arts genre's next big thing is here, and it is way meaner, more technically accomplished, and more exciting than its disappointing marketing strategy implies.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Witching and Bitching is accordingly overlong, and conceptually thin. But like most of de la Iglesia's films, it's also freakishly energetic, and often hysterical.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The film's retro, John Carpenter-esque synthesizer score, composed by Jeff Grace, further pushes viewers away.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This movie’s not frustrating because it’s blunt or vicious, but because its creators are only so interested in a world condemning Agnes to a dire fate. Her actions may ultimately be shocking, but her story is anything but.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    That opening scene is also, in retrospect, somewhat depressing for the way that it conflates a glib fatalism with an unbelievable sort of turn-the-other-cheek optimism ("If they hurt others, it's because they hurt, too,” as Benedicta says in one scene).
    • 73 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Woo and Tjahjanto not only share a half-cynical, half-romantic view of violence but also likely some of the same influences. What sets them apart as filmmakers isn’t where or how much they’ve swiped but how well they synthesize their apparent pulp fiction love into something new and cinematic.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Francisco’s committed and surprisingly nuanced performance makes it easier to invest in the movie’s otherwise unexplained style of magical realism.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    I found myself captivated by The Devil's Candy because of how well Embry conveys his character's angst-y struggle to understand himself.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Oppressively bleak mood piece Alléluia is a horror film for people who like to be scared by a grim, joyless and thoroughly depressing character study.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    James Murphy never says that his music will sound different after LCD Soundsystem disbands, so why fearfully anticipate a change that we don't even know is coming?
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    This might have been a better movie if its creators embraced their fitful bloodthirst. Instead, they seem to hope that you like these stock characters enough that you’ll gasp when their friends and enemies inevitably bite the dust. A machine to kill vague people, “Whistle” never delivers on its frightful promise.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Liang and Zhang’s young heroes would be far more universal if they were just credibly hormonal.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Weathering With You, Shinkai’s latest animated romantic-fantasy to be released in America, has the same spark of ingenuity and consistency of vision as his earlier work.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    A Finnish ensemble comedy about a wannabe black metal band, is probably the only film you'll see this year with a crowd-surfing corpse. Don't let the last part of that sentence dissuade you from seeing Heavy Trip: it's a real crowdpleaser.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Farrier doesn’t really take us to any dark corners of Organ’s life that he can’t talk his way out of, but Mister Organ does capture the miasmic anxiety that surrounds his mysterious subject.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Mistaken for Strangers doesn't reveal anything about Tom but his own insecurity.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    So really, what's great about "Master Z" isn't the way that its creators transcend their chosen formula, but rather how they perfect it.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Come for the gory swordplay, stay for the half-serious melodrama.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The film may be cinematic comfort food, but its creators do earn our trust and nail all the essential beats they need to along the way.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 90 Simon Abrams
    Xu (The Sword Identity) may not be a household name, but The Final Master proves that he's the next big thing in martial-arts cinema.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Aat some point, every character in Youth falls out of love with the way of seeing the world. That kind of anti-epiphany is major—not on a universal, but rather a personal scale.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 90 Simon Abrams
    Haunted by death-obsessed men of action, Un Flic (A Cop) is a fitting final act for noir master Jean-Pierre Melville
    • 72 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    So if you're wondering if you should see He Never Died or not, consider how much time you want to spend in Rollins's company. He proves himself to be as charming as a younger Arnold Schwarzenegger, but his appeal is just as limited.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A puzzle movie with too many unnecessary pieces and not enough essential ones, but it's superior to its predecessor in a few basic ways.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Siva rarely challenges his charming ensemble cast to step outside of their comfort zones, but he and his collaborators still deliver a lot of what you might want from an action-musical about a pack of murderous, but righteous pirates.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    With the uninspired pity party comedy The Day After, self-lacerating Korean dramatist Sang-soo Hong continues a trend towards un-productive self-loathing that began last year with the half-empty "On the Beach At Night Alone" and continued with the half-full "Claire's Camera."
    • 72 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Doomsdays is winsome because it embraces its narcissistic subjects without asking viewers to forget that they've just befriended a couple of selfish dillholes.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The bittersweet Korean drama Aloners works best when it’s a character study about an isolated thirtysomething’s behavior instead of whatever her creators think should be done about it.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 65 Simon Abrams
    If you like unabashedly corny teen romances, there’s a fair chance that the sheer too-much-ness of The Quintessential Quintuplets Movie will appeal to you.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    The canned British character study Mogul Mowgli disappoints on a few levels, especially given its admirable focus on authenticity and cultural identity in a kitchen-sink drama about Zed (Riz Ahmed), an aspiring British Pakistani rapper.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Volf’s refusal to address key choices that Callas made to shape her own career and fight her insecurities suggests that he’d prefer to imagine Callas as a victim of fate — and bronchitis, fame, Onassis, etc. — instead of a strong-willed but human prima donna.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Lowe's attempts at getting into anti-heroine Ruth's head are largely unsuccessful, though her performance is sometimes effectively hysterical.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Like the anime series, Jujutsu Kaisen 0 sometimes feels too much like a Cliffs Notes adaptation, despite also featuring more interaction between the supporting characters and the lead protagonist than the original manga.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Bonello knows exactly when he's said just enough, and that makes the experience of watching Nocturama more engaging.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Best of all: you don't have to wait until a concluding set piece for To to prove his prowess as a storyteller.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    A giddy chase scene almost singlehandedly rescues Escape from Mogadishu, an otherwise unmoving South Korean political thriller about the real-life Korean diplomats who fled Somalia during that country’s 1991 civil war.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Disappointing because its creators don't do anything interesting with a fairly novel theme: a mother's possessive love for her estranged daughter.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Writer/director Tomer Heymann's uneven doc Mr. Gaga offers a character study of Israeli dance choreographer Ohad Naharin, but the scope and power of Naharin's art only becomes clear when the dancers illustrate rather than comment on his distinctively twitchy, animalistic "gaga" style of movement.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    As It Is in Heaven ultimately doesn't go anywhere unexpected, but it does foster a potent, unexpected bond between its subjects and its audience.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    If only Baker and the gang had fleshed out horny hero Pikelet’s journey with the same earthy details that make Pikelet and Loonie’s friendship seem real enough to be worth mourning.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    King Car may leave viewers wondering about a number of basic questions (mostly related to the plot), but it also often feels open and precise enough to work on its own terms.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Neville briefly showcases individual musicians but never sticks with them long enough to highlight their skills.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Vesper doesn’t just ask viewers to root for one more hopeless case as she struggles to triumph over adverse living conditions. Instead, it asks us to spend time with a young protagonist who thinks she’s on the verge of a breakthrough and leads us to constantly worry that she might be wrong.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Some people might enjoy a solitary clip from a Henry Rollins interview, as well as occasional anecdotes from “Rescue Dawn” star Christian Bale (another Batman!). Others might wonder why we’re watching a chaotic docu-salute to Herzog when we could be watching a Herzog movie instead.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Established “My Hero Academia” fans will probably enjoy Class 1-A’s typically endearing group dynamic, even if none of the jokes in the movie are that great. And their big fight with Nine is genuinely well-staged and climactic, thanks to some impressive computer graphics and director Kenji Nagasaki’s thoughtful staging and choreography.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Granted, the movie does feature a few endearingly goofy scenes where Cage acts like Humphrey Bogart, with sweat on his brow, a stogie in his mouth, and a haughty putdown for anybody who makes eye contact with him. But he basically already did that in Paul Schrader’s underwhelming 2016 Ed Bunker adaptation “Dog Eat Dog.”

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