A game that offers all the TV characters but gives you impersonators for the voices is a cheap, nasty rip-off. That is Lost Via Domus. Avoid it like you would Season 4 spoilers.

It is the eerie absence of fun. [July 2009, p.89]

In short, it would take two humans deliberately missing every shot to ever be in jeopardy. [Christmas 2009, p.117]

Petty, nasty and anachronistic. Duke is only relevant as a warning from the past. Avoid these mistakes, developers. [Aug 2011, p.76]

Madly repetitive, flaky and incessantly dull third-person action. Not even Olivia Wilde can save this clumsy movie tie-in.

Contains reprocessed parts. Little nutritional value. [July 2007, p.87]

Insultingly banal. [Nov 2009, p.100]

An 80-year-old mystery wearing the skin of a teenage boy. Ew. [Feb 2009, p.71]

Civil war that's harrowing for all the wrong reasons. [Sept 2008, p.91]

It's a shooter for people who don't shoot and have the initiative of a house elf. [Feb 2011, p.97]

It shouldn't be imaginable for a game to be released in this state. It's an insult to you that they think they can get away with it. [Oct 2006, p.99]

A tedious, irritating waste of promising material. [Oct 2006, p.87]

The worst way to experience this story. [July 2006, p.86]

No shock, just schlock. Almost impressively dreadful. [May 2009, p.67]

This cheap, tacky space combat sim is a stinking mess, insulting the name of the series merely by presuming to associate itself with it. [Mar 2008, p.83]

The Mark approaches dreadfulness like a collector, cataloguing every scuttling horror in the digital world. The sound is terrible, echoing cheaply into dead environments. The voice acting is terrible, with lost children's presenters in place of military tough guys. The cutscenes are terrible, except for when they're rubbish slideshows.

If you're going to be offensive, you need a point. This has none, either as satire, commentary, videogame or comedy. [Mar 2012, p.118]

An utterly atrocious mess. [Feb 2008, p.78]

Don't shell out for ol' shellhead. The action-figure is more fun. [Aug 2008, p.79]

Date, deserted, and drepressing. [Sept 2007, p.81]

Honestly, I thought the era of 100% cash-in gaming crap was over. I was wrong. [Sept 2008, p.88]

Boring, buggy, profoundly meaningless, and utterly dreadful in every imaginable way. Not just bad - this is novelty bad. [June 2009, p.92]

Tremendously ambitious but agonisingly incomplete. Its battlefield is buggy and crude, and its RTS credibility is MIA. [June 2012, p.96]

Unfinished, unpolished. [May 2012, p.87]

It made me tear my own arm off. [Jan 2008, p.84]

Revoltingly poor insult to a wonderful book. Just don't. [Mar 2008, p.81]

If this was a budget release, it would merely be a rubbish game. At full price, it's unforgivable. [Mar 2012, p.113]

Avoid. Run screaming. The funniest - and smartest - part of this game is the fact that the developers told you exactly what to expect when they named it. [Oct 2012, p.109]

It can't live up to the hyperbolic name. [July 2013, p.97]

Weak riff on "Elite"'s trading with zero long-term appeal. [Mar 2009, p.75]

Truly awful - one of the worst adventure games in years. [Aug 2008, p.87]

Deliberately obtuse is just frustrating. [July 2009, p.76]

You're just here for the Swayze puns, you filthy slut. [July 2008, p.89]