Simon Abrams

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L.A. Weekly, RogerEbert.com, Slant Magazine, The A.V. Club, The Playlist, TheWrap, Village Voice
For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 390 out of 854
  2. Mixed: 239 out of 854
  3. Negative: 225 out of 854
854 movie reviews
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    • tbd Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Swindlers
    You may think that you, the viewer, have it bad by the sixty minute mark, at which point you probably won't care who is inevitably going to backstab who. But just think of the poor subtitle translator who had to agonize over dialogue so leaden that it took the joy out of a word that's as joyfully outdated as "swindler."
    • tbd Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Another WolfCop
    Amateurish horror-comedy.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    On the Beach at Night Alone
    A typical Hong character performs the same actions over and over again, with minor, but noticeably different results.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 70 Simon Abrams
    Angelica
    Queer writer-director Mitchell Lichtenstein (the mind behind the vagina dentata horror-comedy Teeth) and an impressive team of collaborators inspire laughs and/or terror out of the libidinal hang-ups of frail stay-at-home mom Constance (Jena Malone) and her unfulfilled spouse, Joseph (Ed Stoppard).
    • 56 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A Bride for Rip Van Winkle
    I was also so disturbed by this film that I felt I had to rewatch certain scenes just to confirm that the emotional exhaustion I experienced while watching it wasn't just a personal preference, but rather a problem I had with what Iwai and his collaborators do in the film.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    No Stone Unturned
    Gibney may encourage viewers to condemn the police, but his self-righteous editorializing doesn’t make up for the lack of convincing evidence.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Most Beautiful Island
    Until her plight becomes emotionally engaging during the film's creepy finale 20-30 minutes, watching Most Beautiful Island is an unproductively unpleasant experience.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 80 Simon Abrams
    Blade of the Immortal
    Come for the gory swordplay, stay for the half-serious melodrama.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Jigsaw
    While I can't exactly recommend seeing Jigsaw, I can tell you that it's fun to watch. I just don't think it's the kind of fun the filmmakers' planned.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Leatherface
    Leatherface tries to show us what made the man we know the legend he is now. Sadly, the makers of Leatherface didn't put enough thought into a sleepy story that could easily be titled "I Was a Teenage Leatherface."
    • 55 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Foreigner
    The turgid revenge thriller The Foreigner is an all-around lousy movie.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Better Watch Out
    The Christmas-themed home-invasion movie Better Watch Out starts out as one kind of unpleasant, then switches gears to a higher level of unearned nastiness.
    • 79 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Brawl in Cell Block 99
    If you are willing to suspend your disbelief for 132 minutes, you may find yourself head-over-heels for this film's brand of gross, thoughtful pulp fiction.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Don't Sleep
    I want to recommend Don't Sleep because it is, intellectually, more compelling than many of the indie horror films I tend to watch. But I can't recommend this movie, mostly because it's not smart enough to deserve that praise.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    American Made
    American Made may be superficially a condemnation of the hypocritical American impulse to take drug suppliers' money with one hand and chastise users with the other. But it's mostly a sensational, sub-"Wolf of Wall Street"-style true crime story that attempts to seduce you, then abandon you.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    Rememory
    The limitations of Palansky and co-writer Mike Vukadinovich's shared vision are, realistically, the biggest problem with Rememory.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Limehouse Golem
    The Limehouse Golem only reflects its creators' lack of imagination. Medina and Goldman invest so much time in (poorly) misleading audiences that they say nothing memorable about the past, or why it matters to today's audience.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 0 Simon Abrams
    Temple
    This is the horror movie equivalent of canned Spam: you could have it so much better if you tried harder (or at all).
    • 64 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Villainess
    There's a lot of chutzpah on display throughout the film, even during essentially soggy, dialogue-intensive sequences, which are broken up by disorienting flashbacks. But Jung's biggest failing is his inability to make Sook-hee a heroine worth caring about.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    The Adventurers
    Unfortunately, Lau just isn't charming enough to carry the utterly forgettable The Adventurers, a tepid remake of John Woo's already lame heist flick "Once a Thief."
    • 69 Metascore
    • 50 Simon Abrams
    A Taxi Driver
    Song's performance makes me wish the rest of A Taxi Driver was as thoughtful.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 88 Simon Abrams
    Nocturama
    Bonello knows exactly when he's said just enough, and that makes the experience of watching Nocturama more engaging.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Wolf Warrior 2
    Wolf Warrior 2 lectures you, pummels you, and then expects you to cheer.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    The Battleship Island
    The heroes of this film are, in other words, selfish, but never in a venal, or ugly way. They're human, and they do what they must to face each successive challenge they're confronted with.
    • 63 Metascore
    • 75 Simon Abrams
    Atomic Blonde
    Without Charlize Theron, the spy adventure Atomic Blonde would only be clever. She makes it insightful. The actress gives emotional depth to the highly mannered behavior of the film’s heroine.
    • 59 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Killing Ground
    The main distinguishing feature of this film is its almost-novel nesting-doll plot structure, and passing thematic interest in its narrative's formulaic nature.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Kuso
    Kuso may often feel unproductively loud, and monotonous, but it is a head-scratcher worth contending with.
    • 78 Metascore
    • 100 Simon Abrams
    Endless Poetry
    Endless Poetry is as galvanizing as a lightning rod because it's equally accepting, and intolerant, a pro-individualist work about celebrating and cultivating yourself.
    • 82 Metascore
    • 100 Simon Abrams
    Our Time Will Come
    The characters in this film are defined by motives that are small enough to be relatable, and actions that are big enough to be inspiring.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 63 Simon Abrams
    Paulina
    Paulina is, in that sense, worth seeing, even if its basic plot repeatedly stalls. It is a thoughtful movie, but not necessarily a fulfilling one.
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