Isn’t very effective as a thriller.

A horror movie that starts off decently but quickly falls victim to cliché. It is, ultimately, a disappointing genre entry, and one that falls far short of the original’s greatness.

The plot lurches from one awkwardly-staged, heavy-handed, poorly-lit, bathed in eye-scorching soft-focus sequence to another with little regard for tonal shifts or narrative fluidity.

"The Beginning" is a better movie than the 2003 remake, even if the plot is understandably similar. There are only so many ways hapless teens can get brutally slaughtered, after all, but Liebesman and company keep things appropriately creepy, right down to aping the look of the 1974 original.

Despite the involvement of some skilled filmmakers, Portals is a cinematic black hole – vacuous and barely perceptible in the vastness of space lit with far brighter stars.

Alas, instead of a scathing critique of racial injustice, a revamping of the “man seeks revenge after his family is murdered/kidnapped” trope, the director delivers gratuitously violent, vulgar, clichéd, jaw-droppingly sexist, and racist cinematic bile.

With its simplistic, didactic approach, the presence of a top-flight ensemble is the only thing separating John Q from your average TV movie of the week.

Rockwell and Schwartz are basically doing their version of a Hope-and-Crosby road film. They play characters very familiar to an American audience and that is played against a British comedic landscape. The result it interesting to watch, but I think more for the Brits than its American counterparts.

This is the sort of film that fails on every single aspect it aims for.

Grind is an answer to the question that has been on the minds of many this summer: “Is there anything worse than Gigli?” The answer to this question is a resounding “YES!”

A terrific story, years in the making, that clearly stays true to the uncompromising vision of its creators. The results are on the screen.

Big Gold Brick could’ve been trimmed down a bit with a runtime of two hours and twelve minutes, and some of the characters, like Lucy, are not fully fleshed out. But overall, I enjoyed Petsos’ strange vision.

By turns touching, raucously amusing, uncomfortable, and, yes, even sexy, Never Again is a welcome and heartwarming addition to the romantic comedy genre; a pleasant surprise of a film that delivers so much more than its description leads one to expect.

An inkling of an inventive concept lurks somewhere deep within the murk. Unfortunately, you'll be hard-pressed to spot it amidst all the meandering diversions, prepubescent humor, imbecilic dialogue, and curious casting choices.

This film is a messy jumble.

This movie is a 21st century take on the tired switched-persons genre, with predictable and obvious gag-inducing results.

The real "disturbance" in Domestic Disturbance is not in the home, but in the careers of all involved.

The Collector’s destructive behavior enters the realm of the ridiculous before it ever touches the land of evil-badassness.

A failure on virtually every level, Peppermint is a slapdash, half-hearted affront to anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in its crosshairs.

None of it is remotely frightening or original, the admittedly good-looking film adding nothing new to this unfortunate horror subgenre.

Provocative and poignant.

Brian Presley wrote, directed, produced, and stars in The Great Alaskan Race, and his reverence for the dire situation and heroics of the mushers are evident throughout. However, passion alone does not make a good movie.

Ultimately, Hurry Up Tomorrow is an example of style over substance. Its visuals try to shock and awe while leaving its narrative a confusing mess.

The camerawork is a smidge too shaky and the lighting/color design too dark for me to relish the Predator-on-Alien butt-kicking.

While How High could have been a fun comedy college students could watch over and over again, it instead plays like a bad USA movie of the week. The jokes aren't funny, the characters aren't fully developed and poor editing only makes a humorless story confusing.

Doesn't even reach the campy, trashy highs (or should I say "lows"?) of "The Crush."

It will end up frustrating fans of both movie franchises enough to make them wish someone more competent was in charge.

The result is a great-looking bore.

The fault here lies in the film’s dead rhythm, which never lights the sparks necessary for an action film. The plot and action progress like an eroding lakeshore, but the energy and excitement are washed away in every scene.

The Quiet is best for cheap laughs by jaded moviegoers with absolutely nothing better to do with their time.

