Read Negative User Reviews for Noah

2

lennycliff123Mar 29, 2014

This film would be laughable if it wasn't so depressing, and by depressing I mean Aronofsky's blatant disregard for the Bible account he supposedly drew inspiration from.

I wish I had walked out but I was compelled by a morbid desire toThis film would be laughable if it wasn't so depressing, and by depressing I mean Aronofsky's blatant disregard for the Bible account he supposedly drew inspiration from.

I wish I had walked out but I was compelled by a morbid desire to see just how bad it could get. In that respect I wasn't disappointed.… Expand

24 of 39 users found this helpful2415

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3

allisonjane65Mar 28, 2014

While not the worst film I've ever seen, Noah has to be one of, if not the most disappointing.

I was under no illusion that this would be 100% faithful to the source material, and some embellishment was to be expected, but what AronofskyWhile not the worst film I've ever seen, Noah has to be one of, if not the most disappointing.

I was under no illusion that this would be 100% faithful to the source material, and some embellishment was to be expected, but what Aronofsky has done is inexcusable and absurd.

What a wasted opportunity.… Expand

30 of 51 users found this helpful3021

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3

phillytomMar 28, 2014

If you believe in the Biblical version of the story of Noah, this is not the movie for you. However, if you are a transformer fan, you're right at home. The actors were solid in their performance. Hollywood creators never cease to amazeIf you believe in the Biblical version of the story of Noah, this is not the movie for you. However, if you are a transformer fan, you're right at home. The actors were solid in their performance. Hollywood creators never cease to amaze me. How do you get rocks to act like transformers and yet when their job is finished they get beamed up to heaven. I will NOT recommend this movie to my friends.… Expand

24 of 41 users found this helpful2417

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1

antmolly1995Mar 29, 2014

There's a well worn phrase "if it ain't broke don't fix it". Why Aronofsky felt the need to tamper with an epic story that would/could have been thrilling and thought provoking in it's unadulterated form baffles me.

What we've been givenThere's a well worn phrase "if it ain't broke don't fix it". Why Aronofsky felt the need to tamper with an epic story that would/could have been thrilling and thought provoking in it's unadulterated form baffles me.

What we've been given instead is a crude lecture on environmentalism fused with an utterly corrupted Bible account and a large dose of misanthrope thrown in for good measure.

I hope this bombs at the box office and forces everyone involved with this rubbish to give pause for thought.… Expand

23 of 40 users found this helpful2317

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0

WarKittensMar 29, 2014

I learned some things from this movie! Apparently Methuselah was Gandalf! And Noah built the ark with the help of rock elementals! And "righteous in the eyes of God" means "psychotic homicidal maniac"! And when the Bible says "Noah and ShemI learned some things from this movie! Apparently Methuselah was Gandalf! And Noah built the ark with the help of rock elementals! And "righteous in the eyes of God" means "psychotic homicidal maniac"! And when the Bible says "Noah and Shem and Ham and Japeth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife and the three wives of his sons with them, entered the ark" it REALLY means "Noah, his wife, his kids, Shem's wife, and this guy who snuck on board and tried to kill Noah"! And those explicit instructions in Genesis for how to build the ark? Really that was a cryptic acid trip where nothing was really explained. Thank you Darren Aronofsky for setting me straight. I thought that I knew how to read, but apparently I was wrong! And thank you Russel Crowe for your most dynamic performance yet!

for those who can't tell, this is all sarcasm.… Expand

16 of 28 users found this helpful1612

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1

hayceelynt_2Mar 29, 2014

I can't believe how many positive reviews there are from professional critics! Were they threatened?! Bribed?! Or did they just see a different movie than me.

This has surely got to be an early contender for worst movie of the year.

18 of 32 users found this helpful1814

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2

lenny68Mar 28, 2014

What do you get if you mix 130 million dollars, a talented but clearly misguided director and a story believed and respected by hundreds of millions of people around the world.

In this instance, a nonsensical mess thats what. The 2What do you get if you mix 130 million dollars, a talented but clearly misguided director and a story believed and respected by hundreds of millions of people around the world.

In this instance, a nonsensical mess thats what.

The 2 points are for a few striking scenes in an otherwise dreadful movie.… Expand

31 of 56 users found this helpful3125

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1

tuneintofansMar 31, 2014

first of all they get almost everything wrong. If you are going to do a historic piece, you should at least try to keep the story correct. only the names re the same and there is an arc full of animals and birds, etc. that is where it endsfirst of all they get almost everything wrong. If you are going to do a historic piece, you should at least try to keep the story correct. only the names re the same and there is an arc full of animals and birds, etc. that is where it ends being the story of noah. Cain kills Able and starts an industrial society, according to the narrator, but since when did people in an industrialized society still run around in ragged clothes and animal skins and use clubs and swords? And then fallen angels come down to help mankind and are crusted with volcanic rock as punishment from God. That's so wrong, I'm not even going there. And it just gets worse. Noah is supposedly given the decision to save or destroy all of mankind, by God, and he chooses to destroy all. so this is offensive not only Christians, but to anyone who ever saw a great story come to screen, and it was all screwed up by Hollywood.… Expand

16 of 29 users found this helpful1613

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3

dave495Mar 28, 2014

Movie held at best 10% of the biblical version of the story. Acting is ok but too many rock monsters for my liking - I mean ROCK monsters! LOL. Noah is very scary as a character & not at all likeable. want those 2 1/2 hours of my life back.

19 of 35 users found this helpful1916

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0

FantasygirlMar 29, 2014

Absolutely horrible! They made Noah look like a fumbling idiot, chasing down his daughter-n-law trying to murder her twin babies because God said only a certain amount could live. He doubted God in the movie and had no hope. The worst partAbsolutely horrible! They made Noah look like a fumbling idiot, chasing down his daughter-n-law trying to murder her twin babies because God said only a certain amount could live. He doubted God in the movie and had no hope. The worst part was the rock monsters with glowing eyes who helped build the ark! Say what???????????????????? What the heck? This was more science fiction then biblical. Who came up with rock monsters???? I couldn't believe my eyes! Worse movie ever! The only thing that resembled the bible story was the name Noah, an ark, rain, and the dove. And get this! The villain in the movie even stowes away with them on the ark after the earth has flooded and Noah's son helps plan his father's murder! Say what? Horrible movie!!!! Don't waste your precious money. I want mine back!… Expand

16 of 30 users found this helpful1614

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0

SpazzBrozzMar 28, 2014

I want to know who is responsible for the story of this film; whoever it was needs to be fired... immediately! I believe fiction can only be taken so far. 0/10 would not watch.

21 of 40 users found this helpful2119

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1

paulmarsMar 29, 2014

Are you kidding me? What, they ran out of comic book super-heroes to make blockbusters out of so Hollywood is resorting to Bible characters?
And even a bible-based movie has to have talking sci-fi monsters to sell tickets to the massesAre you kidding me? What, they ran out of comic book super-heroes to make blockbusters out of so Hollywood is resorting to Bible characters?
And even a bible-based movie has to have talking sci-fi monsters to sell tickets to the masses these days?
I predict in 20 years people then will be laughing at just how cheezy movies today were - like people laugh today at Godzilla movies from the 60s.

Besides that, it basically was horrible in most every other way. Bad acting, fight scene after fight scene, boring CGI scenery. God help us!… Expand

16 of 31 users found this helpful1615

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2

ericisadogMar 28, 2014

Incoherent, confusing, and completely stupid. Major plot holes, overlong, and entirely unfun. wayyyyyyyyyy too damn long. if you have small children accompanying you whilst watching this film, be prepared to give them "the talk". not aboutIncoherent, confusing, and completely stupid. Major plot holes, overlong, and entirely unfun. wayyyyyyyyyy too damn long. if you have small children accompanying you whilst watching this film, be prepared to give them "the talk". not about sex, but about incest. remember incest=wincest!!!… Expand

20 of 39 users found this helpful2019

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3

WillADOCMar 28, 2014

This was extremely disappointing. Yes the special effects were cool but that was about it. The story line was... Noah-esque perhaps? It had little to nothing to do with the bible story of Noah. Amid a large number of Christian movies comingThis was extremely disappointing. Yes the special effects were cool but that was about it. The story line was... Noah-esque perhaps? It had little to nothing to do with the bible story of Noah. Amid a large number of Christian movies coming out at this time, people should be aware going in that it is NOT a Christian. It's really an environmental movie. It was less Charleton Heston's 'The Ten Commandments' and far more 'The Day After Tomorrow' or 'Birdemic'. Just terrible, the whole thing.… Expand

