Gene Siskel

Van Damme is compelling only when he takes his clothes off, which he doesn't do often enough here.

A lame, overstuffed, yuppie romantic farce about a boorish Wall Streeter who sublets his rent-controlled apartment for two nights each week to two different broken souls, saving three nights for himself and his drunken pals. The strangers (Annabella Sciorra and Matthew Broderick) are drawn to each other, but a misunderstanding occurs and she has an affair with the boor. Strip away the comic material, and this might have been a touching portrait of a woman trapped in a bad marriage. [30 Apr 1993, p.C]

Film demands more realism than the theater, and Simon's script is very lightweight as are the outdoor additions to the story. Only Christopher Walken takes a chance with his droll drill instructor role. But it's not enough to save a dismal film.

The problem is that their heists are poorly executed, and most of the actresses (especially Queen Latifah) wildly overact. [08 Nov 1996, p.A]

"La Femme Nikita" is worth renting at your local video store. You will see a new face, actress Anne Parillaud, in a story that seems plugged into a fresh, subterranean Parisian world. By comparison, Point of No Return is a series of fashion ads and standard Hollywood explosion scenes. [19 March 1993, p.C]

It's a shame that this often cute script couldn't have better served, and been better served by, its actors.

The movie as a movie is a letdown, because all it consists of is Eastwood's hoarse, foul-mouthed complaining about today's "softies" and then his leading into battle in Grenada a bunch of rag-tag kids that he has molded into men. This is all material recycled out of films as varied as "The Dirty Dozen" and "Police Academy." [5 Dec 1986, p.A-C]

This film is so harmless it`s boring.

This review is a mournful warning, because this film comes to town with all sorts of honors and an impressive line-up. And yet it turns out to be nothing more than a well-intentioned bore. [14 Nov 1986, p.AC]

By using the author's name [Branagh] sets us up for something closer to the text of the Gothic thriller than James Whale's classic 1931 horror film. But Branagh's version is too respectful and ultimately, well, lifeless.

John Singleton stumbles badly with a terribly awkward but well-intentioned drama about political correctness and race at a contemporary university. [13 Jan 1995, p.B]

But after introducing these issues, director Jonathan Kaplan ("The Accused") takes the easy, unimaginative way out by turning Liotta's character into a complete lunatic in the manner of the psycho-husband who terrorized Julia Roberts in "Sleeping With the Enemy." How much more interesting "Unlawful Entry" might have been if his character had been played brighter and less easily dispatched than simply with a bullet. [26 June 1992, p.C]

The film's big lap-dance sequence is impressive, however, if only for the sheer athleticism of Elizabeth Berkley's contortion. Later, when she pulls the same stunt in a swimming pool, we recognize the show for what it is--a male fantasy film in which the women are little more than rag dolls. [22 Sept 1995]

It seems that director Neil Jordan is trying to make some comment on the way classic fairy tales try to force adult attitudes on young, free spirits, but the method by which we are brought to that realization is tortuous. [22 Apr 1985, p.4C]

Hector Elizondo and Robert Loggia are fine as the team's coaches. [27 Sept 1991, p.C2]

Punchline is supposed to be Tom Hanks' big dramatic breakthrough movie, but the script is boring and his character repellant. [30 Sept 1988, p.A]

Thoroughly dull. [23 Nov 1990]

Disclosure is pure and simple trash masquerading as significance. [9 Dec 1994, p.B]

The main performances are fine; it's the script that's cheap. [09 Mar 1990, p.C]

An intense but tiresome underwater version of ''Alien,'' following a Navy crew that uncovers a sea serpent 6 miles deep in the ocean. The women are aggressive; one man is a wimp. But strip away the film`s clean underwater look and you have a predictable monster movie.

Everyone knows that unrequited love can be exquisite, and that`s why it`s a particular shame that ''Secret Admirer'' plays its twin-edged teen romance mostly for laughs. Blown is the opportunity to deal with the issue of what it`s really like to have a crush on someone who does not like you back as much.

