Mean Machine
Paramount Classics | Release Date: February 22, 2002 CRITIC SCORE DISTRIBUTION
45
METASCORE
Mixed or average reviews based on 25 Critic Reviews
Positive:
6
Mixed:
14
Negative:
5
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Critic Reviews

Critic scorePublicationBy date
88
Philadelphia InquirerSteven Rea
A likably energetic star vehicle for English sports god Vinnie Jones. Read full review
75
Chicago Sun-TimesRoger Ebert
Guy Ritchie, who started out as such an innovator in "Lock, Stock, etc.," seems to have headed directly for reliable generic conventions as a producer. But they are reliable, and have become conventions for a reason: They work. Mean Machine is what it is, and very nicely, too. Read full review
70
Los Angeles TimesKevin Thomas
Mean Machine may not have the resonance to linger in the memory affectionately as "The Longest Yard" does, but it plays well, with a fast pace and plenty of punch. Read full review
70
SalonAndrew O'Hehir
I'm not sure Mean Machine is any worse than "The Longest Yard," but it lacks the nihilistic '70s background that lent the latter's combination of humor and brutality an air of (arguably bogus) social commentary. Read full review
70
Chicago ReaderLisa Alspector
Mildly exciting sports-in-prison movie. Read full review
63
Chicago TribuneRobert K. Elder
Sports movies are never easy to pull off, but Skolnick does a fine job of balancing the drama with the on-field action. Read full review
50
New York Daily NewsElizabeth Weitzman
In Mean Machine, soccer is pretty much an excuse to watch a bunch of grown men smashing their heads together. Which, come to think of it, may be enough. Read full review
50
Miami HeraldRene Rodriguez
Disappointingly straightforward remake. Read full review
50
San Francisco ChronicleEdward Guthmann
Takes a long time getting started and doesn't hit its stride until Danny starts coaching a team of fellow cons -- think "Bad News Bears," just nastier. Read full review
50
The New York TimesDana Stevens
The surface is rough and profane enough, and the acting sufficiently restrained, to cover the sentimental story with a varnish of gritty realism. But stylish bravado and bad-boy performances don't make the film any less predictable. Read full review
50
TV Guide MagazineMaitland McDonagh
This amiable picture talks tough, but it's all bluster -- in the end it's as sweet as "Greenfingers." Read full review
50
Wall Street JournalJoe Morgenstern
Against heavy odds, Mean Machine adds darker flavors to the plot without curdling it. Beneath the comic craziness is real craziness, and desperation. These goal-kicking, bone-crunching cons are both actors in and prisoners of their own horror show.
50
L.A. WeeklyPaul Malcolm
It does, however, fairly bubble with speed-freak energy and a dry, laddish wit that keeps the jokes coming. Read full review
50
Seattle Post-IntelligencerSean Axmaker
There's just no juice to this thing, merely a bunch of fitfully funny gags and a climactic football match that, under Skolnick's direction, fails to show us why the Europeans find this so exciting. Read full review
50
Boston GlobeJay Carr
More machine than mean, although it's anything but a smoothly running operation.
50
New York PostLou Lumenick
Accomplishes a near miracle -- this British import makes you yearn for Burt Reynolds, who appeared in a vastly more entertaining version of the same story. Read full review
42
Entertainment WeeklyOwen Gleiberman
After too many ''Full Monty''s, it has come to look like nothing so much as a coy ritual of emasculation. Read full review
40
Village VoiceJustine Elias
The most off-key notes here are the sentimental ones: When David Kelly shows up, reprising the wise-trustee role he had in the horticulture-behind-bars movie "Greenfingers," it's as though some twee script gremlin sneaked in and meddled with the Guy Ritchie schematics. Read full review
40
The A.V. ClubScott Tobias
While competently staged and punched up by Lock, Stock's changing camera speeds, it doesn't have the wit or intrigue to sustain its half-length. Read full review
40
VarietyDerek Elley
OK entertainment but nothing more. Read full review
38
The Globe and Mail (Toronto)Rick Groen
Barely a chuckle in sight. Read full review
33
Portland OregonianShawn Levy
A by-the-numbers recipe that ought to have shot off at least a few sparks, is as drab as the inmates' prison blues. Read full review
30
Washington PostDesson Thomson
Dramatically lackluster. Read full review
30
Washington PostStephen Hunter
I found it a rough night at the flickers. Read full review
30
New Times (L.A.)Luke Y. Thompson
If you have any desire to see this movie, you really should go rent "The Longest Yard" instead. It's available on DVD, and the '70s hairdos alone are worth the rental price. Read full review
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