22 of 43 users found this helpful2221

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2

jcjs33Mar 28, 2014

bleak, too slow, drab, no laughter, no smile, historically inaccurate not that i care...as i was leaving theater a woman said 'that was horrible'...i tried hard to like it because i liked Aronofsky's 'Wrestler' and 'Pi' and Black Swan ableak, too slow, drab, no laughter, no smile, historically inaccurate not that i care...as i was leaving theater a woman said 'that was horrible'...i tried hard to like it because i liked Aronofsky's 'Wrestler' and 'Pi' and Black Swan a little but this was so drab, drawn out...nothing to it...bad news flick.… Expand

18 of 40 users found this helpful1822

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1

sirkelMar 29, 2014

This movie has zero to do with the true Noah in the Bible, and should be considered blasphemy against the truth of God's history provided for us in the Bible. This is typical Hollywood garbage trying to make money from the hype that followedThis movie has zero to do with the true Noah in the Bible, and should be considered blasphemy against the truth of God's history provided for us in the Bible. This is typical Hollywood garbage trying to make money from the hype that followed the popularity of that Bible TV show. Apparently they missed the point they need to follow the real story of the Bible not a made up fantasy using Bible characters and general story back drop. I can just see people who know little to nothing about the truth actually think this is what really happened. Sad very sad indeed, but what should we expect from immoral establishment media who hates Christianity and truth.… Expand

17 of 38 users found this helpful1721

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1

namelessMar 30, 2014

First hour is fine but then it turns into a talk fest with the director making the mistake that if he shows the characters experiencing emotion we will feel it.... doesn't work. The second half slowly dies until you are just waiting for it toFirst hour is fine but then it turns into a talk fest with the director making the mistake that if he shows the characters experiencing emotion we will feel it.... doesn't work. The second half slowly dies until you are just waiting for it to be over. The actors are doing an excellent job but there just isn't enough to save it. Don't waste your money, see it on cable where you can watch the best parts and then turn it off.… Expand

15 of 35 users found this helpful1520

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2

Unsung_PaladinMar 28, 2014

I walked out of the theater and dearly wished I hadn't wasted $10 and two hours of my life. Have you ever heard of Tommy Wiseau's The Room? That movie was a cinematic masterpiece in comparison.

16 of 40 users found this helpful1624

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0

schmoresMar 31, 2014

Confused, baffling, overly violent humourless and contrived, Noah suffers from a complete lack of focus and direction (other than into the belly of a difficultly realised arc) which leaves its actors struggling, its epic set pieces cold andConfused, baffling, overly violent humourless and contrived, Noah suffers from a complete lack of focus and direction (other than into the belly of a difficultly realised arc) which leaves its actors struggling, its epic set pieces cold and its emotional engagement minimal.

Topped with some bizarre outfit choices, a scattering of rock monsters and Ray Winstone typecast as himself you wind up with a quasi sci-fi epic that lacks the cohesive world of Lord of the Rings (surely there was enough source material in the Bible), the gritty post apocalyptic 90s charm of Water World (wheres Dennis Hopper when you need him) and the full on visceral action of Transformers (epic titans falling from the sky sent to protect humanity anyone) all of which it shamelessly apes.

Russel Crowe appearing from the depths of a (very brief) drunken stupor wandering down a beach in a Noah era dinner jacket was really the icing on a 2 1/2 hour struggle.

From the director that brought us the amazing Requiem for a Dream, Black Swan and The Wrestler this is a depressing fall from grace.

Michael Bay all is forgiven.… Expand

12 of 20 users found this helpful128

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2

BB_CriticMay 20, 2015

Noah is one of the worst pieces of crap of 2014. The movie doesn't follow the story correctly and half the events in the movie don't make sense. At least the CGI and acting are decent. But by god what an overrated movie. I would recommendNoah is one of the worst pieces of crap of 2014. The movie doesn't follow the story correctly and half the events in the movie don't make sense. At least the CGI and acting are decent. But by god what an overrated movie. I would recommend this only to hardcore Darren Aronofsky fans, but no one else. 2/10… Expand

3 of 5 users found this helpful32

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tyrealsanJul 11, 2014

I just saw this movie and I regret every minute of it. This is the first thing I'm doing after the movie was over, writing a review of how bad it was.

4 of 7 users found this helpful43

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3

JLuis_001Sep 6, 2017

By far the worst and weaker film in Aronofsky career. It's still hard for me to see how he messed up so bad. Russell Crowe barely does enough while the rest of the cast is as useless as the script.

4 of 7 users found this helpful43

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0

kechmocashMar 31, 2014

Not Biblical except for a very few references. The special effects were pedestrian, at best. We were so disappointed, having looked forward to the movie. We should have walked out when the first words on the screen were, "In the beginning,Not Biblical except for a very few references. The special effects were pedestrian, at best. We were so disappointed, having looked forward to the movie. We should have walked out when the first words on the screen were, "In the beginning, there was.....nothing"! Or perhaps when the rock beasts showed up! Don't waste your time or money!… Expand

10 of 18 users found this helpful108

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0

n0junkMar 29, 2014

If you eat meat then you must die... well that is what this movie is about. Humans are evil because we eat meat and need to be wiped off the earth. The action in the movie was outweighed by the boring boat ride. I noticed a bunch of peopleIf you eat meat then you must die... well that is what this movie is about. Humans are evil because we eat meat and need to be wiped off the earth. The action in the movie was outweighed by the boring boat ride. I noticed a bunch of people walk out at that point. I would have too if I hadn't been with some friends. Turns out I wasn't the only one in my group that wanted to walk out. Not only am I mad that I paid for the movie, but I probably won't watch another movie in theaters for a while. Yep, that bad.… Expand

13 of 24 users found this helpful1311

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0

LowbrowCinemaMar 29, 2014

NOAH is overproduced and just plain awful. Metacritic requires 150 characters but I can't come up with any more to describe this total vapid mess of a movie.

13 of 26 users found this helpful1313

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0

racer10Mar 29, 2014

Just saw the movie and it is pure garbage from almost any point of view ,such as , script , acting , costumes, sets . I nearly walked out several times . Any "critic" who rates more than 2 stars don't ever trust again , they don't have a clue.

12 of 24 users found this helpful1212

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2

Ed1SmithMar 30, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. I went with high hopes based on some early screening feedback, talk about disappointment! I expected a lot of story fill in and even some liberties on surrounding events, but most of this movie had absolutely no basis in the biblical account. Noah as presented and played by Crowe was no better than the people that were being destroyed! I am used to Hollywood presenting male characters as weak, flawed and stupid, but c'mon! Plus BORING! at least make it entertaining! Now on to the absolute lack of imagination in stealing from LOTR...The cross between Ents and Trolls that were inserted as a major story driver are not only found NOWHERE in the bible (I know they used the giant Nephilim that are mentioned, but really?}, but I fully expected as Sauron's army stormed the Ark for Gandalf to step out, plant his staff and yell 'You shall not pass!!!'. The amount of visual theft should have Jackson suing!

All in all a complete disappointment from the now ubiquitous eco-green theme, to the inserted evolution mantra(I am not a 'young earther'...but I also do not buy the evolution hypothesis that has NO support in the fossil record or cell biology), to the weak, psycho Noah, to the whole finding a mate (the bible clearly says that all 3 sons brought their spouses with them), to the Ark being built in less than 10 years by the rock monster from Galaxy Quest, to the stow away, to the snake skin talisman (what the hell?!?)...it was just all completely ridiculous and a turgid plod to an unfulfilling climax...ugggh, what a waste of money and time!… Expand

10 of 20 users found this helpful1010

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ydoc16Mar 31, 2014

A Horrible perversion of everything the bible teaches, whats worse is it seems to push a vegan/environmentalist/atheistic point of view down the viewers throat. It's not a movie so much as it seems to be propaganda by the director.

9 of 18 users found this helpful99

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1

TwentyTwotwentyMar 30, 2014

Firstly I should admit that I saw this movie for free - and it was still too expensive. Preachy eco-twaddle delivered through wooden performances in an epic marathon of sheer boredom.

The movie consists of vacant stares into the distance,Firstly I should admit that I saw this movie for free - and it was still too expensive. Preachy eco-twaddle delivered through wooden performances in an epic marathon of sheer boredom.

The movie consists of vacant stares into the distance, a nonsensical script, a fight scene from LOTR all interjected by some random documentary clips. The acting in the crying, emotive, scenes was laughable.