Whereas the original film had a grain of originality and social commentary in its story of what happens because of the surprise appearance of a Coca-Cola bottle, the new picture offers only tired jokes. [13 Apr 1990, p.C]

Stick is quite awful.

The picture only comes alive at the end with Robin and his Moorish helper (Morgan Freeman in a typically strong performance) turning into a medieval Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid in hand-to-hand combat with the sheriff. Otherwise, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves is an entertainment without a particular point of view.

The parodies are funnier than any of the dialogue between Ritter and wife Pam Dawber.

Let's face it, the bottom line on a disaster film is how special are its special effects. With Meteor, the answer is not very. [22 Oct 1979, p.6]

The quality of a movie comedy varies indirectly with the number of times someone in it is punched or kicked in the groin. On that score alone, "The Nude Bomb" is a bust. [09 May 1980, p.29]

It's hard to imagine what prompted Eastwood to direct and star in such a creaky vehicle unless this was his commercial payback to Warner Bros. for letting him make his excellent, financially disastrous White Hunter, Black Heart this year. [07 Dec 1990, p.C]

The sole curiosity in Blue Steel is the sight of Jamie Lee Curtis in cop`s uniform. There is nothing more to it than that-no tension, no character.

What we have here is a much less radical movie than writer Hughes probably believes he has created. Yes, he's given us an individualistic girl, but she swoons like a robot after the first reasonably human WASP or WASC asks her for a date. [2 Feb 1986]

The third and easily the worst in the series of hapless adventures of the Griswold family of suburban Chicago. [1 Dec 1989, p.A]

Leave it to an American production team to remake the same premise into an inarguably worse movie. And this insufferable remake called The Man with One Red Shoe marks the second time in as many years that producer Victor Drai, a former estate developer, has taken a French movie and turned it into garbage. Last year he took the genuinely amusing ''Pardon Mon Affair'' and reworked it with the help of the increasingly annoying Gene Wilder into ''The Lady in Red,'' one of the year`s worst movies.

Director Zalman King has literally created a bad B-movie here, photographing breasts, buttocks and bubbleheads. The film is erotic until its first coupling; that's when we realize these dullard characters might as well be mannequins. Two Moon Junction deserves a genre all its own: very soft-core porn. [6 May 1988, p.A]

A truly stupid film based on what should have been a surefire hit - a cross-country car race. Too many stars spoil the action, including Burt Reynolds, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr. [19 June 1981, p.2-8]

A dull and lethargic comedy. [19 June 1981, p.2-8]

About halfway through the violent, fantasy adventure Highlander, one character talks about how it was the custom during ancient times to throw babies into a pit of hungry dogs. Well, there were more than a few times during this hyperviolent film in which I felt as if I were a baby being thrown to a dog of a movie.

This has to be one of the greatest casting coups and consequently blown opportunities of recent years...Streep isn't that funny in what is a frivolous role, and Barr is only mildly successful in her angry moments. [8 Dec 1989, p.A]

Her Alibi, the disappointing pairing of two fine physical specimens, model Paulina Porizkova and Tom Selleck. Neither is a major acting talent, but both are eager to please and easy on the eyes. Yet, they have chosen a script that is so light that it fails my basic test for evaluating a movie: Would it be more interesting to listen to the actors talk at lunch than to hear them run through this script? Yes, it would.

The Nome King looks like a moveable Mt. St. Helens and he alone is magical. In fact, he blows Dorothy and her tacky-looking friends off the screen. So we end up liking the Nome King and hating Dorothy and her crowd, which I doubt was the intention of the L. Frank Baum series. [21 Jun 1985, p.1]

Teenage summer film trash such as The Heavenly Kid makes one root for the leaves to start turning brown.

