For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
854 movie reviews
    • 60 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A light touch doesn’t suit the heavy themes in The Power, a horror psychodrama that’s specifically concerned with sexual misconduct and then more generally about the abuse of (you guessed it) power at a London hospital.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    This Changes Everything isn't a game-changer, but it is jarring enough to be scary.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The film may be cinematic comfort food, but its creators do earn our trust and nail all the essential beats they need to along the way.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The main distinguishing feature of this film is its almost-novel nesting-doll plot structure, and passing thematic interest in its narrative's formulaic nature.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    These episodic sketches immediately feel monotonous since the plot isn't arranged in chronological or sequential order; leaps in time from 1945 back to 1941 and then forward to eventually 1944 are a distracting overcompensation for an otherwise lifeless chain of impersonal betrayals, cold-blooded murders, and unbelievable moping from all involved.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    Despite its title, Drew: The Man Behind the Poster is not a documentary about movie poster artist Drew Struzan. Instead, Struzan's poster art is the film's real subject.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    What Taylor and his game cast, led by Selma Blair and Nicolas Cage, do get right will leave you excited, and eager for more.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Only the most committed genre fans and academic-minded masochists will want to hang around until the bitter, arthouse-meets-choose-your-own-adventure style ending.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Rather than dig into what’s specifically changing about their relationship, Duplass and Eslyn focus on armchair psychology and black-box speeches to explain away what’s really going on with these two men.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Writer/director Barnaby Clay successfully keeps viewers on our toes, even if a lot of his movie feels like a series of programmatic jabs at our complacence.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Too bad The Djinn is often as plodding as it is impersonal. This movie crawls whenever it needs to sprint.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 58 Simon Abrams
    Pretty Lethal doesn’t even fully take flight once it finally escapes the realm of good taste, though it does feature a handful of standout moments and images. You might scratch your head a few times, but you also may enjoy yourself if you only want the filmmakers to embrace their unhinged high-concept premise
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    It's for-horror-nuts-only, but if you can see it with a rowdy crowd, Dead Snow 2 will appreciate exponentially.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Dead Lands doesn't add up to much, but it is always on the verge of becoming more than just a bed time story for guys that wish "Braveheart" had a biceps-kissing baby with "Ong Bak."
    • 59 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The movie’s half-hearted jokes, on frustrated women artists and their blind male collaborators, tend to be one-note and thankfully besides the point. But if you adjust your expectations, you’re more likely to accept Lux Aeterna as a vigorously realized doodle.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    It's not a complicated narrative, possibly because the movie’s designed for younger viewers. But the conception of “Drifting Home” is so stunted that its only memorable thing is its untapped potential.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    A tepid situation comedy in indie drama drag, "The Black Sea" lacks a sense of urgency beyond a few moments of canned tension between Khalid and Georgi (Stoyo Mirkov), a haughty Bulgarian fisherman.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Wu and Lin have great chemistry, but only because Chow was smart enough to reimagine Journey to the West as a rare character-driven big-budget action-adventure — the kind of thing Americans might love if they knew it existed.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    This movie is progressive intentionally, but not formally, and the difference between its creators’ themes and consideration is unfortunately glaring.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Deepsea Challenge has too little interest in anything that's not Cameron's personal experience.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Burial has a hard enough core, both in terms of its central premise and its pulpy tropes, that for about 30 minutes, it almost works as a decent B-movie, right before it unceremoniously falls apart.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    There doesn’t seem to be a romantic-comedy cliché missing from the bland French domestic Back to Burgundy, a wholly contrived post-adolescent coming-of-age yarn.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Veiel’s refreshingly open-ended approach invites you to find your own answers.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Baskin does what many horror films try and fail to do: it makes you feel like you're a passive prisoner/spectator, watching as an especially vivid nightmare unfolds.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Tokyo Tribe, an adaptation of a popular Japanese manga, is bound to charm viewers — both the uninitiated and the diehard fans of director Sion Sono ("Why Don't You Play in Hell," "Love Exposure") — with its boundless energy ... for a while, anyway.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 100 Simon Abrams
