Ignore the nonsensical story-centered on Mordoc, the vampire king, and his Onyx Tower of Eldritch-and stay on course with your barbarian, dwarf, cleric, or elf, traversing time and eerie environments.

The long missions require a lot of patience, but not as much as you needed to sit through the movie.

You won’t find any new gameplay features, but what you do get a skies-are-the-limit bevy of new eclectic characters, gaudy furniture, and fancy-pants neighborhoods.

This staggeringly polished first-person shooter (which also includes a Quake-style multiplayer option) will have even the most passive players sweating, er, bullets as they take control of an eight-foot-tall cyborg and greet intergalactic invaders with open arms-or open fire.

Odd adventure.

Thrones also gets points for cribbing Sam Fisher's stealth skills and using a whip-like weapon that will send "God of War" fans scurrying to gaming chat rooms to voice their displeasure with the similarities. Thankfully, the controversy is worth it for this energetic adventure.

The deadly combination of shopping for new murder gear and completing missions of mass destruction make this game more addictive than caramel-coated OxyContin.

This frantic shooter in the James Bond style will leave players visibly shaken…and definitely stirred.

The idea of battling enemies shaped like gelatin desserts and exploring environments resembling the paintings in your dentist’s office may sound like a bad acid flashback (or H.R. Pufnstuf rerun), yet it makes for an entertaining role-playing game.

During this age of sanitary smart-bomb warfare, this stunning first-person shooter gives you a taste of the good ol’ days of killing—you know, bamboo traps, bloody ambushes, villages under siege.

To hell with lame gunshot wounds and other gang violence. This game’s fatalities include creative beheadings and dismemberments that would make Hannibal green with envy.

Should the lyrically challenged feel left out, you can create your own brawler outfitted in ice courtesy of celebrity bling supplier Jacob the Jeweler. Better to look good than to—ow—feel good.

Though the one-player mode can get a bit stale, it's saner than picking fights at the local Teamsters hall.

Although it's dogged by Commodore 64–quality music and selective licensing agreements-Manchester United is simply Man Red-this new edition more than compensates with killer graphics, new tricks, and an improved dribbling system.

Play along to 30 songs-from simplistic beats like "We Will Rock You" to increasingly complex and annoying Latin polyrhythms-and add up to four sets of bongos to create a frenzied, unholy din suitable for ritual virgin sacrifice.

Instead of the usual push-button pugilism, throw punches using the analog stick—the direction and speed of the stick determine the swing; the trigger controls handle bobbing, weaving, and blocking.

Batman Begins isn't just a good game, it's two great games that play great together. When you're the caped crusader, it's an action game in the mold of "Splinter Cell"... Then, when you're driving the Batmobile, the game morphs into "Burnout," with you knocking cars off the road as you careen through traffic.

Triple Play may not be the smartest or most realistic baseball video game, but it’s definitely the best-looking one.

Ah, gay Paris. The sights, the sounds, the frothing hordes of time-traveling Japanese demons. Wait...what?...Minor complaints aside, Onimusha 3 is amazing. It breathes new life into a familiar genre and makes France, well, kinda cool.

Sometimes it’s tedious work, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that playing sky taxi isn’t rewarding.

Now if we ever come across a “deity wanted” ad in the Sunday classifieds, we’re ready.

Confused by the sometimes clunky camera angles? You can deliver your skull-smashing, thong-flashing high kicks in soothing slow motion.

If you do a good job, you might even get a free donut or two.

Vexx is a curiously grim exercise featuring gargantuan free-form levels fraught with danger and a surprisingly combat-heavy fighting system of combos, uppercuts, and vicious slashes.

Call of Duty 2 isn't a bold new game, but subtle improvements and new historical battles deliver a good reason to keep fighting.

Set the damage mode to high and tires explode, windshields shatter, and fenders crumple, all dependent on your lousy maneuvering.

It’s the perfect game for men who like speed and men who like thongs (and you know who you are). We can only imagine that Kinetica 2 will feature racing car women who secrete beer.

They’ve ditched realistic racing for a straight-forward adrenaline rush where amazing vehicular explosions are your reward spectacularly bad driving.

Freedom is king here, and you’ll know what we mean the first time you tear through a fast-food drive-thru or scare shoppers to death in a Los Angeles, Tokyo, or London mall.

The only thing that’s out of place is Shaggy’s voice.

Clunky camera moves hit the occasional sour note, but the eventual showdown with the Dark Lord Currently Known as Satan makes it all well worth the ride.

This intentionally kooky bounty hunter simulator-playing it is like watching an episode of Cops while huffing bleach fumes-is easily the most original game we've played this year.

