Goodbye World will remind you more of "Gilligan's Island" than "Lost."

By the film's end, you feel like you've spent two hours rapidly changing channels between a WB sitcom, the gospel-choir segments of the "Ladykillers" remake, an episode of "Law & Order" and a Mexican soap opera.

In the end, Sex Tape doesn't seduce, doesn't surprise and certainly doesn't satisfy. It only leaves you feeling a little taken advantaged of, as you take your walk of shame back to your car – and hoping you never hear from it again.

It's not that Pan isn't entertaining. There's plenty of color and action and some inventive 3-D effects. Jackman's unhinged performance is either gloriously great or gloriously terrible, but captivating either way. There's no magic, though.

Never dull visually, but it's certainly monomaniacal and heartless thematically.

In I'm Reed Fish, Jay Baruchel is cast as a leading man with two attractive girlfriends, and, sorry, I'm frankly more prepared to accept Stephen Hawking as an action hero.

It gets by on its concept for a little while but too often mistakes stupid-stupid for clever-stupid.

The man has gifts -- but acting and, it's increasingly clear, storytelling aren't among them.

It has some good actors, and some quick dialogue, which also has the feel of real-life. But the plot forces things a bit, and the direction is uncertain; just when it seems willing to take some risks, it retreats.

It's a cartoon that thinks it isn't one.

Bier's direction seems tentative, unsure whether to go all-in on the pulpier aspects of the story or play it straight. She gets mixed results from her leads: Cooper is game but not fierce or conflicted enough; Lawrence doesn't get deep enough to pull anyone along on her spiral into madness.

So what is the picture saying? With its uneven tone, flat direction (on bad-looking digital video) and varied performances, very little.

No crime against the moviemaker's art, but it is flawed in a way we wouldn't expect from the director of "Shakespeare in Love."

Johnson's misplaced serious approach to Marlboro gives this style-heavy romp a few engaging moments. Rourke, looking as if he has new dentures, seems to be playing Bruce Willis. That's aiming low. [27 Aug 1991, p.D06]

By the time the film reaches its convoluted, bombastic and preposterous climax, any sense of real magic that it once conveyed has utterly vanished.

Dreary and dull.

The end result is mediocre, slightly sloppy and a mild waste of a great cast.

Endless and tedious. It's also written-in-crayon, smack-your-face dumb, and edited so that every other shot is a close-up of a flailing limb.

I appreciate that talented people wanted to honor Shelly by making this film. They likely would have better honored her by mounting her script as a play.

Occasionally, particularly when it sticks to simple slapstick, the movie wins a laugh. But the majority of it isn't just dumb and dumber, or even crude and cruder. At nearly two hours, it's just dull — and duller.

After the initial charm wears off, the whole thing gets check-your-text-messages dull.

Thanks to this flabbergasting howler of a sequence, Striking Distance becomes that rare thing: a movie so bad it's actually pretty good. [17 Sept 1993, p.AE17]

A high-tech concept done in by low-tech script and low-wattage performances. [26 May 1995, p.24]

An atrocity exhibition from start to finish.

Universal Soldier is another goony banquet of violence composed almost entirely of leftovers. It's a Frankenstein-monster of a movie with parts of a dozen or more films stitched and stapled together to make one lurching melodrama. [11 July 1992, C10]

It's not pretty. In fact, it's downright scary when the two of them, after an hour-and-a-half of insults, finally drop the robes and get into the ring. It's like two old leather handbags come to life and slapping each other around in slow-motion.

It devolves too often into slapstick shenanigans and comedy of embarrassment.

The tone of the film malingers somewhere between hyper-real comedy and thriller, but neither element really shines through.