I gave this movie one star for the only actor who gave a convincing performance - Emma Watson. To put how terrible this movie was into context - the people beside us in the cinema began playing games on their mobiles about half way through the movie.… Expand

9 of 18 users found this helpful99

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VukBrankovicApr 2, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. It is just an awful movie. There is no nicer way of saying that. Forgetting the religious objections completely, the movie is long, boring, and not in the least entertaining. When you add to that the fact that it seems engineered to piss Christians and Jews off, you end up wondering what the hell they were thinking.… Expand

7 of 14 users found this helpful77

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3

BogKidAug 1, 2014

Aronofsky's film has the same flaw as the Biblical Noah story. At the end, Noah is still hearing voices from on high and believing that, because of that, he is right, infallible, and righteous. The history of humanity has been haunted byAronofsky's film has the same flaw as the Biblical Noah story. At the end, Noah is still hearing voices from on high and believing that, because of that, he is right, infallible, and righteous. The history of humanity has been haunted by these voices from on high resulting in most of the wars, killing, and general misery. Despite the "killing" part of his philosophy, the Cainanite (sic.) King was right in his comments about free will. Noah was a truly evil man.… Expand

4 of 8 users found this helpful44

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1

AliasAndrewJul 11, 2014

I am a longtime fan of the director so my disappointment here is massive. In a nutshell it is a pro-veganism, pro-ecology,pro-self-hating,pro-social isolation and anti-progress gritty reboot of the known tale of the Bible. The main problemI am a longtime fan of the director so my disappointment here is massive. In a nutshell it is a pro-veganism, pro-ecology,pro-self-hating,pro-social isolation and anti-progress gritty reboot of the known tale of the Bible. The main problem with this movie and its most unforgivable trait is that it tries sadistically hard to enforce those ideals to the viewer, to the point that it makes the viewer actually hate the protagonist and his headstrong self-righteous opinions. The society it shows of Sodom and Gomorrah is clearly a parallel of our society today. The only things that differentiate it is the lack of iphones and presence of rugs. 'We are evil and deserve to be destroyed' he preaches. 'It is a crime against nature to eat an animal' he says and insinuates by showing a man gutting a lamb with his bare hands and eating it raw. This is the work of a raging misanthropist wrapped in a Michael Bay exterior so the masses he hates so much will flock and pay to watch his delirium. Despite sharing some of his views,I cannot help but hate this unprecedented ideological enforcement and the movie as a whole as a result. If you can ignore all of the above, the movie has some strong visuals and performances by the cast and maybe you should give it a go. If not stay away.… Expand

3 of 6 users found this helpful33

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mzup77Aug 19, 2014

I'm going to step away from all religious interpretations and regard this simply on its merits as a film, not as a traditional biblical story. The problem is, it doesn't really have many merits. This film was simply two hours and fifteenI'm going to step away from all religious interpretations and regard this simply on its merits as a film, not as a traditional biblical story. The problem is, it doesn't really have many merits. This film was simply two hours and fifteen minutes of tedium. The special effects are barely worthy of a SyFy Channel original film. The acting is overly hammy and in some cases mind-numbingly wooden, part of which I feel is the part of the script, which eschews actually writing good dialogue for what seems to be just spewing out statements at random. The editing ranges in style from choppy to lingering overly long on mundane, uninteresting scenes. Everything is just...off. As bad as everything else felt, the score was possibly worse. I've never had issue with the work of Clint Mansell before, but for Noah he's opted for a blaring two note score that just keeps screaming the same two flipping horn blasts in your face over and over again. This is also the first time I would ever describe Aronofsky's directing as "ham-fisted". Everything feels overdone, self-indulgent and overproduced. I usually walk out of a Darren Aronofsky film contemplating the themes and mulling it over in my head to uncover deeper meanings. This one only stayed with me as a bad memory.… Expand

3 of 6 users found this helpful33

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RayDiantOct 5, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. A lot of reviews of Noah discuss the straying from the biblical story or other 'spiritual' aspects of the film. As someone who experiences a great movie as a spiritual journey in itself I found Noah to be complete crap. I actually thought the first few minutes (before Mr Crowe appears) were an elaborate piss take of the actual movie (in fact I still am not sure the people who rated this movie highly saw the same movie I did).

The garden of eden scenes were high school project quality. The Watchers, the whacky rock transformer Ent giant things, were rejects from Shrek. The characters are inexplicable and lack depth. His two older sons are just horny at the end of the world. At least the older one gets Emma Watson, even if she is barren (like most of the scenery before the magic seed is planted and a giant forest appears). Ham the middle son is just a sexually frustrated teenager with a tyrant for a father. One of the many non-sensical plot twists is when Ham goes searching for bacon (makin' bacon bacon) in the city and falls into a pit of dead bodies. What does he find? The girl of his (wet) dreams. They climb out as it starts to rain (not end of the world rain just a splattering) and everyone goes crazy stupid berserk. They all start charging for the Ark. Ham's babe gets caught in a bear trap and Noah arrives and forces Ham to leave her there to be trampled by the horde. While all this is going on the older brother is boinking Emma Watson who has been given a womb by Noah's grandfather, nutty berry lusting drugged out medieval hippy, Anthony Hopkins.

Noah somehow gets the notion in his head that his mission is to get the animals going again and kill all the humans. Ok, we are all sinners but no where in the movie does it really say where Noah got this idea. This creates Noah the Nutjob, hell bent on killing his new grandchildren. His wife begs him to punish her and not kill the children. What exactly this means and how this would appease Noah's distored mission from god seems only to indicate that Noah's wife has no understanding that her husband consumption of grandpa's hallucinogenic tea concoctions has had a permanent effect.

This sort of nonsense just keeps coming to the very end of the film. I think Aronofsky, Crowe, and everyon else involved will be forgetting this one is in their reprotoire pretty quick.… Expand

2 of 4 users found this helpful22

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1

2thepointMar 30, 2014

First off, Aronofsky and the bible shouldn't even be in the same sentence. I'm not even a bible nut, I don't have a religion, but holy **** this movie sucked every one of the male animal's testicles, and thoroughly. The rock creatures weren'tFirst off, Aronofsky and the bible shouldn't even be in the same sentence. I'm not even a bible nut, I don't have a religion, but holy **** this movie sucked every one of the male animal's testicles, and thoroughly. The rock creatures weren't even original, it was like a play on the tree guardians from The Two Towers. I did go into this movie knowing full well the probability it would be a complete train wreck, I just didn't know how bad of a train wreck it could be. Another thing, what the hell was a bear trap doing in the forest when Ham and the girl were running back? Anyways, the 1 isn't even for this movie, it's for making a love scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis become a reality.… Expand

9 of 19 users found this helpful910

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MrWestsideMar 30, 2014

A story from the bible meets science fiction with rock monsters!?!? What were they thinking? Would have definitely skipped this movie if the trailer showed how truly ridiculous it is. The rock monsters are not shown in the movie trailer at all!

8 of 17 users found this helpful89

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franissavioMar 29, 2014

What on heaven was this? I've always wondered how Noah build the ARK. Now, I know ROCK MONSTeRS did, lol. What were those people wearing Jeans n leather boots pathetic costume department. I still don't know how I survived 2 1/2 hrs ofWhat on heaven was this? I've always wondered how Noah build the ARK. Now, I know ROCK MONSTeRS did, lol. What were those people wearing Jeans n leather boots pathetic costume department. I still don't know how I survived 2 1/2 hrs of Aronofsky's plague.… Expand

14 of 30 users found this helpful1416

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2

MenrothApr 1, 2014

Just bad, like they wanted to do a new take on Noah and halfway decided to play it safe and give you the classic story with bad acting and a lot of special effects. Wanted my money back 30 minutes in, even though I honestly tried to like it.

7 of 15 users found this helpful78

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KuseApr 2, 2014

Very to little of this movie is biblical, Golems, Magic and Noah is a raging madman? Leave it to an atheist to try and discredit God by calling it a "Creator".