    Everything matters in Cronenberg's Cosmopolis, but not everything is necessarily the same as DeLillo's book. And that makes the film, as a series of discussions about inter-related money-minded contradictions, insanely rich and maddeningly complex. We can't wait to rewatch it.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Gibney may encourage viewers to condemn the police, but his self-righteous editorializing doesn’t make up for the lack of convincing evidence.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The first and maybe biggest problem facing viewers when they watch The Spine of Night is its drab and dramatically inert animation style.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Before its typically inoffensive and unmemorable finale, Four Samosas inevitably skids into a self-conscious Anderson parody that even the uninitiated will see coming from miles off.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, The Deer King fatally (and repeatedly) stalls as its plot starts winding down and its creators lunge for a character-driven moral to a symbolically freighted parable.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Sun Choke is, after all, a melodrama, so you have to believe in Hagan's character. All of the impressionistic cinematography and special effects in the world couldn't save the film if you didn't care enough about Hagan's performance.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Believer works best as a series of perpetually escalating confrontations.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    With Nocebo, Finnegan and his collaborators have put their finger on something dark and disturbing. Too bad it’s never as upsetting as it is suggestive.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    While it doesn't cohere into anything more substantial than a collection of self-loathing anxieties, Japanese teledrama Penance is effectively unnerving on a scene-for-scene basis thanks to writer/director Kiyoshi Kurosawa's preference for ambience over character-driven drama.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    A prime example of a horror omnibus film: even the weaker segments have something to recommend them.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Informative but tedious talking-head doc Our Man in Tehran is for anyone who watched Argo and then wished to hear a ditzy, history-obsessed uncle ramble about the real-life political stakes of the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Is it worth seeing? Yes, but only if you enjoy being grossed out.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 0 Simon Abrams
    If Retaliation were a friend, you’d eventually avoid them.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 83 Simon Abrams
    The Lords of Salem is a product of Zombie’s better creative impulses, so it’s ok that it also features several of his worse indulgences, too.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 55 Simon Abrams
    Neither the action scenes nor the musical numbers stand out though, and none of the characters or their performers transcend their expected roles.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Rabbit Trap, a supernatural drama about a young couple haunted by a creepy child, revels in the tropes and tics of a few decades’ worth of British folk horror.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    R100 is, consequently, a comedy that tries to alienate you by suggesting that escapism is futile, all things inevitably devolve, and nothing inherently means anything.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Stone-faced martial-arts star Donnie Yen does a lot with a little in wuxia weepy Ip Man 3, the rare kung fu film whose sentimental dialogue scenes are just as good as its stripped-down action sequences.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 60 Simon Abrams
    The darkly funny American indie drama Small Engine Repair works best when it’s a hangout comedy starring three schlubby New England burnouts.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The film patly confirms what "The Lion King" already taught '90s kids: we should take comfort in knowing that everything in life is natural when seen as part of the "circle of life," as surprisingly effective voiceover narrator John Krasinski reminds us.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    A week after seeing The Wandering Earth, I'm still marveling at how good it is. I can't think of another recent computer-graphics-driven blockbuster that left me feeling this giddy because of its creators' can-do spirit and consummate attention to detail.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    As it is, “Land of Bad” is a pandering drama with some action movie thrills.