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allyftwDec 14, 2019

Complete and utter trash. Everything I hate about Michael bay turned up to 11.

5 of 11 users found this helpful56

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SkuzzleJan 1, 2020

This has been Nr. 2 of worst movies 2019 after Hellboy and one rank above Dark Phoenix. What an attempt to combine almost every Bay movie in one while having a Reservoir Dogs inspired bunch of people trying to replay the plot of TeamThis has been Nr. 2 of worst movies 2019 after Hellboy and one rank above Dark Phoenix. What an attempt to combine almost every Bay movie in one while having a Reservoir Dogs inspired bunch of people trying to replay the plot of Team America.
Explosion here, car chase there, military themes come along of course, random sex scene, sad music while watching loved ones from the distance, sentimental one liners, weapons weapons weapons.
So what's left? Maybe an irge to buy an Alfa Romeo, Ferrari, Lamborghini, Captain Morgan, Lavazza Coffee and many more products advertised in the longest commercial I had to watch in my life!… Expand

2 of 7 users found this helpful25

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BarnyDec 15, 2019

it's fairly atrocious throughout the whole movie: the acting, cuts, cgi, music are an uneven mix of all sorts of rubbish found here and there. How did they spend 150 millions of dollars on this? In comparison, movies like Hardcore Henry orit's fairly atrocious throughout the whole movie: the acting, cuts, cgi, music are an uneven mix of all sorts of rubbish found here and there. How did they spend 150 millions of dollars on this? In comparison, movies like Hardcore Henry or even the dreaded Fast and Furious franchise appear like masterpieces.… Expand

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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RonaldoDArcadiaDec 14, 2019

OMG. For a comedy this film is to long. And the name should be 'Amateur Hour: Not Even Deadpool Can Save You'. Sorry Michael Bay, we have awesowe video-games today, we don't need your explosions anymore. Maybe you should reinvent yourself...OMG. For a comedy this film is to long. And the name should be 'Amateur Hour: Not Even Deadpool Can Save You'. Sorry Michael Bay, we have awesowe video-games today, we don't need your explosions anymore. Maybe you should reinvent yourself... in theather? Explosions would be a fresh move in theater. PS: But look this way, i'm here wasting time talking about the movie, right? So there is a crazy good side in this... probably? i'ts not, probably not.… Expand

7 of 13 users found this helpful76

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breezy808Dec 29, 2019

I honestly can't believe there was people that enjoyed this. The humor was completely cringe it felt like I was watching something that was targeted at highschool children while they're vaping while yelling "vape nation bro, 420swagyolo" andI honestly can't believe there was people that enjoyed this. The humor was completely cringe it felt like I was watching something that was targeted at highschool children while they're vaping while yelling "vape nation bro, 420swagyolo" and everybody is laughing cuz idk I guess its cool? I'm almost certain if you make it through the whole movie, you'll need to do a crossword puzzle or an intelligence test just to keep your brain sharp again… Expand

3 of 10 users found this helpful37

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pootrey109231Dec 21, 2019

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. This has to be the worst big budget movie I’ve ever had the displeasure of viewing a single frame of. The movie comes off as if every character is a ADHD middle schooler in an adults body. Constancy needless shot changes and the worst backstory exposition I’ve ever seen, it was the only time exposition left me more confused then I was before. None of the characters motivations make ANY sense and the action was so boring. I have no idea where the ludicrous budget went. The action in Birdemic was more enthralling and the constant swearing and racist undertones left a bad taste lingering . In half the scenes with blood it looked like either coffee or dilute red koolaid. The plot was one of the most derivative experiences I’ve ever sat though. It literally seems like you asked a redneck xenophobe who has only played the COD games and watched **** Bollywood action movies to write a action movie. Nothing makes sense, everything is slo-mo for no reason, constant **** EDM in the background an of course random sex scenes with nonsensical setups. This movies only audience is overexcitable children and stupid middle aged parents.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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OlivierPielDec 15, 2019

stopped 10 minutes in...in the middle of a car chase. Even dumb movies à la "Fart and the Fume-ous" have one good thing, the car chase. Michael Bay managed to even ruin the fun. Well done!

7 of 18 users found this helpful711

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jpritchaDec 30, 2019

An absurdly stupid, hyper-violent/gory, overly serious, overly long, pro-'Murica propaganda piece that tries to bill itself as a comedy because it stars Ryan Reynolds.

The 2 most glaringly bad parts of this movie are its plot and editing.An absurdly stupid, hyper-violent/gory, overly serious, overly long, pro-'Murica propaganda piece that tries to bill itself as a comedy because it stars Ryan Reynolds.

The 2 most glaringly bad parts of this movie are its plot and editing.