A dreary, Carrie-type shocker about a high school student seeking to kill a bunch of classmates on their prom night. Very few thrills. [01 Aug 1980, p.10]

But here's the problem: Bruce Campbell's character is a complete stiff, and so is everyone else he meets who isn't a special effect. The result is that we couldn't care less who wins any battle in the movie no matter how inventively photographed. What about a love interest? Embeth Davidtz, as the lady who's waiting, doesn't have a sexy scene in the movie. [19 Feb 1993, p.C]

Falling Down is an intellectually sloppy, rebellious working-man adventure film that is little more than a set piece for Michael Douglas playing out a revenge-of-the-nerds fantasy. [26 Feb 1993, p.C]

The film never adequately uses either the dramatic talents of Nolte nor the comic talents of Short. The young girl (Sarah Rowland Doroff) is most effective because she rarely speaks.

Director Godfrey Reggio gives us some ordinary and a few spectacular shows of people doing hard work to the accompaniment of the boring music of composer Philip Glass. This film is not in the same league with its fine predecessor, "Koyaanisqatsi." [20 May 1988, p.A]

An amateurish sequel to one of the most repulsive movies in years, a teenage sex comedy with horrific caricatures of women. This time the nudity is diminished, but in its place are tasteless high jinks iwth the Klu Klux Klan [22 July 1983, p.3-10]

Ted Danson ("Cheers") is made for the small screen; blown up he looks empty. And his co-conspirator, played by comedian Howie Mandel in his film debut, isn't much better in a role that obviously was designed to let him do his sound-effects-filled comedy act whether the story warrants it or not. The film's many chases will wear you out in short order, save for one funny speeded-up sight gag. [15 Aug 1986, p.A]

After experiencing about a half-hour of Grodin's yelling, you sit in your seat imagining how much funnier Last Resort could have been if it had been written by, directed by or starred Woody Allen, Albert Brooks or Steve Martin. The answer is: a whole lot funnier. [09 May 1986, p.43]

Our Flick of the Week is Brian De Palma's disastrous film of Tom Wolfe's seminal '80s novel, The Bonfire of the Vanities. And the biggest mystery of many surrounding this production is why anyone of De Palma's intelligence would want to take a great book - a truly great book - of wit and bile and soften it into platitudinous pablum? [21 Dec 1990, p.C]

This is a generic action picture. What also is missing are scenes in which Nolte and Murphy could relate to each other quietly and with some wit. [8 Jun 1990, p.C]

This is what happens when someone doesn't make a sequel to a hit movie fast enough. Someone else, with a lot of brass, makes a ripoff that is even less satisfying. [19 Aug 1988, p.A]

What a disappointment Weird Science is! A wonderful writer-director has taken a cute idea about two teenage Dr. Frankensteins creating a perfect woman by computer and turned it into a vulgar, mindless, special-effects-cluttered wasteland.

The jokes seem lame and the rivalry fraudulent, as the two boys play with their big guns.

The murderous Jason is back in the latest chapter of the most offensive series in film history, unless Burt Reynolds makes three more ``Smokey and the Bandit`` pictures real quick.

Shelley Long stars in a limp copy of "Private Benjamin" with a location switch from the Army to the Girl Scouts. Long plays a Beverly Hills wife who decides to take over the local troop of spoiled brats. A number of tedious jokes about conspicuous consumption fall flat and Long is no Hawn when it comes to comedy. [24 March 1989, p.A]

A lame comedy about the quirky true story of the 1988 Jamaican bobsled team that competed in the Calgary Winter Olympics...The intelligence level of the comedy insults preteens. [1 Oct 1993, p.C2]

It's bankrupt in terms of imagination. All he (Romero) does is place his zombies in the basement of a missile silo and have a few crazed military types scream at the zombies and at each other. End of movie. [03 Sept 1985, p.5C]

What exactly is funny about "Basic Instinct" or "Fatal Attraction"? Other than sending up specific scenes-say, Sharon Stone's uncrossed legs from "Basic Instinct"-there is no humor to be mined. The "Airplane" films kidded the genre rather than just duplicating scenes; director Reiner is operating at the level of a high school parodist. [29 Oct 1993, p.C2]

