G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Paramount Pictures | Release Date: August 7, 2009 CRITIC SCORE DISTRIBUTION
32
METASCORE
Generally unfavorable reviews based on 25 Critic Reviews
Positive:
6
Mixed:
7
Negative:
12
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Critic Reviews

Critic scorePublicationBy date
75
The A.V. ClubTasha Robinson
The Rise Of Cobra holds to a thrill-ride sensibility that’s unchallenging and more than a little goofy, but exciting and consistently well-managed. Read full review
70
VarietyRichard Kuipers
While thesping is not the main game here, having a cast of bright young things certainly helps, and Quaid gets in a few nice John Wayne-like moments as the no-nonsense boss. Read full review
70
Washington PostDan Kois
The loudest, flashiest, silliest and longest blockbuster in a summer full of long, silly, flashy, loud blockbusters (long and silly "Transformers," flashy and loud "Wolverine"). Read full review
63
Philadelphia InquirerDavid Hiltbrand
A brazen, earsplitting, eye-popping, oddly satisfying action extravaganza, though it veers wildly off-target in its second hour. Read full review
63
Boston GlobeTy Burr
A loud but proficient slab of explode-o-rama summer blockbuster nonsense, perfectly entertaining if you like that sort of thing, extremely skippable if you don't. Read full review
63
PremiereJohn DeVore
This movie’s sole purpose is to make teenage boys high-five each other, and it’s faithfulness to that concept makes the cartoon carnage almost endearing. Read full review
60
Los Angeles TimesBetsy Sharkey
The action is mostly brisk and bracing and the battleground, particularly Cobra's headquarters -- a vast network of tunnels under the polar ice cap -- are wonderfully imagined, as are the futuristic machines at the Joes' disposal. Basically, the Joes are not bad, it's just that they could have been much better with a little less conversation, a little more action. Read full review
50
San Francisco ChroniclePeter Hartlaub
It's hard to deny that the first two-thirds of G.I. Joe is an enjoyable film, especially when graded on the curve of lowered expectations. Compared to other big-budget movies out this summer, it's pretty mediocre. Read full review
50
Chicago TribuneMichael Phillips
G.I. Joe may not be beefier, but it’s cheesier and less aggravating than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen," the summer ’09 headbanger it most resembles. Read full review
50
New Orleans Times-PicayuneMike Scott
Unlike it's "Transformers" cousin, the story is appealingly straightforward, and the movie is chock-a-block with breathless action sequences. Read full review
50
ReelViewsJames Berardinelli
Chock full of high-tech action, with a lot of chasing and shooting and explosions. Read full review
50
The Globe and Mail (Toronto)Stephen Cole
The plot feels both familiar and far-fetched. Read full review
40
EmpireDan Jolin
Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though. Read full review
38
Chicago Sun-TimesRoger Ebert
Certainly better than "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." How so? Admittedly, it doesn't have as much cleavage. But the high-tech hardware is more fun to look at than the transforming robots, the plot is as preposterous, and although the noise is just as loud, it's more the deep bass rumbles of explosions than the ear-piercing bang of steel robots pounding on each other. Read full review
38
Miami HeraldRene Rodriguez
More toy commercial than movie. Read full review
30
TimeRichard Corliss
The only collateral damage is in the audience, where, as you sit through the movie, you can feel your IQ drop minute by minute. Read full review
30
The Hollywood ReporterFrank Scheck
After nearly two hours of nonstop mayhem, the film ends on a surprisingly muted note, though pains have been taken to make sure that the hoped-for sequel has been carefully set up. Read full review
30
L.A. WeeklyChuck Wilson
After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that’s absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable. Read full review
30
Chicago ReaderCliff Doerksen
Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity. Dennis Quaid provides some ballast as grizzled patriarch to the troop of sexy young lock-and-loaders. Read full review
25
Entertainment WeeklyChris Nashawaty
Don't go expecting an escapist night at the movies; go expecting to be cudgeled into numb, drooling submission. Read full review
20
Austin ChronicleMarjorie Baumgarten
G.I. Joe was not screened for critics, but that’s not because of its mindless action and nonsensical plot. It’s because G.I. Joe is the kind of movie that bludgeons the viewer into submission with its loud and constant barrage of sound and fury. Read full review
12
New York PostKyle Smith
Formerly a real American hero, G.I. Joe is no longer a hero (it's a group) or American. (It's a multinational team of military superstars, though the way it does business, you'd feel safer with the Croatian navy on your side.) Read full review
12
Rolling StonePeter Travers
I don't know what to say about the acting, writing and directing in G.I. Joe because I couldn't find any. Read full review
10
New York Daily NewsJoe Neumaier
There's a way to do this kind of thing (Just witness Hasbro's other toy-turned-dumb movie franchise, "Transformers"). G.I. Joe, though, hasn't got a kung fu-grip on what it is. Read full review
10
The New York TimesManohla Dargis
This pricey, juiceless pulp could never have been killed by critics, simply because it was already dead. Read full review
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