6 of 13 users found this helpful67

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3

Zaphod20212Apr 11, 2014

I went to see this full of high expectation,but almost left halfway through I was so disappointed...Lots of looking into the distance, histrionics and overloud music does not compensate for a poor script. Too many holes in the film for myI went to see this full of high expectation,but almost left halfway through I was so disappointed...Lots of looking into the distance, histrionics and overloud music does not compensate for a poor script. Too many holes in the film for my liking,my friend felt the same way.Basically a waste of money, wish I had not bothered. Some of the story was hard to follow too, and did not bear much resemblance to the actual biblical story! Save your money!. An epic it is not inspite of the good actors(Crowe, Winstone & Watson).
The directing is beyond poor in my opinion and I am a seasoned film viewer! Rubbish!… Expand

5 of 11 users found this helpful56

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ZisckyApr 22, 2014

Is 2014 a magnet to biblical movies?Despite the spot on performance from Emma it just feels like...i don't know 'reverse sci-fi' with too much imagination

5 of 11 users found this helpful56

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fantasyMar 30, 2014

Let me preface my remarks by stating I am not one of those religious fanatics as I could care less. The public gets hosed again by the bought & paid for professional critics. This movie is so bad and boring, that you almost hope, the entireLet me preface my remarks by stating I am not one of those religious fanatics as I could care less. The public gets hosed again by the bought & paid for professional critics. This movie is so bad and boring, that you almost hope, the entire planet gets washed away. Somewhere PT Barnum is smiling as it's true a sucker is born every minute. How can a professional critic with even an ounce of dignity not expose this film for the crap it truly is. Anthony Hopkins has about 4 minutes of screen time. He has to be embarrassed by his performance in this dreadful movie. Russell Crowe as Noah is mentally deranged. You don't care one iota about any of the characters. Rock Monsters built the arc? Where were the transformers? LOL And just when you thought the movie is mercifully over, it goes on and on and never ends. How ludicrous was this. It starts to rain. About a minute later the dam breaks from below ground and everyone is washed away. Why would the Creator, by the way, never mentioned as G-d, have it rain for one minute and then a minute later water is everywhere as if a broken water main. I wouldn't watch this movie again on free TV. Avoid at all costs.… Expand

8 of 18 users found this helpful810

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Rossi163Mar 31, 2014

I hereby contribute a series of two word mini-reviews of the film, Noah.

unintentionally hilarious

astoundingly ridiculous

dramatic tripe

transparent hollywood-ism

offensively presumptuous

8 of 18 users found this helpful810

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junofotoMar 28, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. I can't believe Hollywood is going so low, What exactly is this story, I understand you smoke strong stuff but give the world this, is unacceptable, definitely something need to fixe at Hollywood. I need a refund cuz Noah is a crap.… Expand

11 of 25 users found this helpful1114

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1

LightninWillMar 30, 2014

Average acting, overly grandiose soundtrack, jittery cinematography, and ridiculous special effects that were often poorly executed make this a waste of money, time, and a good piece of fiction known as the Bible. I agree with those who haveAverage acting, overly grandiose soundtrack, jittery cinematography, and ridiculous special effects that were often poorly executed make this a waste of money, time, and a good piece of fiction known as the Bible. I agree with those who have called this movie a cross between "Transformers" and "Waterworld". Add "The 300" and you get a blood and water soaked disaster movie that had me wishing that Noah's poorly constructed ark would just sink and get it over with.… Expand

12 of 28 users found this helpful1216

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3

NightReviewsMar 28, 2014

Controversy is sure to ensue following the release of the Bible’s greatest and most epic story found in the Old Testament involving Noah and his arc. Visionary director and passionate auteur Darren Aronofsky has always been fascinated withControversy is sure to ensue following the release of the Bible’s greatest and most epic story found in the Old Testament involving Noah and his arc. Visionary director and passionate auteur Darren Aronofsky has always been fascinated with the character of Noah, and the inner workings of a man tormented by the voice of God and conflicted by his own voice of reason. For the sake of skeptics, religious groups, and devout Catholics, I intend to avert my review very far away from any religious claims or criticism for the film Noah, and instead intend to only offer criticism on the film itself, regardless of its strong Biblical undercurrent. Visually, Noah floats adrift many previous films that share a similar look (The Road, Tree of Life, The New World) but unfortunately sinks in a preposterous commentary set amongst mythological creatures, accepting fate and the age-old argument of man versus God, man versus nature, and man versus himself.

Aronofsky’s Noah begins with the Bible’s first chapter of creation and the story of Adam and Eve. As temptation lures Eve to evil, along with Adam, spawn Cain, Abel, and Seth proceed their parents to a new life. Cain kills Abel, and what begins is the regression of man’s propensity for evil, death, and murder. Noah (Russell Crowe) is one of the last of Seth’s bloodline, and he along with his family, including his wife Naameh (Jennifer Connelly) and his three sons, seem to be the only last remaining decent people during a time where descendants of Cain believe that natural survival instincts like killing and hunting are crucial to man’s survival in the world.

Aronofsky is a man fascinated with the inner workings of famously tormented individuals, and this project has been one of his greatest passion projects since beginning a career in film. Born to conservative Jewish parents, Aronofsky attempts not take any biased religious approach to his newest film, and instead focuses on the human element through an artistic lens. Insert ‘The Watchers’, mythological creatures/fallen angels who are imprisoned on Earth and betrayed by man, Noah, only momentarily floats as a forced visual studio epic that it never needed to be.

With The Wrestler, Black Swan and yes, even The Fountain, Aronofsky challenged the aesthetic of his narratives with the power of his lead performers. Mickey Rourke, Natalie Portman and Hugh Jackman are all prisoners to the shattered worlds they live in and must confront their demons and life itself to overcome adversity. With Noah, one of many vexed characters in the Bible, Aronofsky never challenges his fate by elevating the choices of a man to the fate predestined by a Creator. Instead, and unlike any of the other characters in Aronofsky’s films, Noah gives into accepting his fate of death, an unlikely characteristic for the director’s leads and the man depicted early in the film. Crowe, who is unable to tap into the mind of a man and be led into acting sanctity like Aronofsky’s previous actors, shows why he was the director’s third choice to play the character behind Christian Bale and Michael Fassbender. Crowe’s depiction of Noah is hardened much like ‘The Watcher’s’ outer rock form. Not to mention he delivers a sloppy performance of a man who is the only person who can hear the Creator’s voices in his head–often being eluded as a crazy person and not as the chosen one to hear The Creator’s celestial voice.

Like any other good Aronofsky character, Noah suffers from premonitions. He envisions the destruction of the world. With the help of his wise and all-knowing grandfather Methuselah (Sir Anthony Hopkins), Noah heeds to the Creators visions and builds an arc. Focused less on the creation of the arc itself, offering no type of montage to an arc that seemed to have lasted a least a decade to construct, Aronofsky directs his focus to man, the greatest evil the Creator has formulated–yet, it is a human being that puts together The Creator’s plan. Throughout, by adding a very strong artistic take to a story that is resonant in the minds of religious individuals, once the inclusion of imagination and artistry is injected into anything Biblical, doubt crashes the mind like waves on a reef. Much like oil and water, two fluids that don’t mix, art and religion are two very subjective and delicate areas to combine together. Just ask Mel Gibson, whose reimagining of the crucifixion of Christ, The Passion of Christ, will surely be met with a much larger commercial welcome than Noah.

After the uproar of its first trailer, Paramount Pictures conducted various private secret screenings of different versions of the film, including Aronofsky’s cut of the film, although he was signed to have the final cut of the movie out for distribution. Repulsed and deeply offended, Aronofsky got wind of the studios deception, and allowed the studio to reconsider and agree to release the film as the director had intended, with his cut intact.… Expand

9 of 21 users found this helpful912

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3

MetaCrypticApr 7, 2014

They ignored every little bit pof personality the original bible lore had and turned into an action oriented bull **** This movie could of gone much better had they stuck with the spiritual interpretation of the original.

But then againThey ignored every little bit pof personality the original bible lore had and turned into an action oriented bull **** This movie could of gone much better had they stuck with the spiritual interpretation of the original.

But then again what could you expect knowing this was directed by an Atheist, those who take anything about the bible LITTERALY, when it should actualy be interpreted. But at least he tried.… Expand

6 of 14 users found this helpful68

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2

OTPOBEHApr 4, 2014

The film is showing Noah as some kind of psychopathic servant of a deaf evil deity . It is like "Lord of the Rings", but with bad CGI and with psychopaths.

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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1

bartmirApr 5, 2014

What a waste of money! I am not a very religious person but I found it disrespectful to the Bible and religion. In two words lame and stupid. They missed the opportunity of making a great film.