Your hard-won mastery of the throttle and brake can mean the difference between surviving to the next stage or taking in the scenery from the bottom of a roadside ditch.

Thankfully, the ability to upgrade your jet pack adds a much-needed modicum of depth, while the control scheme makes it easy to move in one direction while blowing stuff up in the opposite. Titanium-breasted robozons, a-w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y!

Missions full of vehicles to wrangle and people to off feel like a cross between "Grand Theft Auto" and "Metal Gear Solid," with a dash of "Contra" thrown in for spice. Destroy everything and get paid; this is foreign policy at its finest.

The game is by no means a weak attempt to cash in on a franchise...Gamers not only get tons of extra movie action but also get to run, kick, and shoot in a fully realized Matrix universe.

Our only regret is that George Foreman isn't in the game. Apparently he's too busy hocking his new grill to bother bringing his fat ass into the game for a good ol' fashioned digital butt-whuppin'.

Confused by the sometimes clunky camera angles? You can deliver your skull-smashing, thong-flashing high kicks in soothing slow motion.

It may not appease the history buffs, but it will delight the trigger-happy.

The creators get points for keeping the combos, juggles, air attacks, and instant-kill fatalities, not to mention the chopsocky feel and cameos from familiar faces like Baraka and Reptile.

The added Puzzle Kombat is surprisingly fun-Tetris-style one-on-one gaming is punctuated by miniature, big-headed characters popping each other in the skulls. Throw out your old MK games; it's time to call this one your daddy.

Heck, even if you aren’t a hoops fan, there’s plenty of unintentional humor to appreciate: Seeing Yao Ming dunk on Bill Walton alone is worth the price of admission.

In addition to playing on boring, traditional courses like Pebble Beach with the good ol’ boys, you can take on a quartet of kilt-wearing Scotsmen in the middle of the Amazon.

If you can overlook minor perspective problems, Onimusha’s intense combat, stunning graphics, and involving story make this a masterpiece hotter than a mouthful of wasabi.

Thrones also gets points for cribbing Sam Fisher's stealth skills and using a whip-like weapon that will send "God of War" fans scurrying to gaming chat rooms to voice their displeasure with the similarities. Thankfully, the controversy is worth it for this energetic adventure.

Instead of marching towards you as you rip them apart with machine gun fire, these nasties scuttle and run like…real bugs. It’s enough to give you the willies.

It'll take as much brains as brawn: The block-moving puzzles of the previous game have been burned at the stake in favor of some logically sound mindbenders.

A fun and novel idea.

The bizarre levels and challenging puzzles remain engrossing even when you start asking the never-answered question, “What’s the point?”

If you're expecting jittery "Unreal Tournament"–style multiplayer action here, you'll be sorely disappointed...The real fun is in a story that leads you so deep into hell, with rich graphics and engulfing sound, you can practically smell the sulfur.

If the grainy, David Lynch ambiance doesn’t make your nads retract in terror, the four-legged headless guys in combat boots and leather thongs certainly will.

Sure, the action is pretty basic-it's still kill or be killed-but with more open spaces to run around and new foes to fight, Ties is like a weekend with Russell Crowe: disturbing, bloody, and a damn good time.

Though it’s sure to have Senate subcommittees soiling their Depends and declaring the end of Western civilization, jaded gamers will no doubt dig the surprisingly amusing vocal and visual gags that spice up what would otherwise be a moderately paced, story-driven shoot-em-up.

Over 100 hours of game play through 50 levels of sword-swinging, spell-casting combat, thousands of new weapons and equipment, and two new characters (the fighting furry Vah Shir and the lizardman Iksar) will keep you huffing at trucker speed through the wee hours.

Thrones also gets points for cribbing Sam Fisher's stealth skills and using a whip-like weapon that will send "God of War" fans scurrying to gaming chat rooms to voice their displeasure with the similarities. Thankfully, the controversy is worth it for this energetic adventure.

Like the movie itself, the game’s surprisingly good and full of decent action as you use Jedi skills in a barrage of lightsaber battles to win one for good or evil.

This reckless, Crazy Taxi–like romp around town is like a high-speed dream tour for fans of the series. Almost every Simpsons character in the game is either a driver or a passenger.

The straightforward online action in Paragon City gives you instant access to hordes of computer-controlled villains to vaporize, but the real payoff comes in teaming up with other misfit crime fighters for orgies of virtuous ass kicking.

Missions full of vehicles to wrangle and people to off feel like a cross between "Grand Theft Auto" and "Metal Gear Solid," with a dash of "Contra" thrown in for spice. Destroy everything and get paid; this is foreign policy at its finest.

