I can't really remember the last time I saw a movie with this much biting satire and brilliance that was utterly excruciating half the time.

The jokes are so tired and irritating in the film, I found myself anticipating the funny gags from the trailers because those were the only ones that were remotely humorous. In fact, I only laughed three times in the whole picture.

It isn't as if any of the actors do an especially bad job or anything – Fox is capable enough as the lead, and Whitley and Wilson especially carry themselves quite well – but you can't help asking yourself, what's the point? Are there that many more broad topics in need of shallow examination by a Hollywood studio picture?

Although it runs 78 minutes, it feels like 78 hours.

When all is said and done, then, the only thing this juvenile and shameless "Star Wars" knock-off does is whet your appetite for the real deal.

A small, tacky non-comedy.

Behind the pseudo-intellectual curtain of Philippe’s pseudo-documentary, you will not find a wizard. You will find nothing at all.

Martin Lawrence can be hysterically funny. You'd never guess that from watching the remarkably wasteful endeavor known as Black Knight.

The animals are often caught in a stare as if they, too, are looking for the tale that Anderson forgot.

An unnecessary sequel to the equally unnecessary "Bruce Almighty."

A minor and forgettable bore.

This film is arguably one of the most unsatisfying films I’ve had the disservice to watch.

Elektra isn't just poorly executed, it's emotionally false and makes absolutely no narrative sense.

A movie so thoroughly cretinous the people who made it couldn't get even the punctuation in the title right.

The acting is sub-par, with Selena Gomez delivering the weakest performance. I don’t know Spanish, but even I can tell she struggles to sound like it’s her first language. As Emilia, Karla Sofía Gascón is stiff as a board and can’t sing. Zoe Saldaña is the only one putting an effort in, but even she can’t make horrible lyrics sound authentic.

Doesn't even reach the campy, trashy highs (or should I say "lows"?) of "The Crush."

In the end, what’s left is yet another bad Amityville movie that fails to entertain or scare. Still, the house does look scary. Maybe if they try one more time…

More of a curio than a classic and it takes the strongest of constitutions to endure this film without entertaining notions of matricide

Unless you are severely addicted to Johnny Depp, this film offers very little in the way of genuine entertainment value. Ultimately, “The Brave” should have been renamed “The Foolish.”

The script gives both actors, as well as the supporting cast, very little to work with, aside from some crude John Waters-inspired put-downs and plays on words.

Aside from a decent cast trapped in a shoddy everything else, there is nothing to recommend here.

Nosferatu is a failure on almost every level.

Tedious and ultimately pointless film.

This horror fanatic doesn't have room for Craven in his genre anymore. Collect your cash and call it a day already, Wes.

Is there really a deep hidden meaning (DHM) to redeem this hopelessly dry and nebulous film? No, at least nothing that hasn't been done better before.

Just when you think it could not get more ridiculous, Hall, Lanier, and Miss Mariah go that extra mile.

Rips off so many splatter movie tricks at once that it becomes totally frustrating.

It is films like this that make me think that if Mexico suddenly went to war with a superpower, and the Cancun area was nuked into oblivion during a spring break weekend, that the world might actually be a better place.

The single worst Shakespeare film ever made.

This is shtick that’s minimally a generation past its expiration date.

Yup, Hollywood Homicide”rips off practically every cop movie out there. My god in heaven, did anyone making this film have an original thought in their lives?

So remarkably free of laughs I might as well have been watching John Wayne Gacy’s home movies.

A monstrosity of a movie that I am all too eager to forget.

Like a slug that crawls across the screen for eighty minutes before dying of its own nausea.

Every rumor you’ve heard about this film is true; it’s an absolute wreck.

I’m getting fed up with classic films being remade or ruined by being turned into “Special Editions” that are less than special.

Will surely end up as one of this year’s worst films.

If you want laughs, just about every other comedy playing right now is good for one giggle, which is more than you'll get here. Just don't waste your time or money on Out Cold.

More criminal than the lack of inspiration in Return to Never Land is the absence of a sense of magic.

Much too aggressively juvenile crass.

Reports of boos at the film's debut at Cannes are more understandable now, not because Marie Antoinette is an inaccurate or indifferent look at French history (it is), but because it's self-indulgent shit. Booing - and beheading - are too good for it.

Nothing but a perfect waste of a Friday night. Or a Tuesday night. Or any night of the week for that matter.

Crikey, what a croc o’ shit! But hey, at least the title of this film lets you know exactly where it's heading. So as painful as this movie is to watch, if you willingly buy a ticket, you’re only doing it to yourself.

Even with a look at many of these people's relationship problems, there's nothing remotely interesting to listen to when they talk. In this case, it's the fault of the script, which doesn't provide much of anything interesting to keep it going for as long as it does.

I'm sure the filmmaker would disagree, but, honestly, I don't see the point. It's a visual Rorschach test and I must have failed.

Such garbage that taking a shower at the Bates Motel is a more appealing alternative.