[Chris Elliott]'s spoof of a young seaman's apprenticeship seems desperate as he piles special effects willy-nilly atop jibes at stupid old salts. [14 Jan 1994]

This is the third in a hyper-violent and rather stupid series of thrillers about an adult child killer--with knives for fingers--who is burnt to death but now has returned to haunt more teenagers in their sleep. The kids are all patients at a clinic where group therapy fails to stop their nightmares. What you get for your money are scenes with a severed head, the simultaneous injection of 10 hypodermic needles presumably filled with heroin and four long tongues that turn into arm and ankle straps for a sex scene. Whoopee! The film's only blessing? It just may be bad enough to kill off the series.

Al Pacino has become a self-involved film star, and he`s one of the stars I hate.

A ridiculous futuristic adventure film starring Emilio Estevez as a race-car driver who is captured by forces in the near future - 2009 to be exact - and used in a world-controlling power play. Mick Jagger co-stars, wearing a dyed mop of hair. An indecipherable plot isn't worth the effort. [24 Jan 1992, p.C]

A major disappointment. Michael J. Fox stars in his first bad film as a yuppie from Kansas bent on making it in the New York business world. What's so annoying about the film is that Fox, who has radiated intelligence with his other movies, comes across here as a selfish, smug, amoral glutton who wants to rise to the top of a corporation without regard to what the company does or how he does it. [08 May 1987, p.7F]

For years I've criticized Murphy for not working with the best directors or powerful female co-stars. But he does that here, and his movie is still a clunker. Relatives are listed in the credits; maybe he needs to stop trying to completely control the films he makes. Either that or it's time for another stand-up concert film. [27 Oct 1995, p.B]

A sincere but clumsy attempt to capture the pain of a man trying to cope with loss and divorce through the ages. [06 May 1994]

There is little suspense in the film; the identity of the killer is heavily foreshadowed early on with a baroque music cue and a couple of menacing glances. And the false endings, which have become standard in this genre ever since "Carrie," reach laughable proportions here, because, yes, there will be a sixth film in the series next year. Have a nice day. [25 March 1985, p.C5]

To call this picture "Hot Pursuit" is false advertising; "Lethargic Pursuit" would be more accurate. [22 May 1987, p.A]

The film's biggest continuing laugh is the very idea that Arnold Schwarzenegger, with his thick accent, could infiltrate the upper echelon of the Mafia. I could see him catering a German mob dinner, but a trusted ally? Never.

The story has no center; the duck is not likable, and the costly, overwrought, laser-filled special effects that conclude the movie are less impressive than a sparkler on a birthday cake.

This House ought to be condemned for its insulting use of the Vietnam War and children as props for its nonsensical violence tinged with pathetic attempts at humor. [4 March 1986, p.C4]

The most interesting story about this movie would be the amount of money Hawn and Sylbert got paid for ripping off ''Private Benjamin,'' and how they managed to lure the usually talented director Michael Ritchie (''The Candidate,'' ''Smile'') into joining their caper. Their story of wheeling and dealing would make a more exciting movie than ''Wildcats,'' which concludes with--you`ll never guess--a championship game between Goldie`s dirty two-dozen and the seemingly invincible crosstown rivals....Believe me: The tension will send you immediately to the candy counter.

For years now Wilder has been trying to imitate the success of his mentor, director Mel Brooks. But he has repeatedly failed. That's why the biggest mystery in "Haunted Honeymoon" is why anyone would still give Wilder money to make a picture.

This is going to be more of a consumer warning than a traditional film review, because Red Sonja is like a can of dog food covered by a label featuring a picture of a sirloin steak.

The Money Pit, a miserable ripoff of the old Cary Grant comedy Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, has nothing to do with such nuances of the human experience. Instead, it is an action comedy that regularly throws its actors around and through pieces of plywood, into and out of windows.

The film is utterly lacking in the campy quality of the World Wrestling Federation telecasts.

