Sadly, Fight Night has left out back-alley options like fixing fights, in-fight cannibalism or even a seemingly drunk Larry Merchant doddering about the ring during the post-fight interviews. There's always next year.

The player renderings are nothing short of unbelievable. We don't know how many polygons they used to make every sneering taunt and celebration come to life, but we can assure you, it's somewhere between a lot and a shitload.

Or you can simply hoard all the good weapons and med packs for yourself and watch your fellow players wither, die and come back to pseudo-life as flesh-eating zombies.

Final Fantasy XI far outstrips "Everquest's" addictiveness in the multiplayer online role-playing realm.

Vast new levels, a pleasantly murky story line and an even greater emphasis on stealth will string you along for days.

Slick targeting systems let you lock onto enemies and blast away from every angle: Hug walls, perform evasive maneuvers and slide across the floor all while emptying your guns on your foes.

Vast new levels, a pleasantly murky story line and an even greater emphasis on stealth will string you along for days.

Despite the numerous missions on the disc, you can zip through the entire game in an afternoon.

The soundtrack, one of the best aspects of the game, effectively immerses you in the era, while the visuals make you really, really thankful you were not in Vietnam.

But, much like riding an elevator with a bunch of retards, the game Seven Samurai is a button-mashing frenzy.

Depending on how much time you spend searching each of the 11 single-player maps for hidden items, it should take you a couple of days.

Hollywood creature designer Stan Winston lends his psychotic imagination to all of the monstrosities that pop up in the game. Instead of coming from obvious spawning points, creatures emerge from nearly any surface. The technique effectively adds dread to normally benign environments we haven’t experienced since our days in the Boy Scouts.

Interestingly enough, EA has served up a baseball title that will keep you interested in hardball. Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

Hollywood creature designer Stan Winston lends his psychotic imagination to all of the monstrosities that pop up in the game. Instead of coming from obvious spawning points, creatures emerge from nearly any surface. The technique effectively adds dread to normally benign environments we haven't experienced since our days in the Boy Scouts.

Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

The cut scenes nearly steal the show. They’re a little too good, really. Once you see Snake and his enemies in fully choreographed action, returning to the actual game seems a little clunky.

Nuanced controls like the Pure Swing System let you toggle the left thumbstick of your controller to dig out low pitches, reach for a hanging curve or, in our case, just fan the air where you thought the ball should have appeared.

What we really like about the game is that the unrelenting, merciless killing just feels right.

Getting the timing down on when to load up the front suspension for extra liftoff on jumps takes a few races, but it quickly becomes second nature. Unfortunately, the game isn’t very realistic when it comes to rider collisions.

The jaw-dropping graphics help. As do the weapons, power-ups and the scope of the game (15-plus levels, 40-50 hours of play to complete). But it's the fighting that really won us over.

Getting the timing down on when to load up the front suspension for extra liftoff on jumps takes a few races, but it quickly becomes second nature. Unfortunately, the game isn't very realistic when it comes to rider collisions.

The kids who take the short bus to school will learn to drive stick faster than you'll learn to gain even a rudimentary level of control over the Vertical Tank.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

All in all, it seems like Activision has missed the boat. Instead of going the "Prince of Persia" route, taking a nostalgic title and darkening the action while beefing up the story, Lost Expedition wallows in mediocrity like a large, pink sow that uses words like mediocrity.

It’s decidedly low-tech, but pleasing in a visceral way. While many scenes play out on foot, there are plenty of vehicles to operate, from tanks and choppers to a Porsche Cayenne.

We can almost guarantee that you will not find another game that allows you to smite your enemies with a caramelized Peking duck.