Plot:
The plot is not only bad, it's bad and doesn't know it's bad and doubles down on the seriousness of everything that makes it bad.

TL;DR
Nobody:
Vigilantes: Let's overthrow a dictator and install his democracy loving brother to bring the poor brown people of this fictional middle eastern country freedom! This will work great and it's not like there's decades of historical precedent on this kind of thing that would say otherwise!

This motivation is supposed to get us through over 2 hours of car chases, shootouts, poorly written backstories, painfully cringey dialogue, grisly deaths that mean nothing, parkour because why not that was a popular action trope in the mid 2000s right?, and a magnetized yacht throwing people back and forth (yep...).

Editing:
For a movie with a $150M budget, the editing is shockingly terrible. There are blatant continuity errors in pretty much every action sequence (the state of the car in the first sequence is the most noticeable, it jumps from being pristine to totaled in every other shot). Were they just hoping that if they made all of the cuts fast enough that nobody would notice or care? It's like they spent the whole budget on effects and then hired a few undergraduate film students to mash them all together on the remaining $5k they had left.

In Summary:
I keep wondering if we've hit peak dumb yet, but then something like this comes along and makes me reevaluate that thought.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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egoBorderDec 14, 2019

A boring and unlikeable movie, which loses even more points for squandering a great cast giving a **** and some truly great production value. Unfortunately Michael Bay has never come out of adolescence and cannot make anything interestingA boring and unlikeable movie, which loses even more points for squandering a great cast giving a **** and some truly great production value. Unfortunately Michael Bay has never come out of adolescence and cannot make anything interesting out of what should have been a short made by some struggling young director trying to get his name out there. There are flashes of inspiration, mostly coming from the cast trying very hard to make something out of nothing, but there's no payoff to any of it.… Expand

5 of 12 users found this helpful57

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nkukDec 22, 2020

This is by far one of the worst films I've ever seen. There aren't many films I can't watch all the way through, but this was one of them. It starts with a very Michael-Bay over the top car chase sequence which is watchable and then decendsThis is by far one of the worst films I've ever seen. There aren't many films I can't watch all the way through, but this was one of them. It starts with a very Michael-Bay over the top car chase sequence which is watchable and then decends into complete rubbish. The 'plot' is incoherent nonsense, the script is terrible and the pacing is all over the place. I grew bored of the movie really quickly, didn't care for any of the characters and had no interest in seeing where the story went, basically because there wasn't one, it was just a hot mess of dumb action sequences stringed together. Lifes too short to sit through this kind of garbage.… Expand

0 of 1 users found this helpful01

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Kryptic57Dec 14, 2019

I can't fathom why people continue to give Michael Bay money to churn out the lumps of crap he calls movies. If you want to see something completely devoid of creativity or any shot lasting longer than 4.5 seconds while you send your brainI can't fathom why people continue to give Michael Bay money to churn out the lumps of crap he calls movies. If you want to see something completely devoid of creativity or any shot lasting longer than 4.5 seconds while you send your brain into a a vegetative state this two hour long cognitive enema is for you. Not even Ryan Reynolds charm can save this one… Expand

9 of 15 users found this helpful96

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GlagaireJan 3, 2020

This movie is so bad it makes you want to avoid other movies just in case they put you through the same suffering. In the 1980s when you wondered "How did this get made?" The answer was usually "too much money + loads of cocaine" but is thatThis movie is so bad it makes you want to avoid other movies just in case they put you through the same suffering. In the 1980s when you wondered "How did this get made?" The answer was usually "too much money + loads of cocaine" but is that still a thing? Well the evidence (6 Underground existing) suggests that, yes, yes it is.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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noelhoJan 21, 2020

Turd of a movie. Another incoherent piece of garbage from Michael Bay. I only watched it because of Ryan Reynolds, but even his charm and wit could not save this shipwreck of a movie.

If you like flashy visuals and nothing else, then this isTurd of a movie. Another incoherent piece of garbage from Michael Bay. I only watched it because of Ryan Reynolds, but even his charm and wit could not save this shipwreck of a movie.

If you like flashy visuals and nothing else, then this is the movie for you.

Forget about story, pacing, editing, logic. It is barely funny, it isn't satire, it isn't even decent action and it was way too long.… Expand

2 of 3 users found this helpful21

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CujoMattyDec 28, 2019

I have to start with this. I don’t hate Michael Bay movies. I’m in my mid forties and have enjoyed many of them. The Rock, Armageddon, Bad Boys.......awesome. I didn’t even mind Pearl Harbour. I also am a big fan of action films, over the topI have to start with this. I don’t hate Michael Bay movies. I’m in my mid forties and have enjoyed many of them. The Rock, Armageddon, Bad Boys.......awesome. I didn’t even mind Pearl Harbour. I also am a big fan of action films, over the top violence and sex in movies. Thought this movie was going to check all my mood boxes. Michael bay movie? Grrrrreat!!! Ryan Reynolds?? I’m on board!!! People faking their deaths to band together and fight the worlds atrocities???? Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool coo.....

