Painfully unfunny and misguided to boot.

Bloated and incoherent.

Had it actually been told from the perspective of the scientist's daughter, as the title suggests, it might have been more appealing, but instead a predictable, amateurish script shifts the focus elsewhere.

Prodded by Landis' slam-bang direction, the effect isn't so much a comedy as it is an exercise in excess. Somewhere in the planning stage one all-important factor was left out: humor. The concept is a funny one, yet no one seems to have the faintest idea of what to do with it. Between Landis' direction and the initially lame screenplay, Three Amigos never really stands a chance.

Derivative, indifferently acted, artlessly photographed and awash in nudity and rudimentary gore effects, this direct-to-DVD feature mars the producing debut of longtime horror and exploitation distributor Media Blasters.

Obvious and, frankly, 25 years too late.

If you can't spell "bogeyman," you shouldn't make movies about him.

The profoundly unconvincing CGI work only makes the sorry screenplay and lackluster performances look worse.

An unintentionally surreal kid's picture.

Most of the jokes are either ethnic slurs, homosexual japes, or unfunny gags with not a shred of wit. Babes and brewskis are just not enough to carry an entire picture.

The final irony is that it's tailored for a PG-13 audience: The violence is bloodless, the sex is all come-on and the surreally reckless stunts cater to viewers too young to drive.

Alas, even the lowest expectations go unmet by FREEJACK, which turns out to be an inexplicably lame, penny-pinched futuristic actioner.

Filled with holes big enough to drive a train through and moments of suspense that prove false alarms, the story concerns two young people (Shields and Chris Atkins) who are shipwrecked on an island, develop a sexual relationship as they mature, and so forth. At a little over 100 minutes, the film feels as if huge chunks of it were edited out for pace; however, the wrong chunks have been cut.

Russell is likable considering the inane nature of the film, but Dinome, a former model making his feature debut, is all teeth and moussed hair.

A silly period production, built around the sorry spectacle of two smug American stars lording it over the natives... Based on true events, the film is nevertheless absolutely preposterous, and informed by stereotypes that don't play well in the 1990s.

It took a village of screenwriters and story creators - including costar Queen Latifah and first-time director Lance Rivera - to cram just about every imaginable stereotype about African-Americans and white people ever conceived into this short, unappetizing comedy.

While the homeless, the mentally ill and the generally downtrodden are scattered about like so much shabby furniture, Rifkin has no qualms about wallowing in their filth, but he misses the tragedy of their lives -- just as he misses everything else.

Garish, animated junk.

Despite the success of the movie, we turn thumbs way down on this melange of cheap thrills and flat jokes, saved only by the performance of Hanks and some good work by pal Zmed. Hanks is the only oasis in this Sahara of smut.

Douglas grins and grimaces through his role as the ultimate defender of beautiful Fawcett, and it's all pretty dreadful.

The dialog is dumb, the acting is dull, the attempts at physical humor are for the most part predictable.

It takes perverse genius to make an action film this stupid.

Puerile, gross and pandering to the lowest impulses of teenage boys.

Is there anything so painful as a comedy whose every gag falls flat and then lies there, flopping like a dying flounder?

Scott Spencer's intelligent, rather lurid novel of youthful angst is here watered down to stock teen romance. Most notably, the graphic sex scenes at the core of the book are reduced to picture-perfect set pieces, and the film is soporifically slow-moving.

This somewhat haphazard affair combines witchcraft, feminism, and suburban angst into a creepy whole that is fascinating but not quite successful.

But this $3.5-million rehash -- about the brothers Fitzpatrick and their troubles with girls -- is a real turnoff: smug, smarmy and utterly unconvincing.

The script gives Hall and the other cast members so many foolish things to say and do that the viewer is left wishing that they would all kill each other early on and save us the pain of having to watch the rest of the film.