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    Each propulsive segment features a handful of disturbing sequences... But such pleasures barely compensate for the vapidity of V/H/S: Viral's sketches.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Blackout is nothing new, or even essential, but it mostly works anyway thanks to Fessenden and his cast’s impressive collaboration.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    In theory, that sort of self-victimization could be funny; in this reality, not so much.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Basically watchable.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Charlie Says loses much of its potency whenever it's not directly about the ordinary motives of the individual Manson clan members.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Your enjoyment of “Tornado” depends on how much you want to root for thinly drawn characters who don’t look strong enough to carry an entire movie. They can and they can’t, depending on how patient you’re feeling.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Co-directors and writers Billy Bryk and “Stranger Things” star Finn Wolfhard pay homage to ‘80s body count pics with a sappy but likable coming-of-age comedy about a group of summer camp counselors who are stalked and slayed by a masked killer.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Sting has a lot of the right ideas but not enough inspiration to string them all together.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The atmospheric but threadbare male bonding horror flick The Ritual is so well-directed that you can't help but groan at its lightweight script's many little inadequacies.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 42 Simon Abrams
    Even with so many talented actors involved, there’s nothing really galvanizing or particularly provocative about Redford’s latest.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Pseudo-sensitive bro-dude rom-com Date and Switch comes out today, and it already feels dated.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Almost everything that’s enjoyable about Escape From Pretoria is a variation on stuff you’ve probably seen in superior prison movies, though Radcliffe’s haunted performance is exceptionally compelling.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    The maddeningly unfocused Israeli documentary West of the Jordan River doesn’t reveal anything insightful about Gaza settlers’ reasons for either supporting or rejecting a two-state solution.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    People are not good or bad in The Cut — they are subject to violent whims, and rarely given fair opportunities to defend themselves. The Cut can therefore be seen as a historical corrective.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Somehow, The Wandering Earth II never feels tonally unbalanced or narratively convoluted, partly because Gwo and his collaborators keep their movie’s plot focused on feats of action-adventure heroism.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Our Time is even funny sometimes, albeit in the same kind of wryly mordant and cosmically alienated way as Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut.”
    • 56 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Antibirth is novel, mysterious, and sometimes even dangerous enough to suck you in if you surrender to its confrontational, avant garde style.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    1BR
    Everything in 1BR is over-exposed, often literally thanks to the movie’s basic camera set-ups and general emphasis on naturally and/or harshly front-lit close-ups, or medium shots of brown stucco walls.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    What’s really wrong with Richard is that he’s a boring monster.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Loro feels like the work of a more mature artist. Sorrentino knows exactly who his Berlusconi is, and, with the help of Servillo — who delivers a characteristically impressive performance — manages to make the former Prime Minister’s total lack of introspection seem ironically revealing. Ecco Silvio: pathetic, alone, indestructible.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, Afflicted is as emotionally involving as a really accomplished special-effects sizzle reel.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    I was also so disturbed by this film that I felt I had to rewatch certain scenes just to confirm that the emotional exhaustion I experienced while watching it wasn't just a personal preference, but rather a problem I had with what Iwai and his collaborators do in the film.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Four Latinx-themed horror segments of variable quality are sandwiched between a modestly amusing wrap-around story about a haunted traveler, simply called “The Traveler.” It’s not enough, despite some amusing performances and effects-driven thrills.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Queer writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein (the mind behind the vagina dentata horror-comedy Teeth) and an impressive team of collaborators inspire laughs and/or terror out of the libidinal hang-ups of frail stay-at-home mom Constance (Jena Malone) and her unfulfilled spouse, Joseph (Ed Stoppard).