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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RST303Mar 30, 2014

I have never written a movie review before but this one cries for one. This was absolutely one of the most boring movies I have ever seen. Almost every scene was over dramatized and agonizingly drawn-out, resulting in one slow, boringI have never written a movie review before but this one cries for one. This was absolutely one of the most boring movies I have ever seen. Almost every scene was over dramatized and agonizingly drawn-out, resulting in one slow, boring movie. It was painful to watch; I just wanted to walk out. Giant rock monsters built the ark? This film was a total waste of my time - two hours of my life I will never get back. If you need a good nap, go to this movie.… Expand

9 of 22 users found this helpful913

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3

RATCHETSLYJAKApr 13, 2014

One of the worst movies I have ever seen in years. Do not go to this movie expecting any accuracy to the Bible stories. The acting is ok but the plot is so dragged out and just becomes pointless after the 2 hour mark. I even began to sideOne of the worst movies I have ever seen in years. Do not go to this movie expecting any accuracy to the Bible stories. The acting is ok but the plot is so dragged out and just becomes pointless after the 2 hour mark. I even began to side with the villain at one point hoping that he would end the movie , but nope , it dragged giving me a headache and making me ponder wither to leave or not. Even me giving it a 3 is a bit too generous.… Expand

4 of 10 users found this helpful46

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3

gfnyMar 29, 2014

This movie is a hybrid of religion and science fiction and will disappoint fans of both. The absurd storyline in a semi religious setting is so unbelievable that it loses the viewer’s interest. Had it been a made for TV Movie, it would lastThis movie is a hybrid of religion and science fiction and will disappoint fans of both. The absurd storyline in a semi religious setting is so unbelievable that it loses the viewer’s interest. Had it been a made for TV Movie, it would last 30 minutes before the channel was changed. The trailer on the internet is misleading which adds to the dislike of the movie. Russell Crowe does a good job holding it together, but he can’t overcome the absurdity of this Harry Potter type of movie. A redeeming value of the movie is that it shows the religious story of Noah and an Ark could never have existed and is a bible fantasy.… Expand

11 of 28 users found this helpful1117

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2

petitorenjiMar 30, 2014

This movie should have been renamed "Ila" because it felt like the film was really about her struggles from a kid to a mother. The CG animals were designed and animated in a very lackluster way. The animated CG intro was, for lack of a betterThis movie should have been renamed "Ila" because it felt like the film was really about her struggles from a kid to a mother. The CG animals were designed and animated in a very lackluster way. The animated CG intro was, for lack of a better word, a joke. Every character pretty much had the same expression on their faces the whole way through, which is appropriate in this case but it really bores the audience and dulls the character. I went because of the interesting reviews, but now I realized I probably haven't read them carefully enough. I am one of the many others who want my dough back. It's a shame, really: it had good potential.… Expand

7 of 18 users found this helpful711

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1

achomefrontApr 1, 2014

The only reason this is evening scoring a one is simply for the actors.
I could present this deep philosophical review, however wish to spare all the painful reading and get to the point. This is NOT a depiction of Noah as in the Bible.The only reason this is evening scoring a one is simply for the actors.
I could present this deep philosophical review, however wish to spare all the painful reading and get to the point. This is NOT a depiction of Noah as in the Bible. There are ridiculous rock monsters called watchers, the desire of Noah to end all humanity and his denial of entry to anyone in the Ark. All FALSE. I am not against anyone wishing to place their own spin on any story, however warn your audience this is not a biblical movie but a fantastical version. I walked in believing our family was going to enjoy the retelling of an amazing biblical story only to leave early and have wasted 52.00 dollars.

In conclusion, if you wish to see a biblical version, pass.
If you just wish to be slightly entertained, go.… Expand

10 of 26 users found this helpful1016

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3

EludiumQ36Aug 23, 2014

Aronofsky's "Noah" is a bold yet impotent attempt to portray such a well known epic. I kept thinking throughout that "old Hollywood" with Charleton Heston and the attendant grandeur would've been so much more satisfying. The film's end wasAronofsky's "Noah" is a bold yet impotent attempt to portray such a well known epic. I kept thinking throughout that "old Hollywood" with Charleton Heston and the attendant grandeur would've been so much more satisfying. The film's end was totally lackluster given the fact that this count-them-on-two-hands set of people were the only ones left to repopulate the planet! The magnificent gravity of that was never adequately expressed. Very disappointing attempt at what should've been an amazing experience.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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3

evearcherApr 22, 2014

Rock creatures built the Ark, rock creatures ? Such a weird movie.....using bad cartoons to explain the state of the earth and how it came to be....Movie was watchable but could have been GREAT. The Rock Creatures made the movieRock creatures built the Ark, rock creatures ? Such a weird movie.....using bad cartoons to explain the state of the earth and how it came to be....Movie was watchable but could have been GREAT. The Rock Creatures made the movie laughable.....too much MAGIC....the movie should not be called NOAH because it really was a different movie.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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1

sewandsewsApr 27, 2014

Dont waste youre money or youre time on this one, if you are going to make a Biblical epic at least follow the story. This was Holly Wood at its worst making things up as it goes along, worst film i have ever seen.
Total fabrication and notDont waste youre money or youre time on this one, if you are going to make a Biblical epic at least follow the story. This was Holly Wood at its worst making things up as it goes along, worst film i have ever seen.
Total fabrication and not in the same league as other epics like "Ben Hur", "The Robe", "Ten Commandments", it was just drivel.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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3

BlaKDemonaZJan 3, 2015

A única coisa que salva no filme é o cast com Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Emma Watson e Anthony Hopkins. No mais, tentaram forçar uma história "incrível" e não funcionou.

2 of 6 users found this helpful24

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2

tylerdurden1Nov 10, 2014

The beginning has the feel that it might be on the right track only to completely derail after about 30 minutes. Shame too because of the quality of actors this movie provided.

1 of 3 users found this helpful12

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0

C-MoneyApr 4, 2014

What a waste of good potential. Strike 1: it's a perversion of a Biblical story. Strike 2: it drags into an overly-dramatic, slogging mess after the midpoint. It could have been so much more. Save your money.

4 of 13 users found this helpful49

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RTFORDApr 14, 2014

Like many of the other 'user reviews', I didn't expect to see an exact representation of the biblical account, but I did expect to see a movie that included the basic facts of the 'Noah' story. Unfortunately, this debacle was so far removedLike many of the other 'user reviews', I didn't expect to see an exact representation of the biblical account, but I did expect to see a movie that included the basic facts of the 'Noah' story. Unfortunately, this debacle was so far removed from the original story that I'm tempted to call it intentional blasphemy and I'm left wondering whether God will hold the author or authors accountable. My wife and I nearly left the theater when the 'Watchers' were introduced but managed to endure until Russell Crowe told his family that they all would die, implying that God only used them to build a boat to save the animals. Disgusting!… Expand

4 of 13 users found this helpful49

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StahlApr 7, 2014

How could anyone possibly think the special effects were any good? The Watchers were almost funny in their ridiculousness - they definitely took you out of the movie every time they appeared on screen. Aronofsky bragged that none of theHow could anyone possibly think the special effects were any good? The Watchers were almost funny in their ridiculousness - they definitely took you out of the movie every time they appeared on screen. Aronofsky bragged that none of the animals were real - NO JOKE. They were anything but. Watch 'The Life of Pi' for some incredible CGI animals (I still can't believe the Lion was not real). Muddles story, poor execution and sometimes painful to sit through. I could care less if this adheres to the biblical story - just do it well.… Expand

3 of 10 users found this helpful37

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0

BingBongApr 8, 2014

I usually can't be bothered to write reviews, but 'NOAH' was so bad I've even gone to the trouble of creating an account (yep, another password to forget) in order to share this. Oh grief, 'NOAH is rubbish. Russell Crowe did his usual halfI usually can't be bothered to write reviews, but 'NOAH' was so bad I've even gone to the trouble of creating an account (yep, another password to forget) in order to share this. Oh grief, 'NOAH is rubbish. Russell Crowe did his usual half asleep lump of acting except when he was required to become a gladiator and kill someone, Anthony Hopkins (who has seemingly cornered the market in twinkly wisdom) twinkled and Ray Winstone looked menacing (as he always does, so no change there) About the only actor who was remotely convincing was Jennifer Connelly, emoting like a steam train on heat. Directing was lumpen and the special effects (such as they were) scored about 3/10 on the special effects scale while the script was devoid of both humanity and humour, everyone talking in constipated statements and trying to look serious. Why don't they hire people who know how to write?

OK, having got that off my chest, let's be constructive. As with most films, you have to either go big or go small. A tight, intense drama of family tension, madness, incest and infanticide inside a big boat, written by a proper writer and well acted, might work. Or something OTT with special effects and cataclysmic events coming along every ten minutes or so, I could see that working as well. But this film was neither. It lasted about five years, the first year of which was tedious, the next year a little better (Ray Winstone inventing - would you believe - a primitive gun), then a year of special effects (yep, when it started to rain) and finally 3 years of more tedium. At the very least, someone should have been sea-sick.

Russell Crowe might be a great actor (the point is moot) but he can't do mad, in the same way that Tilda Swinton (now there is someone who can act) can't do comedy. Sorry, I digress.

Well, that's it. Go and see it if you like, but frankly, save your money.

