Offers, on a drop-by-drop basis, more semen than a Ron Jeremy flick.

The perfect example, of how the newest visual effects movies have the capacity to overwhelm everything--from actors to plotlines--except in the end, maybe, their audiences.

Rocky & Bullwinkle is the new millennium's "Howard the Duck."

Only so much (pop)cornball tubthumping, a sweeping, occasionally stirring, always gorgeous bit of action-figure history.

For me, the Farrelly Brothers never rise beyond the late-night tittering of kids at summer camp.

A movie that kids may want to see again and again, and adults will be happy to oblige.

Redeems itself with a bold and grungy action-adventure flavor.

Singleton's lack of influence makes Quentin Tarantino's "Pulp Fiction" look far funkier in comparison.

Does boast, as a major plot point, a dog's bowel movement. And things do go 'boom!' quite spectacularly and frequently enough to distract from the truth that there is virtually nothing going on in this whole movie that Nintendo hasn't done better.

A frenetic, aggressively unfunny one-joke merging of "Beverly Hills Cop" and "Tootsie."

Inert, unfunny, and not even interesting as a dirty movie, 8 1/2 Women could well rank as one of the worst films of the year.

It is ultimately the film's reliance on this thumping action assault that keeps it from true summer-movie greatness.

Does exactly what it should: Take the wee ones on a vicarious trip through an adventure both visually terrifying and emotionally thrilling at the same time.

It's a comedic caper with a slap-your-head-in-kookiness that ends up making Allen, at this age, seem like an old man desperately still trying to ham it up at the dinner table.

A cinematic lowpoint, even within its decidedly lowbrow genre, the teen gross-out sex romp.

While movie reviewers like to throw around the line, "This is the worst movie I've ever seen," this movie may be the worst movie I've ever seen.

The only danger in seeing this film is in busting a gut at its unintentional hilarity.

A fabulous movie if you are a woman over 40 who likes to use the word "empowered" a lot.

What elevates Gladiator to the near-greatness it occasionally achieves is the performance of Russell Crowe as Maximus.

The Big Kahuna -- for its superb performances -- wants to be too much, but is about too little, working better as a series of fine monologues than as a cohesive story, the film's makers trapped somewhere between potential and reality, deal unclosed.

Succeeds at getting the viewer to buy into its premise, thanks to solid, often moving characterizations and the gripping way the plot is spun.

A bumpy synthesis of special and visual effects done far too over the top ultimately means Viva Rock Vegas is nothing more than eye candy, and not a very tasty piece at that.

Worthwhile performances (including cameos from Joan Cusack and Sally Field) and one-liners, but don't leave your home looking for Heart.

A disposable flick.

A thoroughly good war picture that is well worth seeing on the big screen in a cinema equipped with a first-rate sound system for the full sonic effect.

One major inappropriate casting decision (Kirsten Dunst, who's made a solid leap to young adulthood in "Dick" and "Drop Dead Gorgeous" is cast as 14-year-old Lux?) and an underdeveloped motive for the girls' self-demise left me unaffected.

What more can we ask from a romantic comedy?

A provocative success; wiping away the gore, Harron and Bale have found a mirror that forces us to look at ourselves and ask tough, disturbing questions -- which is ultimately what the best satire always does.