Fool's Gold could easily have been released in 1977, and there's a sort of laid-back, timeless, Gerald Ford feel to the movie: the resolution is never in doubt, the villains are comedic rather than menacing, and no one involved seems to care one way or the other that their names are attached to this indifferent mess.

The kind of film that's too romantic for younger viewers and too redundant for young teens. For both sets, the laughs come infrequent (if at all), no thanks to Lohan giving another sub par performance.

Incredibly dull.

The Postman isn't as atrocious as the inane trailers and media hype have indicated, but like "Waterworld" a lot of the prerelease scrutiny is well warranted.

Laughter erupts during scenes and certain close-ups that were designed to induce screams.

Sometimes whimsical, at others quaint, flirting with darkness but brimming with childlike naivety, the plot provides a hell of a tonal whiplash, never finding its rhythm.

There are many flaws in Animal Farm, but its message is what I’m recommending the film for. Look, it will make great dinner conversation with your toddlers.

If you’re looking for proof of an afterlife, you will be disappointed, but as the medical experts stress in the film, there is at least evidence of one. You can be rigid in your beliefs throughout the entire film, or you can have an open mind. Either way, what happens after After Death is you will have been entertained.

Is this what Sean Penn has come to in his 40s? He hasn't appeared this retarded since he was married to Madonna.

Overall, Afraid delivers an unsettling ride with standout performances.

Putting it in the kindest possible terms, the movie could be passed off as an exercise in style. Because of this, it does manage to be watchable.

I'm going to beat my head into a wall until I relieve myself of the memory of this film that was, well, retarded.

If the directors scaled back on the needlessly-complex tale and tightened the reigns, and if screenwriter Michael Arkof sharpened his dialogue (“I’m a deputy, not a vigilante!” Norm yells shrilly, before absconding to his trailer), they may have had something truly special here.

My only real issue is the two leads. They’re crazy and hold nothing back. They are revolting and lovable, but there’s not much contrast between the two or real depth to their characters other than being lazy reprobates.

Like a head on collision between some nice performances and a really stupid plot.

A small, tacky non-comedy.

Clumsy and meandering, Imprisoned seems unsure of whether it’s a story of personal revenge, an outcry against a corrupt regime, or a study of the Puerto Rican justice system.

The film sets a quirky tone and sustains it until a very bizarre and contrived ending.

Reviewing it is a wholly meaningless exercise, but I do it against my better judgment that anyone even seeks a second opinion before plopping down their hard-earned money for garbage like this.

Every so often, a motion picture comes around that’s so dreadful you wonder what prompted anyone to want to waste their time making it and your time watching it to such a degree. When I’m a Moth holds that dubious distinction.

Director Marc Rosenbush gets the absolute most he can out of his no-budget-friendly, minimalist location and a solid, if unremarkable cast.

Overall, Garfield's first movie might not be as amusing as the cartoon but it was still a lot of fun to watch.

The Happytime Murders eventually ends up spinning its wheels, telling the same joke over-and-over.

All the excessive slapstick and juvenile antics keep the audience from making any kind of connection with the characters and prevents Are We There Yet? from being anything more than another disposable January release.

Spears, Davis, and company are well aware that they're making nothing more than the cinematic equivalent of Spears' glossy bubble gum pop -- but that's exactly the problem.

Gets off to a rocky start as you try to rationalize Lee’s place in the plot, but it soon has enough surprises and funny moments to keep you watching to the end.

For those who appreciate movies that capture almost every emotion -- from laughter to tears, suspense to tranquillity -- The Majestic was made for you.

An indolent, PG-13, Disney "biker" flick that does for comedies what Exxon did for Prince William Sound.

Not a film for everyone. If you are squeamish about children being placed in danger then do not see this film.

It's an inferior remake (of a movie that wasn't that great to begin with), it's poorly acted, and it's yet another in an unending string of PG-13 "horror" movies that do nothing to build even the most rudimentary sense of real dread.

It's too mediocre (and PG-13) to be classified as a horror film, too inane to be taken seriously and too uninteresting to be bothered with.