A failure on virtually every level, Peppermint is a slapdash, half-hearted affront to anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in its crosshairs.

Turistas fails in almost every way a movie like this can.

Sadly, the death scenes are so unimaginative and the gore is so minimal that you might miss it if you blink.

Tedious, derivative exercise, stolen from a dozen or so horror/action films.

Its portrayal of Britt-Marie sometimes feels condescending, several of its plot turns make no sense, and its visuals add nothing that wasn’t already there in the original book.

The falling blade is the only element not missing the mark in this film. I wanted to call for the beheading after Act One, and spare the audience instead.

About as much fun as a grouchy ayatollah in a cold mosque.

This tired old pile of garbage will hopefully be chased out of town soon.

Eragon is laughably bad, mind-bogglingly derivative, and easily one of the worst movies of the year.

This is a movie that should have a medical warning in its trailer. Caution: viewing may be hazardous to your filmgoing fun; side effects can include drowsiness, irritation and difficulty swallowing.

Just plain bad.

Another disastrous comedy aimed at second-graders and anyone else who thinks farts are still funny.

It certainly didn't take long for Madonna to ruin husband Guy Ritchie's career.

I had just sat through a comedy that wasn't funny, a drama that wasn't touching and, all told, a mess of a story told by actors making some of either the laziest or most daring of choices, depending on your perspective. Sometimes both.

If only von Trier could work beyond the poster art concept. Antichrist stubbornly fails as a gothic nightmare and meanders as a misanthropic two-character drama.

Such a hopeless mess that there's no fun in tossing insults at its endless shortcomings.

This masterpiece started out at around three stars, but after the credits, it just got sillier and more lurid.

Down With Love has little to offer besides hip sixties references better films have already made and made infinitely more hip.

The able cast can't swim through the muck.

Aside from the pesky problems of tone and lazy writing, the whole move is a little choppy.

It's too mediocre (and PG-13) to be classified as a horror film, too inane to be taken seriously and too uninteresting to be bothered with.

I haven't seen such meaningful insight into the nature of human cooperation since this morning's "Sesame Street."

An astonishing mess.

Corporate Animals tries to be a comedy about class struggle, hubris, cult of personality, and corporate culture using cannibalism as a metaphor. It is a fantastic idea that never gels into anything worth watching, and I suggest you miss it.

Everything culminates in strained dramatics and forced tension as the audience is sure to be scratching their heads in confusion.

This one deserves to go back in the refrigerator – preferably to the very back of the refrigerator!

Nothing sums up Bones better than its parting shot, in which maggots are projectile vomited directly toward the audience. How so very appropriate.

At 100 minutes in running time, Dallas 362 can be called "The Amateur Hour-and-40-Minutes."

A painfully awful film.

This isn’t a movie, it’s an outline for Happy Meals and theme park rides. Avoid at all costs.

An abysmal failure.

The shallowest "serious" film to be reeling this year.

Hollywood is definitely at its worst here and not the type of Hollywood which would dare to greenlight this; just Hollywood being portrayed on film.

Incredibly dull.

The problems with this story stem from its convoluted and utterly ridiculous script that refuses to make any sense.

It's just a murky, dark mess where no one wins. Especially those of us watching it. Simply put: Darkness fails. It's about as chilling as an unplugged refrigerator.

The production values on Dirty are so painfully amateurish that it is often hard to determine what is happening. The cinematography is murky and shaky, the editing is dull and clumsy, and the sound recording isn't exactly pristine. Not that any of this matters when you have a script where every third word is scatological.

This isn’t a movie, it is anti-cinema; an endurance test to discover how malleable a human’s brain is.

There's no excuse to come within a hundred feet of a screen playing this monstrosity of a movie.

It's an inferior remake (of a movie that wasn't that great to begin with), it's poorly acted, and it's yet another in an unending string of PG-13 "horror" movies that do nothing to build even the most rudimentary sense of real dread.

Audiences should demand this film be buried never to see the light of day again.

At worst, it’s an insult even to the intelligence of 12-year olds.

The original movie One Missed Call is based on was pretty tame, at least by Miike standards. And since it appears studios have no intention of halting this flood of abysmal rehashes, allow me to suggest that they at least have the stones not to pussyfoot around and give us a remake worthy of Hollywood, of America, and of an audience that lacks the willpower to stop buying tickets to half-assed crap.

The biggest loser in all of this is Chan, whose legacy over here won’t be his 20+ years as a martial arts pioneer, but rather his playing straight man to the likes of Tucker and Owen Wilson.

Little Man is putrid.

The story is so ridiculously obvious it's not even remotely enjoyable.

The real "disturbance" in Domestic Disturbance is not in the home, but in the careers of all involved.

I humbly submit that Cedric the Entertainer be required to give up the "Entertainer" portion of his nom de plume until he actually starts entertaining us.

Just one of those films, a bottomless well of snark fodder that may come and go in theatres but will surely be spun innumerable times on DVD at parties in the years to come.

The characters’ actions here are goofy, immature, unsettling and at times downright silly.