Zero points.… Expand

3 of 10 users found this helpful37

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1

belfastbikerApr 8, 2014

I was with a girl at the time, and I felt nothing but embarrassment watching this with her, as it was my choice for movie. Boy, I'll check out more than one crazy fundamentalist christian review next time. **** insane, that part I liked.I was with a girl at the time, and I felt nothing but embarrassment watching this with her, as it was my choice for movie. Boy, I'll check out more than one crazy fundamentalist christian review next time. **** insane, that part I liked. But to many parts were just cringeworthy and cheesy.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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0

NagromNniuqApr 20, 2014

This movies is a waste of money, both in the production of and the going to see of. Not only does it not follow the actual story of Noah, it is fully of absurd situations and creatures that have no real bearing on the story being told. TheThis movies is a waste of money, both in the production of and the going to see of. Not only does it not follow the actual story of Noah, it is fully of absurd situations and creatures that have no real bearing on the story being told. The agnostic and environmentalist agenda is being pushed so hard that it detracts seriously from the movie as a whole regardless of what religion or view point you are coming from. It takes away from what could have been an entertaining movie, that was about something other than the story of Noah, and instead makes it a mixmash of explosions, special effects, poor acting and lines, that is painful to sit through. Sad.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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2

AlanCheungApr 8, 2014

People were quick to judge the movie based on that fact it is biblical, but that should be put aside because it never mattered.
Story: Seemed like a story that was meant for environmentalists. A lot of it emphasized the importance ofPeople were quick to judge the movie based on that fact it is biblical, but that should be put aside because it never mattered.
Story: Seemed like a story that was meant for environmentalists. A lot of it emphasized the importance of maintaining the Earth the way it was when it was originally created.
Acting: Emma Watson and Jennifer Connolly stole the show with their sorrowful performances. Russell Crowe and Logan Lerman gave an average performance, which was limited by the script.
Direction: The Watchers were a bad idea, they never felt like they belonged in that world. Almost like a poor man's Lord of the Rings. Their clunky animations made it look like a stop motion animation. Very poor choice on Darren Aronfsky's part.
Enjoyability - Regardless of whether the story of The Great Flood means anything to you. It wouldn't be a movie you'd pay for if you wanted to watch something enjoyable.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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0

MemetoApr 15, 2014

Saw it yesterday. Just made an account to write this. What a waste of time, money, humor.... You name it. Went out of the movie very disappointed, a little angry too. Story sucks, play sucks, effects sucks. I rate with 1 for those who tookSaw it yesterday. Just made an account to write this. What a waste of time, money, humor.... You name it. Went out of the movie very disappointed, a little angry too. Story sucks, play sucks, effects sucks. I rate with 1 for those who took the time to get together one of the worste movie ever.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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3

XirrApr 15, 2014

Film felt confused; it just added content inconsistent with original Biblical teaching, but then tried to approach evolution, and even mix in the story of Abraham instead of just telling the story.

Cinematography was quite well--honestlyFilm felt confused; it just added content inconsistent with original Biblical teaching, but then tried to approach evolution, and even mix in the story of Abraham instead of just telling the story.

Cinematography was quite well--honestly one of the better approaches to use of imagery and special effects which is why I give it a 3. But the film is probably best watched on mute.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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0

glgApr 16, 2014

"Noah" is the worst movie my two friends and I have ever seen in a theater -- and we're in our 60s and love movies, so that's saying a lot. (And no, we aren't religious fanatics.) It's so bad it's laughable, beginning with the Adam and Eve"Noah" is the worst movie my two friends and I have ever seen in a theater -- and we're in our 60s and love movies, so that's saying a lot. (And no, we aren't religious fanatics.) It's so bad it's laughable, beginning with the Adam and Eve sequence to the Hobbit-ripoff rock monsters. The plot is boring and so full of plot holes (including a huge tent that the characters just happen to put together out of backpacks) that it's beyond stupid.. The acting is bad, even though we all three usually love Crowe. It was like the actors were cringing at having to put up with anything so moronic. Don't waste your money!… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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2

LincolnbazApr 20, 2014

Not sure how people who query accuracy have a leg to stand unless they were there at the time of Adam, Eve, Noah and friends. However, that does not excuse the film makers coming up with probably the worst film I have ever seen. There isNot sure how people who query accuracy have a leg to stand unless they were there at the time of Adam, Eve, Noah and friends. However, that does not excuse the film makers coming up with probably the worst film I have ever seen. There is simply nothing positive I can say about it. Refund please, for my wasted time and money.… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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officerhansenApr 6, 2014

There is a first for everything. Yesterday, on my 31st birthday something happened around me that I have never before experienced. I am not talking about the dinner with the love of my life eating the love of my life, Pizza, leading up to theThere is a first for everything. Yesterday, on my 31st birthday something happened around me that I have never before experienced. I am not talking about the dinner with the love of my life eating the love of my life, Pizza, leading up to the movie. I am not talking about the romantic walk towards each other that ended up in hot steamy kiss up against the glass of shop on the street outside the theatre. I walked to the street corner after I purchased the tickets for the movie and as I turned my head to my left I saw her, it was like the first time I had seen this woman but I felt the energy from a block away, I knew she had me in her sites. I knew she was determined to run into me, I felt compelled to meet her half way and run into her just as determined. Our bodies collided like two galaxies in outer space. There is no collision more graceful than that of two galaxies. So large, so great, so passionate that when they collide the planets that make them up never hit. The two beautiful forces of our universe dance like they are in love until they settle into one new galaxy. That was us right there on the sidewalk under the streetlight at night just like in the movies. However this is not the first I am speaking of. The night was young and the movie had yet begun. After having a few laughs at the tavern next door, we walked through the crystal clear glass that lead to our horror. With a big bag of mouthwatering popcorn in one hand and a genetically engineered fructose corn syrup soup in the other. Sitting in the third row, we were traditionally set for our feature presentation starring, Rustle Crow. At first I am moved, pulled in by the selflessness of Noah and his sons. I thought I was proud to be in this crowd, so glad to see a movie that did not promote bad. However it was at this moment that I witnessed something I had never seen before! Something that totally made sense but yet none at all. I needed to take a picture so people would believe me when I share it on social media with the world to save them from making the same mistake we made that beautiful night. To save them from not only having to watch this movie but from possibly facing the same fate of those around me. To my right it was happening. Directly in front of me it was happening, I turned to look behind me and it was happening all around me. I thought at first, its ok, this is a dream, pinch yourself you fool this can’t happen in real life. It hurt, I was not sleeping, not yet, but if I subjected myself to this anymore I could end up doing just that. Doing what all the sinners around me were doing, engaging in what seemed to be either a mass suicide attempt or possibly a slumber party. People were sleeping not only around me but on each other. The young couple to my right fell asleep leaning against each other. The mother who sat in front of me separating her husband and son started snoring. People all around were speechless as we were subjected to the glorious acting out of a phycodic script obviously written or directed by a white male animal lover who probably has small ligaments. A white man that feels inferior to woman and children. Scared that one day people will wake up and realize that this is not a white man’s world. But a natural habitat for humanity. Scared that people will realize there is no one greater than our creator who is genderless and colorless. This movie features 100% people with a white ethnic background and a man who tells his sons that he does not believe there should be kings for there is no man greater than our creator. But after the king and his men are killed by the water from above Noah becomes a King, President, Dictator, Ruler, CEO whatever you want to call it, its all the same. He decided who lives and who dies. He decides who will go and who will stay regardless of the thoughts of the people who make up his pride. A man who believes that woman are to serve man and bear children. Only if he wants them to. He cares not what other humans say, he is only interested in carrying out the decisions that take place in his own mind and claims that they are orders from above, from the almighty who works threw no one other than himself. He believes that humans are not animals, that its only ok for lions to eat other animals, for if a human eats another animal he is eating the forbidden fruit. He supports the idea that killing mass quantities of humans is justified for the humans are all sinners. My take on this movie is that if you believe you are getting orders from god, you should act them out regardless of the thoughts of others around you even if it involves killing babies that are one day old or making mankind extinct. That murdering most the world population if not all is not only justified but glorious in the evolution of our Garden of Eden which we of the modern world refer to as planet earth, the third rock from the sun.… Expand

3 of 12 users found this helpful39

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3

David_HAug 11, 2014

For a Christian it would be hard not to lend a biblical critique to this. It was odd to the point of irritating that a story about Noah not once uses the word "God" in the script, yet it certainly seems typical for Hollywood. There wereFor a Christian it would be hard not to lend a biblical critique to this. It was odd to the point of irritating that a story about Noah not once uses the word "God" in the script, yet it certainly seems typical for Hollywood. There were semi-modern industrial references that seemed way out of place for the historically accepted time period. Even without the biblical errors, the show overall was excruciatingly long and it spends most of its time in a dark and sinister mood.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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0

IsotopesamJul 13, 2014

Forget that the movie completely ignores the actual Noah story and puts an environmentalist spin on it. The look of the movie wasn't good even. Everything looks bleak. The graphics did not impress me. it looked outdated, in fact. Couldn'tForget that the movie completely ignores the actual Noah story and puts an environmentalist spin on it. The look of the movie wasn't good even. Everything looks bleak. The graphics did not impress me. it looked outdated, in fact. Couldn't they have designed the Rock monsters a little better? I know Scifi channel could have done a better job. The story was dull, the characters cranky, and in the end, it all seem pointless. Aronofsky ruined the character of Noah and turned him into a maniac.
I'm concerned that future generations will turn to this movie and consider this trash as the actual Noah story when it is pure blasphemy and far from what's told in the Bible.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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1

csw12Aug 3, 2014

The first hour is unbearable, the last hour is boring and the entire movie had no life to it. The epic story of Noah has been turned into a disaster of epic proportions.