The film actually succeeds on several levels. Long and Davis both turn out strong performances, bolstered by above-average writing by the directors. The strongest element, however, comes in Julia Hapney’s gruesome gore effects.

Compared to Norbit, “Date Movie” is "Casablanca." If I thought hijacking a plane carrying prints of the film and crashing it into Murphy’s house would put a stop to it, I’d go out and buy a box cutter right now.

Clearly a love letter to Paltrow, offering her plenty of moments to show off, but her acting is often flat and the self-adoration of the movie is almost too much to handle.

Insipid, maudlin mush.

It makes for a good time with Christensen providing lovely eye candy, but as for Jenkins and his hipper than thou dialogue, and gritty direction? I’m not impressed.

The 1978 film musical Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is a mess…but it is a wonderfully fascinating mess, a mother lode of undiluted insanity.

Little Man is putrid.

By far the most appallingly cretinous picture in which Keaton has ever appeared.

It’s insulting to think that children will see a movie solely because you have animals that talk and act silly.

Wants to be three different films at one time but sadly never asks much from Diesel other than to grunt, stomp around, and reprise the role that made him a star.

I can only recommend this film for die-hard Eli Roth fangirls or people who want to see what a bad film looks like. If that’s you, Borderlands is for you.

Much too aggressively juvenile crass.

Fails as a sequel because we’re not in the 90s anymore. Gone are the days when characters could answer questions with questions and hypothetical situations and still sound clever and cool.

"X-Men" sans the intellect and atmosphere.

Its forced slapstick egregiously mugs the audience for laughs.

Given the episodic nature of the film's organization, Jules's monotone voice-overs, and the over-arching theme of search for self, Fish Without a Bicycle "watches" like a TV show.

That legendary adolescent tolerance for garbage may be severely tested by Supercross.

Hot Damn! A full-on gory (relatively) unpretensious horror movie!... Far better than it has any right to be.

It just feels like a movie that was made because Cena and Brie agreed to star in it.

Listless clunker.

Attack the Block this is not. Shortcut is too violent and foul-mouthed for kids, yet too tame and juvenile for adults, bound to leave horror aficionados indifferent. You’ll be better off watching Jeepers Creepers 2 instead, and that’s really saying something.

The Friendship Game is deplorable from beginning to end. Fans of Peyton List may get a small amount of enjoyment, as the actor is good. Unfortunately, she’s the only worthwhile part of the film, as the direction, editing, and cinematography are woefully incompetent.

It isn't as if any of the actors do an especially bad job or anything – Fox is capable enough as the lead, and Whitley and Wilson especially carry themselves quite well – but you can't help asking yourself, what's the point? Are there that many more broad topics in need of shallow examination by a Hollywood studio picture?

The film’s no-nonsense approach is a neat tribute to 1980’s action flicks of yore, where badass heroes said and did badass things.

Another disastrous comedy aimed at second-graders and anyone else who thinks farts are still funny.

Georgia Rule isn’t serious enough for a drama and not funny enough for a comedy.

The motorcycle film genre is one that has all but been forgotten, but if any film could start the resurrection of this cinema genre's corpse, it's Larry Bishop's Hell Ride.

It isn’t the worst romantic comedy I have ever seen.

It’s mostly eighty-four minutes of puns, double entendres, and Freudian slips.

If you're hard up for raunchy college humor, this is your ticket right here.

At worst, it’s an insult even to the intelligence of 12-year olds.

After watching this movie, you get the feeling that there’s a lot of people at Harvard who’ve done worse things than rob a bank to get in.

Overall, Cold Blood just falls flat. Secrets should be shocking, unpredictable, and strongly impact the story. Here they’re predictable and lacks cleverness in discovering everyone’s true identities and motives.

Sadly, the death scenes are so unimaginative and the gore is so minimal that you might miss it if you blink.

The kind of a moron movie, which is built to be watched by people who haven’t even seen the other nine.

It's performances like these that make it so easy to forget that, when he wants to, Costner can indeed act and be an appealing star.

Enough is a very bad film and so was “Sleeping with the Enemy,” but at least that film had a first act.