By the end you will quite possibly hate cats, Spacey, and the ’80s.

The Big Wedding isn’t telling a story so much as selling a lifestyle – one that, rather like Heigl’s morning sickness, makes you want to vomit.

A huge misfire that even the most hardcore X-Men fans will find hard to warm to. Avoid, avoid.

The kids are charmless, the writing is bland, and the embarrassing jokes sound like nails down a blackboard.

Playing For Keeps is awful – and not in a hilarious Ed Wood way.

It’s the same sappy drivel as before.

Steven Spielberg famously retained his childhood sense of wonder. On this evidence, Meyer has maintained a nine-year-old's notion of titillating romance.

This distinctly amateurish animation may be targeted at tots, but you’d have to particularly hate your children to inflict on them this tale of an elderly vet (Connery) trying to save a missing beaver.

The nurse-monsters look cool - think HR Giger in Ann Summers kit - but the plot and burning fairgrounds are so OTT they dispel any chill factor.

Any comparisons with Chicken Run are rendered poultry by half-baked gags. Even tykes will tell it to get stuffed.

Quite why A-listers Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman and Emma Stone (among others) aligned themselves with this excruciatingly moronic compilation of shorts is anybody's guess.

Strained, shrieky and lacking likeable characters, it bizarrely forgoes any insight into parenting, gambling, or the cost of education for Grand Guignol limb-lopping.

Stenberg’s effervescent turn can’t save this from curdling early into manipulative, melodramatic mush.

A damp-squib horror with zero thrills. Russell and Condon deserve much better.

“I will search for you through 1,000 worlds and 10,000 lifetimes!” Reeves promises his beloved. Anyone who sits all the way through this glossy folly will know exactly how that feels.

Sadly, this leap onto the stereoscopic bandwagon marks a new low for the franchise, as far away in quality from the '74 original as it is in years.