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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2

GMaj777Apr 28, 2014

Very poor and nearly sent me to sleep. The highlights included a scene which followed the earth from its birth to now and Russell Crowes performance. Apart from that it was a dour film in which another Bible adventure was depicted in a boringVery poor and nearly sent me to sleep. The highlights included a scene which followed the earth from its birth to now and Russell Crowes performance. Apart from that it was a dour film in which another Bible adventure was depicted in a boring way. The issue I have with Bible stories is that you know the plot and the ending therefore no suspense or even a slight bit of interest towards the end of the film.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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0

guitarone47Aug 3, 2014

This film was created for the sole purpose of making fun of the Bible and spit in the face to Christians. Is horribly inaccurate on purpose and Noah looks like a psychopath. Do fallen angels wanted to help the man? Think before you shoot thisThis film was created for the sole purpose of making fun of the Bible and spit in the face to Christians. Is horribly inaccurate on purpose and Noah looks like a psychopath. Do fallen angels wanted to help the man? Think before you shoot this smoked marijuana, pure chlorine injected and even licked a poisonous frog.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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BigZAug 29, 2014

I love movies very much and I respect the imagination and time and effort afforded to them. The story of Noah and the ark is a very old, well respected, and loved story, many people believe those events really occurred. When you get theI love movies very much and I respect the imagination and time and effort afforded to them. The story of Noah and the ark is a very old, well respected, and loved story, many people believe those events really occurred. When you get the chance to make a movie that stems directly from The Holy Bible, you would think it would stay knit at the waist with it as far as accuracy and tone. Aronofsky is obviously not a religious man, otherwise he would have had much more respect for the story of Noah and the nature of the characters involved. Portraying Noah, who has been said to have been directly guided by God to save the human race and its righteous moral ideals, as a crazed lunatic who spends most of the movie dazed and confused about his purpose who needs help from giant rock people and who eventually is convinced he needs to kill his family, is quite a slippery direction to take. it doesn't seem to paint a pretty picture of God or his followers. Though I will note that that the title "God" was not even used once in the entire film. From the artsy perspective, this was a well done unique piece of movie making. That explains why a simple bible story made it to such a large scale movie in this day and age. It was warped. Severely. The graphics were impressive and dazzling, the acting performances were polished and sharp, it was coordinated well. But the point of telling the story of Noah and his trials with the flood and the rest of a wicked world and a wicked people, and his dealings with God, got completely lost. Way to go. I cannot support this movie.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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TheLatinoCriticJan 20, 2015

Unbelievable! People call this movie a "Biblical Epic" This movie was not even 3% true! Noah was one of the worst movies of all time. Besides The Interview, there is a movie with poor direction and dialog and that specific movie is Noah. IfUnbelievable! People call this movie a "Biblical Epic" This movie was not even 3% true! Noah was one of the worst movies of all time. Besides The Interview, there is a movie with poor direction and dialog and that specific movie is Noah. If you are thinking about watching this movie, You better think more than twice.… Expand

1 of 4 users found this helpful13

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FnacyApr 15, 2014

What should have been an at least 'so bad its good' disaster movie, compounded to create one of the most drab and dull films i've seen in cinema for years. Each line feels as though it drags on longer than its previous, the script in itselfWhat should have been an at least 'so bad its good' disaster movie, compounded to create one of the most drab and dull films i've seen in cinema for years. Each line feels as though it drags on longer than its previous, the script in itself as wooden and repetitive as the acting. And one of the most irritating pauses after each and every line to try and emphasise the 'cleansing' or whatever drivel the actor/actress was spouting. I couldn't care less about it's religious inaccuracies, as long as you make it a decent story, but unfortunately the film fails on both accounts. Not worth anyones time.… Expand

2 of 10 users found this helpful28

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0

NazguleroJul 19, 2014

As a filmmaker, I would simply be ashamed to present this garbage to an audience. Sub par CGI, horrible acting, dialogue that makes you cringe. The costume department must have had an off day as well. Just awful.

1 of 5 users found this helpful14

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1

Patrick94Oct 13, 2014

I'm giving this a one to balance out the ridiculous amount of good scores this is getting. This movie doesn't deserve a 5/10. Really bad looking CGI, sacrilege story, unnecessary additions to the original story that ends up making this aI'm giving this a one to balance out the ridiculous amount of good scores this is getting. This movie doesn't deserve a 5/10. Really bad looking CGI, sacrilege story, unnecessary additions to the original story that ends up making this a terrible film. Seriously, if they had stuck to the original story it would have been a much better movie for Christians and atheists alike. Anyone that gives this anything above a 5/10 has no taste whatsoever.… Expand

1 of 5 users found this helpful14

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2

Navin_AdApr 16, 2014

I would have given this movie a 0 if it wasn't for the spectacular special effects put into this movie. However, I'm not a Christian so I was bored half-way through the movie. It had a weird storyline of Noah killing all humans on earthI would have given this movie a 0 if it wasn't for the spectacular special effects put into this movie. However, I'm not a Christian so I was bored half-way through the movie. It had a weird storyline of Noah killing all humans on earth including himself. To be honest, the movie Evan Almighty was even way better than this. I know, Noah was way more darker but I found Evan Almighty more fun and entertaining to watch.… Expand

1 of 5 users found this helpful14

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1

surfnow3May 25, 2014

As a Christian, I can accept somethings about this movie that could be in the bible. For example there is no mention of people wanting to get onto Noahs ark in the bible. However I am sure during this time period, people probably thought NoahAs a Christian, I can accept somethings about this movie that could be in the bible. For example there is no mention of people wanting to get onto Noahs ark in the bible. However I am sure during this time period, people probably thought Noah was crazy, but I have little doubt that they tried to get on, with the impending doom. The rock monsters I am not so sure about.

What was ridiculous is when Noah flipped out and wanted to kill the unborn. Utter nonsense.… Expand

1 of 5 users found this helpful14

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2

MrBBPrinterApr 8, 2014

Saw this movie on 4/2. While we were expecting somewhat of a fantasy movie we had no idea that it would be so preposterous. We're not fans of the Hobbit-type movies and this was really in that genera. None the less, I (male) found the actingSaw this movie on 4/2. While we were expecting somewhat of a fantasy movie we had no idea that it would be so preposterous. We're not fans of the Hobbit-type movies and this was really in that genera. None the less, I (male) found the acting to be atrocious. Compare this movie to Beautiful Mind in which both these actors starred. It is a masterful work. We expected a fictional movie, not a science fiction movie.

Save your money, rent it if you must see it. The CGI effects are worthy of a large screen but the remainder can be viewed on anything. As it droned on we found ourselves hoping that each scene was the last so we could go. When the credits ran, so did we.… Expand

1 of 6 users found this helpful15

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1

WakeForestNCApr 18, 2014

Transformer rocks and that's all you need to know about this nonsensical fantasy film. Bad, very bad. The liberal film critics liked Noah more due to it's left leaning Biblical story.

1 of 6 users found this helpful15

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1

itsjustmeonlymeApr 12, 2014

not even close to the bible. what a let down. The sad thing is some will watch it and think that was what the bible said. Very sad. If only it would have been called by another name. It might have been an o.k. story.

