Better yet, let’s just leave the on-rails style in the ’90s where it belongs. It’s been a nice ride, but we need to start moving on.

Facebreaker shows some promise at the start; it’s plucky, full of spunk, and mildly charming. But play it more and it becomes apparent that it’s nothing but a one tricky pony. That charm and dazzle soon withers away along with your enthusiasm, and Facebreaker ends up punching itself in the face.

While I make it a goal to play every game I review to completion, there’s just no way that I am going to waste more my life playing this game.

After the excellence of Telltale’s The Walking Dead, it’s clear that Survival Instinct is the weaker of this species.

There is nothing here for anyone - not even the most ardent of Godzilla fans. It’s like if someone took your favourite ever franchise, made a half-arsed game out of it then spat in your face asking for money.

The characters have no personality whatsoever. The missions are a joke; the ridiculously horrible AI makes beating every objective a five-minute walk in the park at best.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Echoes of Time on Wii is a complete mess. It’s simply unpleasant to play, which is a real shame, because content-wise it’s not half bad.

The game is short, damn short. It can be finished in about an hour or so, and once you have sussed out the way the simple 'strategy' part works, all further enjoyment can only be derived from the main missions, which I'm sure you'll realise by now, can't save this Superman.

The gameplay is broken in countless ways and the A.I. is comical at best. It's an ugly, unoriginal, inadequately tested and terribly implemented mess that has no place in anyone's game collection.

It’s just an awful game, pure and simple. The action is broken due to the graphical problems, and the lack of variations causes my brain to hurt. Instead of buying this garbage, give the original film a purchase.

For now, the wise choice would be for everyone else to wait it out.

I suppose things could've been worse: they could've done a poorly emulated version of the Intellivision hit "Maze-A-Tron."

Am I Hero? isn’t morally questionable in the manner of other titles recently reviewed, but this doesn’t excuse the laziness and one hopes that a $49.99 IAP never happens, for I shall make a stand against it. I am hero.

It’s tempting to support a game that’s been through struggles and survived out the other side, especially when it carries a popular name, but Aliens: Colonial Marines should have remained vaporware.

Touch Detective is terrible in all the ways that make an adventure-puzzler (like the aforementioned Phoenix Wright, or Monkey Island, or Grim Fandango, or etc.) worth its salt. Go spend your £20 on Cluedo, because at least then you're controlling the pathfinding.

Yaris might be free, but not even that can justify the space required to download the game. After all, what's your time worth?

Uninspired, dull, and pestering for more money, this fits in nicely with the volume of film tie-ins.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is a throwback to the bad old days of EA; a shameless and shameful cash-in that barely qualifies as a full game.

Pantheon is not a game: it's an experiment on the addiction of instant gratification combined with in-app purchases that grant rewards.

If you can cope with laggy, wooden movement, touch-detection that goes from iffy during navigation to horrible in the minigames, a story which doesn’t (even try to) make much sense, minimal music, and conversations bordering on wall-talk, you might find some comfort in this old-school adventure game that sticks to its prehistoric roots. Otherwise, this isn’t worth the time – even though it is a pretty damn short ride.

There is no way anyone can justify buying this when Tomb Raider: Anniversary can be bought for a third of the price.

Valhalla Knights only excels at one thing: no other game can grate on your nerves quite like this.

With £17.99, you could buy a bucket of paint, throw it all over your bedroom walls and watch it dry. For a game packed with so many so-called “celebrities”, Celebrity Sports Showdown is a big non-event.

Whilst gamers are happy to purchase badly developed, poorly contrived games such as this, sadly those examples will still be a rarity.

With an unnecessarily simplistic control system, terrible commentary and a lifeless customisation system, the only slight nugget of entertainment can be found in the licensed career mode.

It’s a given that the Xbox 360 sequel has slightly better graphics, but they don’t justify the aforementioned gameplay or the subsidiary poolside mini-games. Xtreme 2 represents a large step in the wrong direction for one of gaming’s finest development teams.

This loose fragment of fan-service is priced as a Vita game and designed as a low-end iOS game. Square’s use of IAPs wouldn’t be a good model even if it were free-to-play. With the premium attached, All the Bravest is simply anti-consumer. It’s a big waste of a good opportunity to streamline.

DARK’s main mistake is that it never makes you feel like a terrifying vampire in any way. If it did, some of its many, many flaws could be excused. It’s bug-ridden, badly designed, and plain boring to go through. Add a side-dish of casual misogyny, and you end up with a deeply unenjoyable experience.