This movie however, somehow effed up the simple premise of a mindless action movie. To steal a word from my 20 year old son, it’s soooo extra.... Think every over the top action movie and add Motley Crüe levels of cocaine and you would be getting warm. It’s so completely over the top that it honestly feels like Michael Bay is taking a piss. Almost like a big middle finger to everyone who said his movies are mindless adrenaline action affairs with no substance. “You ain’t seen nothing yet” You could be forgiven for thinking Crank looks like an Oscar winning script next to this but here’s the thing. It’s not even really the plot or the script that’s the problem if I’m being honest. The story and premise are OKish, it’s the direction that makes this a dumpster fire.

It’s so convoluted with shaky camera cuts, flashbacks and other nonsensical scenes, that I was left with my head spinning half way through. The whole first act we spend so much time jumping through time that I thought I owned a Delorean. Then, I thought I was finally past the confusion. A pop up on the screen says “the present” followed by “you’re all caught up” NOPE!!! The film immediately jumps into a flashback of the CIA lady with no name. WTF?? You’re a liar Michael. I hate myself for saying this but what’s with the sex scenes? People just start having sex for seemingly no reason. It’s like Netflix called Bay and told him “we need more cowbell” (cowbell=sex in case you aren’t following) so he just threw the scenes in.

Lastly, The dialogue is insane. More specifically the one liners, which I’m not sure you can call them, because there is a billion of them. Schwarzenegger in Commando levels of bad.

So ya, I hated this movie.… Expand

3 of 8 users found this helpful35

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MrBalboolJan 26, 2020

issa masterpiece of a film what can i say, michael bay never fails to live up to the hype, deadpool guy is funny

1 of 2 users found this helpful11

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ntrssDec 15, 2019

This review contains spoilers, click expand to view. This is possibly the worst film I’ve watched in a long time and undoubtedly the worst film of 2019. The action is tasteless, excessive and unbearably childish with the first 20 minutes of the film being dedicated to a car chase that’s so badly edited it made me feel motion sick. It’s clear to see that Bay is a director that should never be left to his own devices with big moments that “gO bOoM” being prioritised over shot continuity, good writing, clear location and motive establishment and character development.

Bay’s attempts to call out the recent (and current) political climate in the Middle East come off as naive and offensive with a complete lack of taste or subtlety, the fact that a scene where Ryan Reynolds is concerned about drifting into a dog and a scene where a hospital full of children is bombed with gas is utterly unbelievable and throws another curveball as to what the purpose of this film is. I could go on for hours about how this film is awful so I’m going to end this review with the only saving grace in its entire 2+ hr runtime... STORROR. STORROR are a UK team of free runners who I personally love and have been supporting for a long time, they were the only reason I even tried to watch this film. Their choreography and execution is amazing yet severely underused throughout and footage from their own videos from their project “Roof Culture Asia” being thrown into the film completely ruining shot continuity of a scene. No disrespect to them as the project itself was great, but Bay’s choice to include it in his film was confusing and unnecessary.… Expand

5 of 11 users found this helpful56

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XiaoGGDec 15, 2019

This is Ryan Reynolds worst movie since he made Green Lantern. This makes Green lantern look like an Oscar winning movie

4 of 11 users found this helpful47

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ShorterReviewsDec 19, 2019

This is probably the 2nd worst movie I've ever watched. The absolute worst? Transformers: The Last Knight. It's supposed to be a comedic pure action movie, I think.... The jokes are so poorly written, & the "action" is almost impossible toThis is probably the 2nd worst movie I've ever watched. The absolute worst? Transformers: The Last Knight. It's supposed to be a comedic pure action movie, I think.... The jokes are so poorly written, & the "action" is almost impossible to follow with the jarring 1,000 cuts of nothing happening. Also, the overuse of slow-mo is appalling. The dialogue is so so cheesy. The soundbites added in to fill space are redundant, too on the nose, & poorly mixed in. The cinematography style is straight out of 2007. They apparently got the music from a package deal with the cinematography. The wire work is extremely obvious. The CGI ranges from okay to poor & unbelievable (in a bad way). Characters, villains, & cars all teleport from one shot to another. There is no consistency throughout the entire movie. Did they not hire a script supervisor for this movie? Speaking of consistency, the characters act differently depending on the situations, & they seem to forget many things that have been said multiple times. How did someone watch this movie & think it was good enough to release?… Expand

3 of 9 users found this helpful36

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