The glass isn't 'half empty,' it isn't even 'not full.' It's a soundless, hateful asphyxiating void. [Oct 2007, p.74]

A great hulking sh.t. [Oct 2008, p.74]

Combat though, is miserable. [Aug 2008, p.73]

Still, it's better than any of Ugh Boll's films. [Sept 2009, p.72]

Ridiculously short. [Mar 2010, p.76]

An unpolished, bland mess of a game that doesn't deserve a single megabyte of your hard disk space...It ends up looking like shit as well as playing like it. [Mar 2007, p.68]

Make no mistake, this game is two oversized coal sacks of crap - but The Mark has a redeeming hilarity. [Apr 2007, p.68]

A distinctly shoddy game - iffy controls, rubbish bear fights, dull levels and gameplay obsessed with balancing, jumping and the most inane rhythm action ever devised. [Mar 2008, p.84]

For 30 minutes of so, you'll be having a strange amount of fun. [Aug 2009, p.76]

The in-game text, when comprehensible, looks like a toddler wrote it, the sounds don't match up to the visible actions and the voiceovers are awful, disjointed and mediocre. [Aug 2006, p.84]

Let's face it: this is a Tycoon game where you control three numbers. It is, in short, a turd of a game. [Sept 2008, p.69]

Plays a bit like "Psychonauts," but lacks any and all of that game's wonderful charms. [July 2009, p.76]

Lengthy load times, dated visuals, and obtuse interface and an unnecessarily decentralized recruitment system. [Dec 2009, p.73]

Overwhelmingly unremarkable. [Nov 2006, p.84]

This is a marketing bullet, heading straight for the impressionable brains of your child/wife/mother/effeminate brother (delete as applicable) - and possibly even your own pocket. Avoid it. [Aug 2006, p.77]

The interface is so abysmal you'll want to tap out within minutes. [June 2007, p.89]

From now on, every "Stuff" pack you release will be scored one per cent lower than the previous "Stuff" pack, until you stop making them. This isn't even funny any more. [Jan 2007, p.73]

Once the armies swell in size, the laborious job of shuffling them around the battlefield is like shovelling coal. [Oct 2006, p.65]

Roma Victor is one of the most staggeringly lacklustre and awkward-to-play MMORPGs ever made. [Oct 2006, p.80]

Send him (and the game) to the dogmeat factory. It's the most humane thing you could do. [Oct 2007, p.87]

Deal or No Deal is a monstrosity - an unforgivable mess of arse-lint with less value than your average free flash game, as it has no real "game" to speak of beyond the arbitrary picking of boxes. Giving this piece of heinous excrement anything but a snide, cruel lambasting would be too generous. [Mar 2008, p.79]

It's too hard to be any fun. Not hard in a challenging way - more in a stupid, dull way that has EASY opponents refusing to shoot, and HARD opponents taking perfect cover and sniping you from the moon. [July 2007, p.84]

All good, except for one very stupid omission - no online multiplayer. [June 2007, p.72]

For most, wrestling with Battlefront's sprawling intricacies will be an approximation of hell, but for some it will be a strategy-bong heaven. [June 2007, p.74]

Sure, the emphasis on tactics and cover etc make it slower than today's bells-and-whistles RTSs, but the time you get to think makes it one of the cleverest. Some games just don't seem to get tired with age. Chess and Close Combat are among them. [June 2007, p.79]

Happy Tree Friends: False Alarm makes everyone behind it look like absolute bastards. [Oct 2008, p.69]

It's very tactical, it's highly polished and I can pretty much guarantee you've never played anything quite like it. [Oct 2007, p.86]

These animals are not that easy to deal with. [Jan 2008, p.87]