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    While casting Glover as a reluctant everyman takes admirable chutzpah, there’s not much to “Mr. K” beyond its second-hand surrealism and strained counter-mythmaking.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Thankfully, Jodo’s latest is also way too weird to be hagiographic. It’s indulgent, absurd, frustrating, and more than a little gross. It’s also idiosyncratic and funny enough, and in ways that Jodo’s fans will probably love.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The turgid revenge thriller The Foreigner is an all-around lousy movie.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 40 Simon Abrams
    There’s a chintzy silver lining tacked onto every potentially dark cloud in the cloying French World War II drama A Bag of Marbles, a pseudo-inspiring adaptation of Jewish World War II survivor Joseph Joffo’s partly fictionalized memoir.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    An uneven but satisfying hostage crisis thriller that is also a perfect example of the type of late-period films martial arts star Jackie Chan has decided to make after entering middle age.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    There's something off about Beyond the Clouds, a beautiful but obnoxious Indian-set drama.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Piers McGrail's nuanced, moody cinematography brings out the best in writer-director Ivan Kavanagh's over-mannered but effectively creepy ghost story.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    An unbearably preachy post-financial-crisis civics lesson in heist movie drag.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    The filmmakers fall over themselves trying to respect Man's outlook on life, and this makes their subject seem more like a hyper-disciplined saint than a world-reknowned, ass-kicking hermit.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    There's nothing specific, thoughtful or emotionally involving about Election Night beyond a basic need to push buttons, and get a rise out of viewers. The good guys are actually bad, and the bad guys are too indistinct to be hateful. Vote with your wallets, and go see something else.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    This might have been a better movie if its creators embraced their fitful bloodthirst. Instead, they seem to hope that you like these stock characters enough that you’ll gasp when their friends and enemies inevitably bite the dust. A machine to kill vague people, “Whistle” never delivers on its frightful promise.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    That kind of gallow’s humor defines the surface tone of Arkansas, which often feels like a riff on “Breaking Bad,” only now it’s more about how sad it is to be poor white trash.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The film will only work for you if you expect it not to make sense, and enjoy jokes that go on and on and then suddenly (and repeatedly) jack-knife off a cliff or two.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Yakusho's breathless, riveting performance grounds The World of Kanako even as it threatens to devolve into an unbearable series of nihilistic plot twists and gory set pieces.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Tusk is bearable thanks in no small part to its game cast, particularly character actor Michael Parks's Vincent Price-esque baddy.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Most of the documents that Lapa quotes from are, as presented, unrevealing — even offensive.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    What's most arresting is the way Mizgirev's vision of 1860s Russia shines through in the perspiration on Champagne goblets, the flicker of candlelight on faces, and the sheen of polished-steel dueling pistols.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    I want to recommend Nelson's film in spite of how misconceived it is simply because it asks interesting questions, albeit in some of the most banal ways imaginable.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The kind of childish genre movie that gives genre movies a bad reputation.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The most frustrating thing about the British prenatal horror movie Kindred is not that it’s impersonal, but rather that it’s not personal enough.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    There’s not enough cold sweat ambience here, and that makes it even harder to root for a modestly budgeted chiller whose creators clearly started their project from a place of cinephilic affection. Even sympathetic genre fans will have trouble finding something new about such old hat material.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 35 Simon Abrams
    Unfortunately, the movie’s unexpected plot twist violently re-directs its treacly uplift narrative for the sake of a Hail Mary conclusion that’s almost ridiculous enough to be campy fun. It’s not though, since the twist in question feels like a last-ditch effort to convince viewers that the movie’s otherwise plain story, credited to Vera Herbert (series writer on “This Is Us”), has more depth than it does.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The exceptionally fun martial arts beat-em-up Kickboxer: Retaliation is a very dumb, and very satisfying throwback to a simpler time when American action films were as predictable as they were formulaic.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    As a performer, Fischbach’s frantic performance can sometimes be distractingly monotonous, but as a filmmaker, he has an impressive eye not only for compositional details, but also for how his images cut and flow together.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Puncture's story only moves forward thanks to Evans's charm. But a good lead performance can't single-handedly save thin material.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The sheer too-much-ness of Alienoid could have easily been wearying, given its many tangents and supporting characters. Thankfully, writer/director Choi Dong-hoon confirms his hitmaker reputation by balancing over-inflated set pieces with disarming screwball comedy and delightful character actor performances.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Thor: The Dark World's characters are often very charming, but they're only so much fun when they're stuck going through the motions.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    A spectacularly miscalculated historical epic.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The arbitrary value of life in I Am Not a Serial Killer makes its nature as an ostensibly character-driven mystery that much harder to swallow. Don't bother with this nonsensical time-waster.

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