So, as we watch this movie go through its predictable paces, we also watch two actors, one in character and one not. And that is an awful lot to ask an audience to suffer through just to see Russell deliver another dependable piece of work. [3 Feb 1986, p.C2]

What an enormous waste of talent and money is Labyrinth. [30 Jun 1986, p.3]

Short Circuit is an obvious WarGames ripoff in which a robot steals every scene from wooden performances by the always-too-eager-to-please Steve Guttenberg and the usually likable Ally Sheedy.

Barely has there been a group of more smug and obnoxious characters in a single film than in St. Elmo`s Fire.

A dismal kids' comedy in which all creativity stopped after casting lookalikes for the old rascals was completed.

This is nothing more than a half-hour Ramar of the Jungle episode, blown up to motion-picture length.

A dreadful witches' comedy with the only tolerable moment coming when Bette Midler presents a single song.

Of all of its lies, the worst may be that Color of Night perpetuates the notion that people who seek therapy are more dangerous to others than those who don't. The film also makes a direct link between sexual appetite and violence.

Rarely has a comedy been so empty of laughs. If this film makes any money, it all should go to the person who thought up the title. [18 Sept 1987, p.A]

An awful vampire comedy from John Landis ("Animal House," "The Blues Brothers") that is enlivened only by the eroticism of French actress Anne Parillaud ("La Femme Nikita") who is willing to disrobe for her first Hollywood film and major payday. She plays a vampire who feasts on Italian mobsters in Pittsburgh, falling in love with Anthony LaPaglia along the way. The neck-biting and gunplay are gross. Don Rickles is a sore thumb as a mob attorney. [25 Sept 1992, p.C]

What a letdown! The remake of the 1935 classic ''The Bride of Frankenstein'' with rock star Sting as the doctor and Jennifer Beals as the reconstructed bride is a complete failure in telling its principal story.

An abysmal, embarrassing sequel to the adult-talking baby movies. [5 Nov 1993, p.C]

Tired ethnic stereotyping abounds in the Striptease script, which is at a loss for any kind of drama between Moore's dances. Not for a second do we care about her as a mother, wife or working woman. Only her first dance in a modified man's suit approaches the energy of the much better Flashdance.

Following on the abject failure of Bonfire of the Vanities, director De Palma seems to have seriously lost his way. [14 Aug 1992, p.C]

A complete disaster, almost certain to kill any more sequels. Chase waltzes through a series of boring costumes and cliches as he journeys to the South to claim a mansion as an inheritance only to find it's a hot property. The script here is anything but a hot property. [24 March 1989, p.A]

A miserable ripoff of The Karate Kid with three whitebread young-uns taking lessons from their Chinese grandfather on how to be upright and horizontal ninja warriors. They get their kicks trying to knock off a Steven Seagal imitation who is running drugs.

Better Off Dead, a seemingly teenage comedy that wasn't good enough to be released during the prime summer play dates, is utterly devoid of appeal. [15 Oct 1985, p.C2]

A shockingly bad film that is utterly lacking in laughs and turns out to be little more than a big-screen adaptation of the TV sitcom's pilot. [15 Oct 1993, p.C2]

Death Wish 3 may be the first movie where the director and both costars have publicly denounced elements of the film. Director Winner has said he doesn't approve of the film's philosophy of taking the law into one's own hands. Bronson has been quoted as saying the film is too violent for his taste.

A shockingly bad film because of its total misuse of two talented performers, Sean Penn and Madonna. [5 Sept 1986, p.A]

O'Neal and Hardaway are likable enough in limited roles; Cousy seems a little ill at ease. But forget all that. Blue Chips is only a triumph of marketing. Its casting suggests an official basketball picture, but its script belongs on the bench. [18 Feb 1994, p.C2]

A dreary, old-fashioned kids' baseball fantasy.

A bad script. Bad casting. What`s left? How about the guilty party you can spot within minutes? Add a complete lack of suspense to that list and it ensures that Blue City will be on this critic`s list of the year`s worst movies.