Freed from time constraints, you now accomplish level-specific goals—like outmaneuvering skater-busting cops—to advance while on the lookout for secret minigames.

The result is an action fighting game that sometimes feels as slick as a disco showdown—after all, style counts just as much in the underworld as it does in the fashion world.

The added Puzzle Kombat is surprisingly fun—Tetris-style one-on-one gaming is punctuated by miniature, big-headed characters popping each other in the skulls. Throw out your old MK games; it's time to call this one your daddy.

While most of Revenge’s game play involves turning bad guys into kebab, the game’s strict homage to the comic gives it more depth.

The game takes hits for its often crappy camera angles. Still, it’ll satisfy your raging blood lust.

Both the solo and multiplayer options deliver the explosive goods, but for maximum entertainment value try betting with friends on the strategy-based Conquest mode. Loser has to sponge-bathe Jabba!

Sure, the action is pretty basic—it's still kill or be killed—but with more open spaces to run around and new foes to fight, Ties is like a weekend with Russell Crowe: disturbing, bloody, and a damn good time.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

Nothing beats running around cramped dungeons seeking treasure and revenge while hacking, arrow-ing, and spell-casting your way through hordes of Lord of the Rings rejects.

While this muck jam has expansive environments and great graphics, it also boasts as much originality as a Winger sing-along chorus. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.

It does have...a kung-fu penguin! And what's cooler than that?

Nothing beats running around cramped dungeons seeking treasure and revenge while hacking, arrow-ing, and spell-casting your way through hordes of Lord of the Rings rejects.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

And while fans of such modern shootouts as Halo 2 will scoff at its Super Nintendo–ish look and gameplay, anyone who can remember the last decade without the aid of I Love the ’90s should come away smiling.

Eye-popping.

It’s not the deepest game you’ll find, but its oddly satisfying.

Can’t be beat for fun, mindless destruction.

Yeah, it’s still just a video game version of pinball, but at least it won't steal all of your quarters like the arcade version of "My Little Pony."

These intense, roller coaster–like tracks will twist and turn until you swallow your tongue and beg for mercy.

The ho-hum game play won’t wow you.

While this muck jam has expansive environments and great graphics, it also boasts as much originality as a Winger sing-along chorus. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.

While these side-scrolling action games are still addictive and challenging, it's hard to get nostalgic over games with release dates from 2002 and 2003, respectively.

Your all-terrain vehicles come equipped with oil slicks, smoke screens, and acid bombs that are so fun to use that it's hard to tell if it's more fun to use contraband or smuggle it.

Unfortunately, you spend more time scaring the crap out of people than blowing the crap out of people, which slows down the action.

While this muck jam has expansive environments and great graphics, it also boasts as much originality as a Winger sing-along chorus. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.

And while it's more of a tech demo than a test of reflexes, after a long day of crime and combat, it's just what your overworked thumbs need.

Unfortunately, none of the additions will distinguish this one for vets of the PC version, but tight controls, abundant targets, and beautiful scenery still deliver the most disturbing vacation package since Kathie Lee Gifford stalked Carnival cruise ships.

Since they opt for realism at the expense of fun, you just can’t pull off those sick, death-defying feats you can in other games.

Play is especially intriguing online, where our hero's acrobatic skills, ability to find cover, and state-of-the-art weaponry deliver death matches to die for.

[Its] shortcomings make it hard to recommend if you’ve bought a previous edition in the past, but it’s just so damn fun to play and watch that it might be worth picking up anyway.

With matches of five-on-five taking place on small fields with really basic controls, Strikers is classic arcade-style soccer, but the game gets an extra kick from power-ups, random Bowser attacks, and a Telemundo-style announcer.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

But after nine innings, it's basically the same game, including easy to master controls that'll finally allow you to be big man on campus.

Improvements in puck physics means that hard shots can bruise your opponents, while last year's overly aggressive defense has been scaled back to realistic levels.

The problem here is Blitz is a lot like Jerry Springer: if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all. This year’s edition does little to dispel that theory, since it comes with only a handful of new features, none of which include online play.

But after nine innings, it's basically the same game, including easy to master controls that'll finally allow you to be big man on campus.

The problem here is Blitz is a lot like Jerry Springer: if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all. This year’s edition does little to dispel that theory, since it comes with only a handful of new features, none of which include online play.

But even if you lack broadband, the bizarre characters and 13 arcade-style courses to choose from will keep you giddier than Carl Spackler on a gofer hunt.

For the casual player, this is archaic stuff that’ll provide about an hour of nostalgic fun.