1 of 6 users found this helpful15

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0

howardbeensMay 2, 2014

Saw this movie for free and was angry I spent so much to get in. HORRIFIC! Only thing it has to do with Noah is the title. The actual biblical account of Noah could have made a fantastic movie, this was a bad mix of generic Star Wars typeSaw this movie for free and was angry I spent so much to get in. HORRIFIC! Only thing it has to do with Noah is the title. The actual biblical account of Noah could have made a fantastic movie, this was a bad mix of generic Star Wars type characters that didn't belong, muddled dialog, bad cinematography, horrible special effects and extreme violence that seemed to be thrown in just to have extreme violence. Didn't add to the story one whit. Towards the end seemed to be nothing more than a flagrant attempt to paint important Christian figures as weak and evil.… Expand

1 of 9 users found this helpful18

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2

bigjon1958Aug 8, 2015

All I can tell you about this movie was by the end we were all rooting against Noah and hoping he would get killed. Our two sons ages 10 and 11 asked why Noah was so evil. No hero's in this movie. This story was not the history I was toldAll I can tell you about this movie was by the end we were all rooting against Noah and hoping he would get killed. Our two sons ages 10 and 11 asked why Noah was so evil. No hero's in this movie. This story was not the history I was told nor educated in church about. Very dark depressing movie - worst movie I have seen in some time.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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2

khaleesiOct 11, 2015

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Firstly, I have no idea what the Biblical version of this story actually is other than the pretty basic Noah has two of every animal on the ship thing. That being said there were so many problems with this movie. It is begging to have an MST3K episode actually. The part with the rock transformer things- really? That was so ridiculous. I was also very confused about how the "ark" was seemingly completely stationary (seemed a lot more like a large cargo container) but survived the flood. It was not as high as the mountains and those got covered with water so how did that ark not get covered with water. There was a filler section that showed Noah talking about man killing each other and it showed shadows of men with machine guns...Also, the end where it showed all the different animals and their babies should have had "copyright of the Discovery channel" because it really looked like stock footage. Some of it was even in standard definition. There was absolutely no emotional connection to the characters.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

gzayas91Jul 11, 2018

It could have been great, but it was dull as color of gray. I don't get why they put giant rock people in this movie, it's like having giant plant people in The Ten Commandments.

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

ksatchNov 19, 2014

Filme lixo!! Já não esperava a fidelidade com a Bíblia, mas nem entreter esse filme conseguiu. E olha que tinha um bom elenco em mãos (Crowe e Hopkins), mas mesmo assim entraram para a história como estrelas de um dos piores filmes que já vi.

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

SEROJNov 4, 2016

Absolutely hilarious! This movies' protagonist has nothing to do with the actual "Noah" from the old testament! The story was just... wrong! The acting was probably the only good thing, and the visuals were ok, but i don't think that theseAbsolutely hilarious! This movies' protagonist has nothing to do with the actual "Noah" from the old testament! The story was just... wrong! The acting was probably the only good thing, and the visuals were ok, but i don't think that these are the things that make one - a good movie! Frankly even the comedy "Evan Almighty" has more common things with the actual Noah than this one!… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

AlexanderLuthorAug 1, 2014

The film presented a few interesting moments and some satisfactory acting especially from Russel Crowe. However, the directing and cinematography were terrible, the script beyond terrible, and the conclusion left much wanting. The oddestThe film presented a few interesting moments and some satisfactory acting especially from Russel Crowe. However, the directing and cinematography were terrible, the script beyond terrible, and the conclusion left much wanting. The oddest addition to the film by far was the symbolic nature of the snakes skin.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

NitishAug 20, 2014

A friend told me it's a story believed and respected by hundreds of millions of people around the world..!!
Hmmm really..??
What i feel like that i am watching a world war II movie created by some old Hitler supporting German who is tryingA friend told me it's a story believed and respected by hundreds of millions of people around the world..!!
Hmmm really..??
What i feel like that i am watching a world war II movie created by some old Hitler supporting German who is trying to justify the murder of humanity..!! He tried real hard to justify and done a very good job..!!… Expand

0 of 2 users found this helpful02

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ZadeusJan 25, 2015

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. This movie was simply the WORST and I mean that. It tries to be a fantasy movie based on truth and fails in so many ways. The heavy-handed christian morals being shoved in your eyes none stop just makes it plain unbearable. Oh did I mention the angel/rock-monsters that actually do most of the ark building? Give this travesty of a movie a really wide berth.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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3

VercodaJul 16, 2014

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. Noah started promisingly enough by positioning the titular Biblical character as something of an environmentalist - a completely natural trait to show, as anyone who cares about animals must, by default, also care about their habitats and flora - who was at odds with what appeared to be something of a Man-created wasteland in the souring world around him.

However, from here the film drifted more than the ark atop the floodwaters, ultimately washing up at an underwhelming finale. As an atheist, I've no problem whatsoever with Aronofsky having added rock-angels (the Watchers) to central roles within the first half of Noah's story, as such fallen figures - in other elemental forms - actually do (rarely) pop up in (much, much) lesser-known niche corners of the broadly Christian faith, albeit not in Noah's story. So, it didn't bother me at all that, essentially, some cranky, spidery rock monsters helped Noah build the ark in this film, in preparation for The Flood. Fine.

The problem was that once The Flood gets under way, Crowe's sympathetic Noah switches from being a largely sympathetic and decent (if driven) character to someone who could just be seen as a near sociopath with borderline schizophrenic tendencies, by contemporary standards. After all, if God has decided that the world is to be destroyed, and that *everyone* else must die - as heard/known by Noah alone, of all men - well, that's good enough for Crowe's character, who helps God out by killing/murdering desperate people trying to get aboard the ark as the flood washes in - all the while as The Watchers jerkily play whack-a-mole with the throng trying to get past their perimeter around the ark. Stab, stab, stab. Squish, squish, squish. Splash, splash, splash. No, Noah, no!

Then, once the boat's afloat, Noah's character appears to go somewhat mad, driven by his absolute religious fervour and devotion to the will of God that he alone can tune into, as he prowls and stalks the ark. While that was potentially an interesting treatment - was Noah saving his family, or were they trapped aboard with a madman? - it just felt jarring, as Noah's brooding character became stranger and angrier, creating something of an antihero.

Some ill-advised casting also add a few rocks to the ride - Emma Watson is particularly all at sea; her boat-bound beau has little to do but stand around like a hirsute Hipster, looking cute but gormless; and Ray Winston's character has all the depth of a puddle - don't help, although Tony Hopkins has a cute and kindly cameo.

The terror and power of The Flood was never really to the fore; the wisdom of God's decision (if any) to have a do-over for Humanity never really shone through, and the somewhat turgid pace just saw the film plod along in the second half, like one of those deathly-dull religious films used as filler in the wee hours on smaller TV channels, albeit with brisk enough dialogue, while the score never hit any particular high notes.

It wasn't all dull fare, as Aronofsky added a number of almost stop-motion jump-cut sequences here and there, such as tracing The Creation - a sequence beautifully presented and designed with flickering artistry, and a suggestion that, of course, the Seven Days don't necessarily tally with Man's understanding of days and time. In this regard, Aronofsky pretty successfully - if briefly - tapped into a number of wider religious/spiritual themes that deserve following through, whether by him or another.

So. Conclusion. It was an interesting film that doesn't deserve the nonsensical bile and insults hurled at it from certain Christian fundamentalist quarters. However... it just wasn't a very good one, either, being a little too dull and earthly, for want of a better word. Angry Noah certainly wasn't someone who I'd choose to reboot a world with, put it that way, while a central conceit of the tale - Could *you* live with the guilt if *everybody* else in the world was killed - including every newborn baby and child - except for you and your small family? Could you accept that *you* did *nothing* to help drowning people all around you? - was never touched upon.

I'd be interested if Aronofsky were to take another story from the Bible, Koran or whatever for another film, but as it stands, the thought of having to sit through Noah again would leave me with a sinking feeling...… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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1

miteshuJul 31, 2014

from now on when people tell me to stop waiting my time i will think in this movie, seariously dont watch it. unless you are really a religious one (fanatic), cheers.

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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2

cdodgeAug 19, 2014

The only thing keeping this thing afloat was the collective effort of the actors. But all their relentless emoting was for naught. They lost their moorings, got caught in tangled story lines, and presumably landed on the isle of B-movieland. Alas.

0 of 3 users found this helpful03

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1

pictouAug 30, 2014

I like Russel Crowe. I think he is generally under rated but this movies was awful. Seriously bad. Whether you are religious or not it is still bad. Don't waste your time-i saw it on an airplane so i take some solace in that

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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2

WheelzFourReelzDec 28, 2014

Even though the performances are solid and some of the set pieces look fascinated, the bloated, boring, and conceded nature of the whole film just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

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