The one highlight occurs during a couple of brief montage sequences which feature Varney mimicking a variety of cartoonish characters. These few moments are actually funny, but prove to be the only amusing moments in the film.

Taken as a whole, the film is dragged down by the same old incoherent plotting and characters, driven by the same old half-baked machismo and mealy-mouthed misogyny that have come to define Cimino the auteur. As a result, and despite the efforts of Rogers and Hopkins, Desperate Hours is more than a title; it's a description of a movie-going experience.

Lacking so much as a shred of wit and crammed with more product placements than jokes, this unendurable stoner comedy clearly disproves the movie-formula wisdom that two guys, one Xbox and a 2-foot-long bong add up to something funny.

Martial arts fans will find plenty of action to hold their interest here, but those in search of plot and character are advised to look elsewhere.

CELTIC PRIDE supplies predictably lowbrow yocks for jocks, and its rather disturbing racial implications go entirely unacknowledged.

On paper it looks like a bad idea for a comedy, but on film it looks even worse.

This movie has pretensions to mediocrity, a goal far too high for it to reach.

It's a great-looking film with a great-looking cast, it had some of Hollywood's top talent behind the cameras, and a budget of more than $45 million, but it lacks bite and conviction and utterly failed to strike a single spark, much less catch fire.

Beyond the skillful lensing of snow-covered mountain locations and interesting sports photography, SKI SCHOOL is a slow-moving picture which doesn't have much to offer. David Mitchell has written a screenplay which leaves his characters underdeveloped and therefore hard to identify or sympathize with. And the female characters, not unsurprisingly, are there only as bimbos or sexual objects.

What could have been an interesting and funny period piece under the directorship of original screenwriter Edwards is turned into a tedious, infantile mess by director Benjamin.

The film lacks the usual juvenile raunch, but it also lacks brains in telling its story of an all-night scavenger hunt, involving a lot of dumb jokes and predictable situations.

There's nothing hugely wrong with this picture, if you allow for the fact that it's derivative, predictable and crude. There just isn't anything especially right with it, except for a pretty creepy black-and-white nightmare sequence and a scene that reveals more than most people want to know about vampires' urinary peculiarities, but is certainly something you haven't seen before. Unfortunately, both occur within the last 20 minutes of the film, and there's a formulaic lot of nonsense to huff and puff through first.

The original The Bad News Bears was a home run, but the sequels are little more than weak trips back to the mound.

American Ninja 3 is a comic-book of a movie that goes too far to be a satisfying adventure and not far enough to be an entertaining parody.

The stunts in Smokey are excellent but the comedy is numbing, and the acting is on a par with a junior high school production of Our Town. Even Gleason comes across badly, and that's a major feat. Adolph Coors and Sons must have been very happy to have a 97-minute commercial for their brew.

Although the two veteran performers present themselves well, the concept of a monster disco is merely silly, and the terribly cheap masks on the various creatures make the whole thing look like a home-movie shot in his basement by 12-year-old with a camera.

Never figures out what it wants to be, and ends up a jumbled mess that nobody wants.

All the tunes are forgettable, and Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, who plays a crusading moralist, ham it up mercilessly.

It's eye-filling, to say the least, but there's not much tension or sense of danger.

Another dull slasher movie (this one less gory than most).

Clumsily designed as a showcase for special effects, this lamebrain kiddie comedy is a shoddily directed and performed attempt to retool Ghostbusters as a latter-day Hardy Boys' mystery.

Gorehounds will likely be pleased by the graphic bloodletting, but there's little else of interest here.

All the characters are cardboard, and the actors fail to bring anything extra to their roles. Simply put, this is just a bad film.

Not even a bravura performance from Woods, some steamy love scenes between Bridges and Ward, and a thrilling daylight car chase down Sunset Boulevard can pull this confusing remake out of the doldrums.

Loaded with ridiculous scenes, silly dialog, and gratuitous violence and nudity, REFORM SCHOOL GIRLS tries very hard to exploit the genre while poking fun at it at the same time. The only problem here is that little is funny.

Only Michael Winslow, repeating his uncanny ability as a sort of human sound-effects machine, is able to give any life to this, but his efforts are like reviving a beached carp. They don't come any worse than this.

Though obviously designed for the teenage market, Billie Jean should insult the intelligence of all but the most irredeemable mall rats.

Yet another totally absurd bout of macho wish fulfillment for those frustrated by the American government and military's inability to deal effectively with terrorism, Iron Eagle is actually more outlandish than most.